The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience
of the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
HOLIDAY POP QUIZ
Can you name these retirees as they strum their guitars and serenade you with their rendition of “Feliz Navidad?” They are all wound up and ready to go. Click HERE and watch them get a case of happy feet...
Click HERE to read an article by The Trace titled,
“Ambush Shootings of Police Officers Reach Highest Total in Decades”
Please be safe and watch each others’ backs.
Former S.J. Mayor Reed Back At It Over Pensions
Mercury News — Dec. 11, 2016
Former San Jose Mayor Chuck Reed, best known for his quest to curb runaway public employee pension costs, is still at it after leaving City Hall and resuming work as a lawyer.
In an op-ed for the San Diego Union-Tribune, Reed highlighted the plight of Loyalton, a town of fewer than 800 souls in northeastern California. Loyalton drew national interest thanks to a write-up in The New York Times highlighting its battle with the giant California Public Employees’ Retirement System over the prospect of cutting payments to its handful of pensioners.
Hit by hard times since its sawmill closed 15 years ago, Loyalton withdrew from CalPERS in 2013 after the last of its pensioners in the system retired. CalPERS then sent Loyalton a bill for $1.6 million to cover the retirees’ pensions, a figure that tops Loyalton’s entire annual budget. Loyalton officials were stunned, since they had dutifully paid CalPERS each year to fund the retirements.
But CalPERS — in a widely criticized practice— lowballs the annual cost of its pensions, using rosy assumptions that investment earnings some day will make up the difference. Yet when public agencies in the system look to cut ties, CalPERS sends a bill revealing how badly underfunded the plans have been. That in fact happened to San Jose when Reed was mayor — the council backed off of quitting CalPERS pensions for its elected leaders after being told the exit would cost $5.7 million to ensure benefits for about 30 officials.
With Loyalton unable to pay up, CalPERS last month declared the town in default, a move the state agency said would mean benefit reductions for Loyalton’s retirees. It’s being watched as a test of California’s tough protections of public employee pensions.
“Let Loyalton be a wake-up call,” Reed said in his article. “Public employees, retirees and residents will suffer unless there is significant and meaningful pension reform.”
Reed and other critics have drawn the wrath of unions by assailing generous public benefit formulas that let many career government workers retire in their 50s with six-figure lifetime payments. His San Jose Measure B in 2012 — replaced last month by a voter-approved settlement he supported — called for smaller pensions and higher retirement ages.
But Reed avoided any criticism of Loyalton’s retirees, whose pensions hardly seem generous and whose plight is just sad. The Times featured a 71-year-old former bookkeeper who expects to see her $48,000 annual pension cut to $19,000.
“All workers,” Reed wrote, “deserve safe and secure futures and shouldn’t be held responsible for poor decision making by policy leaders.”
CalPERS spokesman Brad Pacheco took issue with Reed’s article, accusing him of holding “anti-pension beliefs” and failing to point out a “key element behind the Loyalton story: Local agencies such as the city of Loyalton determine the benefits for public employees, not CalPERS.”
Internal Affairs is an offbeat look at state and local politics. This week’s items were written by Ramona Giwargis, John Woolfolk and Paul Rogers. Send tips to firstname.lastname@example.org, or call 408-920-5782.
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Lou Balesteri sent in a link to a scary story from the Dallas Morning News about the Dallas Police and Fire Pension Board. Could such a thing happen to us? Click HERE to see what the article says.
Just thought of two more former members during the ‘60s who I think became department heads in the Midwest: Dennis Flynn in the Cheyenne, Wyoming area and David Schrader (SIC) near there. Does anybody else remember them? I know John Kracht visited Flynn so he can confirm Dennis was the sheriff in that county. If you already have them please disregard.
Thanks for your efforts as always,
Bud (Bye) <email@example.com>
If anyone can confirm that Flynn and/or Schrader left in the ’60s and became the head of a Dept. please let us know and we will add them to the list, which currently numbers 44.
• • • • •
Can you include this in the Farsider? I think it will shock a lot of people who are unaware that this is happening.
Steve (Postier) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Your wish is our command, Steve, but only to a certain degree! This is the headline…
"10,000 Shipping Containers Lost At Sea Each Year…Here’s a Look at One"
THIS link will take you readers to the story.
• • • • •
There is an obit for Craig E. Blackwell, DOB July 5, 1950 in this morning's paper. As I recall, this was the witness to Huerta's murder. I had the driver of the car that Dick had stopped who was the first suspect, but it was Blackwell who saw Emil Thompson kill Dick. Anybody recall this guy?
Ken (Hawkes) <email@example.com>
This was the obit Ken spotted in Tuesday’s paper. Contact him with any info.
RETIREES’ ASSN. NEWS
The November 11, 2016 membership meeting is now available by video, and you can access it by clicking THIS link and entering this password: SJNOV16
Mike Alford, President <firstname.lastname@example.org>
WE WISH DIANE THE VERY BEST IN HER RETIREMENT
Two stories broke yesterday about Diane Urban Stuart’s retirement as Chief of the Hayward PD. This first one from the San Francisco Chronicle includes a KTVU Channel 2 video clip about her retirement…
Police Chief Retires Amid Secret Personnel Probe
By Jenna Lyons <email@example.com>
SF Chronicle — Dec. 14, 2016
Hayward Police Chief Diane Stuart officially retired Wednesday, months after she was placed on leave as the city investigated a secret personnel matter, officials said.
The city has yet to release details on the investigation that led to her retirement, but cited the move as a way to eliminate “distractions,” according to a joint statement from Stuart and City Manager Kelly McAdoo.
“Chief Stuart’s only interest is to ensure that members of her department are able to continue serving the Hayward community safely and without the unfortunate distractions of the last few months,” the statement reads.
The decision to place Stuart on leave at the end of August reportedly blind-sided officers and high-ranking investigators, who said they did not know the details of the investigation. Capt. Mark Koller, who’s been with the department for more than three decades and most recently served as investigations commander, will continue to serve as acting police chief.
The department remained in the dark on the investigation, said Hayward Police Lt. Ken Forkus, head of the department’s criminal investigations.
“We keep doing our business and serving our community,” Forkus said Wednesday. “The stuff that goes on internally goes on. That’s not our focus.”
Click HERE, then scroll down to watch the KTVU Channel 2 News report about Diane.
An investigation into Stuart stemmed from an anonymous letter to the city regarding how she ran the department, officials reported. The city has kept mum on details, saying “state law protects the privacy interests of personnel information regarding all law enforcement officials.”
Stuart has not seen the details of the investigation, which has already been completed, according to McAdoo, who declined to comment on when the probe ended. Stuart’s resignation comes two weeks after KQED sued the city of Hayward, demanding that public records related to her removal be released.
Stuart, who could not be reached for comment, was appointed police chief in August 2011, when she went by her maiden name, Diane Urban, before her recent marriage. She is the first woman to hold the position in Hayward and previously spent 26 years at the San Jose Police Department, eventually serving as an assistant police chief there.
Her husband, Clark Stuart, was paid by the Hayward Police Department to teach sessions on “executive communications for law enforcement managers” during her tenure, according to Ralph Brown, a spokesman for the Commission on Peace Officer Standards and Training, which certified him to facilitate the workshops. City officials have not said whether the courses were related to the personnel investigation.
Hayward city records show the city entered into a number of contracts with Clark Stuart under his company, Global Trident Ii Inc. That includes the loan of a 2002 Ford Focus for a human trafficking investigation, an agreement signed by several city officials, including Diane Stuart under her maiden name. It also includes a two-year, $75,000 contract with his company for city staff training.
• • • • •
Story number 2, article only…
Hayward Police Chief Announces Her Retirement
By Bay City News
Hayward Police Chief Diane Stuart
Hayward police Chief Diane Urban Stuart, who was placed on administrative leave in August over a confidential personnel issue, has announced her retirement effective immediately after five years as chief, city and police officials said Wednesday.
Stuart served in the San Jose Police Department for 26 years, rising to the rank of assistant chief, before joining Hayward as its chief in 2011.
Hayward City Manager Kelly McAdoo issued a statement Wednesday recognizing and praising Stuart's ability to maintain and strengthen the Police Department's top ranking with the national Commission on Accreditation for Law Enforcement Agencies, as well as her relationships built with the Hayward community during challenging national conversations about law enforcement's use of force.
During Stuart's tenure, the department grew the number of sworn officers and created additional professional staff positions to provide enhanced customer service to the Hayward community, McAdoo said.
McAdoo said the city recently received an anonymous letter making allegations about Stuart's administration of the Police Department so she initiated an internal investigation in accordance with state law.
State law protects the privacy of personnel information for all law enforcement officials so more information about the allegations was not being released, McAdoo said.
She said that at this time, Stuart has not seen the investigation.
McAdoo said Stuart's decision to retire immediately moves up her planned retirement by about four months.
She said she and Stuart "believe it is in the best interest of the men and women of the Hayward Police Department, as well as to the community she has served, to retire at this time and allow the department and community to move forward."
McAdoo, who became city manager on Aug. 1, said, "Chief Stuart has dedicated over 30 years of her life to providing for the safety of her respective communities. Chief Stuart's only interest is to ensure that members of her department are able to continue serving the Hayward and without the unfortunate distractions of the last few months."
Capt. Mark Koller took over as acting chief after Stuart was placed on leave.
YOU’VE DONE YOURSELF PROUD, DARRELL…
Kids and Cops Go Shopping Together in San Jose
Around the Valley with Sal Pizarro
Mercury News — Dec. 9, 2016
The Target on Coleman Avenue in San Jose had to be the safest place to be in the Bay Area on Thursday morning — and it was also the most heartwarming place to be. That’s because more than 100 law enforcement officers from 22 agencies — including the FBI, DEA and San Jose Police Department — were paired up with kids for a morning holiday shopping spree.
Shop With a Cop Silicon Valley President Darrell Cortez, a retired SJPD officer himself, said the event was the biggest one they’ve had so far. “We have grown exponentially in the past nine years,” Cortez said. “The officers here, I like to call them, ‘Badges of Mass Compassion.’ They are truly the heroes in our society, and they’re here to give back.” Seventy of the elementary school students who got to roam the aisles Thursday with a police escort and a Target gift card earned their way to the “Heroes and Helpers” event through a literacy program. The other 30 are from families that have suffered a parental loss from domestic violence or another homicide. Several police chiefs — including San Jose Chief Eddie Garcia— were among the officers pushing shopping carts, and the San Mateo County Sheriffs Department was a new agency that came on board this year.
The kids were treated to a breakfast event at SAP Center and then joined a law enforcement convoy to the Target store, where they were greeted by more officers, dozens of volunteers and as mascots Q from the San Jose Earthquakes, Frenzy from the San Jose Barracuda hockey team and Bullseye, Target’s dog mascot.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
The Case of the Frozen Crabs
From our July 2011 Archives comes this story about the lawyer who boarded an airplane in New Orleans bound for New York with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
When the flight attendant took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, the lawyer told her in a very haughty manner that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen and proceeded to rant about what would happen if she allowed them to thaw out. She was annoyed by the lawyer's behavior, but didn't say anything.
Shortly before arriving in New York, the flight attendant made the pre-landing announcement to the passengers over the cabin intercom. Then, after a short pause, she said, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
After the plane landed and all of the passengers had departed the aircraft, the frozen crabs were still in the crew's refrigerator, so the flight attendant took them home and enjoyed a couple of delicious meals.
There are two lessons here: 1) Lawyers aren't as smart as they often think they are, and 2) Stereotyping blondes as being less than smart is often a mistake.
• • • • •
for some Groaners?
Received from Alice Murphy
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
Dec. 7 — 14
Dec. 7: On the “Today” show this morning, Time magazine announced that Donald Trump is the Person of the Year. Then Al Roker said, “Now let’s check out the protests happening in YOUR neck of the woods!”
There are reports that Trump will be getting a Goldendoodle puppy when he takes office. To teach it how to beg and roll over, they actually brought in Mitt Romney.
A real estate agency that sells apartments inside Trump Tower is advertising the new 24-hour presence of Secret Service agents as a, quote, “new amenity.” While they’re advertising the eggs that hit your windows as “free grocery delivery.”
Yesterday, Chinese state media called Donald Trump a “diplomatic rookie” who has an “inability to keep his mouth shut.” Or as Trump reported it, “They just called me young and outgoing! Thank you CHY-na!”
Starbucks is planning to open Italian bakeries in New York City and Chicago that will serve pizza. Good, because if there’s anywhere you can’t get a good slice of pizza, it’s NEW YORK CITY AND CHICAGO.
Dec. 8: This weekend is SantaCon, which is the annual bar crawl where people dress up like Santa Claus for a day of drinking. That’s right, a drunken bar crawl wearing a Santa suit, or as the real Santa calls that — December 26.
A growing trend among families is giving their kids a few small presents ahead of Christmas to break up the tension of getting everything on Christmas Day. They actually have an interesting name for this — Hanukkah.
I heard that putting cinnamon and nutmeg into your baked goods for the holidays can actually reduce stress. Then certain other people were like, “I know something else you can put in your baked goods. Marijuana, dude!”
David and Victoria Beckham’s 11-year-old son Cruz just released his first single, called “If Every Day Was Christmas.” I’m pretty sure if you’re the son of David and Victoria Beckham, every day is Christmas. “I have my own butler and I’m quite good looking. Merry Christmas. I own a stadium.” I can’t relate to that song.
Dec. 12: Bryan Cranston is on the show tonight. He is starring in the new movie “Why Him?” And believe it or not, it’s actually not about the election.
According to The Washington Post, the CIA found that Russia interfered in the election to help Donald Trump win the presidency. Experts say this is the biggest scandal America’s faced for decades, and the biggest scandal Trump’s faced since Friday.
Of course, Russia faced several obstacles in helping Trump win — namely Trump.
The Better Business Bureau just released a list of the top 10 holiday scams to avoid. And get this, the list only cost me $200.
The Hallmark Channel is coming under fire for having mostly white actors as the stars of their Christmas movies. Then Hallmark said, “That’s not true. None of the actors in our movies are stars.”
Dec. 13: This morning, Kanye West actually showed up to meet with Donald Trump at Trump Tower. People were shocked — they didn’t expect those two to meet until the first presidential debate in 2020.
Trump announced he’s nominating Exxon Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson to be his secretary of state, even though Rex supposedly has a friendly relationship with Vladimir Putin. Today, Rex said, “Putin and I aren’t friends,” while Putin said, “That’s SO something Rex would say.”
Apple just said its new “AirPod” wireless earbuds WOULD be available, after reports that they wouldn’t be ready for the holidays. When asked what happened, Apple said, “We finally found them behind the couch cushions.”
After two seasons, Netflix has canceled its series “Marco Polo.” They ended “Marco Polo” the way everyone does — by getting out of the pool and not telling the other person.
Researchers at Cornell University have invented a soft robot hand that can touch fragile items and even sense their shape and texture. When asked what they’ve used the hand for, researchers said, “That’s not important!”
Dec. 7: Pope Francis has warned the media to stop spreading false information. Or as the media reported it, “World’s Top Rabbi Says ‘Keep Up the Good Work!’”
Donald Trump said he has asked President Obama to help recommend some of his appointments. Obama said fine, and recommended Hillary Clinton for president.
Donald Trump has been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year. When he found out, Trump said, “That’s all I ever really wanted,” and then he quit public life, never to be heard from again.
A fraternity at Hofstra University is in trouble for a hazing ritual that included putting hot sauce on a pledge’s genitals. The hot sauce was so hot that the guy is now pledging a sorority.
Dec. 8: For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has been named Forbes magazine’s Most Overpaid Actor. After hearing this, Nicolas Cage said, “What do I have to do?”
Starbucks has come out with a new Frappuccino that’s named after Pokémon Go. They’re saying it has “the taste of something you lost interest in around September.”
For his secretary of labor, President-elect Trump has picked an executive from the fast food restaurants Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Afterwards, Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach.
Everyone’s OK, but this morning, a 6.5-magnitude earthquake hit California’s prime marijuana-growing county. Authorities swept the area, urging residents to remain even calmer.
Donald Trump’s campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said she cannot take a position in the Trump administration because she has four young children. She said, “This would mean taking care of one more.”
Dec. 13: Mitt Romney tweeted that it was “an honor” to be considered for secretary of state. Romney then tweeted, “Oh, and has anyone seen my dignity?”
A friend of Donald Trump’s said that Trump dangled the office of secretary of state to Mitt Romney to “torture him.” You can watch the whole thing in the new series “White Billionaire Pranks.”
Today, Donald Trump met with Kanye West. It’s always cool when two future presidents hang out.
A NASA scientist has warned that Earth is unprepared for a surprise asteroid hit, and said, “There’s not a hell of a lot we can do about it.” So, ladies and gentlemen, happy holidays!
Donald Trump’s pick for secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, was once the president of the Boy Scouts of America. Or as Donald Trump calls that, “government experience.”
A flight attendant has pled guilty to smuggling 60 pounds of cocaine in her carry-on bag. People got suspicious when her safety lecture went on for four hours.
A new lawsuit claims that Uber employees use passenger data to stalk celebrities. When I called to complain, Uber said, “Don’t worry, Conan, we didn’t mean you.”
Dec. 7: Ladies and gentlemen, he did it. He won again. Donald Trump has just been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2016. The shocking thing about this is that Time magazine thinks Trump is a person.
The editors of Time magazine voted to make Donald Trump Person of the Year, although to be fair, 2.7 million more editors voted for Hillary Clinton, but the editors from Florida get more votes than editors from Rhode Island. It’s complicated.
Time’s Person of the Year is quite an honor, unless you are named in the year when Zika broke out; the Earth was the hottest it has ever been; Muhammad Ali, Prince, and David Bowie died; Syria exploded; Brexit happened; and oh, Donald Trump was elected president. Congratulations! You are the face of the worst year ever.
Dec. 8: It’s that time of year when people like to cozy up next to their loved ones near the fire — until Sunday, that is, because according to a recent study of social media, Dec. 11 is the day when are you most likely to be dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Great, just another thing to put on your list of things to do for the holidays. “Let’s see — shopping’s done, presents are wrapped, what’s left? Oh, yeah! Mark, we need to talk.”
But you know why people do this? They’re going to the mall to buy a present, circling the parking lot a couple of times looking for a spot and thinking, “Oh, I’m just going to break up with her.” Either that or these breakups are happening after conversations like “I can’t wait for you to meet my dad. He is a little overprotective but he is so excited to show you his gun collection.”
Why not simplify your holiday season? Combine the breakup with the Christmas gift. “So I hope you like what I got you, it’s a Match.com membership.”
Dec. 12: There are reports that Donald Trump has been meeting with Mark Burnett, the creator of “The Apprentice,” to plan next month’s inauguration ceremony. If Omarosa swears this guy in, I’m moving back to England.
Is the whole thing going to be reality show-themed? Instead of Trump putting his hand on the Bible, the chief justice of the Supreme Court is just going to hand him a rose.
In other news, a restaurant just opened in the Kurdistan region of Iraq. It’s called Trump Fish, and it’s a fish restaurant with an unauthorized Donald Trump logo. They stole Trump’s face and name. Should be fine, Donald Trump never sues anyone.
Dec. 13: There are only 11 shopping days left until Christmas, and only 37 shopping days to fill your doomsday bunker with canned goods before Trump becomes the president.
Donald Trump has continued to make more surprising appointments in his cabinet. This morning, Trump chose the CEO of Exxon Mobil, Rex Tillerson, as his secretary of state. Because, you know, when you think responsible, ethical and trustworthy, you think Exxon Mobil.
The big story today was Trump’s meeting with Kanye West. The two met in Trump’s apartment and then took photos and answered questions in the lobby. When asked what they talked about, Trump had kind of a weird answer: “We’re just friends.” Just friends? What happened up in that apartment?
What could these two have to talk about? I can’t think of anything they could possibly have in common. They’re completely, totally different people from two different worlds. I mean, Trump goes on these crazy Twitter rants at 3:00 a.m. and Kanye — well, he also does that all the time.
But one of them famously appears on a huge reality show and the other one — OK, yes, he was also on a huge reality show.
One of them is constantly claiming that awards shows are rigged and the other — OK, that’s also a bad example.
When Kanye said he was running for president, we all dismissed it as a silly joke. But when Trump said he was running for — dammit!
Dec. 7: Time magazine has named their Person of the Year. It’s none other than President-elect Donald Trump. He is the Person of the Year. Which is a big deal because this might be one of our last years.
Trump won in spite of losing in Time’s online poll to Hillary Clinton. Can she win anything? Really, Hillary’s now just hoping to win a mug that says “World’s Best Grandma.”
I do want to distinguish, it doesn’t necessarily mean BEST Person of the Year, it’s just Person of the Year, although don’t tell Donald Trump that.
He did interviews about this, he said it was a very, very great honor and Time is a very important magazine. I think he’s more excited about this than being president, to be honest.
Some of the people of the year include Gandhi, Stalin, Churchill, Nixon, Putin, Obama, and Hitler. So Trump is definitely fitting in there — you decide where he fits in for yourself.
So anyway, congratulations to Donald Trump, and to the photographer who got him to sit still and not tweet for 30 seconds. That’s the guy who should be Person of the Year this year.
Dec. 8: Christmas is coming. Yes, I do mean that as a threat. Christmas is that magical time of the year when Mariah Carey makes a billion dollars in residuals in two weeks. It is a good song, but I mean, really.
Congratulations to Mick Jagger, who just became the father of a baby boy. His eighth child. His oldest child is 46 years old. Mick Jagger himself is 73 years old. They say the baby looks just look his dad, all wrinkly.
According to a statement from his publicist, Mick was at the hospital for the arrival. I like that they had him “for the arrival.” He is 73, he could have been at the hospital for a lot of reasons.
Hillary Clinton made her first public appearance on Capitol Hill since that whole election thing today. She was in town to honor outgoing Nevada Sen. Harry Reid and, what an impression. She showed up in black leather from head to toe, like Olivia Newton-John in the final scene of “Grease.” Incredible.
Dec. 12: The CIA says they believe that Russian hackers interfered with our elections, specifically to help Donald Trump win. But Trump says that’s ridiculous — there’s no way to know if the hackers were from Russia or China or some guy sitting on a bed someplace.
Nonetheless, a bipartisan group, including Republican Sens. John McCain and Mitch McConnell, are calling for an investigation, and Trump does not like that at all. He refuses to point a finger at Russia. Why would he? He’ll be up for re-election in four years, he might need them again.
Some people are saying we should vote all over again. Which, this election, is like the killer in a horror movie — just when you think it’s over, he pops up in the back seat, it’s going to get you again.
Dec. 13: Donald Trump met with Kanye West today — what an amazing thing to see. Our next two presidents side by side.
Kanye tweeted, “It’s important to have a direct line of communication with our future president if we truly want change.” Yeah, that’s great for you, but what about us?
Kanye needs to stay close to Donald Trump because at this point he’s the only person who can afford to buy his sneakers.
On Twitter Trump announced his nominee for secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, CEO of a small mom-and-pop business called Exxon Mobil. He announced he’s changing his slogan from “drain the swamp” to “fill ’er up!”
These cabinet appointments are something else. I can’t wait to see who he picks to actually be president of this country.
Dec. 7: Donald Trump was named Time magazine’s 2016 Person of the Year this morning. While Hillary Clinton was named runner-up. And when she heard, Hillary hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark.
Donald Trump is reportedly considering arriving at his inauguration by helicopter, and so is Chris Christie. “Take me with you! I can’t go back to New Jersey!”
Former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski said today that Donald Trump’s presidency will make it OK for people to say “Merry Christmas” again. Corey, we’ve always been allowed to say “Merry Christmas,” it’s just no one says it to you.
Donald Trump said today that he doesn’t believe that Russia interfered with his election in any way. Well, technically all he said was, “Nyet.”
Facebook has filed a patent on a system to automatically identify and remove posts containing fake news, and just after the nick of time.
Dec. 8: Donald Trump this weekend will give his first Sunday morning news interview since the election, and it’s a big sacrifice for him because Sunday morning is usually when he tweets about “Saturday Night Live.”
During Trump’s Sunday morning news interview, he is expected to discuss the agenda for his first 100 days in office. Trump was like, “Wait, I have to be president for a hundred days?”
Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway told reporters today that Donald Trump is a huge Elton John fan. “That can be cured,” said Mike Pence.
Donald Trump’s team is reportedly desperate for an A-list celebrity to perform at his inauguration, with one official saying they can “do better than Kid Rock.” Besides, Kid Rock is going to be too busy with his new job as secretary of state.
Dec. 12: Organizers have announced that Donald Trump will attend two inaugural balls during his first week in office. One in Washington, D.C., and then, of course, the real one in Moscow.
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid recently said in an interview that Donald Trump is “not as bad as I thought he would be.” Geez buddy, how low were your expectations?
Harry Reid is the guy that gets a rat in his bucket at KFC and says, “Well, they’re trying their best.”
Hillary Clinton gave a speech last week criticizing the epidemic of fake news being spread … or maybe she didn’t.
China’s highest court ruled last week that Michael Jordan owns the rights to his name in Chinese characters. “I thought that meant ‘bravery,’” said a girl with a lower back tattoo.
Dec. 13: Kanye West met with Donald Trump at Trump Tower today. No word on what they interrupted each other about.
Jeb Bush told reporters today that he does not think Russia “influenced” the election. And if anybody knows about not influencing elections, it’s Jeb Bush.
Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry has been named Donald Trump’s pick for secretary of energy. And I have to say, he is the most qualified candidate from that particular season of “Dancing with the Stars.”
Rudy Giuliani said today that he had “too much going on” to accept a cabinet appointment from Donald Trump. Added Giuliani, “These pigeons aren’t gonna yell at themselves!”
Dec. 8: Check one’s calendar because right now we are 43 days from the inauguration, and Donald Trump continues to fill out his Cabinet. Watching Trump pick these people is like watching your Nana get a sponge bath — you know it has to be done, but it’s upsetting.
Yesterday, Trump named Scott Pruitt, Oklahoma attorney general and sworn enemy of the EPA, to be the head of the — what’s the word? — the EPA. I would change my phone number, or else he’s going to get some pretty angry calls from himself.
There is a trend of Trump appointing people to head things they’re against. I’m looking forward to Surgeon General Joe Camel.
So, what kind of EPA head will Pruitt be? Well, he’s repeatedly explained that he thinks the states are in the best position to regulate local industries. Makes sense. If Missouri dumps chemicals into the Mississippi River, they just tell those chemicals, “Remember, you stop at the Arkansas state line.”
Dec. 13: This morning, the president-elect met at Trump Tower with Kanye West. You can tell it was a high-powered meeting because Kanye wore his formal sweat suit.
Obviously, it’s a security risk gathering the two most powerful American narcissists in the same room. Just for security reasons, they had to keep Shia LeBeouf in an undisclosed location for continuity of government.
They ended their meeting with a bro hug in front of the cameras. I heard these two are going to drop an album together. It’s called “The Deportation of Pablo.”
Today Donald Trump chose Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobil CEO, as his secretary of state. I assume from now on, all gas stations are official U.S. embassies, which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim.
Tillerson is an interesting pick. For one thing, he’s an oil main who believes in climate change. Well, of course he believes in it! He’s from Exxon — he INVENTED it. It’s pride of ownership. It’s his baby!
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
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Many of the clips we have offered over the years deserve a second look, and Stan Miller felt this one qualified. The similarities between this Italian school lunch are far different than those here in the U.S., even those at private schools. Have a LOOK and focus on the kids’ faces. (3:31)
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This is another dog rescue video, but this one by “Rescue from the Hart” has an unusual happy ending. Click HERE and see if you don’t agree. (3:26)
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Talk about being in tip-top condition, how these kids can keep up this form of dancing as long as they do is a testament to their stamina, and it’s also a lot of fun to watch. Have a look at THIS clip from Alice Murphy. (3:41)
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Those of you who have followed the amazing driving of Ken Block should enjoy this video sent in by Les Nunes. It was just posted on YouTube and features the “King of Drifting” showing a guest the sites of London, Block style. For a virtual thrill, pull on a pair of DEPENDS, fasten your seatbelt and hold on. (10:12)
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Lady Luck was obviously riding with this drag racer in his ’55 Chevy on THIS day. Watch what happens. (2:26)
If you are going to go drag racing, you may want to choose the same year and make of car. Nine years ago at the Baylands Drag Strip in Fremont another racer in a ’55 Chevy flirted with death when he was ejected in THIS crash. (2:44)
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Fed up with the Bay Area’s traffic congestion? Focus on this video for a few minutes and you might count your blessings that it’s not worse than it is. What we found interesting about THIS clip is that there were no apparent accidents or mishaps that we could see. (7:35)
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With over 8 million views since March of 2010, we can’t understand why we haven’t passed on this clip from Joanne MacDougall’s husband Don before now. Whatever the case, think about what politics was like six years ago and click HERE for a memory check. (4:50)
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We heard through the grapevine that the Mexican government is engaged in an all-out effort to prepare its citizens for Trump's wall that, in his words, will help "make America great again!" Here is some spy footage that made it back to our Farsider compound. (With millions of people practicing, the surveillance VIDEO goes on and on, so you will have to stop the video yourself.)
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Spoiler Alert: Are (or were) you a fan of Pawn Stars that airs on the History Channel? If you replied in the affirmative, do not watch THIS clip. (3:40)
On a related topic, HERE is a video clip about Chumlee, who plays the role of — for lack of a better description — an idiot savant on the Pawn Stars reality show. (5:06)
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Give our neighbors to the north credit for coming up with a catchy beer commercial, even if it does point out that the Canadians have bigger balls and a longer field. The CLIP was received from Alice Murphy. (3:02)
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For our final item this week we’re returning to the National Air and Space Museum for a surprise (flash mob) Christmas concert by the U.S. Air Force Band. Clicking HERE will get you inside the famous museum. (6:23)
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Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 12/15/16
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve