The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
PBA MEETS NEXT WEDNESDAY
As noted in last week’s Farsider, November’s meeting of the PBA has been moved up to the second Wednesday due to the Thanksgiving holiday. That means the meeting will take place next Wednesday. The bar will open and dinner will be served at the usual time. This will be the final meeting of the year since the PBA does not meet in December.
Make no mistake, we in law enforcement are in for a HUGE FIGHT. We were ground zero for the pension battle that associations from all across the country paid close attention to, but our current fight is even more dangerous. Law Enforcement is under attack both physically and politically. This fight is proving to be dangerous on all sides. The call to UNITE has gone out. Strength in Numbers!
United Coalition Of Public Safety (UCOPS) was formed to take this fight on, because clearly no one else was. Since its formation, UCOPS has been responsible for bringing together associations from the east coast to the west coast, and everywhere else in between. Our fight to protect one another CANNOT be limited to the borders of our individual states any longer! This newly formed organization has remained proactive in its efforts, ensuring the greater good for ALL.
Below are some highlights from the past year of the coalition's work across the country and why these examples are just as relevant to San Jose as they are to New York.
One of the first tasks was to take on the anti-police narrative. National groups like Campaign Zero were created on social media, and their goal is to provide false statistics and untrue stories to all of our individual state legislators with the hope that new laws against cops are created. We have been left with the only obvious solution: United We Stand, Divided We Fall. The coalition's message is beginning to resonate for the positive. Utilizing a strategic plan with leading experts in communications, we have attacked the social media market where a majority of the false narratives regarding law enforcement has taken place. UCOPS has been successful in reaching more than 3 times the number of people in the social media market than the other large national police groups. UCOPS' message is being heard around the country: What effects one, effects all.
The tide has turned and if you believe for one moment that simply doing your job based on your training will not result in closer scrutiny or worse, indictment, then it's time to put down the coffee, open your ears and eyes, because this is the new reality.
Defeating anti-police politics and the big dollars of people like George Soros and the Koch brothers have been at play in politics for quite some time. More recently, they have been spending their money in the arena of District Attorney campaigns, attempting to influence the vote and help elect individuals whose focus was on giving priority to criminals and working to indict police officers for simply doing their jobs. The associations of UCOPS became aware of this happening in the recent Alameda County District Attorney election. All members of UCOPS came together and worked strategically to DEFEAT another Soros backed candidate that promised to indict police officers and de-criminalize many different crimes that plague our communities if elected.
De-Policing efforts and criminalizing an officers' use of force started here in California and has spread to other parts of the country. The California Legislature recently proposed to criminalize an officer's actions for merely protecting themselves. Upon learning of AB 931, UCOPS member associations came together and worked feverishly to defeat this draconian measure. The attempts did not stop here in California.
This same type of proposed legislation (I-940) has now spread to the state of Washington. Once again, UCOPS has taken on this fight with our brothers and sisters in Seattle to help defeat this dangerous legislation. Without remaining hyper-vigilant, these types and other similar proposed bills will forever change the course in which we perform our jobs, and more specifically, get cops killed! A clear example of what effects one, effects all.
UCOPS has committed to supporting our fellow brothers and sisters in blue. When we take steps to help protect each other we are taking a stance to create a safer America. Several examples of working towards this goal has seen UCOPS partner with Below 100, a nationally recognized group who travels to other parts of the United States and provides much needed equipment like body armor and training for such things as utilizing seat belts.
Turning the page and taking a different stance, UCOPS has committed to creating a national dialogue with the various communities we serve. There have been periods in history in which police officers have been portrayed negatively. The creation of a public service announcement in which police officers are captured connecting with the public are in its final stages and we hope to redefine who police officers truly are. This PSA is scheduled to be delivered nationally.
There is a lot of ground to cover and the fights described above cannot be successful without UNITING. We can no longer be silent. Never before have we seen a group such as UCOPS attempt to unite law enforcement from all likes.
Paul and Sean
The following excerpt is from the PORAC website. Should you choose to read the Forbes article to which it refers, you will need to click on the link below the image.
The Palm Beach experience offers an important cautionary tale for other governments considering changes to pension benefits. The switch from a DB pension to a DC retirement savings accounts was an abject failure in Palm Beach. The DC plan actually encouraged officers to leave their town rather than stay.
Dangerous Consequence Of Cutting Public Safety Pensions
By Diane Oakley — Contributor
Click HERE to read the article.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Nothing new for this column this week.
We'll bet that woke some of you up!
I think you may have run this video at sometime in the past. If so, I think it’s time to run it again given the importance of the immigration issue and the northbound caravans (note the letter “s” at the end of that word).
Pete (Guerin) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Pete is spot on. If ever there was a time to remind people how two recent presidents prior to Donald J. felt about immigration — or at least “said” they did — now is the time. Clicking HERE will play the clip featuring Clinton, Obama AND Trump.
• • • • •
Just arrived, our great-grandson Hunter Hawkes, weighing in at 9 1/2 pounds and measuring 22 inches. Because he is a redhead, Doug Zwemke has dubbed him “The Redtailed Hawk.”
Ken Hawkes <email@example.com>
We may be setting a precedent by publishing this pic of a soon-to-be rugrat, but that’s fine! Want to show off new additions to your clan, you know our email address. Congrats Gramps, or is it GreatGramps?
• • • • •
With all this harassment stuff flying here and about, I thought I’d pitch in and see what gives. I hate to parse things into separate categories because in our society everything seems to flow from one to another with not much resistance. But I'll give it a go.
At the bottom would be the bar class harassment. The owner of the biggest nightclub in Santa Cruz gives his employees a once-a-year bus drinking party. This typifies the bar class. The bus makes the rounds to every bar in the city, and the owner buys everyone a drink at each one. The night starts off fairly sober and friendly. But as each drink is consumed, the bus gets louder and more boisterous. Wisecracking and swearing start popping up here and there. Then comes a few off colored jokes, lots of laughing and maybe some rowdy song singing. By the tenth bar or so every employee is pretty much looped, and things get a little ‘handsy.’ As the energy continues to sink there might be a slap here or there, or a friendly tussle or two. It's all part of the bus-drinking-bar-hopping experience. By midnight the tour is over, and the crowd slip-slides off bus and into their cars for the drive home. Minus flagrant foul felonies, the bar class is pretty much a free for all. Complaints are not usually acted upon because no one can remember exactly what had happened, and because that's just what you get in the bar class.
Then there's the beach class. Still, in this class, there are a lot of yeses and not so many 'noes’. Here, stripping down to almost nothing is encouraged. Wiggling and shaking, and playing with one's own swimsuit is permissible, and even encouraged. Prancing is good; gawking, catcalling and wisecracking are sexual compliments and acknowledgements. All goes on at the beach. Call it what you want, what you will, it is what it is. Some people enjoy it. Some get offended. Some just stop going to the beach. Yet the beach class is still above the bar class.
The office class comes next. This class is for small to medium sized private companies. One has to be very careful in this class. In certain places some things are taken for granted, and in others, not so much. Winking is generally okay. Hip shaking is fine. Sly remarks are tolerated, Off color jokes are okay most times, Overt grabbing or touching by anyone is verboten. Lunch breaks are generally pretty free, but no break room or closet sex — just don't get caught. Off color language and some cursing are overlooked most of the time.
Finally, there's the corporate tech class harassment policies. Where in the bar class it was mostly anything goes; in the corporate class it's nothing goes — with the exception of maybe Google. Expected in this class is not too much smiling, no giving the eye, no winking or hip shaking. Definitely no stripping down. No off color jokes, no off color anything, no see through clothing. No suggestive banter, even if it’s innocent. Cameras record everything everywhere. No sexual words, jokes, hints or twisted meanings. No snuggling, snubbing, snipping or snarking. In this corporate class ears have rights, as do eyes and noses. Definitely no touching, grabbing, pinching, rubbing or hugging. In this class everything and anything can be misconstrued, misunderstood, turned around and used in a hearing —— anything! Mental daggers fly around between the smiles, and complaints can come from anywhere. Intense political maneuverings and ladder climbing abounds. Watch your back Jack and Jill!
If you can't stand the heat, better to go to the beach or the bar.
Dave (Scannell) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
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We interrupt the Mail Call Column to bring you this Public Service Announcement...
And now we return you to the Mail Call column...
• • • • •
Retail Christmas fever is starting to build. I have been attempting to get into the pre-Thanksgiving-Christmas spirit. In doing so I went through some family photo albums and found this picture of a distant uncle. Uncle Crushem Scowlhouser Mullins was well known in the old country for his lack of true Christmas spirit. However, he did enjoy a good cigar, large candy canes and delivering a world class ass whooping.
Harry (Mullins) <email@example.com>
• • • • •
In August I posted a missive about how Fact Checker had documented an unprecedented 4229 false or misleading claims / statements that President Trump had made during his first 18 months in office. An average of 7.7 per day including weekends.
In commenting about my posting our esteemed editor (you) made the point that "I think that Trump’s base doesn’t give a rat’s ass whether he lies or not." Based on polling data it turns out that sadly you were correct in your assessment.
A national poll conducted prior to the nomination process in early 2015 revealed that just 12% of Republicans said that they would still vote for a presidential candidate who would lie to cover up the truth. A repeat poll last Spring showed that this number had increased to an incredible 55%. It demonstrates that the leader of our country and a majority of his supporters no longer respect or even care much about facts, conclusive evidence and the truth. For a large percentage of Americans these three factors have become mostly irrelevant in relation to our president.
With this degree of public support behind him it's not surprising that Fact Checker has recorded a significant increase the number and frequency of new and repeated false or misleading claims / statements over the intervening 3 months. An additional 2191 has been added bringing the president's total to 6,420 as of the end of last month. Increasing his daily average to 10.2.
One reason as to why President Trump's numbers are so high is that he frequently repeats many of his erroneous claims a dozen times or more. Past presidents whose statements and claims were proven false or misleading by reputable fact check organizations would almost always either issue a correction / modification of what they had said or at the very least never publicly repeat their falsehoods again.
Thinking about the effect this amount of lying on a daily basis, without correction or apology, is having on our youth doesn't produce a pretty picture. They now have a role model in the person who holds the highest office in the land that they can emulate in their daily lives without having to feel even the least amount of guilt when doing so. After all their president does it many times a day.
If you're interested in reading more about this very serious situation we find ourselves in, here's a link to a relevant Washington Post article. Media Bias Fact Check rates this newspaper as 'left center' with a rating of 'high' for factual reporting.
Middle Ground <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I stand by my original statement, M.G. Trump’s base does care about the facts, those facts being that the economy is booming (and Obama wants us to believe that HE is responsible? What a joke!). Unemployment at 3.7 percent is lower than it has been in years, even for Hispanics and African Americans. How lont has it been since we’ve seen Al-Qaeda or ISIS in the news? Wages are up. Trump is far more serious about our borders and the immigration issue. And there are several other positives that are a result of the President. The point is, those who support him are looking at the results of his two years in office, not his non-political personality. Yes, he's narcissistic, rough at times and occasionally comes across as uncouth and immature, and he sometimes talks without thinking through what he wants or intends to say. And like you and me and everyone else, he sometimes makes an ass out of himself. But the results of the past 24 months speak for themselves. and it’s those results that his supporters care about. Unless Maxine Waters (Ewww…you have no idea how painful it is to type that name) finds a way to impeach him as she has promised, the anti-Trumpers will have to try and find a way to live with him for two more years. Even though the Dems are now in control of the House, any impeachment effort of Trump, Kavanaugh or anyone else the Dems have targeted will be a wasted effort with the new GOP majority in the Senate, now five seats stronger than it was before the mid-terms.
• • • • •
I found the attached video about the Newhall Incident in which four CHP officers were killed by two gunmen back in 1970. Although I had just graduated from high school when it occurred, I had heard about it several times by other officers throughout my career. But this video about how it occurred seems to be different from what I had pictured in my mind based on the stories I have heard, and I thought you might want to include it if you haven’t already.
Talking Points <Talking.Points@comcast.net>
I agree, T.P. Many of us who began our careers in law enforcement in the 1960s may have a different view of what had occurred based on the stories we heard over the years. I recall reading news accounts about the incident shortly after it occurred, but this video paints it in a slightly different light. Clicking HERE will start the video.
NOVEMBER VANGUARD AVAILABLE ONLINE
The November 2018 eVanguard is now online. Hard copies of the magazine will be arriving in the mail soon. Click HERE to download it to your desktop. then click on the image of the Vanguard...
KEITH KELLEY CHRISTMAS DINNER DANCE FLYER
A message from Margie <email@example.com>.
only running ticket reservation/sales for one month.
Retirees can use Eventbrite or mail their request and a check to:
116 Fox Avenue
San Jose CA 95110
Special room rates of $109 are available at the Holiday Inn by mentioning the KKC.
And table reservations are being handled by Bill Waggoner at <firstname.lastname@example.org>
COVALESK MEMORIAL IS NEXT THURSDAY AT THE DEPT.
CHUTZPAH DEFINED: “CARAVAN WALKERS SUE TRUMP”
People In Migrant Caravan Sue Trump For Violating Their Constitutional Rights
By Holly Matkin — Blue Lives Matter — Nov. 2, 2018
Twelve members of the massive migrant caravan headed for
the U.S/Mexico border have filed a lawsuit against the U.S.
Washington, DC – Twelve of the estimated 4,000-member migrant caravan trekking through Mexico towards the United States border have filed a class-action lawsuit against President Donald Trump and other U.S. officials alleging violations of their constitutional rights.
The LAWSUIT was filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in Washington on behalf of 12 Honduran migrants in the caravan.
It alleged that President Trump “continues to abuse the law, including constitutional rights, to deter Central Americans from exercising their lawful right to seek asylum in the United States,” CNBC reported.
Six of the 12 migrants named in the lawsuit are children.
According to their attorney, John Shoreman, the President’s immigration policy proposals are in violation of the 5th Amendment’s due process clause, which orders that “no person…shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law,” FOX NEWS reported.
Immigration and Customs Enforcement, HOMELAND SECURITY Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen, Immigration Services, and Customs and Border Patrol and Citizenship were also listed as defendants in the lawsuit, according to CNBC.
The lawsuit blasted President Trump for his “professed and enacted policy” with regards to the caravan, and called his actions “shockingly unconstitutional.”
The lawsuit also cited the Flores Agreement, which was designed to ensure the safety of immigrant alien children, and demanded that the United States provide the children in the incoming caravan with “access to toilets and sinks, drinking water…adequate temperature control and ventilation, adequate supervision to protect minors from others, and contact with family.”
The lawsuit argued that the President’s proposed tent cities in the desert would be a violation of the Flores Agreement.
Use of the U.S. military to PREVENT THE CARAVAN from coming into the country is also unconstitutional, according to the suit.
The 14th Amendment guarantees constitutional rights to all people within U.S. jurisdiction, whether they are citizens or not, but does not grant rights to foreign nationals in a foreign country.
By keeping the caravan outside of the U.S., they have no constitutional rights.
“The legal problem with Trump’s plan to stop caravan persons from entering this country is that Plaintiffs are seeking asylum, and Trump simply cannot stop them from legally doing so by using military,” court documents read.
The lawsuit contended that the President has “hysterically” asserted that criminals and gang members are among those in the caravan “in an effort to create fear,” and claimed that the group has “largely proceeded peacefully on its journey.”
The ASSOCIATED PRESS published pictures of Central American protesters burning an American flag in front of the U.S. embassy in Honduras on Oct. 19.
The picture featured a burning American flag with a swastika painted on it by the protesters who allegedly want to come live in the United States.
People from the migrant caravan yesterday, burning an
American flag in front of our embassy, after spray painting
a swastika on it, yet they STILL expect to come here & be
welcomed. They also graffitied the wall behind them.
Another Associated Press photo showed migrants carrying a giant Honduras flag banner over their heads as the humongous caravan continued north toward the United States border.
Guatemalan President Jimmy Morales told a gathering of foreign affairs officials from the United States and Latin America on Oct. 11 that "close to 100 people completely linked to terrorist issues, with ISIS and that not only have we arrested them within our territory, but they have been deported to their countries of origin,” PRENSA LIBRE reported.
On Oct. 19, thousands of members of the caravan rushed the Guatemala-Mexico border and tore down the fence that separated the two nations.
"We are going to the United States!" Edwin Santos shouted as he raced past the officers with his family. "Nobody is going to stop us!"
When the illegal immigrants arrived on Mexico’s side of a border bridge, they were met by riot squads of federal police officers, KABC reported.
Police released pepper spray after about 50 migrants managed to push past them, and the others retreated as a federal officer pleaded with the crowd to “stop the aggression” over a loudspeaker.
But that did little to stop the flow of the caravan from Guatemala into Mexico, as literally thousands of migrants jumped off the bridge, or crossed the Suchiate River on rafts, to enter through the notoriously porous southern border into Mexico.
On Thursday, President Trump spoke about the surge of fraudulent asylum claims that have been filed in recent years, and announced that his administration will soon require those seeking asylum to “lawfully present themselves” at a port of entry, FOX News reported.
As a result, immigrants apprehended for crossing the border illegally would no longer be allowed to stay by declaring they were simply seeking asylum – a situation that is expected to be immediately challenged in federal court.
According to the lawsuit, anyone seeking asylum must be afforded a “credible fear interview.” If the asylum officer determines the immigrant has a “credible fear of persecution,” there is a high likelihood that the individual would be granted asylum, FOX News reported.
The lawsuit was funded by Nexus Services, an immigration services company, NBC NEWS reported.
“The President is violating federal law, trampling the rights of Americans and legal immigrants to be free from use of the military for law enforcement, and has set up a potential catastrophe at the US/Mexico border all in the name of white nationalism and with the objective of scoring political points,” Nexus Services President Mike Donovan said in a statement.
President Trump has long denounced policies that allow immigrants seeking asylum to be released into the United States while they await court dates they might never attend, according to CNBC.
"We're going to no longer release. We're going to catch; we're not going to release,” the President said on Thursday. “They're going to stay with us until the deportation hearing or the asylum hearing takes place. So, we're not releasing them into the community.”
President Trump said he may send up to as many as 15,000 troops to the southern border to join up with Border Patrol and Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents, NBC News reported.
On Monday, President Donald Trump referred to the caravan as an IMPENDING INVASION, and assured the migrants that they would be met by military personnel.
Defense Secretary Jim Mattis approved the Department of Homeland Security’s request to deploy additional troops to the border on Oct. 26, and officials originally expected the Pentagon to deploy approximately 800 troops, The WALL STREET JOURNAL reported.
On Monday, the U.S. government announced that 5,000 troops will be sent primarily to ports of entry as part of Operation Faithful Patriot, The WALL STREET JOURNAL reported.
Most of the troops are engineers and military police.
The military force, which will equal approximately one-third of the number of customs and border patrol agents already working on the border, will later help support border agents by providing command center staff, providing medical support, and erecting tents.
An estimated 1,700 troops will be sent to Arizona, 1,800 troops will head to Texas, and another 1,500 troops will go to California.
One hundred active-duty soldiers arrived at the Texas border on Thursday, NBC News reported.
Nielsen has vowed to stop the massive migrant caravan from crossing the U.S. border with Mexico, and said she would not tolerate any acts of violence against U.S. Border Patrol agents.
“This caravan cannot come to the United States,” Nielsen told FOX NEWS on Oct. 25. “They will not be allowed in. They will not be allowed to stay."
Nielsen said the agency does “not have any intention right now to shoot at people,” but said anyone trying to cross the border illegally “will be apprehended.”
“I want to make clear we will absolutely not tolerate violence against Border Patrol in this situation," she added. "I will not tolerate Mexicans or anybody else acting in a violent way towards our men and women on the border."
President Trump previously expressed concern about intelligence information he has received regarding the presence of MS-13 gang members and criminals within the hoard of migrants.
“Terrorists have highlighted, for many years, the loopholes in our border security,” Nielsen told FOX News. “We do know…there are criminals as part of this flow. We do know there are gang members as part of this flow.”
According to international authorities, some members of the group have kidnapped children during the mass movement northward, Nielsen said.
“So, it’s not all people seeking asylum,” she noted.
Nielsen explained that some members of the migrant group might mistakenly believe that reuniting with family members or looking for work in the U.S. constitutes “asylum.”
Nielsen said that migrants who are actually fleeing from violence have been offered the opportunity for asylum by the Mexican government, so continuing on to the United States is not warranted.
"They should be seeking refuge in Mexico," she said. "To ignore, basically, refuge and continue, in some cases, to come to the United States raises questions of what their real motives are."
According to agreements between many bordering countries, asylum-seekers should take refuge in the country nearest their own.
“[There’s] a misunderstanding that if you’re being persecuted, you can live wherever you want, and that’s not what that means,” Nielsen said. “There’s some real asylum cases which we want to help, but others are abusing the system.”
“Given this caravan, given this government’s commitment, if they come here illegally with no legitimate reason to stay, they absolutely will be apprehended and removed immediately,” she said.
then scroll down to review the readers’ comments about this story.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Remember the Alamo
Received from Bob Kosovilka
One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."
"My mom and dad are both dead,” he replied. “I’m going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."
"I'm not married and I don't have any kids."
"Well, then, remember the Alamo."
"What's the Alamo?" he asked.
"Well bless your heart!" she said. "You go right ahead and jump you little Yankee, CNN-loving left-wing snowflake, you’re holding up traffic."
• • • • •
smattering of one-liners by people who made us laugh
Received from Kerry Smith
Steve Martin: ”Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
Ellen DeGeneres: ”Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?"
Richard Pryor: ”I had to stop drinking 'cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90."
Lily Tomlin: ”Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic.
David Letterman:” ”Do you know what I love most about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that's just in the hot dogs."
Whoopi Goldberg: “I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation."
Jonathan Winters: “I’m from the Delbert Home for the Unusual."
George Carlin: “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
Eddie Murphy: “I tell ya, I'm 'bout as crazy as a dog in a hubcap factory."
Bob Newhart: “I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, 'denigrate' means 'put down.'"
Jay Leno: “According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars."
Billy Crystal: ”Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
• • • • •
From the Archives
See how far you can work your way through these puns before your first groan.
• I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and can't put it down.
• I starred in a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
• Then there's the story about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra.
• PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
• So why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• I didn't pay much attention when my class took a trip to the Coca-Cola factory. Sure hope there's no pop quiz .
• Newsflash: The Energizer Bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
• What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me!
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• Velcro. What a rip off.
• Police report that a cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• Venison for dinner? Oh deer.
• The earthquake in Washington, D.C. was obviously government's fault.
• I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure .
• Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
• • • • •
From the Archives
A Scottish woman went to the local newspaper office to publish the obituary for her recently deceased husband.
The obit editor informed her that there is a charge of 50-cents per word.
She paused, reflected, and then said, "Well then, let it read, "Angus MacPherson died."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor told her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries.
She thought it over for a minute and said, "In that case, let it read "Angus MacPherson died. Golf clubs for sale."
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for what’s new.
• • • • •
We’re starting off this column with a training video by Lt. Frank Drebin of Police Squad on how to deal with a barricaded subject who REFUSES to surrender. (2:35)
• • • • •
If none of those Police Squad moments tickled your funny bone, perhaps one of these scenes featuring the late Leslie Nielsen will. We miss him and his style of humor as much as we do the late Peter Sellers, both of whom made millions of movie goers LAUGH out loud. (7:08)
• • • • •
Two months after he had been shot in an assassination attempt by John Hinckley, President Reagan was giving a speech in West Berlin when a burst balloon made a loud popping sound. This 31-second clip shows the president’s reaction, and how the German audience responded. It could be argued that the German people loved THE GIPPER as much as most Americans. (0:31)
• • • • •
Should you seek medical advice over the Internet? Why not, since it’s a lot cheaper than seeing a doctor, right? Well maybe not. We suggest you take a few tips from Kitty Flanagan before you type in your ailment and push the SEARCH button. (3:06)
• • • • •
What we have here is a four-person flash mob comprised of three violists and a spoon player. What makes them worth a watch is the tune that they crank out. Remember the theme from “Mission Impossible?” Don’t stop when they stop; there’s a SURPRISE at the very end. (3:34)
• • • • •
• • • • •
This week’s Lip Sync Challenges
We are headed North to Alaska (great song title, eh?) to see what the ANCHORAGE PD came up with for its Lip Sync Challenge entry. Truth is, we already previewed it, and it’s a little weird seeing some manly male cops sounding like Dolly Parton. Score: A solid 8.5 (3:18)
~ ~ ~
On our way back from Anchorage to the Lower 48 we thought we’d swing by KETCHIKAN and see what the little town’s PD had to offer in the way of a Lip Sync Challenge entry. Score: 8.0 (3:56)
~ ~ ~
Tight and precise editing sets this challenge from the BREVARD Co. (FL) S/O apart from other entries. The chosen song — "Eye of the Tiger" — was also somewhat unique. Score 9.0. (4:23)
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For pure enjoyment, we’re giving this SALT LAKE CITY PD Challenge a score of 9.5 due to ts originality, humor, and because it’s all about donuts. Have a look and see if it makes your mouth water like it did ours. (3:52)
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There’s a ton of energy on display in this Challenge entry by the HARFORD Co. (MD) S/O. The song the guys and gals are lip syncing and dancing to is a familiar one that is used by several participating agencies, so you should be able to tap your foot to the beat by now. For their energy and smiles we are giving them a 9.0. (5:16)
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“If I was you I’d wanna be me!” are the lyrics of this little number performed by the FLOWER MOUND (TX) PD, and it’s fun to watch because the participating guys and gals are very animated as if they are old hands at lip syncing. Watch for the outtakes at the end. Score: 9.5 (3:53)
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Our final entry this week begins with a face-off between two male cops from the ROULETTE (TX) PD and two of their female counterparts. Who wins? That’s for you to choose. Like the Flower Mound video above, these cops are very animated, which makes this fun to watch. The entry also included the Macarena, which pushed their score up to a 9.5. (3:00)
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How serious is it when an engine explodes on a fully-loaded A-380, the largest passenger aircraft in the world? Yes, that’s a rhetorical question; it's obviously very serious. This Allec Joshua Ibay story takes you through a detailed account of how the crew of a QUANTAS flight with 469 souls on board handled the problem. (9:31)
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This week the History Guy tells the story about American Airlines Flight 96, a then-brand new DC-10 that suffered an explosive decompression that could have killed the passengers and crew. That it didn’t was DUE to the professional capabilities of the Captain and the First Officer. (10:59)
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Seems that the Dude Perfect guys have become so popular on YouTube that companies are beating on their door asking to sponsor them. Just as last week’s Dude Perfect’s Ping Pong Trick Shots was sponsored by Oreo cookies (Nabisco), this week’s video where the guys show off their archery skills was sponsored by Bass Pro Shops. Have a LOOK. (7:32)
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For this next clip it would be helpful if you can convert centimeters to feet. If that proves difficult to do in your head, here’s some help:
230cm = 7.5ft
235cm = 7.7ft
240cm = 7.8ft
245cm = 8.0ft
250cm = 8.2ft
255cm = 8.3ft
260cm = 8.5ft
With that out of the way, HERE’S an interesting video titled “10 Giants in Real Life.” (11:03)
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This Week’s Hope for Paws Reports
Ralph had been abused and was very untrusting of humans. Not only was he difficult to rescue, it took some time to rehab him and get him ready for a forever home, which is how this 5-year-old story about Eldad’s earlier rescue about RALPH ends. (8:22)
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Eldad had to go to extremes in order to rescue this pooch that he and Loreta named OPAL. But as he says in the video, “It was a few moments of stress in exchange for a lifetime of happiness.” Have a look. (5:23)
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This was no normal call for Eldad, Loreta and Monica. It involved the rescue of a mother Pit Bull and all but one of her new-born babies. This is how the story about LEXUS and her pups developed. But first a word of warning: Lexus had swallowed a bottle cap, and rather than put her through surgery, the decision was made to induce vomiting. An on-screen warning advises to look away if you have a weak stomach. (5:16)
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When a representative from Waste Management called Hope for Paws to report that a homeless Pit Bull was living in a trash pile, Elda and Lisa responded and found this to be one of the more difficult rescues they had performed in a while. After the dog calmed down, Lisa named him THOR and the story had a happy ending. (6:22)
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Our final rescue story of the week finds Eldad and Lisa responding to a report of a stray dog that had just given birth to some pups. When they managed to net the mom they named her DOTTIE. Next were her pups, the first of which was named Ivy. She was followed by a little guy they named Timon, and his brother was given the name Pumba. (4:41)
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There is no doubt about it: Many more foster dads like this one are needed. Click HERE and see if you don’t agree. (3:38)
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We don’t know which Walmart store this is, but we are pretty sure that it is haunted by the ghost of ALFRED HITCHCOCK who died in 1980 at the age of 80. (0:45)
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Believe its or not, this little cutie loves watching horror movies on a wide-screen TV — until someone screams. If you choose not to believe it, watch THIS clip. (1:00)
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Will Trump be the last President? Could be if this book’s prediction written in the late 1800s is correct. For some mind bending fun, first watch THIS YouTube video. (3:12) Then when you are done, click on and digest THIS Snopes link.
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For their second Farsider appearance we are bringing back the young ladies and couple of males from the Kyoto Tachibana Senior High School Band. You may remember them from two weeks ago when they closed the Farsider with their march down Disneyland’s Main Street. This video finds them on their home turf performing two classic American standards: “Misty” with a segue to “Sing Sing Sing.” If you are as impressed with this mostly all-girl high school band as we are, you’ll be happy to know that they are featured in a few dozen other YouTube videos. To find them, simply type “Kyoto Tachibana” (without the quotes) into the YouTube search field. For this performance, click HERE. (3:22)
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Pic of the Week
The line forms behind us…
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Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
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Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
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Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Marozick, Chief Jeff
Martinez, Jr., Raul
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
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Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve