The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
RETIRED SERGEANT MANNY BECERRA
Appointed Jan. 1976
Retired Jan. 2006
Died Nov. 1, 2016
The following info was received from retired Sgt. Gary Johnson...
At about 3:00 p.m. this past Tuesday, Nov. 1, retired Sgt. Manuel (Manny) Becerra passed away after a lengthy battle with prostate cancer. He was 71 years old.
Manny was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and underwent several different regimens of treatment. He had most recently undergone chemo and radiation, but the cancer continued to spread and ultimately took his life.
For the past few months, Manny has been receiving blood transfusions because the cancer was attacking his blood platelets. Last Tuesday, he had a bleed in the frontal lobe of his brain and was admitted to Stanford Hospital. His condition continued to decline and he passed away peacefully on Tuesday of this week with his family at his side. He is survived by his wife, Jan, his children, Heather and Brian, and four grandchildren.
Several retirees had the opportunity to visit with Manny over the past several months. He was always upbeat and wanted to know what was going on at the PD. He cherished his family and friends.
The family is in the process of making arrangements, and we will let you know as soon as we hear something.
For cards and condolences, Jan’s address is 1065 Rye Court, San Jose, CA 95127
Gary Johnson <firstname.lastname@example.org>
RETIRED OFFICER ROGER MALCOLM
Born Jan. 25, 1946
Appointed Feb. 1967
Retired March 1996
Died Oct. 27, 2016
On Oct. 27, David “Baci” Bacigalupi reported from his residence in Hawaii that retired Officer Roger Malcolm passed away in his sleep at his condo on the island (he also owned a home in San Jose). Jim “JC” Carlton tried several times to call Roger earlier in the day. When there was no response, he and his wife Jennifer responded to Roger’s residence and found he had passed away in his sleep late the night before or early on the 27th.
According to Baci, Roger owned his Hawaiian condo for several years, but lived mostly in his San Jose residence. He used the condo infrequently for the five years he had been a caretaker for his mother. After she passed away, Roger traveled back and forth between his two homes.
He and retired Sgt. Joanne Schenini enjoyed a long lasting relationship for several years prior to Roger's passing.
Roger, JC and Baci and a few Hawaiians had just hosted Brian Bennert, Buc DeMers, Dan Morton (Bruce’s son), Tony Destro, and Tim McGuire (Pat’s brother) for a week of golf in Hawaii. (Dewey Moore also was scheduled to play before his fatal accident a few weeks earlier.) A Hawaiian-style release of a lei into the ocean was held in Dewey’s honor (see the photo below).
Brian Malcolm, Roger's son, is the next of kin and will be deciding on a service. Roger's wishes were to be cremated and his ashes spread in Hawaii. As it looks now, such a service will be held in Hawaii that will include a ceremony similar to a lei release. Whether there will be a service in San Jose is unknown at this time.
Roger and his long-time girlfriend, retired Sgt. Joanne Schenini
25th: Post Golf/BBQ get-together: (L-R) Brian Bennert;
Jim “JC” Carlton; Roger
Malcolm (in front); Barry Foye (Ret’d. Orange Co. D.A.’s Office); BJ Bjornton (Ret’d.
PD Lt. from Alaska); Cynthia Johnson; David “Baci” Bacigalupi; and Buc DeMers.
22nd: In the tradition of Hawaii, a lei was released to the ocean for our
lost member Dewey Moore who, due to his fatal accident last month, was not
with the golf group on this trip. Roger is second from the right in this photo.
Oct. 17th: Roger at dinner at the FishHopper restaurant.
Oct. 18th: Golf group at the Big Island Country Club.
The 2016 SJPOA Annual Election Meeting will be held on
Wednesday, 11/9/16 8:00 AM
Wednesday, 11/16/16 8:00 AM.
Don't forget to vote for your SJPOA President,
Vice President, and up to 6 directors.
Click HERE to log in and review the candidates.
Ruling Might Reduce Pensions
—Case now before state Supreme Court could be a vehicle for cutting shortfalls in systems—
Maura Dolan — Los Angeles Times
Mercury News — Oct. 31, 2016
The Earl Warren Building in San Francisco houses the state’s
First District Court of Appeal, which in August ruled that public
retirement plans were not “immutable” and could be reduced.
In a potentially huge win for advocates of cutting government pensions, a San Francisco-based appeals court in August declared that public retirement plans were not “immutable” and could be reduced. The three-judge panel said the law merely requires government to provide a “reasonable” pension.
That unanimous ruling, now before the California Supreme Court, could be a vehicle for reducing shortfalls amounting to hundreds of billions of dollars in state and local pension systems. If upheld, the decision could lead to the kinds of cutbacks previous courts blocked.
Emory University Law Professor Alexander Volokh called the decision “a big change from what the doctrine has been so far” and expressed doubt that it would be upheld. But University of Minnesota Law Professor Amy B. Monahan described the ruling as “novel” and the outcome “hard to predict.”
The decision has attracted national attention because of California’s influential role in pension law. Like California, other states are facing massive shortfalls in public pensions and wrangling with ways to head off staggering debts.
Standing in the way have been decades of court decisions that created what is called the “California Rule.” It guarantees government workers the pension that was in place on the day they were hired.
The formula for calculating retirement income generally can be changed only if it is neutral or advantageous to the employee, courts have ruled. It cannot be reduced, except for new hires.
“It is a rule that makes it extremely difficult for states to reform their pensions,” Volokh said, “and lots of states have really big pension problems now.”
Until the last century, the law generally treated government pensions as gifts that could be taken away. People didn’t live long, and pensions were not considered particularly important.
That changed as life spans rose and government employees sued to protect their retirement earnings. California law now treats government pensions as contracts protected by the state constitution.
Twelve other states eventually adopted the California Rule, although not all interpret it so strictly. Now that public pension systems are facing massive debts, many states are again looking to California for possible answers.
The case that could weaken the California Rule stems from a “pension reform” law state legislators passed in 2012. The law cut pensions, raised the retirement age for new government employees and banned “pension spiking” for existing workers.
Judges, who generally have benefited from past public pension rulings, were exempted. “They stuck it to pretty much everybody except the judges,” said Gregg McLean Adam, who is representing unions in the case.
Some unions objected to the law’s prohibition on pension spiking for longtime employees. The practice involves inflating an employee’s pay during the period on which retirement is based — usually at the end of a worker’s career. This can be done by cashing in years of accumulated vacation or sick pay or volunteering for extra duties just before retirement.
In some cases, spiking has created pensions higher than the workers’ salaries.
The Marin County retirement system, relying on the new law, decided to remove pay from pension calculations for various on-call duties and for waiving health insurance. Unions sued, contending that employees had long been promised that benefit and took jobs because of it. They argue the rules for new workers will eventually end the pension shortfalls.
In a ruling written by Justice James A. Richman, a former Alameda County Superior Court judge appointed by former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the state’s First District Court of Appeal said the Legislature can alter pension formulas for active employees and reduce their anticipated retirement benefits.
“While a public employee does have a ‘vested right’ to a pension, that right is only to a ‘reasonable’ pension — not an immutable entitlement to the most optimal formula of calculating the pension,” wrote Richman, joined by Justices J. Anthony Kline and Marla J. Miller, both Gov. Jerry Brown appointees.
In most states, this sort of law easily would be upheld and perhaps not even challenged, legal scholars said. “But in California, it’s a tough issue,” Minnesota’s Monahan said.
Unions appealed the decision to the California Supreme Court. “This a frontal assault on 60 years of California pension law,” Adam said.
The state’s top court is now reviewing written arguments on the case. It could agree to take up the appeal, let the decision stand as precedent or limit its effect only to Marin County.
Scholars agree the decision stands apart in the state’s long jurisprudence on public pensions. But the state high court might want to shift the law to meet new economic realities, they said. “Specific facts in different cases really drive the development of the law,” Monahan said. She attributed the origins of the California Rule in part to a 1947 case brought by a public employee whose story stirred sympathy.
In that case, Kern v. City of Long Beach, a firefighter sued because the city abolished pensions for all working employees 32 days before he was entitled to retire. The firefighter had been contributing toward his pension for 20 years.
“So the court came up with a rule that was going to protect this person from losing his pension,” the law professor said. “The Kern facts were really awful for the government.”
The real “bombshell” came in 1955 in Allen v. City of Long Beach, when the California Supreme Court ruled that any cutbacks in pensions for current employees must be offset by comparable new advantages, Monahan wrote in a law review.
Unlike private pensions, which are governed by a federal law and must be insured, public retirement systems depend on government revenue if obligations exceed contributions and investment income.
Numerous attempts have been made around the country to reel in pension costs, with mixed success. Even in dire consequences, some courts have refused to retreat from protective pension law.
In Illinois, which has similar — or stronger — pension protections, shortfalls caused bond ratings to plummet. Chicago and the state passed reform measures, both of which the Illinois Supreme Court soundly rejected.
A decision by the California Supreme Court on whether to review the Marin County dispute is likely to be weeks or even months away.
Another ruling on the new pension law, by a Contra Costa County judge in 2014, is pending in the same appeals court that decided the Marin County case but before different judges.
That decision, responding to lawsuits brought by public employees in Contra Costa, Alameda and Merced counties, upheld the anti-spiking provisions but allowed some employees to count pay for regular and required on-call duties toward their pensions.
Linda Ross, who represented a county agency in that case, said the Marin decision went further.
It “kind of rewrote the rule” that made it impossible to reduce pensions without providing equivalent benefits, she said.
“That is what prevented changes over the years,” Ross said, “because if you have to give someone something equivalent, you are not saving money.”
Public employee unions say the decision, if upheld, would spark endless litigation. “The court says you can reduce current employee pensions to a point of reasonableness.” Adam said. “Where that point is, your guess is as good as mine.”
This story is part of an ongoing project on pensions involving the Los Angeles Times, CALmatters and Capital Public Radio.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Looks like Chuck Reed wants to make nice and/or has had a change of heart, and that he and former San Jose Councilman Pete Constant have parted ways over Measure F. (Constant is against it.) This opinion piece appeared in today’s paper…
Reform Author: Measure F is a Good Deal
By Chuck Reed — Former San Jose Mayor
Mercury News — Nov. 3, 2016
A few years ago, I led a broad coalition in San Jose in support of a Fiscal Reform Plan that was designed to bring skyrocketing costs under control and bring an end to a decade of cutting services to our residents. This plan included pension reform, which became known as Measure B and was approved at the ballot by the voters. Thanks to the savings from Measure B and the Fiscal Reform Plan, we saved the city from service level insolvency and have placed the city on the road to fiscal recovery, restoring services instead of cutting services. But it wasn’t perfect.
Mayor Chuck Reed advocates passage of Measure
F as a means of rebuilding the police department.
For years, we’ve fought legal battles over Measure B. The courts invalidated some of the pension reforms, and the savings we are getting from the other reforms remain at risk in the ongoing litigation. In addition, we’ve had difficulty retaining and recruiting officers, resulting in a police department that is short-staffed by hundreds of officers and struggling to maintain its most basic services. Now, we have a reasonable settlement that will end the litigation, save as much money, and help us recruit and retain police officers. The settlement is known as Measure F and will appear on the ballot this November. San Jose residents should vote yes on Measure F.
Why? Measure F is a sensible and reasonable modification to the Measure B reforms that will save us money and help us rebuild our police department.
In simple terms, Measure F secures more than $40 million per year. That is actually a little bit more than we are already receiving from Measure B and other related pension reforms. And it’s the amount of savings that remains at risk from litigation if we don’t approve this settlement.
The $40 million per year is real savings. It’s real money that’s already being spent on real services to our residents and taxpayers. It’s real money that we cannot afford to gamble in a legal case that would ultimately have to be decided by the California Supreme Court. Measure F also secures these savings in a way that will help us to rebuild the San Jose Police Department. For example, Measure F restores previous disability benefits for police officers and firefighters, a key consideration for new recruits, while maintaining Measure B’s requirement that disability decisions are made by an independent medical panel. Some pension reform advocates have criticized the terms of the settlement, the process of reaching a settlement and the value of the settlement.
Others say we should take the case to the Supreme Court and roll the dice.
I say look at the bottom line. Litigation is always risky, and in any settlement, compromises have to be made — but there are 40 million reasons to support the deal.
If we approve the Measure F settlement, we can keep and spend our $40 million per year to rebuild our police department and restore services to our residents — and we should.
That was the reason for pension reform in the first place. That’s what we can protect through Measure F. And that’s just one of the reasons why a remarkable coalition that includes police officers, firefighters, the Chamber of Commerce, five other former mayors and myself all agree — YES on Measure F this November.
This is a reply to last week’s message from Harry Mullins who was seeking some information on two photos he sent in. The photo in question is this one:
Hey Harry, long time no see!
You might want some confirmation from some other 'ol timers, but as I recall: The sergeant is Bill Brown, the guy behind him is Brian McNamara and he has a large bag of tear gas grenades. In the front of the wedge is Lyle Rice, Paul Elloreaga, Tom Anthony and yours truly. The occasion was the "Dow Chemical Riots" of 1968 of which a lot of newsreel footage still exists. Tom Frasier is also there, Ivan Chapel and several others of the 1967 hires. My handcuffs that day adorned the wrists of one John Thorne, a radical lawyer who was a thorn and was instigating a riot. Let's see if this matches any other recollections.
Ken (Hawkes) <email@example.com>
You must have the eyes of a, uh, hawk, Capt. Hawkes. I can't recognize anyone’s face in that formation, which tells me you have excellent recall from an event that took place 48 years ago. Well done, Ken! Ditto with your next missive...
• • • • •
Many of us remember Emile Thompson and always will. He is currently incarcerated in the Health Care Facility in Stockton. This is designed as an acute care (dumping ground) for severely mentally impaired or terminally ill prisoners. Those of us who have responded to the Parole Board's requests for comments on Thompson’s parole over the years will, with any luck, not have to do so in the future.
While one hopes there is a hell in the afterlife for the Thompsons of the world, I know for a fact there are worse things than the death penalty having visited various prisons through the years. Can you imagine living in a cage for the rest of your life, eating crap and surrounded by the scum of the earth? Receiving mocking Christmas cards and "thinking of you" and "Until we meet again" cards from cops on August 6th?
It's enough to drive someone insane.
Ken (Hawkes) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Officer Richard Huerta
1935 — 1970
Killed in the Line of Duty, Aug. 6, 1970
Shortly after 1:45 a.m. on Aug. 6, 1970, Officer Richard Huerta was shot and killed by Emile Thompson while he was sitting in his patrol car writing a citation for a red light violation. The violator was sitting next to him in the passenger's seat. Thompson, who had stalked Richard, approached on foot and fired six shots at Richard through the open driver’s window, four of which struck and killed him. Richard was the fourth SJPD officer in the history of the Dept. at the time to die in the line of duty. Readers can click HERE for the full story.
• • • • •
Thanks for being at least as diligent as I am, Bill, in shooting down (in the best of spirits) all of the unfounded stuff that gets circulated around the internet. I start from the position of disbelieving anything I see being "passed,” "forwarded" and "shared" around the internet, and then look into it and prove it to be otherwise, where that becomes the case.
I'm sometimes amazed that there aren’t more people out there who take that approach.
Kenn Christie <email@example.com>
There are, in my opinion, a few reasons why more people don’t try to vet what shows up in their inbox. At the top of the list is the nature of what is received; if it agrees with the recipient’s ideology or views, that’s usually sufficient; there is no reason to confirm it. Second from the top is the nature of the written word. From childhood we have generally been taught to believe what we see in print. Being relatively new, the Internet has provided the ability for anyone to send virtually anything within reason out into Cyberspace with the assurance that many if not most of the people receiving it will take it at its word. And last, laziness. In this era of instant gratification, it’s so much faster and easier to just click the “Forward” button and send the item on without trying to determine if it's true or false, then move on to the next email and repeat the process. Disagree? Let's hear your opinion.
• • • • •
Regarding Comey and the FBI: Possible redemption? Maybe nothing? Potential indictment(s)? Anthony Weiner's computer; what's that all about? You couldn't script stuff like this. What a freaking mess! It's going to come down to the nation being forced to make the choice between the two terribles: one a corrupt, self-centered garbage man, or the other corrupt, self-centered email queen! Either way; the result will most likely be the same, not less, but tons more corruption in the White House. Can you imagine Bill C. slithering in and out of the hallway doors making his deals and secret bargains and back door rendezvous. There will probably be more of a mess than we have right now.
Dave (Scannell) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
• • • • •
This should be read by everyone who cares about the 9/11 attack on the United States. And then think about the other repercussions.
Steve Postier <email@example.com>
Steve was the forth reader this week to send in THIS YouTube video about Hillary’s assistant, Huma Abedin. But readers should take what is presented with a grain of salt; it is so full of claims and charges that are virtually impossible for me to verify. I’m including it only because Huma and her estranged husband (The Weiner) have become the subject of several recent news releases. Snopes researched aspects of the video, however, and presented its findings in THIS entry.
IF YOU BUY THIS, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE IT SANITIZED
There once was a congressman named Weiner,
who had a perverted demeanor.
He was forced from the hill, for acting like Bill.
Now Congress is one Wiener leaner.
NEW RETIREES ASSN. NEWSLETTER AVAILABLE ONLINE
The latest electronic version of the Billy & Spanner is now available on-line. Thank you to all who have agreed to receive the on-line version of the newsletter. You can read the newsletter by clicking HERE.
KEITH KELLEY CHRISTMAS DINNER DANCE INFORMATION
The Keith Kelley Club is announcing its
“2016 Christmas Dinner Dance”
“Good Will To All”
Saturday, December 3rd
1350 North 1st Street, San Jose
Retired Members Party — 5:30 to 6:30 p.m.
General Membership Cocktails — 6:30 to 7:00 p.m.
Dinner — 7:30 to 8:30 p.m.
Dancing — 8:30 to Midnight
Tickets can be obtained at <www.KeithKelleyClub.com> or from:
Communications – Mariana Ramirez
Office of the Chief – Dana/Anau
O.S.S.D. – Veronica Andrade
Retirees – Margie Thompson <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Table Arrangements – Ted Vasquez – <Vasquezted@yahoo.com>
Tickets are free for members and $75 for guests
Call 408-421-3785 for questions or email <Membership@KKC@gmail.com>
— Please bring a new, unwrapped toy to be given to charity—
• • • • •
To receive an email with only the form below, send a request to <email@example.com>
KEITH KELLEY 2016 CHRISTMAS DINNER DANCE
“Goodwill to All”
CONGRATS TO THE CHAPLAINCY RAFFLE WINNERS
IN ADDITION TO THE CUBS BECOMING THE WORLD CHAMPIONS OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL...
SOME OF YOU HAVE CROSSED PATHS WITH THIS RETIRED FBI AGENT
If the name Hugh Galyean sounds familiar to some of you, it’s probably because you shared information or an investigation sometime during your career when he was a Special Agent working out of the San Francisco FBI office. This letter he wrote to Director Comey is gaining traction on the Internet and has appeared on several sites, including the American Thinker. The letter appears below, or you can click HERE if you would rather listen to Galyean read his open letter to Director Comey instead of reading it.
October 25, 2016
A Retired FBI Agent Addresses James Comey on the Hillary Clinton Investigation
October 25, 2016
Mr. James Comey,
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue N.W
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
I am writing regarding your public statement in July, 2016 informing the American people that the FBI investigation of Hillary Clinton was being closed without referring it to a Federal Grand Jury or the Attorney General of the U. S. for a decision whether or not to indict her. Strangely, you eloquently laid out enough of the evidence deduced from the investigation to strongly indicate there was abundant evidence uncovered during the investigation and interview of her to not only indict but to convict her in Federal Court. However, you personally re-worded and soft-pedaled the actions she took as Secretary of State describing her actions as "extremely careless” in using a personal email and un-secured server for her communications while Secretary of State. You rewrote the statute, which is not your job.
As a retired Special Agent of the FBI, I have standing to write this letter. My thirty years in law enforcement, including 22 years as a Special Agent with the FBI have given me the knowledge, expertise and experience to question and confront you for your perplexing actions, which (as you well know) were outside the normal standard operating procedure of the FBI and Federal judicial procedures. Some of the finest people in the world proudly carry the credentials of FBI Agent and you have soiled them and not allowed them to speak. But I will not be silent.
Sorry, but NO SIR, MS Clinton was not merely careless or extremely careless. She was not even negligent or grossly negligent (as the statute requires). Hillary Clinton was knowingly purposeful in her decisions and actions to set up a server under her exclusive control and possession in order to control what information was available to the American public and Congress regarding her actions as Secretary of State. Furthermore, she took those government owned communications into her personal possession after leaving her position and knowingly and willingly attempted to destroy them so her nefarious actions could never be known or used as evidence of her corrupt moral character against her.
Sir, what possessed you? Did you cave in to political pressure to unilaterally come to this decision? I fear that is the case, and Rule of Law be damned. I am embarrassed for and ashamed of you. You have set a precedent that can never be rectified…and certainly not justified. Shame on you, Sir. You ought to resign right now in disgrace for what you have done to tarnish the reputation of the finest Law Enforcement Agency in the world…for entirely political reasons.
Normally, an investigation will be assigned to an agent, or team of agents with one being the Case agent, or the lead investigator. When the investigation is complete, an investigative report will be presented to the U.S. Attorney for the Federal District involved. It would be the U.S. Attorney who decides whether to decline prosecution for that investigation...NOT the FBI agent. But in the Clinton investigation, YOU (unilaterally) decided not to forward the investigation to the U.S. Attorney or the Attorney General of the U.S., but instead personally made the decision not to prosecute her or even provide the information to a Federal Grand Jury. You were wrong to take this upon yourself.
Sir, in order to indict a subject, only a preponderance of evidence, or 51% is needed for probable cause to exist. You did not think even that level of probability existed? Who do you think you are fooling? What judicial proceeding did you think you were following?
Throughout my years with the FBI, I (along with my fellow agents) took great pride in conducting each investigation in an unbiased manner regardless of the subject’s position or standing in the community.
All were treated equally under the law. But you, Sir, decided to allow this corrupt, evil and nasty human being to go free and unchallenged for her treasonous actions (yes, treasonous, in my opinion) which threatened the security of this nation. Furthermore, you stopped short of investigating the Clinton Foundation as a RICO case (Racketeering Influenced and Corrupt Organization. This is a RICO case if there ever was one. Even an untrained person can tell from the communications which were recovered that Hillary Clinton spent more time working for the Clinton Foundation while Secretary of State than on State Business. It may be argued that Hillary did not do any State business UNLESS the Clinton Foundation benefited. You decided to just let this uncomfortable truth alone without addressing it.
I will conclude with this: Following my retirement from the FBI, I volunteered for a 12-month tour of duty in Afghanistan as a Law Enforcement Professional, embedded with U.S. forces as a subject matter expert in counter-terrorism investigations. For most of that year I operated “outside the wire” patrolling with the troops, interviewing witnesses to IED incidents and gathering evidence on the bad guys. The results of my work would then be reported through secure channels to the Commanding Officer. All reports and communications were required to be transmitted via secure and encrypted devices. Occasionally my remote location in the mountains of Afghanistan made transmission impossible and I would have to fly back to Bagram Air Base in order to securely report to the Commander of the battle space. It would have been convenient if I could have just called the Commander on my personal cell phone or written him an email on my personal laptop. But, had I done so I would have been reporting classified information via an unsecured device and it could have been compromised. These were, relative to Secretary of State communications, low level classifications of Secret. Had I ever sent even one in such a manner I would have been prosecuted and sent to Federal Prison for 20 years or so. That is how serious this violation is considered.
Now, because of you, Hillary Clinton is allowed to continue her RICO activities and is running for President of the United States, the most powerful position in the world. You have trampled on the Rule of Law and destroyed the trust of the American people in the FBI and in unbiased enforcement of the law. How do you sleep at night? It is time for you to go and work for the Clinton Foundation.
Hugh W. Galyean, FBI Agent, Retired
YOU TELL 'EM, HARRY...
THE DOUBLE STANDARD OF THE U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL
What makes this opinion piece so unusual is that it was authored by San Francisco Chronicle columnist Debra Saunders. She wrote a nervy opinion for the major paper in the uber liberal Democratic city represented by Nancy Pelosi. Keep in mind that this appeared a short time before FBI Director Comey announced he was reopening the Clinton email investigation…
FBI: The “Fix Be In”
by Debra J. Saunders <firstname.lastname@example.org>
San Francisco Chronicle — Oct. 26, 2016
The FBI’s reputation has sunk so low under the Obama administration that its initials seem to stand for: The Fix Be In. The bureau’s no-hurry investigation into Hillary Clinton’s deleted State Department emails seemed engineered to see no evil. Meanwhile, the New York Times reports that Attorney General Loretta Lynch is replacing FBI agents and prosecutors who oppose charging New York police in the choke-hold death of Eric Garner (because they aren’t sure the police committed a crime and don’t think they can get a conviction) with staff who want to throw the book at the NYPD.
Pundits have voiced their fear that Trump would use the Justice Department to go after his political enemies — and rightly so after Trump said he would appoint a special prosecutor to investigate Clinton and send her to jail. (So much for the presumption of innocence.) How can these same critics not see how the Obama Department of Justice has turned into a political arm of the Democratic Party?
Consider the Clinton investigation. The FBI granted limited immunity to five Clinton aides, including Paul Combetta, who deleted Clinton emails in March 2015 after Congress had subpoenaed her records. FBI agents waited a year before they questioned Clinton in July for an hour and a half. Shortly thereafter, Director James Comey said there would be no indictment in the case; even though Clinton did not hand over “several thousand” work emails to the State Department, there was no proof of “intentional misconduct.”
Lynch didn’t help herself when she met privately with former President Bill Clinton on a Phoenix tarmac on July 2, while the investigation was under way. Lynch later admitted the meeting “cast a shadow” on her decision-making on the case, but assured the public she would “be accepting” the FBI prosecutors’ recommendation.
New York Police should be so lucky. As the Times reported, FBI officials in New York oppose bringing charges against Officer Daniel Pantaleo and others involved in the 2014 arrest of Eric Garner, 43, for selling bootleg cigarettes. Pantaleo wrapped an arm around Garner’s neck. Garner protested, “I can’t breathe.” (After an ambulance arrived, Garner had a heart attack.)
It is painful to watch video of the fateful arrest, but a state grand jury saw the video, heard Pantaleo testify that he did not mean to use a choke hold, and chose not to bring charges in December 2014. The grand jury did not see intentional misconduct.
Brooklyn FBI officials who investigated Garner’s death oppose prosecuting Pantaleo and his fellow officers. Rather than heed them, Lynch is steering the case toward Washington staff in the Justice Department’s civil rights division who want to prosecute the arresting officers.
Clinton gets every consideration, NYPD gets every doubt. Pantaleo’s attorney Stuart London told the Times, “In our system of justice, politics should never take the place of rule of law.” That’s a quaint thought, but in this Obama administration there is a clear double standard. The bar is so unreasonably high there is no way prosecutors can establish if Clinton meant to break the law, but the Justice Department has few qualms about presuming the worst about beat cops.
BAD NEWS TOMORROW FOR THE DIRECTOR...
CAN THE QUEEN BAIL US OUT OF THIS MESS WE FIND OURSELVES IN?
Received from Glenn Bytheway
Queen Offers to Restore British Rule Over United States
By Andy Borowitz
The New Yorker — October 28, 2016
LONDON (The Borowitz Report) — In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America.
Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”
“This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn’t end well,” she said.
The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”
Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”
Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person “very occasionally.”
Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on eBay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window.
I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.
I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.
Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on eBay) and ran it up my flag pole.
Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I have NEVER felt safer, and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.
Plus, I bought a burka to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way, and security can't pat me down. If they say I'm a male wearing a burka, I just say I'm feeling like a woman today.
Hot Damn! Safe at last. Is this administration great or what?
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Received from Bruce Morton
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with a frog in its mouth, I grabbed it behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. Its eyes rolled back and it went limp.
I released the snake in the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog for bait.
Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that damn snake…with two more frogs.
Life is good.
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Received from Tom Weston
Trump supporters fight back:
Vandalism of Trump signs is rampant all across America. One supporter got fed up with it and decided to take matters in is own hands by placing a series of Trump/Pence signs beside a highway. It didn’t take long before an anti-Trump driver decided to run them over…
The Trump sign vandal was unaware that the Trump supporter had spiked the first sign with a bed of nails…
And the rest is history…
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Submitted by Russ Russell
A couple was in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing. Since they had a lot to do, she called his cell phone.
When he answered the wife asked, "Where are you, you know we have a lot to do?”
He replied, "You remember when we were in Kay Jewelers about 10 years ago and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I couldn’t afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears began to well up in her eyes and started to flow down her cheek. As she began to get choked up, she said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
"Well, I’m in the gun shop next door to Kay’s.”
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
Oct. 26 — Nov. 1
Oct. 26: Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 69 years old today — while Donald Trump said, “The media is reporting that today is Hillary’s birthday, but a lot of people are telling me that it’s actually MY birthday. Rigged!”
Hillary’s press secretary posted a photo on Twitter of the staff surprising Hillary with a cake for her birthday. It was really fun — you could hardly tell that Hillary had spent two hours practicing her “surprised” face.
Hillary went to a fundraiser here in New York City that was attended by Stevie Wonder. And even Stevie was like, “Let me guess — loud pantsuit?”
It was announced that Shaquille O’Neal is now the owner of a Krispy Kreme Doughnuts franchise in downtown Atlanta. They serve all kinds of doughnuts, or as Shaq calls them, “frosted Cheerios.”
Oct, 31: It is Halloween, which means you just spent the night handing out candy, or you've been sitting completely still in the dark, pretending that you weren't home.
I saw a new study that says that eating over 1,500 pieces of candy corn could actually kill you. Which shouldn't be a problem since the current record for eating a piece of candy corn is two.
Hillary Clinton got quite a scare tonight. I guess a trick-or-treater came to the door dressed as a lie detector.
When kids rang Donald Trump's bell and yelled, “Trick or treat,” Trump yelled “Trick,” and before the kids could grab any candy, declared bankruptcy. Boom, just like that.
These Hillary email scandals brought Anthony Weiner back into the news. Here's a question nobody is asking. Anthony Weiner is Jewish, right? Right? So, does this scandal make him a Hebrew National Weiner?
Nov. 1: While hosting their final White House Halloween party yesterday, first lady Michelle Obama actually told the kids, “Hey! Candy for everybody!” Then Barack looked around and was like, “OK, who’s that in the Michelle Obama costume?”
The election is just one week from today. So I guess in one week, we’ll know if Donald Trump is our next president — or if Hillary Clinton rigged the election.
A memo from a veteran spy says that Vladimir Putin has been supporting Donald Trump for five years. After hearing this, Trump said, “Oh my God, I forgot it was our anniversary! What do you get for five years? I hope it’s not CHINA?”
There are rumors that Kim Jong Un’s wife is pregnant with their second child. And you’ll know the baby is Kim Jong Un’s when it ALSO kinda looks like a baby.
This month, the world’s oldest person will turn 117, and she says she eats two raw eggs every day. When asked what she wants for her birthday, she said, “A skillet. I’ve been asking for a pan since 1916.”
Oct. 26: New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning is denying reports that he yelled out “Trump!” to signal an audible during Sunday’s game. Manning said actually “Trump” is a signal for “Illegal Use of Hands.”
In an interview, Newt Gingrich accused Megyn Kelly of being more interested in sex than public policy. Then Kelly explained that everyone is more interested in sex than public policy.
A new report says North Korea’s elite get to enjoy perks like pizzas, pony rides, and dolphin shows. In other words: Kim Jong Un is running his country like a divorced dad with weekend custody.
In South Carolina, a woman was convicted of defrauding her sorority of $235,000. It was the landmark case of Jen v. A Bunch of Ashleys.
In New York, a group of Burger King employees dressed up their restaurant as a McDonald’s for Halloween. And in an even crazier stunt, Olive Garden employees dressed up their workplace as an Italian restaurant.
The Clinton campaign released a video of vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine and rapper Pusha T discussing social issues at a campaign stop. Tim Kaine had a lot of questions for Pusha T, the first being “Who are you?”
Today is a special day, today is Hillary Clinton’s birthday. You could email her a birthday card, or just send it straight to WikiLeaks.
Oct. 26: We would be remiss if we didn’t start off by wishing Hillary Clinton a happy birthday. It must be tough being a close friend of Hillary. I mean, no matter what you get Hillary Clinton for her birthday, it will never be as good as the gift Billy Bush gave her.
Hillary’s birthday party is just like any other birthday party except when people yell “speech, speech,” she charges them $250,000.
Last night was game one of the World Series, the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs, and it was a shutout. The Cubs never even scored. They should change their name to the James Cordens in High School.
Cubs fans believe that they’ve been cursed since 1945 when a guy tried to bring his goat Murphy into the stadium but was denied because of the goat’s foul odor. To be clear, they didn’t let the goat in not because it was a goat but because it smelled bad. That is how long it’s been since the Cubs were even in the World Series — goat admittance was on a case-by-case basis.
Last night Taco Bell did a promotion where if a player stole a base, everyone in America would get a free Doritos Locos Taco. And this is a great way for both players and fans to get a lot of runs.
The ride share company Uber announced a promotion this week called Uber Health where people can use their app toward a free flu shot. So yeah, if you don’t mind a high-tech company known for tracking people’s movements injecting you with a random substance, this is for you.
When Uber drivers were asked today if that why they had a syringe in the glove box, they were like, “Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, the flu shots. Uh-huh, the flu shots.”
Imagine how terrified you would be if you meant to call a regular Uber and suddenly a guy gets out of the car and says, “Drop your pants, this is going to take a minute.”
Oct. 31: It makes sense on the weekend of Halloween that Donald Trump's campaign comes back from the dead for one final scare.
On Friday, FBI Director James Comey sent a letter to Republican lawmakers saying he has found new emails that may be involved in the Hillary Clinton email scandal and that the FBI plans to investigate. Donald Trump has been caught on tape admitting he gropes women and yet the election has turned back to emails.
The emails the FBI are investigating actually came from the computer of Anthony Weiner. Anthony Weiner is, of course, the politician who was disgraced for sending naked pictures to, well, just about everyone. Of course a Weiner was going to get in the way of the first female president in the White House.
On Sunday night, Trump supporters started using the hashtag “Hillary for Prison,” but they were adding an extra "I" so it read hashtag “Hillary for Prision." They thought that the correct spelling was being blocked by Twitter.
The thing is, nobody who wants Hillary to go to jail can even describe to you why she should have to go there. They're like, "because, you know, there was the email thing and — hashtag prision, man." Which makes me thing that these people are "mor-ions."
Nov. 1: Halloween is over, now it’s on to stage two of your holiday weight-gain, Thanksgiving. This is the day where everyone decides between booking a flight to your family for Thanksgiving or just staying home and being happy.
Last night, on a plane from Boston to L.A., a dad passed out candy to passengers so that his three-year-old daughter who was on the plane with him could go trick-or-treating. That’s sweet because you weren’t on the plane. You forget that after that, they all enjoyed a five-hour flight with a wired three-year-old running around on a sugar high.
I think he may be setting her up for a life of disappointment, because getting on a flight and everyone loving you and giving you whatever you want, that’s the opposite of flying.
The holiday season is in full swing, and you know that because Starbucks has changed the color of their cups. Some people are saying they were angry when they went to get their red cup and, instead, got a green cup. And if you’re one of the people upset by this, you need to switch to decaf.
Dunkin’ Donuts is releasing a new iced doughnut filled with vanilla-flavored buttercream, and topped with a sprinkling of crushed candy cane. On the bright side, Dunkin’ Donuts finally put “Jesus” back into Christmas. As in, “Jesus, you’re not going to eat that, are you?”
Oct. 26: This is night two of the World Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Cleveland Indians. The Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908. The Indians haven’t won since 1948, which means it will be a very big deal if either team wins. It will also be a very big deal if neither team wins.
Donald Trump was on the Herman Cain radio show yesterday criticizing, of all things, wind. He said he’s against wind turbines because they’re killing eagles and thousands of other birds. Like Bob Seger, he’s against the wind.
I happen to know why Donald Trump is against wind power and I’ll tell you, it’s not because it kills birds. Donald Trump is against wind because of what it does to his hair.
Bill Clinton is trying to figure out what his official title would be if his wife becomes president. Hillary has said that she likes the term first gentleman. She hasn’t been able to say it without laughing but she likes the term.
Bill has suggested first volunteer, first dude, and first laddie. If I had a vote I would go with the first lady’s man.
Oct. 31: Imagine what an amazing place America would be if we put as much time and effort as we do into our Halloween costumes into literally anything else.
According to a survey of over 40,000 Americans, candy corn was the most popular Halloween candy state by state. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups got the most votes overall. So basically, Reese's got the popular vote and candy corn won the Electoral College.
The bigger question is who the hell loves candy corn so much? I mean, was this a survey of people with no teeth?
In Arizona, the favored Halloween candy is Toblerone. That's when you know you have too many old people living in your state. Where do you even get Toblerone? Are children trick-or-treating at duty-free shops at the airport? I haven't seen Toblerone outside of that.
Oct. 26: Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 69 today. She made a wish, and then deleted the candles.
In an interview last night with MSNBC, Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence accidentally referred to Trump as his opponent. Which is ridiculous — everyone knows Trump is his own opponent.
Trump supporter Newt Gingrich last night accused Fox News’ Megyn Kelly of being “fascinated with sex” by continuing to report on women accusing Donald Trump of inappropriate behavior. Newt, there’s a difference between being “fascinated by sex” and being “horrified by sexual assault.” It’s kind of like Beyoncé and Rihanna — everyone knows the difference except old white men.
Microsoft announced a free update to Windows today that allows users to take photos and edit them in 3D. Critics are calling it “the most exciting thing you’ll ever explain to your grandma.”
A school in California is testing a new program that forgoes traditional teachers and has students teach and grade each other’s classwork. So good luck to the students at “Straight A’s Academy!”
Oct. 31: Today was Halloween and right on cue, Hillary's private email server came back from the dead.
There are just eight days left until the election. So if anyone's still thinking of running, now's the time.
After claiming the election is rigged, Donald Trump said at a rally last week that the country should, quote, "Just cancel the election and give it to Trump." And then on Friday, FBI director James Comey said, "OK."
Donald Trump told supporters last night that Hillary Clinton wants to bring 650 million immigrants into the United States within one week of taking office. Whereas if he wins, Canada gets 150 million immigrants.
NASA's early-warning asteroid intruder alert system spotted an asteroid as it passed by Earth last night, and I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Come back, asteroid!"
A Trump supporter was arrested in Iowa last week for in-person voter fraud after she attempted to vote twice. She said the first vote was to make America great. And the second one was to make America great again.
Nov. 1: The 2016 presidential election is in exactly one week! One weak Republican, and one weak Democrat.
That’s right, there’s exactly one week until Election Day, and this is probably a bad sign, but that’s where the calendar just stops.
Ted Cruz posted a photo on Twitter last night of himself dressed as the Phantom of the Opera for Halloween. Said trick-or-treaters, “Aggh! We can still see half your face!”
A Pennsylvania rapper who has a song called “Sell Drugz” was arrested this week for allegedly selling narcotics. Even worse, his attorney has a song called “Lose Cases.”
Google has announced it is partnering with the new Harry Potter spinoff to create an app that will allow fans to use spells to control their phones. Hopefully it includes the spell “Group Textus Removus.”
Google is reportedly working on an update to the mobile version of its Chrome web browser to make it easier for people to use one handed. So I guess they’re finally admitting what most people are using the Internet for.
Oct. 26: We are 13 days from the election, and it is a hard time for those on board the Trump train because somehow, it hit an iceberg and is sinking.
Trump’s surrogates are doing just what the passengers on the “Titanic” did — remaining calm on the ship and talking about how great it is.
Last night, former Speaker Newt Gingrich was asked by Megyn Kelly if Trump is a sexual predator. Gingrich accused Kelly of being more fascinated with sex than public policy. First off, everybody is more fascinated with sex than public policy. If you’re not, there’s a pill for that now.
But the thing is, Megyn “Kelly File” isn’t talking about fun-time, bedroom whoopee-making. She’s talking about assault. Wait, unless Newt doesn’t know the difference? Maybe no one gave him the talk. Hold on, let’s do this: “Newt, sweetheart, you’re growing up so fast. In fact, you’re 73. Your body’s changing.”
Oct. 31: On Friday, FBI Director James Comey re-animated the corpse of the Hillary Clinton email scandal. It's alive! It's alive!
The FBI found the emails while investigating illicit messages sent to an underage girl by Clinton aide Huma Abedin's estranged husband and es-strange guy Anthony Weiner.
Apparently, they found them while searching his laptop. Dear God, I hope they used gloves.
This October surprise comes right as Secretary Clinton was riding high in the polls in the wake of sexual assault accusations against Donald Trump. Truly, for the Clinton campaign, horny men giveth, and horny men taketh away.
Nov. 1: Mark one’s calendar because Election Day is but one week away. Seven days. Enough time to tell your family you love them and make your peace with God. As the captain of the “Titanic” once said, “This is not a drill.”
The polls are tightening. The latest ABC News/ Washington Post poll has Donald Trump moving ahead of Hillary Clinton by one point as enthusiasm declines. Though, to be fair, any time Trump gets close to a woman, enthusiasm tends to decline.
For the first time in their 111-year history, Variety has endorsed a presidential candidate — Hillary Clinton. That’s right, the magazine named Variety said, “Let’s have a second President Clinton!”
Democratic contributor Donna Brazile has resigned from CNN after WikiLeaks revealed she leaked a primary debate question to the Clinton campaign. Turns out the question was about lead poisoning in Flint, Michigan. So, finally, someone lost their job over Flint.
LIKE BURGER KING, HAVE IT YOUR WAY...
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
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“Spectacular” is the only want to describe this video slide show contribution from Don Hale. Click HERE and see if you don’t agree. (6:43)
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Ever wonder what the Earth would look like if all the ice melted? If you believe that the effects of climate change are irreversible and sea levels will continue to rise at a greater rate year after year until all of the ice is gone — whether global warming is man-made or not — THIS is what our home in the Solar System could eventually look like. (2:44)
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Fear not. Just act cool and try not to scare THEM and you should be OK. (Emphasis on the word “should.”) (0:48)
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Want to see how dangerous it can be to try and rescue a homeless Pit Bull? Have a look at THIS Hope for Paws clip and see for yourself. (3:05)
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When it comes to cars, are you pretty good with a wrench? If so, we challenge you to match the mechanical ingenuity of the gear heads in this video received from Larry Otter. Our best guess is that THIS took place in the Australian Outback or South Africa. (3:10)
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Bob Kosovilka is proud to proclaim that THIS is a typical Russian truck driver and almost a typical Russian truck. (0:27)
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Step into our transporter and join us on an instant trip to Ottawa where the Greek Community in this Canadian city puts on a flash mob to promote Ottawa’s Greek Festival. THIS should be worth watching as it has garnered well over 4 million views. (8:10) — "OPA"
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When it comes to dance videos, Alice Murphy said, “You’ve got to see this!” After watching it, we are thinking that the clip dispels the theory that you can lose WEIGHT by taking dance lessons. (5:05)
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Last week’s Flash Mob at the St Pancras Train Station in London wasn’t the first time commuters had been entertained at that venue. THIS clip that was posted on Sept. 28th featured what is called “Four Bosses of Boogie Woogie.” The contribution from Dirk Parsons has to be seen and heard to be appreciated. (3:09)
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Hey, guys, here’s a solution to an embarrassing problem. Imagine you are working out on a treadmill in a gym and your attention is diverted for a moment that causes you to lose your footage and fly off the machine. How do you recover and keep your ego in check? There are TWO GUYS in this clip who will show you. (1:04)
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For those of you who have an interest in the criminal justice system of the early 20th century, here’s a short and graphic story on the AMBUSH capture of Bonnie and Clyde. (5:40)
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Poor Sully (Sullenberger) can’t catch a break. Last week Saturday Night Live poked fun of the hero from the “Miracle on the Hudson,” and with the release of “Sully” in the theaters, THIS movie reviewer for “The Onion” is accusing him of being a bird killer. In our view it should be enough to convince Sully to cross-train and become a railroad engineer! (2:45)
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We are closing this week’s Farsider with another segment of an Andre Riéu concert. This time he brought his Johann Strauss Orchestra to Mexico and treated south-of-the-border concert goers to his magical music. This is a cut from Riéu's DVD “Fiesta Mexicana” (available from Amazon). Half the fun of seeing his concerts is watching the reaction of his audience. See if you don’t agree by clicking HERE. (3:46)
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Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION
ROSTER as of 11/3/16
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
Cyndi Aligo — Address change
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <email@example.com>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve