The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL…
First off, excuse our chipmunk-like voices, but someone spiked the punch at our Christmas party with a hefty dose of liquid helium. Fortunately, it didn’t stop us from offering our holiday greetings to all of you if you will click HERE.
Nothing current as of press time.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
And nothing of note for this column this week, either.
This is in reference to last week’s item about the late George Sachtleben…
My memory sometimes fails me. I seem to remember that George was working Mids in the north San Jose area one night and made a car stop where the driver came out shooting. Hit hit George in the hand and the 10x area of his vest. I was working San Jose Hospital ER that night 12 to 8 when the call came in. Every doctor and nurse in the ER scrambled and met the ambulance at the door. I remember he was conscious when he arrived and saw the ER staff go into action. Later I saw the bruise on his chest where the bullet struck. The vest probably saved his life. The best hand reconstruction surgeon was called in to operate and reconstruct his hand.
If you can verify that it was George feel free to share my recollection.
Mike (Thompson) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
When I first received Mike’s message I sent an email query to a handful of retirees who I thought might be able to confirm that Mike’s memory was on target (sorry about that). While they all responded, none could say with certainty that George had taken a round to the hand and vest following a car stop. The most interesting reply came from Kenn Christie, who also tried to clear up the confusion as to whether George was a Captain in the Marines or a Major…
As for George being the one that "took one" in the "10-X" and was then saved by a "Second-Chance Vest," I'm drawing a blank. There were two of those that I was either working with or very close to at the time, to whom this exact condition happened. Both survived quite well...
• Don Anders <heroin search warrant east side 1983> pistol round precisely to the "10-X" during approach to door for entry which the vest predominantly absorbed. Walt Tibbet hit by another round from the same crook in the same opening barrage; took a non-life threatening round to the thigh.
• Richard "Rocky" Bridges <car stop/foot pursuit Julian/St. John area, circa 1986> Shotgun round perfectly to the "10-X" which the vest largely absorbed, but chest muscles ate up a bunch of the vest as the load "wadded" the vest into the flesh from the tremendous collective shot energy.
• Additionally, Gordon Silva took a stray round slightly under the vest line <5th/E. Santa Clara, 1988, and after being rushed to SJ Hospital E. R. eventually succumbed to that wound due to internal bleeding.>
• Rick Botar took a round, but it was pre-2nd chance vest days ... later in the '70s .... and, most fortunately, not a completely dead-center "10-X" situation.
• Bob Brahm, as already noted in your original inquiry was another, but similarly, no round to the hand.
• I know that George Sachtleban had some similar major injury, but I learned (or at least retained) little of the details. I'm embarrassingly unclear on that one, although I can't put it together in my mind as a true "10-X" round to the vest. It very well may have been, though.
• I had heard (mainly second-hand) that Sachtleban had been a Major in the Corps, hearing this back when he was still with us on the P.D., almost immediately after his hiring. It would generally be more probable, considering his career dates, that he would have only made it to Captain (O-3 rank.) We never spoke of that one detail. I just let the 2nd hand accounts carry. He told me a little about his billets and tour, and our "different time crossing paths" during our separate Nam tours. Me being Marine enlisted and of a less prestigious MOS than him, it was less likely that we ever stepped on the same soil, but we did briefly swap a few stories shortly after his hiring at the P.D.
• Would the Marine Corps award him or anyone a posthumous promotion? "No." Not under George's service conditions. This would only happen if something precluded his receiving the promotion in a timely manner, i.e., death in combat when promotion was imminently pending; M.I.A. when his promotional time came about; remains being later recovered, etc. Generally, personnel were NEVER awarded posthumously for anything less.
Incidental: As part of our S.J.P.D. Police Memorial Ceremony that I launched for our Department back in 1996, I invited and seated "front row" all of these survivors who took a round or a knife and "but for inches" was here with us to celebrate the history and lives of the others in the presence of their surviving families. That particular ceremony was either my 2000 or 2001 ceremony. That "survivors invitation" number included some 14 names of our still living ... all of those named above, included. Seems about 10 made it to the event. Don't have my notes here at home.
Very sorry for the loss of yet another of our proud members. George was a little quieter than some, but loved his job, at least during the bulk of his earlier years when I was more likely to be working somewhere around him.
Merry Christmas to all!
Kenn Christie <email@example.com>
• • • • •
Very interesting story in the Farsider about Carl Vinson and his service in the senate for all those years. I had the opportunity to tour the USS Carl Vinson carrier as it was in the process of being repositioned to San Diego from Alameda.
Airport Cop Bob Marotz, who was a career Marine including his Reserve time, was a Master Gunny. He called up to Alameda , got hold of the gunny who was in charge of the Marine detail on the Vinson, and set up a tour for us. Bob, George Cochern (Chief of the Reserves) and I drove up to Alameda and boarded the massive aircraft carrier. The assigned aircraft, their crews and officers had already gone on to San Diego. One of the Marines from the ship’s security detail was assigned to escort us around and we spent the next two hours touring the Vinson from top to bottom and stem to stern. The only place we were not allowed to go were those areas that contained nuclear equipment. At the end of the tour we were treated to a super “all-we-could-eat” meal in the Chiefs’ Mess. (Those guys really eat off the hog.)
It was a great experience and we were treated exceptionally well.
Bruce Morton <firstname.lastname@example.org>
From Google Images
• • • • •
I have never heard of recording artist Joy Villa, but after watching this Prager U. video where she talks about NFL players boycotting the National Anthem, I have become one of her major fans. She’s damned attractive, too.
Red State <email@example.com>
Prager U. is a website that caters to conservatives, which is the basis of its popularity with the right-of-center crowd. What makes it unusual is that it often features personalities from the entertainment industry. Joy is an example of an entertainer who seems to place a great deal of importance on traditional American values. Click HERE to play the clip.
• • • • •
Thanks for all you do. Have a great Christmas.
May all be safe.
May all be happy.
May all do numerous good deeds.
May all walk in peace and harmony all the days of their lives.
May all have a joyous Christmas.
May all be happy throughout the new year.
Dave (Scannell) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mega dittos from both of us, Dave.
CAN YOU SPOT THE RETIRED SJPD SERGEANT?
The man in the buckskin jacket fourth from the left is retired Sgt. Doug Bergtholdt. He joined other members of the Silicon Valley chapter of the SAR (Sons of the American Revolution) Color Guard at the Golden Gate National Cemetery in San Bruno this past Saturday to place wreaths on the graves of military veterans. It was part of the Wreaths Across America program that we covered in last week’s Farsider.
The following is from last week’s Farsider…
Volunteers will be placing over a million wreaths on the graves of veterans at over 1,000 cemeteries across the country this coming Saturday. One of many groups that has been active in the project is SAR (Sons of the American Revolution), of which Doug Bergtholdt is a member. He will be participating at the wreath-laying this Saturday beginning at 8:45 a.m. at the Golden Gate National Cemetery in San Bruno. The SAR will be joined by other groups that include the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR), USAF ROTC, Civil Air Patrol and the Patriot Riders and others. Wreaths will also be placed on the graves of veterans at the Los Gatos Cemetery and possibly others in the San Jose area. Doug can be contacted at <email@example.com> if you would like to know more about the program.
MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS FOR THIS KILLER DEAL NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
BRING ANOTHER COUPLE OF YOUR CHOICE TO THE PBA VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER DANCE FOR $25
Friends, Relatives, Your Choice—
Members: $25 per couple — Second Couple $25
(Maximum of one additional couple per PBA member)
$50 total for luscious Hors d’oeuvres, Open Bar, Wine on the table and Prime Rib & Salmon
Saturday, Feb. 10th
MUST RSVP by, Monday, Feb. 5th, but can pay at the door
Doors open at 6:00 — Dinner at 7:00 — Dancing to 11:00 p.m.
POA Hall, 1151 N. Fourth St.
Hors d'oeuvres aplenty
Entrees: Your choice of Salmon and/or hand-carved Prime Rib
Hosted Bar with Wine on the Tables
Dancing to your kind of music following dinner
Make checks payable to the "SJPBA" and mail to:
P.O. Box 42
San Jose, CA 95103
Or pay at the door with a prior RSVP by Monday, Feb. 5th
WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE SILENT GENERATION
That's Leroy communicating in his own unique but silent way in the upper right.
Born in the 1930s and early '40s, we exist as a very special age cohort. We are the Silent Generation.
We are the smallest number of children born since the early 1900s. We are the "last ones."
We are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war which rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.
We are the last to remember ration books for everything from gas to sugar to shoes to stoves.
We saved tin foil and poured fat into tin cans.
We saw cars up on blocks because tires weren't available.
We can remember milk being delivered to our house early in the morning and placed in the "milk box" on the porch.
We are the last to see the gold stars in the front windows of our grieving neighbors whose sons died in the War.
We saw the 'boys' home from the war build their little houses.
We are the last generation who spent childhood without television; instead, we imagined what we heard on the radio.
As we all like to brag, with no TV, we spent our childhood playing outside, and we played on our own. There was no little league and no city playground for kids.
The lack of television in our early years meant, for most of us, that we had little real understanding of what the world was like. On Saturday afternoons, the movies gave us newsreels of the war sandwiched in between westerns and cartoons.
Telephones were one to a house, mostly shared (Party Lines) and often hung on the wall.
Computers were called calculators; they only added and were hand-cranked; typewriters were driven by pounding fingers, throwing the carriage, and changing the ribbon.
The 'Internet' and 'Google' were words that did not exist.
Newspapers and magazines were written for adults, and the news was broadcast on our table radio in the evening.
We are the last group who had to find out for ourselves.
As we grew up, the country was exploding with growth. The G.I. Bill gave returning veterans the means to get an education and spurred colleges to grow. VA loans fanned a housing boom. Pent up demand coupled with new installment payment plans put factories to work.
New highways brought jobs and mobility.
Veterans joined civic clubs and became active in politics.
The radio network expanded from 3 stations to thousands.
Our parents were suddenly free from the confines of the depression and the war, and they threw themselves into exploring opportunities they had never imagined.
We weren't neglected, but we weren't today's all-consuming family focus, either. Our parents were glad we played by ourselves until the street lights came on. They were busy discovering their own post war world.
We entered a world of overflowing plenty and opportunity; a world where we were welcomed.
We enjoyed the luxury of feeling secure in our future, even though memories of the Depression were deeply rooted.
Polio was still a crippler.
The Korean War was a dark presage in the early '50s, and by mid-decade school children were ducking under desks for Air-Raid training.
Russia built the "Iron Curtain" and China became "Red China."
Eisenhower sent the first 'advisers' to Vietnam.
Castro set up camp in Cuba and Khrushchev came to power.
We are the last generation to experience an interlude when there were no threats to our homeland.
We came of age in the 40s and 50s. The war was over and the cold war, terrorism, "global warming" and perpetual economic insecurity had yet to haunt life with unease.
Only our generation can remember both a time of great war, and a time when our world was secure and full of bright promise and plenty. We have lived through both.
We grew up at the best possible time, a time when the world was getting better, not worse.
We are the Silent Generation — "The Last Ones"
More than 99% of us are now retired or deceased, and those of us still alive feel privileged to have lived in the "best of times!”
PHAN OFF TO A ROUGH START IN SUNNYVALE
What we found interesting about this article was a reader’s response below the story that appears to have been authored by someone with inside knowledge of the SJPD. It’s a blistering account of an incident involving Phan when he was in charge of SJPD’s I.A. Unit. If you choose to scroll down and read it by clicking HERE for the full article, do NOT assume that the author’s name as it appears is representative of the same well known retired Lieutenant who uses the same name as an email pseudonym...
Safety Union Takes No Confidence Vote of Sunnyvale DPS Chief
By Victoria Kezra <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mercury News —Dec. 15, 2017
Sunnyvale Department of Public Safety Chief, Phan Ngo, 50.
The Sunnyvale Public Safety Officers’ Association says it has taken a vote of no confidence in Department of Public Safety Chief Phan Ngo. The outcome of the vote has yet to be released.
But Interim City Manager Kent Steffens and Mayor Glenn Hendricks, in a statement issued by the city on Dec. 7, expressed their “unequivocal support for the public safety initiatives and reforms” pushed by Ngo and described the vote as “unfounded and uncalled for.”
Ngo, who came to Sunnyvale in January from the San Jose Police Department and took over for the retiring Frank Grugurina, has faced criticism from the association the last few months, particularly over the department’s proposed changes to its internal affairs investigations, which looks into incidents, allegations and suspicions involving law breaking or professional misconduct by officers.
The no-confidence vote came after a Nov. 4 letter from the association’s executive board urged members to take the vote. It was unknown at press time how many members voted and what the count was. The group represents police, fire, emergency medical service and emergency dispatch workers.
In the letter to members, leadership stated its main issues with Ngo were a “failure to provide clear leadership, management and policy decision,” as evidenced by “willful ignorance of DPS standards and fire safety,” “lack of transparency” and “failure of concern for officers.”
It cites a report on how to improve the internal affairs investigation process, which documented several “problem” investigations conducted by the Public Management Group and Howard Jordan, a consultant and former Oakland police chief. The letter alleges that a copy of the report provided to employees “was so heavily redacted it brought about more questions than answers,” reflecting a lack of transparency.
The union’s letter also said it was upset with the lack of input members had in the internal affairs modernization process.
“He’s refusing to allow the PSOA to be part of the project until the ‘implementation’ stage, by which time the department will be dictating to its employees how it plans to investigate them. That’s another missed opportunity and slap in the face to our members,” the letter says.
The letter also alleges a quid pro quo connection between Ngo and consulting group Hillard Heintze, which was hired to make recommendations. It notes that former San Jose police chief Rob Davis, who now is Hillard Heintze’s senior vice president, had promoted Ngo while he was with that department.
Ngo said in an interview Dec. 8 that the review of the department’s internal affairs program, with help from Hillard Heintze, would be more comprehensive than past ones and “update outdated” procedures.
“I’d like to see classification for allegations and complaints, which is something we don’t have. I’d like to see current best practices for body cameras which is new technology for the department,” Ngo said.
He said some parts of the report were redacted to protect officers.
“I think it’s premature for PSOA to push back on this project. I hope they will give this project a chance,” Ngo said, adding that the report with possible recommendations should be ready sometime next year.
According to the city’s statement last week, Ngo is working to improve the process by “promoting transparency, fairness and organizational excellence.”
The union’s letter also criticizes Ngo’s transition into the job. The Department of Public Safety (DPS) is unusual because in addition to police, it encompasses fire and emergency medical services, with officers trained for all three.
In the letter, the union states that “in contrast to his predecessors, (Ngo) displays a complete disregard for the fire side of the service.” It contends he didn’t follow proper safety protocol during fire safety training and takes offense to his alleged references to the department as “Sunnyvale Police Department” in emails early during his tenure.
In stating that Ngo isn’t concerned for officers, the letter claims he waited a day to visit a hospitalized officer and that he terminated a probationary officer who was found disoriented while off duty. It alleges he had her arrested for a misdemeanor crime he didn’t witness.
In an interview last month with this newspaper, Ngo acknowledged he was still learning the department’s unique structure.
“I recognize it’s different: It’s public safety, not a traditional law enforcement model,” he said. “It’s still a learning process to learn the fire discipline. It’s been good so far, and I know I need to continue to do that and getting to know community members and department members and building that trust that all new leaders have to do when you come to that organization when you’re not from that organization.”
In the run up to the letter and no-confidence vote, Ngo attended a union meeting in October where he fielded questions from members for roughly 40 minutes. Among other questions, he was asked why more lieutenants weren’t being promoted from within DPS and why there isn’t more trust between the rank and file and DPS command staff.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Received from Bruce Morton
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple test he could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here's what you do," he said. “Stand about 40 feet away from her and speak in a normal conversational speaking tone to see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He thought to himself, I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.
In a normal tone he asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
So he moved closer to the kitchen about 30 feet from and repeated the question: "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next, he moved into the dining room where he was about 20 feet from his wife and asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again no response.
He walked up to the kitchen door about 10 feet away: "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walked right up behind her and asked,”Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replied, “For the FIFTH time, Ken, it's chicken.”
• • • • •
Be careful what you wish for...
Received from Bob Kosovilka
The woman below was seen at a protest in Washington D.C.
No pun intended, but check out HER guns (biceps)…
that mean she wants...
• Women banned from school and college campuses?
• Women banned from establishments selling alcohol?
• Women banned from polling places on election days?
• Women banned from any official government group meetings?
• Women banned from all airports?
• Paying a fee to the state to carry a Woman with you?
• Some Women banned outright simply because they look too scary?
• All Women locked up at all times when they are not in use?
• Does she think all men should be allowed to have more than one?
• • • • •
Received from Alice Murphy
This is what most of you 70+ year-olds have to look forward to. It happened at an assisted living center.
The people who lived there have small apartments, but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast, so a staff member went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. He could be heard through the door. He said he was running late and would be down shortly, so the staff member left.
An hour later he still hadn't arrived, so the same staff member went back up toward his room and found him on the stairs. He was coming down but was having a heck of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. The staff member told him she was going to call an ambulance, but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So, she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to stand up from the table, so an ambulance was called and he was taken to the hospital.
A couple hours later the staff member called to see how he was doing.
The nurse on his floor said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
• • • • •
Received from Patti Cripe
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and handed him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, “What happened?”
"Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too. First with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied,
"Yep, and none of us could get the damn jar open."
• • • • •
What a morning!
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of a neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.
8:20 A gay couple living nearby grumbled that it should have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans in apartment 12 across the street complained about the carrot nose. “Veggies are food and not to be used for decoration.” they said. So I replaced the carrot with a lump of coal.
8:28 I am now being called a racist by a black couple down the street because the snow woman is white.
8:31 A Muslim man two doors down wants the snow woman to wear a burka.
8:40 Someone called the cops who showed up to see what’s going on.
8:42 I was told the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I muttered : "Yeah, it could be if it was up your a**!”
8:52 My phone was seized and thoroughly checked while I was blindfolded and transported to the police station.
9:00 I am now on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on creating chaos at this sensitive time of the year.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 A little known jihadist group told the media they trained me and that I work for them.
I am totally done with this! I will never make another snowman, snow woman or snow anything again. It’s too dangerous!
Welcome to the new and improved U.S. of A, land of the whiners
TWO THUMBS UP FOR THE DISCERNING CANINES...
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
—Funnies for the anti-Trump crowd from the late night talk show hosts—
Dec. 13 — 19
Dec. 13: Last night Doug Jones pulled off a shocking win over Roy Moore to become senator of Alabama. You know it's been a crazy year when an alleged pedophile loses a Senate race, and we're all like, "Wow! What an upset!"
Roy Moore became the first Republican to lose an Alabama Senate race in 25 years. It was so embarrassing, his horse went home in an Uber.
As the results came in, reporters said it was very quiet at Moore's campaign headquarters. But to be fair, it WAS a school night.
Paul Ryan revealed that he hasn't eaten sweets in 10 years, and said that he'd rather eat grilled asparagus than a Snickers. Americans were like, "And we thought Roy Moore was a monster!"
Apparently George Clooney once gave his 14 best friends a million dollars each. They were thrilled, while his 15th best friend was like, "What the hell, man?"
Dec. 14: Do you remember that old episode of “The Apprentice” where Trump fires Omarosa and she flips out? Well, I guess they aired a rerun the other night at the White House. It came out yesterday that Omarosa had been fired, but the White House says she’s leaving to pursue other opportunities. Even dogs living on a farm upstate were like, “Yeah, right.”
After chief of staff John Kelly fired Omarosa, she apparently tried to barge into Trump’s private residence. Secret Service agents stopped her, while another said, “Eh, I want to see how this plays out. Get your phone. Get your phone out.”
But Omarosa’s trying to put a positive spin on things. She said her goal all along was to reach one year of working in the White House. Which is funny because that’s actually Trump’s goal too.
Meanwhile, Trump was like, “I thought her name was Omarosa. Is it Felicia? You’re fired, Felicia. You tell her, you tell her.”
Dec. 18: You guys, today President Trump gave a big speech on National Security. He focused on the three biggest threats to our country -- Russia, North Korea, and Omarosa.
At one point he said, "We will never lose sight of our values and their capacity to inspire, uplift, and renew." Then he realized someone left an old Obama speech in the teleprompter. "That doesn't sound like me at all. What just happened? Wall. Come on, Donald, improvise."
It was revealed that the Pentagon had a top secret program to investigate UFO’s and aliens. Which is why Trump announced plans to build a dome over the earth and make E.T. pay for it.
There was an 11-hour power outage at the airport in Atlanta yesterday. And people were stranded on the tarmac for six hours. Don't worry, though, flight attendants came through every hour with a thimble-size cup of room temperature water.
Dec. 19: Disney's Hall of Presidents just added a Donald Trump robot. He’s really making an impact at Disney - today, he deported Aladdin, and he gave Scrooge McDuck a tax break.
Yeah, they added Trump to the Hall of Presidents. You can tell it's Trump's robot, cuz Putin’s backstage controlling it.
The House passed the GOP tax bill. Yep, the Senate will follow, and Trump is expected to sign it into law this week. Which will get awkward when Trump says, “I’m busy - have my robot do it.”
I read that a majority of Americans would end up paying more in taxes by the year 2027. Trump said its payback for the majority of Americans who voted for Hillary Clinton.
Yeah, a lot of people are upset. In fact, I read that a woman took her top off in the House while protesting the vote. Security escorted her out, while Trump said, "Let's hear what she has to say!"
Dec. 13: The big news was last night Democrat Doug Jones defeated controversial Republican candidate Roy Moore. Now, he lost, but on the bright side, Roy Moore can now focus his energies on his real passion – hiding from shopping mall security guards.
This is really historic because it's the first time in 25 years that a Democrat has been elected senator in Alabama. Now, to give you an idea of how long ago it was, Roy Moore was dating girls back then who are now in their 30s.
This election just totally got away from Roy Moore. The same way his horse did.
It was revealed that Omarosa, former apprentice contestant and recent White House aide, has been fired. Omarosa is out of a job. So now she'll be doing, well, pretty much the same thing she was doing at the White House. Absolutely nothing.
Omarosa was reportedly fired after a heated argument with chief of staff John Kelly and escorted off of the White House grounds. Now, on the bright side for her, it's the first time in months that a Trump staffer was not led away in handcuffs.
Dec. 13: Last night there was real concern the voters in Alabama would put an alleged child molester and bigot and homophobe, all the bad things Santa frowns on, in the United States Senate. But it didn't happen. The special election actually turned out to be a very special election after all.
A Republican losing to a Democrat in Alabama is like a grizzly bear losing to a fish.
If the Republican you're running against is not allowed inside Forever 21, your odds of winning increase significantly.
It is kind of depressing that in 2017, barely not electing an alleged pedophile to the Senate is something to celebrate.
At the Roy Moore post-election party they were NOT celebrating. They were also not giving up. Roy Moore refused to concede. On top of that, his horse got towed. It was very sad.
Not only didn't he concede, as of tonight he still hasn't conceded. He said God will decide when it's over. Guess what. God decided. It's over. God went home.
God's sitting on his couch watching Netflix right now. It's done.
Dec. 14: Do you feel the holiday spirit enveloping you like a blanket right now? Christmas is 10 days away, which means we only get to hear that Mariah Carey song 75,000 times.
Meanwhile, Roy Moore, you know Roy Moore — the leather-vested loser in the race for Senate in Alabama? Still hasn’t conceded the election. Even though he lost. Not only has he not conceded, he released a YouTube video bemoaning the fact that immorality is sweeping the land. If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba.
The new Star Wars movie has finally arrived. “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” opened in theaters tonight. I feel we need more time between the Star Wars movies. As soon as you come out of the theater you have to get in line for the next one. It’s expected to be the No. 1 movie with a colon in the title at the box office this weekend.
The big news in show business is that Disney is buying Fox — or most of Fox. Disney, the company that owns our network, ABC, is buying 21st Century Fox for more than $60 billion. Bad news, now we only have about $300 left to make the next Star Wars movie.
Dec. 13: Roy Moore may have lost last night's election, but we'll never forget all the people he touched.
Republican Roy Moore did not concede last night's special Senate election in Alabama, telling his supporters, quote, "God is always in control." Unless Moore's on his horse, in which case no one's in control.
Last night the people of Alabama made the apparently very difficult decision of choosing a Democrat over a guy who was banned from a mall. I know we're all tired of mall jokes, so let me just say one thing very seriously. Sure, Roy Moore was the Hot Topic for a while, but America's not a Banana Republic and the voters made that Claire's. The voters said Ugg and they were able to Chanel their energy and send that Fossil off on some new Journeys.
According to a new Monmouth University poll, only 32 percent of people approve of the job President Trump is doing. Oh, wait. Oh, I'm sorry. I read that wrong. Only 32 people approve of the job President Trump is doing.
Dec. 14: Alabama Senator-elect Doug Jones said yesterday President Trump called him and was very gracious while congratulating him on his win. That story again, somebody prank-called Doug Jones.
The FCC today voted 3-2 along party lines to repeal Obama-era net neutrality rules. And if you’re not sure what that means, better Google it while you can.
According to CNN, Anderson Cooper’s tweet yesterday calling President Trump a pathetic loser came from someone using his assistant’s phone that was left unattended at the gym. Wait a minute. You can have your assistant go to the gym for you? This is a game-changer! A game-changer!
While announcing plans to trim the size of the regulatory code, President Trump today cut a red ribbon with an oversized scissors that was draped across stacks of paper. Then, because of all the regulations he repealed, the scissors fell apart, a dolphin choked on the ribbon, and the paper burst into flames.
Dec. 18: Senator Bob corker said this weekend that he would support the Republican tax plan, despite not reading it. "Same," said Trump about the constitution.
The Trump administration has banned the CDC from using seven words in official documents for next year's budget. The seven words are "Hillary Clinton actually won the popular vote."
The Trump administration has banned the CDC from using a list of seven words, including, vulnerable, entitlement, diversity, transgender, fetus, evidence-based, and science-based. And then Mike pence added his seven bad words, "Gosh, darn, nuts, heck, shoot, shucks," and the c-word which is just "Crud."
Hundreds of flights were cancelled today at the world's busiest airport in Atlanta due to a massive power outage yesterday. Experts are saying this could lead to as many as 30 texts from your mother.
Dec. 19: The House passed a Republican tax bill today, which was great news for everyone from the super wealthy all the way down to the that's it.
Disneyworld's Hall of Presidents debuted an animatronic President Trump today. Good lord! Disneyworld, is that supposed to go in the haunted mansion?
Even Lincoln is looking at him like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
President Trump today denied a Washington Post report that he was considering rescinding his nomination of Supreme Court justice Neil Gorsuch. Prior to his confirmation, calling it, you guessed it, fake news. Hey, man, you're burning out your own catch phrase.
Pretty soon you're going to need a new catch phrase, like "It's golfing time." Or "I hereby resign from the presidency of the United States." Oh, that's catchy.
Dec. 13: I'm a little shaky tonight because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls "hope." I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I haven't been saying that word that much this year because it's been a rough year.
We have been buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, Roy Moore lost to Doug Jones in Alabama.
Jones is the first Democrat to win an Alabama Senate seat in 25 years – so a quarter of a century. The last time Alabama elected a Democratic senator, the biggest movie was "Aladdin," or, as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie."
Headed for Chicago, Detroit or any other crime-ridden city anytime soon? Mike Thompson is offering these visual traveling tips on how to remain safe if you have a need to visit an ATM…
OUR CHRISTMAS WISH…
If we could have one wish granted this Christmas season, it would be for Santa to deposit the message below in the stocking or under the tree of each and every Hollywood elite...
“The world will always need a plumber, electrician, construction worker, cop. It absolutely can do without the Hollywood rabble. Weigh your words well you modern day jesters. Dance, sing and show off your ability to act, but never forget that you exist only to serve as entertainment for the common men and women who are your kings and queens. As jesters your job is not to advise us on how to think, act or vote. You exist to entertain, and entertain only.”
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
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God bless these members from my military alma mater. These Air Force personnel donned WWII Army Air Corps uniforms and surprised the crowd at Union Station in Washington D.C. two years ago with a Holiday Flashback commemorating the 70th anniversary of the end of the Second World War. I’m not ashamed to admit that there are parts of THIS that brought forth some eye moisture. (8:53)
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Like Christmas music and aircraft? A year before the number at Washington’s Union Station above, the US Air Force band surprised those in attendance at the Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum with a flash mob performing holiday music. Have a LISTEN, courtesy of Phil Norton. (6:44)
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This quartet of kids has to be heard to be believed, and that a goes double for the big kid on the far right. Wait until you hear his voice as he joins the other three in THIS Christmas song. (OK, so they are lip-syncing. So what? They are still well worth a couple minutes of your time.) (4:29)
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Possibly as a result of those red-blooded American males who enjoy laying eyes on the First Lady, THIS clip showing the Christmas decorations in the White House has already received 2.6 million views. (1:00)
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Whether you like little doggies or not, we are so sure this Christmas holiday performance from America’s Got Talent will leave a smile on your face or we will refund every cent you paid for your Farsider subscription! Think we’re kidding? Click HERE and we’ll prove it! (2:29)
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If you thought the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes were something to behold, watch THESE ladies from China perform their Leg Dance. (1:53)
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Bill Leavy doesn’t get a lot of that winter white stuff falling from the sky out in the desert where he lives, so he has to rely on clips like THIS to get his annual snow fix. (2:13)
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It’s rather interesting to see Diamond and Silk being interviewed on Fox & Friends. With tens of thousands of subscribers to their YouTube channel, THESE two ladies have indeed made quite a name for themselves in conservative circles. (5:03)
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Click HERE for an example of their shtick and watch Diamond and Silk add Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer to their “Bowl of Stupid.” (5:39)
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We had a devil of a time finding a website that carried this SNL clip that mimics an early educational film produced by General Electric on the subject of “Sexual Harassment.” It had recently been pulled from YouTube and similar websites, probably because Sexual Harassment is such a controversial topic in these troubled times. Who knows? Because we felt it was too good not to share, we emailed the mp4 movie file of the clip to several friends when it looked like it wouldn’t be possible to include it here in the Farsider. But alas, being the super sleuths we are, we were able to find one website that SNL and or NBC's lawyers apparently haven’t yet approached. Watch the clip now by clicking HERE. If it has been pulled, lawyers obviously got to the website operators before you did. (P.S. Yes, that familiar face in the clip belongs to NFL superstar Tom Brady.) (2:17)
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We can think of at least three words to describe the people featured in this video: Imbeciles, Idiots and Crazies. Have a look and we would wager you can come up with SEVERAL more. (13:45)
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Rumor has it that Southwest will soon be replacing its current fleet of aircraft with Boeing’s new 737 Max passenger jets and that they are offering above-average salaries to former military fighter pilots to come on board and pilot these beauties. It’s expected that the Southwest flight attendants won’t be quite as amusing as in the past, however, when they have to spend all their time handing out and disposing of air SICKNESS bags. (2:49)
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Only the Norwegians would have the nerve to put a commercial like this one on the air, which is evidence that they will broadcast almost anything for a laugh. Don’t ask us WHAT’S being advertised. We haven’t the 'soapiest' idea. All we know is that this ad is very popular in the California State Prison System. (0:54)
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Speaking of ads, “Mayday, mayday, we are sinking” is a plea from men at sea that raises the hair on the back of the necks of Coast Guard personnel around the world, ASSUMING that there isn’t a language barrier. (0:40)
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When it comes to TV ads, who can forget this one for Levi 501s from 27 years ago? Not Dave Wysuph or us. And yes, it has in fact been THAT long. (1:00)
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Sometimes it is easy to misread other people’s body language. Here is a perfect EXAMPLE in the form of an ice cream prank. (2:05)
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No Christmas edition of the Farsider would be complete without the video magic of The King teaming up with Martina McBride in this rendition of “Blue Christmas.” (Martina was 11 years old in 1977 when Elvis died, which is why we call this a MAGICAL Christmas video.)
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It’s that time of the year again for this traditional sing-along, and since the words are on the screen you don’t have an excuse not to participate, unless you have the mindset of the cop in our Pic of the Week below that was created by T&B back in the 1995 for the old INSIDER newsletter. (3:35)
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Merry Christmas to one and all…
Pic of the Week
in the ‘60s and ’70s, some cops called this
"Buzzing your way through the holidays.”
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 12/21/17
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
Paul Cook — Added
Larry Ryan — Added
Jim Spence — Deleted (address no longer good)
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Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve