The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
CONDOLENCES TO LARRY OTTER AND HIS FAMILY
Retired Capt. Larry Otter lost his wife of 65 years on Nov. 14th. This is the obituary that appeared in the Mercury News last Friday…
3/22/1930 - 11/14/2017
Resident of San Jose
Beverly was born on Mar. 22, 1930 in Oakland, CA to her parents, Ira and Signe Clift. It was during the depression. Ira was in construction, so they moved where the job was. He finally was hired at the Mare Island Naval Shipyard in Vallejo, so the family moved to Napa where she spent the rest of her youth on a small farm. During her high school days, she became a Worthy Advisor in Rainbow Girls. Following high school, she enrolled in San Jose State College where she met Larry. He worked in the kitchen where she lived with 91 other coeds. He chose her! They were married on June 21, 1952 and enjoyed 65 years of marital bliss.
She was predeceased by her parents and younger sister Marilyn. She is survived by her husband Lorrence (Larry), Son Marshall (Jennifer Hops), Daughters Jenny and Amy (Ron Sgarlato), Granddaughters Rachelle Sgarlato, Haley and Katrina Totten, Sarah Pierini (Brian), Grandsons Zane and Troy, Great-Grandsons Giovanni, and Campbell, Great-Granddaughter Kylah, her sisters husband Guy and the Miller Children.
Beverly was a true Democrat and a life member of AAUW. She believed in human kindness and love for all. She was warmly loved by friends, neighbors, family, and especially her devoted husband Larry.
Beverly enjoyed good health until just a few years ago except being a breast cancer survivor for 22 years. Recently, she suffered from various maladies until her passing. She is now “Up there, Sitting on the bench, saving a seat for Larry.”
Larry’s email address is <firstname.lastname@example.org> for those of you who would like to express your sympathies to the retired Capt.
RETIRED OFFICER JOHN KREGEL
I was visiting my uncle last week who lives in a care home in Pleasanton. I was informed that retired SJPD Officer John Kregel had just moved in. John had a stroke a few years ago and is unable to speak. I left word for his son Mark to let me know if it was alright to tell his friends of his father’s situation and he gave me the okay.
John is staying at Juliet's Care Home, 3305 Hudson Ct., Pleasanton, CA 94588. Phone: 925-417-7301. I have visited John a few times. He smiles and shakes his head, but I am not sure how much he understands.
Phil Alfano <email@example.com>
GEORGE SACHTLEBEN REMEMBERED
Mike O’Connor posted the following text and photo on Ivan Comelli’s Vintage San Jose Police Facebook page this past Sunday…
Visited George’s grave in Arlington yesterday and posted to my own FB account. I thought my other favorite group would value this too. George was a real American Hero.
Among the many positive comments made by other SJPD personnel who knew George, Jeff Munks posted:
“A gracious and good man. If you have not seen the Arlington National Cemetery video of his service, you can do so HERE:"
And Jim Howes posted THIS link that detailed the action in Vietnam that resulted in George being awarded the Silver Star:
~ ~ ~
Photo from the 1983
SJPD Commemorative Album
The following is from the Sept. 18, 2014 Farsider…
received the following message on Monday of this week and forwarded it to us:
This is Karl Sachtleben, George’s son. I regret to inform you that George passed away last night in his sleep at his house in Eureka CA. His sister Sue, her daughter Lisa, and I were with him.
He was doing pretty well until about a week ago and then he deteriorated quickly. He told us not to feel bad, that he was ready to go and that he was not scared. He wants to be remembered as a brave Marine, and he was brave.
Jack added the following:
George was a decorated Marine Corps Officer who served in Vietnam before becoming a police officer. He was very proud of his service in both the Corps and our Department. He was hired by the SJPD on November 1, 1971 after coming from a department on the peninsula where he had worked for several years.
During his tenure with the SJPD George was assigned to Patrol, K9, Merge, FTO, SAIU and Night Detectives. He worked several of these assignments as both and Officer and a Sergeant.
After leaving our department early, he purchased a lakeside resort in northern Michigan before returning to California later and making his home in Eureka. He enjoyed training and working with his search and rescue dogs and drove all the way to Placer County to work with us on the search for Christie Wilson, Pat and Debbie Boyd's daughter who was the victim of a homicide.
George was solid and true and will be missed by his many friends.
Jack (Baxter) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
—Holiday Open House being held today from 4:00 to 10:00 p.m.—
Food and beverages will be provided, and this will be a great opportunity to bring a new, unwrapped toy to place in the red 55-gallon drum we have out to collect toys for Blue Christmas.
The First Annual SJPOA Blue Christmas is in full force! Yesterday Officer Roberto Plamenco, Officer JJ Vallejo, Officer Nick Byrd and K-9 Bravo, Officer Gary Garrison, Chaplain Bryan, and I had the privilege of going out Ledesma and Stipe Elementary Schools to spread the Christmas Spirit to some needy kids that were identified by their teachers and the officers.
The children were pleasantly surprised and seeing the smiles on their faces when they were given the presents by the officers was priceless. The staff at both schools were also very appreciative of our efforts.
To the officers working the streets, please let us know if you have a child or children in mind that can use the extra Christmas cheer by emailing <email@example.com>. We are still collecting new, unwrapped toys in red 55-gallon drums at the following locations:
• San Jose Police Officers' Association
• San Jose Police Department PAB - Jane's Kitchen 2nd floor and BOI 3rd floor
• San Jose Police Department PAC - elevator lobby entrance and 4th floor communications
• San Jose Police Department Substation
• Santa Clara County District Attorney's Office
• San Jose City Hall
Below are some pictures from yesterday.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Good news came forth from the I.A. column in last Sunday’s Mercury News…
Jose Cops’ New Whirlybird
Mercury News — Dec. 10, 2017
SJPD is finally getting to the chopper.
After a multiyear odyssey which included the grounding of the air unit due to budget cuts and a Justice Department audit accusing the city of inappropriately stockpiling federal funds for a chopper buy that hadn’t happened, a shiny new helicopter appears to now be in the works.
From Google Images
For real this time: On Tuesday, the San Jose City Council unanimously approved $5.2 million in funding for the purchase of an H125 helicopter from Texas-based Airbus Helicopters. The new aircraft will replace the current “Air2” unit, an Airbus EC120B that has been in use for about 16 years, which is nearly twice its recommended life span.
Part of that stems from the fact that nearly every year since 2010, the department budgeted funds to buy a new chopper, but saw those plans derailed for a myriad of reasons. That included the suspension of the helicopter unit in 2011 for austerity purposes.
That indecision was part of what drew the wrath of the Justice Department, which released an audit earlier this year chiding SJPD for sloppy bookkeeping with “equitable sharing revenue” the police agency earned from federal asset forfeitures. In essence, the department was found to be sitting on hundreds of thousands of related funds that were meant to be spent expeditiously.
In a report presented Tuesday, those federal funds are expected to account for nearly $3.5 million of the total helicopter cost.
The hefty price tag for the new helicopter breaks down to a $3 million base price, plus about $2.2 million in modifications to make it police-ready, including a spotlight, infrared and low-light cameras, and an array of radios, computers and other tactical gear. That’s not including a $500,000 sales tax bill.
With a more reliable and powerful helicopter in the Airbus H125, the four pilots on the force — who are all sworn officers — will once again be able to take to the skies more often, and for longer stretches. There is also room for four passengers in addition to the two requisite co-pilots for each flight, where only one additional person could fit on the old unit.
“We can transport people in times of emergency,” SJPD special-operations Capt. Loyd Kinsworthy said. “We can extend our flight times. It will go back to flying seven days a week.”
All things considered, the pending purchase — officials expect a 4- to 6-month delivery time — is welcome news to Kinsworthy’s unit, which has been stretching the old helicopter by limiting its air time and shelling out for more frequent and expensive repairs. The Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Office and California Highway Patrol have lent air support to the city to fill in the gaps.
“We’ve gone well beyond the typical life span for Air2,” Kinsworthy said. “A helicopter is such a valuable tool. It was definitely needed.”
Ed. — This is a follow-up to last week’s Mail Call item sent in by Dave Walker that included an article headlined: “VA Study Shows Parasite from Vietnam May Be Killing Vets.”
I received this today from the VA in response to my formal request to be tested by the VA for liver flukes. As a point of reference, I was part of the original group to be tested for Agent Orange exposure years ago. At that time the VA's official position was that Agent Orange was a benign herbicide that had caused no known illnesses. As we know today that was a blatant lie and coverup for the many illnesses caused by Agent Orange.
The following has been copied without any form of editing and you have my full permission to reprint any part of or all as you see fit.
Thank you for getting the word out!
Dave (Walker) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Because of the length of the VA doctor’s response, we converted his reply to a .pdf file. To read the letter click HERE.
• • • • •
Les Nunes is aware that I was something of a car freak in my youth. In fact, I could sometimes be found at the Fremont drag strip in the late 1950s during the Hank Vincent “Top Banana” top-fuel dragster days. Unlike Les, however, I eventually got over what Tom Cruise once described as a “need for speed.”
The quality of this video isn’t the best because it was being shot into the sun. This was during practice runs preceding our annual Father's Day event here in Columbia this year. In my '69 Vette, I was racing a buddy in his '57 Chevy gasser with a 383 stroker, open headers, a 150 shot of nitrous, and 4.56 gears. There were probably 15-20 guys watching and none of them gave my poor little street Vette with 3.55 gears a chance in hell. Actually, neither did I. It turned out to be the best race I've ever been in. He pulled me off the line but I caught and passed him in 2nd gear. He hung in with his front bumper either at my back bumper or at my door the whole way down but could never catch me. He wasn't happy, but I was ;)
Les (Nunes) <email@example.com>
Readers can click HERE to watch Les race the nitrous-powered ’57 Chevy down the quarter mile track.
• • • • •
The Concealed Carry Reciprocity Act of 2017
With all the other political news dominating the media you may have missed this news item from last week. A bill named The Concealed Carry Reciprocity Act of 2017 was passed by the U.S. House of Representatives mostly along party lines. The NRA had declared the introduction and passage of this bill as its top legislative priority for the year. The legislation now moves on to the Senate.
The Act allows a person with a concealed carry permit issued by any state in the union to carry a concealed firearm (other than a machine gun or destructive device) in all other states, as well as all federally own land such as national parks. State and federal law enforcement officers must honor these permits regardless of any variances between states in their permitting processes, eligibility requirements and qualification standards. Click HERE
There are a great number of differences between states as to their laws related to carrying a concealed weapon and the permitting process a person needs to go through to get a carry permit. Twelve states do not even require a CCW permit for an adult to legally carry a concealed weapon in public. Nineteen states do not require applicants to attend a class or pass a test to demonstrate their knowledge of firearm use and safety measures. Twenty-nine states do not require live fire training and twenty-three states have no prohibition against a person who has been convicted of misdemeanor crimes of violence from obtaining a permit. In eleven states, nonviolent felons have automatic restoration of their gun rights upon their release from prison. The age requirement for obtaining a permit also varies.
Supporters say the legislation will protect the fundamental right of citizens to keep and bear arms that should not end at the state line. It ensures that law-abiding citizens do not lose the ability to protect themselves when they travel from state to state. And it will make sure that anti-gun jurisdictions do not harass travelers for exercising their constitutional rights.
Opponents say that the legislation eviscerates state’s rights in establishing who should and should not carry a concealed weapon within their borders and which other states, if any, they want to establish reciprocity agreements with. They point out that this law would allow people to obtain non-residence permits in states with few restrictions for applicants such as Florida, that allows issuance of CCW permits to non-residents through the mail. These permits can then be used by people living in states like California that have much stricter issuing regulations.
Several law enforcement groups including the International Association of Chiefs of Police, Major Cities Chiefs Association, and the Police Executive Research Forum have all also spoken out in opposition to the bill. .
It should be noted that the House added a second, less controversial bill, named Fix NICS Act of 2017 to The Concealed Carry Reciprocity Act of 2017 prior to the floor vote believing this move would increase the probability of its passage. The Fix NICS Act is intended to strengthen tracking within the national background-check database of legal and mental health records that would prevent some gun purchases from happening.
Middle Ground <firstname.lastname@example.org>
DEAL OF THE YEAR FOR PBA MEMBERS — BRING ANOTHER COUPLE OF
YOUR CHOICE TO THE VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER DANCE FOR $25
—Neighbors, Friends, Relatives, Your Choice—
Members: $25 per couple — Second Couple $25
(Maximum of one additional couple per PBA member)
$50 total for luscious Hors d’oeuvres, Open Bar, Wine on the table and Prime Rib & Salmon
Saturday, Feb. 10th
MUST RSVP by, Monday, Feb. 5th, but can pay at the door
Doors open at 6:00 — Dinner at 7:00 — Dancing to 11:00 p.m.
POA Hall, 1151 N. Fourth St.
Hors d'oeuvres aplenty
Entrees: Your choice of Salmon and/or hand-carved Prime Rib
Hosted Bar with Wine on the Tables
Dancing to your kind of music following dinner
Make checks payable to the "SJPBA" and mail to:
P.O. Box 42
San Jose, CA 95103
Or pay at the door with a prior RSVP by Monday, Feb. 5th
SPECIAL LOAN OFFER FOR POLICE & FIRE RETIREES
CARL VINSON — UNSUNG HERO OF THE WAR IN THE PACIFIC
This article from the National Review via Phil Norton caught my eye because it was about a Democratic Congressman who played a significant role in the United States defeating Japan in World War II. It’s a subject that has always interested me…
Harbor and the Legacy of Carl Vinson
by Victor Davis Hanson
December 7, 2017
Admiral William Leahy (left) stands before Rep. Carl Vinson on Capitol Hill in 1938
His monumental contributions to American security are largely unknown to Americans today.
Seventy-six years ago on Dec. 7, 1941, the Imperial Japanese fleet surprise-attacked Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, the home port of the U.S. Pacific Fleet.
Japanese carrier planes killed 2,403 Americans. They sunk or submerged 19 ships (including eight battleships destroyed or disabled) and damaged or destroyed more than 300 planes.
In an amazing feat of seamanship, the huge Japanese carrier fleet had steamed nearly 3,500 miles in midwinter high seas. The armada had refueled more than 20 major ships while observing radio silence before arriving undetected about 220 miles from Hawaii.
The surprise attack started the Pacific War. It was followed a few hours later by a Japanese assault on the Philippines.
More importantly, Pearl Harbor ushered in a new phase of World War II, as the conflict expanded to the Pacific. It became truly a global war when, four days later, Germany and Italy declared war on the United States.
The Japanese fleet had missed the three absent American carriers of the Pacific Fleet. Nonetheless, Japanese admirals were certain that the United States was so crippled after the attack that it would not be able to go on the offensive against the Japanese Pacific empire for years, if at all. Surely the wounded Americans would sue for peace, or at least concentrate on Europe and keep out of the Japanese-held Pacific.
That was a fatal miscalculation.
The Japanese warlords had known little of the tireless efforts of one Democratic congressman from Georgia, Carl Vinson.
For nearly a decade before Pearl Harbor, Vinson had schemed and politicked in brilliant fashion to ensure that America was building a two-ocean navy larger than all the major navies of the world combined.
Vinson had assumed in the mid-1930s that fascist Japan and Germany posed existential threats to the United States. For America to survive, he saw that America would need mastery of the seas to transport its armies across the Pacific and Atlantic.
From 1934 to 1940, Vinson pushed through Congress four major naval appropriations bills. The result was that the U.S. Pacific Fleet, which Japan thought it had almost destroyed in December 1941, was already slated to be replaced by a far larger and updated armada.
A little more than seven months after Pearl Harbor, the USS Essex — the finest carrier in the world — was launched. Essex was the first of 24 such state-of-the-art fleet carriers of its class to be built during the war.
Vinson’s various pre-war naval-construction bills also ensured the launching of hundreds of modern battleships, cruisers, destroyers, and submarines. As bombs fell at Pearl Harbor, ships of the new American fleet were soon to be deployed, under construction, or already authorized.
Vinson’s foresight would save thousands of American lives in the Atlantic and Pacific. American naval power quickly allowed the U.S. to fight a two-front war against Japan, Germany, and Italy.
Vinson, a rural Georgian, was an unlikely advocate of global naval supremacy.
Before World War II, the battleship was still thought to be queen of the seas. Yet Vinson emphasized aircraft carriers over battleships. That decision would result in absolute American naval supremacy of the oceans within two years of the Pearl Harbor attack.
Stranger still, Vinson had fought for naval expansion in the middle of the Great Depression, at a time when the U.S. government was already deeply in debt and poor Americans had no desire for large peacetime defense spending.
Vinson lived in the heart of impoverished rural Georgia, not on the East or West coasts, the traditional homes of U.S. warships. He was elected for 26 straight congressional terms. For 50 years, Vinson insisted on military preparedness, especially through naval power, to ensure deterrence and thereby keep the peace.
Vinson’s remarkable congressional career began in 1914, before the American entry into World War I. He championed a strong Navy during the Depression, World War II, the Korean War, the start of the Vietnam War, and the Cold War before retiring in 1965 at the age of 81.
Prior to Vinson, the U.S. Navy was basically a small coastal patrol force fueled by coal. But as the chairman of House Naval Affairs Committee and later the House Armed Services Committee, Vinson ensured that American sea power — eventually led by behemoth nuclear-powered aircraft carriers (including the USS Carl Vinson) — would win wars and keep the peace through its global reach.
The USS Carl Vinson passes the USS Missouri and USS Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor in 2012.
Vinson would live 16 years beyond retirement, dying at the age of 97 in 1981.
Today, most Americans do not recognize Vinson’s contributions to American security. But the real strategic story of the December 7 attack on Pearl Harbor was that Japan foolishly bombed a mostly obsolete fleet, soon guaranteeing terrible revenge from its far greater and more modern replacement armada — thanks largely to the global visions of a rural Georgia congressman.
Read more at: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/454412/carl-vinson-pearl-harbor-intertwined-legacy
A TIMELY STORY ABOUT COPS
When Leroy posted this story on Facebook’s San Jose cops’ page a few days ago it drew numerous positive comments. But he was the first admit that he wasn’t the author. The story goes back at least 12 years as we ran it as our closing item a few weeks before Christmas in 2005 after it was sent in by the late Art Knopf. The author is unknown. Given the nature of the story, I thought it fitting to include the iconic photo of SJPD Officer George Ozuna that was featured in a full page ad in Time Magazine for a local advertising company back in 1969...
a Cop on Christmas Eve
In 1974 when I first joined the police department, I knew there would be special occasions my family would spend without me. Knowing that fact did not make the task any easier. The celebrations I missed those first years depressed me and sometimes made me feel bitter. Working on Christmas Eve was always the worst. On Christmas Eve in 1977, I learned that blessing can come disguised as misfortune, and honor is more than just a word. I was riding one-man patrol on the 4 -12 shift. The night was cold. Everywhere I looked I saw reminders of the holiday: families packing their cars with presents, beautifully decorated trees in living room windows and roofs adorned with tiny sleighs. It all added to my holiday funk.
The evening had been relatively quiet; there were calls for barking dogs and a residential false burglar alarm. There was nothing to make the night pass any quicker. I thought of my own family and sunk further into depression. Shortly after 2200 hours I got a radio call to the home of a elderly, terminally ill man. I parked my patrol car in front of a simple cape cod style home. First aid kit in hand, I walked up the short path to the front door. As I approached, a woman who seemed to be about 80 years old opened the door. "He is in here," she said, leading me to a back bedroom.
We passed through a living room that was furnished in a style I had come to associate with older people. The sofa had an afghan blanket draped over its back, and a dark, solid Queen Anne chair sat next to an unused fireplace. The mantle was cluttered with an eccentric mix of several photos, some ceramic figurines and an antique clock. A floor lamp provided soft lighting.
We entered a small bedroom where a frail looking man lay in bed with a blanket pulled up to his chin. He wore a blank stare on his ashen, skeletal face. His breathing was shallow and labored. He was barely alive. The trappings of illness were all around his bed. The nightstand was littered with a large number of pill vials. An oxygen bottle stood nearby. Its plastic hose with a face mask attached rested on the blanket.
I asked the old woman why she called the police. She simply shrugged and nodded sadly toward her husband, indicating it was his request. I looked at him and he stared intently into my eyes. He seemed relaxed now. I did not understand the suddenly calm expression on his face.
I looked around the room again. A dresser stood along the wall to the left of the bed. On it was the usual memorabilia: ornate perfume bottles, a white porcelain pin case and a wooden jewelry case. There were also several photos in simple frames. One caught my eye and I walked closer to the dresser for a closer look. The picture showed a young man dressed in a police uniform. It was unmistakably a photo of the man in bed. I knew then why I was there. I looked at the old man and he motioned with his hand toward the side of the bed. I walked over and stood beside him. He slid a thin arm from under the covers and took my hand. Soon, I felt his hand go limp and I looked at his face. There was no fear there. I saw only peace. He knew he was dying; he was aware his time was very near. I know now that he was afraid of what was about to happen, and he wanted the protection of a fellow cop on his journey. A caring God had seen to it that his child would be delivered safely to him. The honor of being his escort fell to me.
When I left at the end of my tour that night, the temperature had seemed to have risen considerably, and all the holiday displays I saw on the way home made me smile. I no longer felt sorry for myself for having to work on Christmas Eve.
I have chosen an honorable profession. I pray that when it is my turn to leave this world there will be a cop there to hold my hand and remind me that I have nothing to fear. I wish all my brothers and sisters who have to work this Christmas Eve all the joy and warmth of the season.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Received from Tom Kalinske
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,” she replied.
“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,” he explained.
“Oh darling, I'm sorry”’ she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”
Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, “What the hell was that for?”
“Your horse phoned!” she replied.
• • • • •
Received from Kerry Smith
Sam called his wife and said in a weak voice, "Hey baby, I was driving to a coffee shop to meet Mary when all of a sudden a stray dog ran out in front of me. I tried to steer left to avoid running it down, but the car skidded out of control, rolled over and almost fell off a cliff. It was hanging nose down. As I feared my impending death, I managed to slowly and gently climb out of the car moments before the car fell over the cliff and crashed a thousand feet below. The gas tank apparently exploded on impact because the car was blown to smithereens. I am in the hospital with two broken legs, a broken jaw, dislocated shoulder and several head injuries.”
There was silence on the phone for a few moments, then the wife asked, “Who’s Mary?”
• • • • •
Will and Testament
Received from Bruce Morton
Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys. He is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes. When all was ready he began to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they were not aware of his extensive holdings. As Doug slipped away, the nurse said, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been a hard-working man to have accumulated all that property."
The wife replied, “He had a paper route!”
• • • • •
At the post office
From the Archives
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
—Funnies for the anti-Trump crowd from the late night talk show hosts—
Dec. 6 — 12
Dec. 6: Time Magazine named its "Person of the Year" this morning and it's the "Silence Breakers" who've reported sexual harassment. They announced it on the "Today" show. Al Roker was like, "Here's a look at the elephant in your neck of the room!"
Following more allegations of sexual harassment, 30 Democratic senators called on Al Franken to resign as senator of Minnesota. But he's already got a backup plan: He's gonna run for senator of Alabama.
None of President Trump's tweets made the list of the year's most retweeted posts. But Trump took the news in stride by creating thousands of Twitter accounts and retweeting himself. "Just a million more to go!"
Vladimir Putin just announced he's seeking re-election. Really? Who's running against him? That's like running for class president when you're home-schooled.
Dec. 7: Al Franken announced he is resigning from the Senate due to sexual harassment allegations. Other senators said he seemed heartfelt, contrite, and dignified and there’s no place for someone like that in the United States Senate.
Prince William said that Prince George just played a sheep in his school’s nativity play. Which raises the question, how rich were the other kids that Prince George wound up playing a sheep?
Mark Zuckerberg announced that he is taking a leave from Facebook to spend more time with his daughters. Like everyone who says they’re leaving Facebook, he’ll come back every hour to see how many likes his announcement got.
Hello Kitty is selling wine for the holidays. So if you’re someone who wants to order some Hello Kitty wine, I’m Chris Hansen from “Dateline.”
Dec. 11: Did you see this? The New York Times says President Trump watches eight hours of TV and drinks 12 Diet Cokes each day. He sounds less like the president and more like a college kid who just got home for winter break.
A family in Florida took their Elf on the Shelf to the ER after their dog tore it apart, and the doctors were able to save it. While the guy in the next room was like, “Don’t worry – my broken leg will just fix itself! You take care of that elf!”
Another season of “The Bachelor” is coming up! I heard that there are four women named Lauren. Everyone had a good laugh — even the eight contestants named Ashley.
Dec. 12: Today was the big Alabama Senate election. And, as promised, Roy Moore rode his horse to the polls. But it got weird when people said, “Can we vote for the horse?”
The horse Roy Moore rode was named Sassy. And what doesn’t say “I’m innocent” like a 70-year-old man riding a horse named Sassy?
Last night Roy Moore's wife tried to defend him against bigotry claims by saying, quote, "One of our attorneys is a Jew." Soooo, happy first night of Hanukkah, everyone!
President Trump was all over Twitter today. And I read that Vladimir Putin gets daily reports of Trump’s tweets. And every day, Putin reads them and says, “My God, what have I done?”
Speaking of tweets, Trump got in a Twitter fight with Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand over his sexual assault allegations. Just this week he insulted a senator, endorsed Roy Moore, and called 20 women liars. It’s like he saw his approval rating was 32 and said, “I bet I can get it under 30 by the weekend.”
Dec. 6: Amazon has now made it possible for you to create a shopping profile for your pet. In fact, today, Vladimir Putin created one for Donald Trump.
In an interview, Senate candidate Roy Moore's spokesperson said his accusers gave "Academy Award performances." Then Moore interrupted and said, "I just wish they'd been Teen Choice Awards."
Time Magazine announced its person of the year today and it is not President Trump. When asked for comment, the White House said, "Shhh, we haven't told him yet. Keep it down! Because he's crazy!"
This morning, Vladimir Putin announced he's going to run for re-election. Then this afternoon, he announced he won.
Dec. 7: Vladimir Putin announced he’s running for reelection as president of Russia. Putin’s campaign slogan is “I Made America Great Again.”
First lady Melania Trump and second lady Karen Pence visited Texas. Melania was overheard saying, “We’re near the border, let’s make a run for it.”
Ireland will be collecting $15 billion from Apple in a settlement over back taxes. Ireland will receive the money on Friday, and Guinness will have it all by Monday.
A New York woman is suing her surgeon claiming he was on his cell phone during her operation. In response, the doctor said, “For your information, I was Googling ‘how to perform surgery.’”
Amazon is now making it possible to create a shopping profile for your cat. Yeah, all you have to do is go to Amazon and type in “I am single.”
Dec. 11: There was an article over the weekend that revealed that Donald Trump spends between four and eight hours a day watching television . . . A day! Speaking as someone who hosts a television show, that is too much TV.
I don't want to say Trump watches too much TV, but he just asked Congress for a $10 million budget increase for the NCIS team.
According to the same article, President Trump drinks 12 cans of Diet Coke a day. So he spends four to eight hours watching TV, and at least five to 10 hours walking back and forth from the bathroom.
Even the Wolf of Wall Street was like, “Dude, that’s a lot of Coke.”
Has everyone been following this big Senate race in Alabama involving Roy Moore and all of the allegations against him? Well, the election is tomorrow and the race is so tight that Barack Obama has been making robo-calls in favor of the Democratic candidate Doug Jones. I don't want to be pessimistic, but if you're a Republican in Alabama voting for Roy Moore, the one thing that's not going to change your mind is a phone call from Barack Obama.
Dec. 12: (Harry Styles Subbed for James Corden) You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight, and, yes, you’re right, Donald Trump finally got tired of all of James’ jokes and deported him back to England.
Just a half an hour ago, James and his wife, Jules, had a beautiful baby girl! In fact, I was just at the hospital before I came to fill in, and she looks a lot like James — mostly because James already looks like a giant baby.
Yesterday President Trump announced that he wants to send astronauts back to the moon for the first time in 45 years. And then the president was startled when Melania yelled, “I’ll go!”
In the past three months, airlines earned a record $1.2 billion just in baggage fees! But, I should say, they only received half of the money. The airlines lost the other half. They think it might be in Cleveland or Omaha — they’re not quite sure yet.
Dec. 6: President Trump today instructed the State Department to develop a plan to relocate the U.S. embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. And Melania has developed a plan to relocate herself from D.C. back to New York.
Towards the end of the speech on Israel today, President Trump began to slur his words, leading some to speculate that he may have been wearing dentures. But the White House insists that it's nothing unusual and that most of his words are slurs.
I can't believe both our first and our last president had fake teeth. Or as Trump calls dentures, "fake chews."
Thirty-two Democratic senators have now called on Sen. Al Franken to step aside after another woman accused him of sexual misconduct. Also stepping aside: women when they see Al Franken coming.
Dec. 7: President Trump today hosted a Hanukkah reception at the White House. Trump loves Hanukkah, because no matter how he spells it, it’s probably right.
According to the New York Post, host Matt Lauer plans to disappear, play golf, and stay in the Hamptons after being fired. You hear that, Donald? If you let us fire you for sexual harassment, your life will be exactly the same.
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders responded to speculation about President Trump slurring his speech on Jerusalem yesterday, and said his throat was dry, and not, as we thought, completely missing.
Dec. 11: The Alabama special election for the Senate is tomorrow between Doug Jones of the Democratic Party, and Roy Moore who is not allowed at parties.
According to The New York Times, President Trump sometimes watches MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” because it fires him up for the day. It’s the same reason he watches Dora the Explorer. “Why doesn't she give me more time to answer? I knew where the key was, it was just so fast.”
The New York Times also said there is a rule in the White House that no one is allowed to touch the TV remote except President Trump, and the technical support staff, and I know that sounds insane, but, remember, that’s literally the only rule.
A former Facebook executive recently said that he feels tremendous guilt about helping to create the company, while the creator of Tinder said, “I feel nothing.”
According to a Gallup poll, 80 percent of Russians approve of Vladimir Putin’s leadership, while the other 20 percent are missing.
Dec. 12: Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore rode his horse to go vote in the special election. Because when Roy Moore is choosing a mode of transportation, he always asks himself, “What do 14-year-old girls like?”
Former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon said at a campaign rally yesterday that there was a “special place in hell” for Republicans who didn’t support Roy Moore. A special place? Is it the exit?
Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer announced yesterday that he is writing a book about his time at the White House called “The Briefing.” Not to be confused with Anthony Scaramucci’s book about his time at the White House called “The Briefest.”
Arby’s is currently testing a new sandwich called “The Arbynator” that features roast beef, curly fries, and both cheese and honey sauces. They named it after the Terminator because it’s the only sandwich that will make you want to go back in time and stop yourself from eating it.
Dec. 7: Yesterday, we finally got congressional testimony from Donald Trump Jr. His grilling by the House Intelligence Committee lasted roughly eight hours, making it the first time a Trump has put in a full work day.
Now, Don Jr. is not a lawyer, but still claims attorney-client privilege because “there was a lawyer in the room during the discussion.” Is that how it works? In which case, I’m going to rob a law firm. “All right, everybody, hands in the air. Remember, none of you can testify!”
Now, Donald Trump Jr. has long insisted that there was no follow-up to his meeting with Veselnitskaya. CNN got their hands on previously undisclosed emails that show a follow-up after the Trump Tower meeting. Wow. It seems like there’s no end to the number of emails Don Jr. is hiding. We need to see them all. Can anyone help? Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing.
Dec. 11: The Alabama Senate election is tomorrow and Roy Moore supporters spent the weekend going door to door just like the Roy Moore has to do when he moves to a new neighborhood.
Moore's campaign just got worse because yesterday we found out that a pro-Trump group sent a 12 year old girl to interview Roy Moore. This is the worst match up for an interview since they sent that honey glazed ham to interview Chris Christie.
It’s no surprise that Trump is supporting Moore. They both have a deep love of country. The country’s Russia but still…
Dec. 12: Today’s the first night of Hanukkah, when good Jewish boys and girls spring from their beds to see their parents going to work because they don’t have the day off.
It’s also a big election day in Alabama. Long before the polls closed, one thing we do know is how Roy Moore got to the polls. He arrived on horseback! Yes! And I just want to say to Roy Moore, “Hello, you, and the horse you rode in on.”
The horse's name is Sassy. Well, I mean, that is a lovely name — for a magazine targeted at teenage girls. “Hiyo, Sassy! Off to the mall!”
Throwing you conservatives a bone...
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
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Holiday feasts aren’t just for people, in some homes a table is also set for the family pets. HERE'S an example courtesy of Doug Bergtholdt. (1:53)
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For the curious among you, here’s a behind-the-scenes LOOK at how that video was produced. (4:30)
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Steve Postier found this clip about two Scots stuck in a button-less elevator that is supposed to response to voice commands worth a LOOK and thought you readers might, too. (4:23)
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Live on a lake and want a boat that doesn’t need a dock? Here’s your ANSWER, courtesy of Dirk Parsons. (1:07)
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This “man-on-the-street” type interview in the downtown section of the capital city in Jordan illustrates why most of us in the West find the religion of ISLAM not acceptable. It should be compulsory viewing for American female college students. (2:21)
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Will autonomous weapons like these miniaturized drones that can think and act on their own going to replace the abortion and climate change controversies in the not-too-distant future? We say yes. WATCH this 4 minute clip we received from Lumpy and see if you don’t agree. (4:21)
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Jim Silvers thought it would be beneficial for you to know what an ATM credit card skimmer looks like so your check or savings account won’t get drained by a BAD guy. This clip is relatively current as it was posted on YouTube this past July. (2:12)
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If you own a business, these are the types of skilled employees you want to HIRE. Check 'em out. (1:31)
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Someone call PETA. These people who have formed a couple of human centipedes are driving THIS poor bull nuts! (3:37)
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Homeless and abused, this Pit Bull didn't lose hope that something amazing will happen! (This is a fresh rescue that was posted on YouTube LAST week.) (4:00)
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If you are an animal lover, you are sure to enjoy this clip titled “Wild Baby Animal Rescues.” They represent the BEST of The Dodo. (8:55)
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Need a hug? Here are some animals that are willing and able to SATISFY that craving. (6:28)
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Bill Leavy would be first in line to purchase a bicycle if it came with this anti-theft device. (WATCH to the end.) (0:56)
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Here’s some handy keyboard combinations you can probably use. It starts off with tips for you Windows users, then CHANGES at the 5:30 mark for you Mac (OS X) users.
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Volunteers will be placing over a million wreaths on the graves of veterans at over 1,000 cemeteries across the country this coming Saturday. One of many groups that has been active in the project is SAR (Sons of the American Revolution), of which Doug Bergtholdt is a member. He will be participating at the wreath-laying this Saturday beginning at 8:45 a.m. at the Golden Gate National Cemetery in San Bruno (viewable off of 280). The SAR will be joined by other groups that include the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR), USAF ROTC, Civil Air Patrol and the Patriot Riders and others. Wreaths will also be placed on the graves of veterans at the Los Gatos Cemetery and possibly others in the San Jose area. Doug can be contacted at <email@example.com> if you would like to know more about the program. Click HERE for a Fox News report about Wreaths Across America (WAA) that aired a few days ago. (4:02)
Click HERE if you would like to volunteer and/or donate to the WAA.
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Pic of the Week
Looking back at Christmas past…
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 12/14/17
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
Larry Ryan — Added
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve