April 5, 2018

The Farsider

April 5, 2018

Bill Mattos, Editor and Publisher <bilmat@comcast.net>
Leroy Pyle, Webmaster <leroypyle@sjpba.net>


The Farsider is an independent publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association’s Board of Directors or its membership.



April 4th

Statement on Proposed Legislation to
Decimate Law Enforcement’s Ability to Safely Respond to
Dangerous Encounters

San Jose, CA – Yesterday, with much fanfare and little forethought as to the dangerous implications for police officer and public safety, AB 931 was introduced in Sacramento to dramatically restrict the ability of law enforcement officers to safely respond to dangerous encounters. See the Sacramento Bee story here. The San Jose Police Officers’ Association Board of Directors issued the following statement in response:

“Currently, San Jose Police Officers are trained and required to de-escalate dangerous situations and to preserve life whenever it is feasible and safe to do so. At the same time, police officers must be able to protect their personal safety and the safety of innocent bystanders.

AB 931 will put officers in further danger and is about political expediency and not sound public policy. The authors have no idea what transpires physically, emotionally and mentally, prior to an officer discharging their weapon. They did not seek input about their bill from front line law enforcement officers and instead chose to grandstand on the heels of the tragic shooting in Sacramento to launch the latest assault on your personal safety.

This bill, as we understand it, will result in more dangerous encounters with suspects and will cause officers to not engage and stop suspects who threaten the public’s safety or their own safety. The new proposal demands that officers have a Monday Morning Quarterback’s perspective before game day on Sunday. By the time the checklist of de-escalation, non-lethal alternatives, verbal commands and whatever else is required prior to an officer engaging to stop a threat are attempted, the officer will be dead.

Police work is an inherently dangerous profession and this knee-jerk bill will only make it worse. Police officers who have been killed by firearms are up by 67% compared to last year.

Unfortunately, this bill was cooked up with the lobbyists from the ACLU and does not provide any perspective from actual police officers, if enacted it will either get cops killed or allow criminals to terrorize our streets unchecked. Pick one. It’s one thing to criticize from your keyboard or from behind a microphone at a press conference, it’s another to actually work in the very real and dangerous world of policing our neighborhoods to try and keep them safe.”



This sounds like the new digital face of Community Policing…

Let Your Voice Be Heard … Or Your Text Read

—San Jose Police Dept. urging residents to text tips and concerns through a new service that assures anonymity—

By Robert Salonga <rsalonga@bayareanewsgroup.com>
Mercury News — April 4, 2018

SAN JOSE — San Jose police want to hear residents’ real, no-holds-barred feelings about how officers are patrolling city streets and dealing with the community.

All residents need to do is text.

“We want to be smack dab in communities affected by not only crime, but relationships with law enforcement,” said Chief Eddie Garcia, who along with dozens of SJPD officers met with more than 100 residents of the tight-knit working-class Washington neighborhood Monday night.

Monday’s gathering was the first of a planned series of community forums — dubbed “Working Together For Stronger Communities” — aimed at building trust amid a national cloud of police skepticism and deportation fears that have driven some worried residents into the shadows.

At Monday’s event, the department rolled out textmy90.com — a service designed to allow residents to send police anonymous text messages with tips, complaints and other feedback. It also functions as a type of polling service, culling responses to police surveys to offer community opinions almost instantaneously.

To test the service, police department asked residents to tap away on their smartphones to rate the trustworthiness of SJPD. The results arrived within a minute: 58.2 percent rated the department as “very trustworthy,” 31.9 percent chose “somewhat trustworthy,” 8 percent went with “somewhat untrustworthy,” 1.9 percent said “very untrustworthy.”


San Jose Police Sgt. Cristobal Dominguez listens to Spanish
speaking community members during the “Working Together
For Stronger Communities” meeting at the Washington
United Youth Center in San Jose on Monday.

“We want their honesty. It’s the only way to get better. We heard their frustrations, but we also heard a massive amount of appreciation,” Garcia said.

Monday’s forum, funded by the Silicon Valley Community and SJPD foundations, was publicized in the neighborhood with word-of- mouth spurring local turnout.

Other survey questions revolved around residents’ feeling of safety, perceptions of police bias, and their past encounters with police. Some key breakdowns:

• Satisfaction with last encounter with SJPD: very satisfied, 64 percent; somewhat satisfied, 20.2 percent; somewhat dissatisfied, 7 percent; very dissatisfied, 3 percent

• How safe you felt during that police interaction: very safe, 74.3 percent; somewhat safe, 17.6 percent; somewhat unsafe, 4 percent; very unsafe, 4 percent

• How safe you feel in your neighborhood: very safe, 26.8 percent; somewhat safe, 48.8 percent; somewhat unsafe, 17.1 percent; very unsafe, 7.3 percent • Do you feel there is a perception of bias in SJPD stops: strong perception, 19.7 percent; somewhat of a perception, 23.9 percent; some but not wide perception, 29.6 percent; no perception, 26.8 percent Garcia said while he believes the Monday evening sample indicates a good relationship with residents, the department still needs to work on bolstering its image with residents who responded more negatively.

“Those are the numbers we want to improve,” he said. “We’re always in search of perfection. But we want the community to know we’re not sitting on our hands.”

He referenced a survey question asking residents what they thought police should do to improve their community ties. Nearly half selected “walk around and talk to people who live here.” The chief agrees.

“They want to have more positive interactions with us,” Garcia said. “The first time they see an officer can’t be in a moment of crisis.”

The real-time survey served as fuel for small-group discussions that matched residents with police officers, community leaders and in some cases elected officials.

Residents welcomed the low-key, conversational setting and valued the face-to-face time with officers outside that did not involve an arrest or tense police encounter.

“It’s important for the police department to come out and engage with the community,” said Martha Carrasco. “The perception is that they are not available to regular residents. This shows they’re willing to work with us.”

The service’s touted anonymity appeared to be a selling point for the residents, who seemed more comfortable communicating on their-mobile devices.

“People in the meeting were more engaged” said Carrasco of the my90 component. “They didn’t have to worry about having a spotlight on them.”

Garcia said the department is hopeful that the anonymous texting feature of the service will alleviate residents’ fears of reporting crimes. He stressed that my90 operates independently of the police departments it works with, and that SJPD has no access to its personal data. The service asserts that phone numbers are encrypted when it receives text messages.

San Jose Police Chief Eddie Garcia, left, laughs with Maria
Marcelo, with Mother’s United, at the end of the “Working
Together For Stronger Communities” meeting.

“We’ve got to get that information, and those who have a fear of law enforcement can feel safe,” he said.

The evening’s sole moment of tension came from a question related to the fatal officer-involved shooting last September of Jacob Dominguez, who was being sought by police for a drive-by shooting but was unarmed when he was killed. Dominguez’s family has steadily protested the police use of force, and the resident who asked the question wanted to know the directive of the Covert Response Unit.

Garcia addressed the question by prefacing he could not go into detail, citing the ongoing investigation, but said he and the department “have empathy for all involved.”

The chief also reiterated remarks he has made in numerous churches in the city over the past few weeks, assuring minority communities that SJPD does not work with federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement agencies, a longstanding policy aimed at encouraging residents in immigrant neighborhoods to report crimes to police.

“We want to make sure all our community is safe, (including) those who are documented and undocumented,” Garcia said.

Along with police, representatives from a host of city services attended to offer resources and insight on issues from homelessness, housing and code enforcement to renters assistance and abandoned vehicles.

“I feel a lot of support,” said Maria Marcelo, a Washington resident and founder of Mamas Unidas. “We really need to start here to make change.”

Near the end of the evening, the my90 question prompt asked attendees if they felt like the forum improved the relationship between the community and police.

The results were quickly in: “Strongly agree” and “somewhat agree” garnered 97.7 percent of the vote.

Contact Robert Salonga at 408-920-5002.



The following message was received from Bob Allen who is now a resident of Hawaii with his wife Judi…

March 30th

Not many will remember him, but he came on in a group of fifteen on 10/1/56 that included me. He left a year later to work for the ABC and retired from Probation in ‘88. I just now received a note from Phyllis, his wife of 65 years, and it contained a copy of his obit.

Judi and I are now full time Hawaiians. Sold Morgan Hill house and now live in Kapolei, Hawaii.

Bob and Judi Allen <allens1009@aol.com>

Lewis Dewey Tucker, Jr

April 29, 1933 – January 12, 2018

A funeral mass was held on Jan. 24th in San Pablo, CA

• • • • •

April 3rd

Hi Bill,

In response to my submission about voter fraud in California in last week’s Farsider you wrote “you are no doubt aware that the number of many “reported” crimes is the so-called tip of an iceberg in terms of actual crimes committed, and that the same holds true for voter fraud and illegal voting.”

I agree with you that voter fraud and illegal voting, like nearly all crimes, are under reported. But the question remains as to what degree? Are there as many as 10 times more cases than reported, absolutely. Could it be as high as 100 times more, which I believe is highly unlikely?

My point is that even if it is 100 times higher than reported, the percentage of votes affected would amount to 0.004% (four thousandths of one percent). It also assumes that all of these violations would favor only one side and not the other since a mixture would result in a cancelling out of some or all of these fraudulent votes. Looking over the list of reported voter crimes shows that both political parties are represented.

You also mentioned our Attorney General Xavier Becerra’s (D) statements about voter fraud and illegal voting in California. While I wasn’t able to locate his statements, I did want to mention that the AG’s office is not responsible for investigating cases of voter fraud and illegal voting in the state. While the AG can be asked to assist in these types of investigations, it’s the Office of the Secretary of State that is charged with overseeing the election process and investigating election law violations through its Election Fraud Investigation Unit. Alex Padilla (D) is our current Secretary.

There are examples of these two offices working together in the past. The most recent occurred in 2006 when then Secretary of State Bruce McPherson (R) asked Attorney General Bill Lockyer (D) to conduct a joint investigation into allegations of voter registration irregularities being committed by an organization called California Grassroots Mobilization in Riverside and Orange counties. This organization was hired by the two respective counties’ Republican Party Committees to register voters. Secretary McPherson in his public statement did not provide an exact number of violations their investigation discovered other than to say it was less than 15, and they all involved fraudulently altered voter registration forms. He went on to say that while their findings uncovered few actual violations, the results of investigation did provide his office with additional security measures to prevent any future violations statewide, concluding that,”California is better equipped to deal with the coming general election than at any other time in the state’s history”.

The fact checking performed by PolitiFact and their findings about the accusations of voter fraud in California is also well worth a careful reading.


Your point about President Trump’s statement that between 3 and 5 million illegal votes were cast in our last national election being nonsense is well taken. In support of your stance, here’s a partial list of responses to the President’s accusations from U.S. congress members, secretaries of states and governors from both parties.  


And finally, about your mention that “Politics is all about power, and Democrats see an ever expanding voting base with every immigrant — legal or illegal — who can find their way into our once Golden State.”

The best predictor I could find as to what will likely happen as more Hispanic and Asian immigrants enter California, become citizens and register to vote, are these stats showing the preferences of existing voters as of July 2017. Of likely Hispanic voters 63% are registered as Democrats, 16% as Republicans and 20% as Independents, with 38% self identifying as politically liberal, 29% as middle of the road and 33% as conservative. For likely Asian voters 52% are registered as Democrats, 15% as Republicans and 29% as Independents with 47% self identifying as liberal, 28% as middle of the road and 25% as conservative.

Middle Ground <middleground5050@gmail.com>

 • • • •

April 3rd


I don’t know what to call this one — non non non, or net result, or follow the trend? First a very brief history. Maybe 8 years a number of cases against the prison system worked their way through the courts and ended up at the Calif. Supreme Court. After long deliberation, the Court ruled the prisons had been overbooked (my word). Prisons were too crowded etc. etc. etc. What was next?

Net result was every concerned group jumped into the prison reform movement. That led to AB 109, which hastily tried to redo everything. That led to new chapters in the Penal Code, and finally to Prop 47 in 2014/15. Prop 47 was disguised, and sold to the public as the “Safe Neighborhood and Schools Act. I realize that some of your readers may have rallied for 47, but maybe it was a short sighted attempt and could have been more forthright in its proclamations. Follow the trend.

Net result — Each step along the way an effort was made to downsize the prison population. It came down to the three nons: non serious, non violent, and non sexual crimes as defined in section 667.5 and 11921.7 PC. We finally ended up with something tangible. Not that it was a help to the larger problem, but just that it gave us some reference wording. It basically boiled down to this: If the crime fit in the category of the three nons, the person got jail time — however much time that may have been. Anything outside of the three nons got prison terms (serious crimes). Follow the trend.

Net result after several years, and many reclassifications of crimes, and all that effort, was that prisons are still full, but the jails are now totally over-crowded. The jail system was nowhere near ready to handle the influx of inmates from the ‘prison down-size movement.’ We now have inmates doing double digit time in county jail pods — classes once a week for an hour, exercise yard 3 hours a week (maybe), rest of the time idle in the pod. By double digit time, I mean 7, 10, 15 and more years. The jail system was built for one year at a time, not for extended stays.

Literally 100% of county jail inmates want to be transferred to state prison, where they can breath, where they can work, where they have programs — anything but the pods and no work, no exercise, no programs, no learning, no rehab, no nothing — long time, pent up time.  How would you like that inmate to be your Prop 47 ‘safe’ neighbor? Take your own survey, if you want. You’ll see. Keep following.

Net result after following the prison down-size trend into the longer term; after all the adjustments and readjustments, the re-writes, the fixes, the fixes to the fixes, the changes, the refinements, after all the meetings and hearings and press coverage; after all of it — every single bit of it — what did we end up with a mere 7 years down the road? A barely manageable over-crowded system with little money, a high recidivism rate, county jail law suits coming out their ears. Lawsuit money flowing out the back door faster than it’s coming in the front. If the public only knew.

That’s where things stand today — evolving, or devolving as the case may be. What’s going to be the next move? Surely, we can do better.

Take care,

Dave (Scannell) <silent.eagle46@yahoo.com>



April 3rd

Dear Members,

In the most recent edition of the Billy & Spanner we wrote that Blue Shield has pulled out of the PPO business for the City of San Jose. That was incorrect. Blue Shield PPO is still in effect.

What we meant to inform you of is that because of the fact that Blue Shield no longer provides Blue Shield HMO coverage, those who are pre-medicare age retirees are left with limited health care options. This problem is exacerbated if you do not live in a Kaiser or Sutter service area, where you can only access coverage through the Blue Shield PPO at a much higher cost.

As we wrote in the newsletter, we are meeting with the City and other stakeholders to discuss realistic options to addressing the lack of affordable health care options for retirees who live outside of the Kaiser and Sutter service areas.

We apologize for any confusion we have have caused.

Ray Storms <president@retiredsjpoff.org>



Announcing the 11th Annual Bobby Burroughs  Memorial BBQ in Folsom

Date and Time:
Saturday, May 19, 2017
Lunch at 12:00 p.m.
Meeting right after lunch

The Lou Howard Pavilion
7100 Baldwin Dam Rd.
Folsom 95630

(Click on the link below to RSVP and for directions)


Please RSVP if you plan on attending so we can get an accurate head count for lunch. You can RSVP by filling out the form at THIS link, or by contacting Jerry Ellis at 408-730-9974, or by email at




Devonte Hart was captured hugging a police officer during the 2014
protests in Ferguson, MO. He is one of three kids reported to be missing
after his family’s SUV went off a cliff, killing several passengers.

This March 20, 2016 photo shows the Hart family of Woodland, Wash.,
at a Bernie Sanders rally in Vancouver, Wash. Authorities in Northern
California say they believe all six children from a family were in a vehicle
that plunged off a coastal cliff. Mendocino County Sheriff Tom Allmon told
reporters Wednesday, March 28, 2018, that only three bodies of the
children have been recovered. Their parents also died Monday.

California SUV Crash That Killed Family May Have Been Intentional

By John Bacon, USA Today, April 2, 2018

New details after the tragic crash that killed both parents and at least
three of their six adopted children have led officials to believe that the
family’s SUV was intentionally driven off a California cliff.

Click HERE for the story.



Would-Be Cop-Killer Gets Destroyed After Drawing On Texas Cop

By Sandy Malone — Blue Lives Matter

A driver pulled a gun on a Pasadena police officer during a traffic stop on Thursday.

Pasadena, TX – A Pasadena police officer fatally shot a man who pulled a gun on him during a traffic stop on Thursday (video below).

Dashcam and bodycam footage showed that Pasadena Police Officer Marc Adams was conducting traffic enforcement at about 4 p.m. on March 29, when he pulled over a white Nissan Altima in from of the Shell Credit Union, near the intersection of Spooner Street and Southmore Avenue, KPRC reported.

The car didn’t initially pull over after he was signaled by the officer, and instead continued driving six more blocks before stopping, KTRK reported.

In the video, the driver of the Nissan got out of his car as soon as he pulled over, and Officer Adams yelled at him to stay in his vehicle.

The man stood facing the police car, with his right hand concealed behind his body, as the officer repeatedly yelled at him to stay in the vehicle, and then to “show me your hands.”

After the officer’s second command for the driver to show him his hands, the man dropped into a shooting stance, pointed his gun at the police officer, the dashcam video showed.

“He gets out of the vehicle, turns partially so he’s facing back towards the officer. At one point his hand reaches down, his right hand behind his back, and then he produces a weapon, brings it up, both hands in a shooting stance parallel to the ground, pointing it at the officer,” Pasadena Police Department Assistant Chief Josh Bruegger told KTRK. “The officer immediately starts firing, and strikes the suspect.”

It’s not clear in the video if the driver got off any shots off before the officer reacted.

Click HERE to view a video of the incident

Police told KTRK that Officer Adams fired at the driver at least six times, but said they were not yet able to confirm whether the driver had actually fired at Officer Adams.

A 63-year-old male witness, however, told KTRK that he’d seen the shooting happen, and said that the driver shot at the officer first, and the officer fired back to protect himself.

In the video, the officer took up a position behind the right rear of his own vehicle after firing his initials shots.

Seconds later, there’s movement by the driver’s door of the Nissan, and the officer opened fire again, the video showed.

The officer was not injured in the incident, police said.

“He’s obviously shaken up. Anytime an officer is placed in a position where he has to take somebody’s life it’s a stressful situation,” Chief Bruegger told KPRC. “It’s unfortunate the officer was placed in the position but, when the suspect points a weapon directly at the officer the officer really has no choice but to defend himself.”

“It appears justified to me,” the chief told the San Antonio Express News.

Officer Adams, a 13-year veteran of the police department, was placed on administrative leave pending investigation following the shooting as was protocol for the department.

A Harris County grand jury will ultimately determine whether the 40-year-old police officer did anything criminal, or if the shooting was justified, the San Antonio Express News reported.

Police have not yet identified the driver of the Nissan, KTRK reported. A gun was found on the ground next to the driver at the scene, police said.

Click HERE to review the readers’ comments about this incident.


‘Protester’ in Road Hit by Cop Car After They Smash Car’s Window

By Holly Matkin — Blue Lives Matter

“Protesters” blocked traffic, surrounded police,
and vandalized patrol vehicles on Saturday night.

Click HERE and scroll down for multiple videos of the incident and to review the readers’ comments.

Sacramento, CA – A woman was hit by a Sacramento County Sheriff’s Department (SCSD) vehicle on Saturday night, after a group of “protesters” surrounded the deputies’ vehicles, and started pounding on the vehicles.

The riotous crowd converged on an intersection in South Sacramento, in the neighborhood where Stephon CLARK was shot.

Clark was a 22-year-old burglar who was fatally shot by police after shattering the window of an elderly man’s home before pointing an object towards officers that was later determined to be a cell phone, on Mar. 18.

The protest occurred at approximately 8:40 p.m., as the protesters walked among vehicles in the roadway, blocking traffic, The Sacramento BEE reported.

According to SCSD Sergeant Shaun Hampton, the hoard was also yelling at the deputies, and kicking their patrol cars.

Police said that “vandals in the crowd” caused “scratches, dents, and a shattered rear window” to a sheriff’s vehicle during the attack.

At one point, approximately three dozen protesters surrounded a patrol car, and threw eggs at it, The Sacramento Bee reported.

Cellphone footage of the scene showed two SCSD SUVs attempting to navigate through the chaos, with their emergency lights activated. Sirens could also be heard throughout the video.

Using a loudspeaker, deputies repeatedly told the protestors to back away from the patrol vehicles. A SCSD SUV began to move forward, as a woman with a sign stepped in front of the vehicle, and held her arm out towards it.

The protester, later identified as Wanda Cleveland, moved towards the front passenger side of a patrol vehicle as it continued to inch forward, and was clipped by the SUV’s bumper as it moved past her, The Sacramento Bee reported.

Cleveland fell to the ground as the SCSD vehicles drove away from the area. Fire personnel responded and she was transported to a local medical facility.

She was released after being treated for bruises to the back of her head, and to her arm.

“From what I could tell, she got hit hard,” Guy Danilowitz, who recorded one video of the incident, told the New York Daily News.

Cleveland later claimed that she was walking to the curb when the collision occurred. Although a deputy in one patrol vehicle told the crowd to move away, Cleveland argued that the deputy driving the vehicle that struck her never issued a command for her to move, The Sacramento Bee reported.

“If I did that I’d be charged,” Cleveland complained. “It’s disregard for human life.”

The SCSD and the California Highway Patrol (CHP) are investigating the incident, police said.

After the collision, a small group of protesters headed towards a nearby SCSD station, where they were met by a line of officers.

“Hit and run,” the group began to chant, according to The Sacramento Bee.

Officers in a police helicopter hovering above ordered the crowd to disperse, and the group ultimately returned to the original protest location, the New York Daily News reported.

The gathering of approximately 100 protesters managed to shut down all traffic in the area after the collision, according to The Sacramento Bee.

Jamier Sale, who organized the protest, told the group to stand down at approximately 10:40 p.m., but approximately 50 individuals remained.

SCSD and CHP officers established line, and were able to push the holdouts into a parking lot, where event organizers were able to disperse approximately two dozen more protesters.

Another two dozen people continued to block traffic until shortly after midnight.



Tempe PD Mounts AR-15s On Police Motorcycles

By Sandy Malone — Blue Lives Matter

The Tempe Police Department has added mounts on
the back of its police motorcycles to hold AR-15 rifles.

Tempe, AZ – The Tempe Police Department (TPD) has announced that they are rolling out AR-15 mounts on their police motorcycles.

Eight of the motorcycles have been outfitted with rear-mounts to hold the AR-15 rifles, the Phoenix New Times reported.

Tempe Police Chief Sylvia Moir brought the idea with her when she joined TPD, according to Commander Michal Pooley. Chief Moir was previously chief of police in El Cerrito, California.

The chief said that police motorcycles can get to a lot of scenes that are not easily accessible to four-wheeled vehicles. She pointed out they can cut through traffic and drive down sidewalks and arrive at scenes first, which meant they needed to have the right kind of firepower to respond.

Criminals are using more high-powered rifles and long guns to commit their crimes, and officers don’t want to be left outgunned, Cmdr. Pooley told the Phoenix New Times.

Tempe police have had AR-15s for more than 15 years, but they’re usually stored in the trunk of a police vehicle, not mounted on full display on the exterior, as they are with a motorcycle.

Cmdr. Pooley said that initially, TPD was worried the new gun racks on the back of police motorcycles wouldn’t be well-received by the community.

“We’re always concerned about public perceptions. We don’t want people to think we’re carrying these around for no reason,” he said.

But the response from the residents has been the opposite of that. In fact, Cmdr. Pooley said the department had “gotten a lot of positive feedback” since the AR-15s started appearing on patrol motorcycles.

He said the mounts were fitted with a special locking system that prevented random citizens from taking them off the bike.

None of the Tempe motorcycle officers has fired an AR-15 in the line of duty since they’ve been added to their bikes, but they have had to pull them out a few times, Cmdr. Pooley told the Phoenix New Times.

Click HERE to read the readers’ comments about this article.



Law Enforcement Support for Sanctuary Cities Varies

Mercury News — April 3, 2018

Does the law enforcement community support sanctuary cities or not? I saw two articles in a major California newspaper, one saying police chiefs support sanctuary cities and the other saying California sheriffs strongly oppose sanctuary cities.

I suggest it is a matter of to whom they report. Most police chiefs report directly or indirectly to the mayor and city council — the same people who declared the city to be a sanctuary. Is it surprising they support their boss?

Sheriffs are elected directly by the people and are responsible to the people.

Regardless of your personal position on the issue, I believe this explains the different positions we see in the news.

— Howard Myers, executive vice president, The Liberty Forum of Silicon Valley, Santa Clara

Not that it matters, but what do you think would be the result of a poll that asked working police officers and sheriff’s deputies if they supported sanctuary cities?



It’s all about Brains and Butts

Received from Debbie Zearbaugh

Best friends graduating from medical school at the same time decided that in spite of their two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share the cost of office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was a psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was a proctologist, and they put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.”

But the town council was livid and insisted that it was improper.

So the docs changed it to read: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

This was still not acceptable to the town council, so the docs changed the sign again to read “Catatonics and High Colonics.”

This, too, was a no-go.

Next they tried “Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.”

Thumbs down again.

Then they came up with “Minds and Behinds.”

Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and Butt Holes.”

Unacceptable again!

So they tried “Nuts and Butts.”

No way.

“Freaks and Cheeks?”

Not a chance.

“Loons and Moons?”

Forget it, said the council.

Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Specializing in Odds and Ends.”

Finally satisfied, the town council gave its approval.

 • • • •

Thinking aloud…

Received from Gary Leonard

  • I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?• I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.• When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.• Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?• America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.• You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?  That’s your common sense leaving your body.

    • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

    • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

    • I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

    • Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

    • You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

    • If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

    • I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters… Do they just give you a bra and then say, “Here, fill this out?”

    • I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor ”

    • My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

    • My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

    • Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s, and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

    • The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s planning to get me something.

    • The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

    • I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

    • Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

    • The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he was always drunk.

• • • •

The Ostrich

Received from Bruce Morton

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks him for his orders.

The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will Be $9.40 please”

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money for payment.

The next day the man and the ostrich come in again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

“Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact amount of money in your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a Million Dollars or something, but you will always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right,” he replied. “Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.”

The waitress asks, “But what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”


• • • •

Old Butch

Received from Tom Weston

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young
‘pullets’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which
rooster was performing.

He could now sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just
listening to the bells.

Fred’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all.

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Fred’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t be heard ringing. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Butch he entered him in the State Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The judges were so impressed they not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, the bells are not always audible.



—Reruns excluded—

March 28 — April 2

March 28: Scientists have invented sensors that you can mount onto your teeth to track your diet from inside your mouth. Or, you could just eat less.

Facebook announced major changes to its privacy settings. Apparently, they’re going to start having some.

President Trump’s approval rating has gone up to 45%. At this rate, he is two porn stars away from being re-elected.

Ireland will be opening its first nude beach this April. And in May, Ireland will be closing its first nude beach.

A man in the U.K. has a case of what scientists are calling the world’s worst super-gonorrhea. But because of his British accent, women still want to sleep with him.

April 2: The president started Easter with a tweet. He wrote “HAPPY EASTER!” in all caps. Happy Easter, dammit!

Today, on the day after Easter, the White House had the 140th annual Easter Egg Roll. This has been going on since 1878 when Rutherford B. Hayes was president. This year it was different, though — Trump heard “egg roll” and promised to make the Chinese pay for it.

It was a fun day for the president. He blew the whistle, he got to eat chocolate, he even met a nice kid named Barron who he really liked.

This event is officially hosted by the first lady every year. Melania Trump joined the president on the balcony to get things going. Trump said, “I want to really thank the first lady, Melania. She worked so hard on this event.” Not a chance she did one thing to set that up. She didn’t dye eggs, she didn’t fill baskets — the only thing she’s been working on is an escape tunnel.

The president officially declared the month of April to be National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. At this point he’s just messing with us, right? He might as well declare it National Bankrupt Casino Awareness Month.

Vladimir Putin could soon be coming to America. During their phone call last month — the one where Trump wasn’t supposed to congratulate Putin — not only did Trump congratulate him, he invited his KG-BFF to a summit at the White House. It’s about time he invited the boss over for dinner.

So, this will be a nice opportunity for Putin to stop by and install a few new Nest cameras in the White House.

April 2: Yesterday was Easter and April Fool’s. Which makes sense because Easter was the day when Jesus came back and was like, “April fool’s!”

This morning, the White House hosted their annual Easter Egg Roll. When President Trump first heard there were a bunch of bunnies on the front lawn, he told his lawyer to pay them off.

At the same event, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos read a book to a group of little kids. It was a sweet moment when one of the kids said, “Sound it out, Betsy. You can do it.”

President Trump has declared April National Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Which means April is also National Presidential Unawareness Month.

The movie “Ready Player One” topped the box office. It’s about a world where people escape reality by playing a computer game. When Americans were asked if they’d ever be sucked into a digital world like that, they said [mimes texting on phone], “One sec. Sorry, what was that?”

Today the Yankees had to postpone their home opener because of a snowstorm. You can tell it was cold because the foot-long hot dogs were only five inches.

Khloe Kardashian says she can’t wait to go to the gym after her baby is born. And every other new parent was like, “Yeah, let us know how that plan works out.”

An 80-year-old man in Arizona is on trial for robbing a bank. Apparently, he slipped the teller a note that said, “Do you know why I came in here?”

It just came out that Pope Francis once said that there is no such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group C on Spirit Airlines and said, “Never mind, I found it.”

April 2: During a speech at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, President Trump touted the U.S. economy, saying we have never had an economy like we have right now. [shows screenshot of “Dow Plummets” headline] Literally the one time he wasn’t in front of the TV.

According to the Financial Times, the Russian businessman who secretly met with a Trump campaign official in January 2017 has been tied directly to Vladimir Putin. Hey, Robert Mueller, how much more evidence do you need? I’m starting to feel like a little kid screaming at “Dora the Explorer” that the windmill she’s looking for is right behind her. “Turn around!”

The Kremlin said today that during a phone call last month, President Trump invited Vladimir Putin to the White House for a summit. Well, I guess that makes sense. If somebody gets you a house, you’ve got to have them over.

White House counselor Kellyanne Conway today rejected reports that she is the No. 1 leaker in the Trump administration. Added Conway, “But I’ll tell you who is.”

French President Emmanuel Macron said in a new interview that artificial intelligence could totally jeopardize democracy if left unchecked. But at this point, I’d be willing to try President Roomba.

According to a new report, despite his recent attacks on Amazon, President Trump’s campaign spent more than $150,000 on the site. But you just can’t beat the prices and service on Amazon Crime.

Costa Rica elected a 38-year-old as president this weekend who will become the country’s youngest leader in history. Wow, 38. That’s young enough to be our president’s ex-wife.

South Korean K-pop singers performed in North Korea yesterday for the first time in over a decade in a concert entitled “Spring Is Coming.” Said New Yorkers [shows image of city snowstorm], “When?!”

March 28: Today it was reported that the lawyer for porn star Stormy Daniels has asked a federal judge for permission to question Donald Trump under oath about their alleged affair. They want to get him alone in a private room and depose him. Which actually sounds like the start of a Stormy Daniels movie.

According to a new article from The Washington Post, Trump has been privately insisting that the United States military should pay for the Mexican border wall. And I’ve got to say, ladies and gentlemen, it only took until he was 71 years old, but Trump finally stopped avoiding the military!

Yesterday the White House announced that they’ve hired a new employee. Former actress Caroline Sunshine, who starred on the Disney Channel show “Shake It Up,” has joined the White House press office. So it appears she’s only comfortable working for Mickey Mouse organizations.

There was some exciting science news today, researchers say they discovered a new human organ they are calling the interstitium. It’s a layer underneath the skin and they believe it’s the largest organ in the human body. Now, is it me, or should this have been discovered earlier? Human bodies have been around for ages. This feels like more of a Year Five discovery, doesn’t it?

But the discovery of the interstitium is very exciting. It allows someone like me to say, “No, I’m not overweight, I’m just big-interstitiumed.”

Wal-Mart announced they will stop selling the magazine Cosmopolitan in checkout lines because it exposes shoppers to sexual imagery and objectification. Wal-Mart says the sexy magazine covers are not only bad for society, they also distract people from why they are in Wal-Mart in the first place — to buy guns.

Apparently the last story Cosmopolitan ran was just way too explicit. It was “11 Ways to Stimulate His Interstitium.”

March 28: The darned Stormy Daniels scandal just will not go away for Donald Trump — no matter how many times he clears his browser history.

Huge developments yesterday, when Stormy Daniels’ attorney Michael Avenatti, filed a motion seeking to depose President Donald Trump and his lawyer Michael Cohen. Avenatti says that he “Intends to prove that the hush agreement did not have a lawful object or purpose.” Oh, how dare you? Of course this agreement has a lawful purpose! It has given Anderson Cooper hundreds of hours of Stormy Daniels raw cleavage footage.

The odd thing is that Trump has not made any public comments. He hasn’t even tweeted about it. One friend says that the president is “not in punch-back mode.” Yes, Trump only has a few settings. There’s “punch-back,” there’s “lie,” “self-promote,” and “popcorn.”

New documents show that former Trump deputy campaign chairman Rick Gates communicated with a former Russian spy before the election, who “has ties to a Russian intelligence service and had such ties in 2016.” And I’m guessing this spy is still on Putin’s good side because, as of show time, no one had served him a nerve gas burrito.

So, the president almost definitely colluded with Russia, but there’s equally important news out there. Tiffany Haddish said someone bit Beyoncé. This is serious!

This is a huge mystery at this point. As of show time we still don’t know. So far, all sorts of celebrities have denied being the biter, including Lena Dunham, Jennifer Aniston, Sanaa Lathan, Frances McDormand, even Shirley MacLaine, whose spokesperson said, “No, Shirley did not bite anything. She’s 83 years old, for God’s sake.” Not a good alibi. I get bit by 83-year-olds all the time. Because I like to start fights with old people, because I want to win.

The fact is, Beyoncé’s biter remains at large, and it’s extremely important to me we figure this out, because America needs to know: What does Beyoncé taste like?



Click HERE for what’s new.

• • • •


If you can’t relate to this Tom Rush song from 11 years ago it means that you are among the younger of our subscribers. If you can relate to it, the odds are you will have forgotten about THIS “Remember Song” 24 hours from now. (3:13)

• • • •

I didn’t ride a police motor during my career, but I did put in excess of 100,000 miles on a variety of motorcycles from the age of 16 well through my early retirement years, and some of those miles were on unavoidable wet roads. What I want to know is how these Japanese motor officers managed to keep their bikes up on two wheels during THIS very wet police skills competition. (2:09)

• • • •

 This clip received from Gary Leonard makes a good case for why men need toolboxes, a few spoons and a large tin cabinet if they can’t afford REAL musical instruments, and apparently THIS group that calls themselves the “Alpine Drums” cannot. (1:44)

• • • •

 We are inclined to think of this clip received from Comrade Kosovilka as Russian street art. Whether you like it or not, we think you will agree that it’s preferable to the graffiti that is so prominent in MANY of our American cities. (4:54)

• • • •

Has Comrade Kosovilka developed a fascination with ballroom dancing? Looks like it. In addition to the Russian Street Art clip above, the retired Motor Sgt. sent in this exhibition of a true Argentinian Tango. If you want to learn this challenging dance, we suggest you follow THIS couple’s lead. (3:58)

• • • •

 Comrade Bob’s third contribution this week adds an international flavor to the dance with this flash mob that highlighted the Tango in a shopping mall in Budapest. Have a LOOK and listen… (6:52)

• • • •

 If the Easter Bunny’s arrival in your backyard was late last weekend, this Hope for Paws video may explain WHY. (9:18)

~ ~ ~

When the mother of five puppies went missing, her five offspring had to fend for themselves until Hope for Paws came to their rescue. This was a major undertaking by Eldad, Lisa, Rachel, Whitney, Vanessa and Carol Ann. Have a LOOK. (12:09)

~ ~ ~

When two dogs were abandoned after their owners moved they made their home under the house and survived on scraps from the neighbors. The friendlier of the two dogs was taken by someone in the neighborhood, leaving “Flash” behind until Lisa and JoAnn arrived to RESCUE him. (5:09)

• • • •

Pop Quiz: Who would the family pet prefer to ride with?

• • • • •

 For this couple, it’s the real “sticky icky!” Question: Is this advertisement for pot real, or an SNL-like comedy sketch? In today’s world it’s hard to tell. Click HERE and you decide if it’s a legitimate ad. (1:28)

• • • •

 Think back to your youth. Can you remember when you used to be able to jump rope as well as this young lady? The only thing she does that I was not quite able to master was jumping rope while laying on my back. Watch THIS. (2:55)

• • • •

 As film-making technology improves so do the ads we see on TV and the Internet. Have a look at THIS one from Audi where a skier doesn’t need snow to strut his stuff. (4:28)

• • • •

 For our closer this week we are headed over the Pond to London for a flash mob that doubled as a marriage proposal. Click HERE, sit back and enjoy. (6:04)

• • • •


Pic of the Week

Tip for grandfathers who have to babysit but want to watch the Masters golf tournament…