The Farsider is an independent publication that is not
affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
RETIRED OFFICER BOB LEDFORD
Born Nov. 16, 1931
Appointed Aug. 1962
Retired Nov. 1994
Died Sept. 19, 2016
Resident of San Jose
Mercury News obituary, Sept. 26...
Bob passed away after a valiant battle with Parkinson’s Disease and Cancer. He lived a long and fulfilling life with a focus on serving and protecting our Country and this Community, which he loved. Upon graduating High School he served in the United States Marine Corps. He later earned a Bachelor of Science from San Jose State. Bob enjoyed a 30 year career with the San Jose Police Department. In 1980 he was awarded the Police Medal of Valor for rescuing a baby from an overturned, burning vehicle while gasoline spilled.
Bob is survived by his beloved and treasured partner, Joan Davis, his children; Gary, Linda, Dale and Step-son, Dale Davis. Beloved Grandfather of 7 and Great-Grandfather of 4. His daughter, Beth, preceded him in death. You will be greatly missed by your family and countless others whose lives you touched and enriched.
Friends are invited to a graveside service at 11 a.m. on Saturday, Oct. 1st, at Los Gatos Memorial Park, 2255 Los Gatos-Almaden Road, San Jose, CA 95124
Remember that we have shirts for Mike Katherman's End Of Watch/Motors Unit available at the SJPOA Office for $20. All profits will go to the Katherman Family.
RETIREES ASSN. NEWS
Some of you have asked questions regarding the authorization for dues deductions mailed out by the Office of Retirement Services. That authorization is for dues to maintain your status as a member of the San Jose Police Officers' Association (SJPOA). The authorization is NOT for your membership dues to the Association of Retired San Jose Police Officers Association.
The authorization for membership dues deductions for our organization was completed a few years ago. If you have any questions regarding the authorization for SJPOA dues, please contact them directly at (408) 298-1133.
Mike Alford <firstname.lastname@example.org>
THE TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE, THE SJPD AND THE SJFD
There is little question that this goes well beyond being one of SJPD’s “Bad Apples” from a few decades ago…
is Charged with Aiding Vietnamese Gangs
—Prosecutor: Veteran cop accessed SJPD computer system to leak investigative information to criminals—
By Robert Salonga <email@example.com>
Mercury News — Sept. 23, 2016
SAN JOSE — A San Jose police officer linked to Vietnamese organized crime was arraigned Thursday on charges he leaked police intelligence to gang members.
Derrick Antonio, 34, was charged with five counts of unauthorized computer access — involving police databases — and one count of being an accessory to a crime after the fact. All of the charges are appended with gang enhancements that increase potential penalties and jail time.
Antonio, who is free on bail, briefly appeared in a San Jose courtroom Thursday afternoon. He did not enter a plea and is scheduled to next appear in court Oct 3. The nine-year member of SJPD declined comment after the hearing.
He faces a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison if convicted on all charges.
Jose police Officer Derrick Antonio walks into court before
his arraignment Thursday at Santa Clara County Superior Court.
He faces five counts of unauthorized computer access and a
count of being an accessory to a crime.
Deputy District Attorney Crystal Seiler said the charges against Antonio stem from allegations that on five different occasions, he accessed the SJPD computer system to leak investigative information to gang members. He is also charged with feeding information to them after an unspecified gang assault.
“It’s disappointing when a law enforcement officer finds himself in this position and, frankly, it besmirches the badges of our men and women in law enforcement,” Seiler said.
Antonio has been on paid administrative leave since June after his name came up during an investigation dubbed “Operation: Gang of Thrones,” described as a “criminal-conspiracy investigation” that began in March and culminated Aug. 23 with his arrest alongside nearly two-dozen other suspects.
San Jose police Officer Derrick Antonio waves
to a camera as he leaves the courthouse.
The six-month probe spearheaded by the SJPD gang investigations unit — and involving the FBI and Drug Enforcement Administration — targeted a sophisticated gambling, extortion and drug trafficking ring run out of some of the myriad Vietnamese cafes that dot the city.
The reach of the operation was illustrated Aug. 23 when, in addition to federal agents, SJPD tapped an array of personnel from the Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Office, District Attorney’s Office, Santa Clara and Milpitas police, and the Orange County Sheriff’s Department. They served search and arrest warrants at locations in San Jose, Santa Clara, Milpitas, Fremont, Anaheim. And Louisiana state troopers intercepted a freight shipment carrying a huge cache of narcotics headed from the Bay Area to Westwego, Louisiana, just outside New Orleans.
Antonio has been charged alongside 23 other defendants spanning six separate but related cases covering crimes including extortion, public corruption, narcotic trafficking, assault, illegal gun possession and conspiracy. At least two homicides are associated with the group, authorities say. Five of the defendants who are out of custody owing to bail and low-level offenses were also arraigned Tuesday. And five at-large suspects are still being sought on conspiracy, accessory after the fact, narcotics and gambling charges.
San Jose police Officer Derrick Antonio waits to be
arraigned in Santa Clara County Superior Court. He
is charged with unauthorized computer access.
After reading Bruce Morton’s frustrating tale of trying to qualify at the SJPD Pistol Range, I thought it might be time to remind our fellow retirees that there are “remote qualification” options that the Department will accept. For the last few years I have provided remote qualification for our retirees (and many from other agencies) at the Nevada County Sportsmen’s Club, just outside of Nevada City, CA.
The qualifications normally occur on Wednesdays, Sundays and some Saturdays (the only days our Ranges are open) by appointment. The cost is $10.00 for the Range fees. The retirees normally provide their handgun(s), ammo, hearing and eye protection, and War Stories from our past. The Club provides the targets, target frames, etc. The SJPD Personnel and the qualification forms are available on-line, or I can provide copies, if necessary.
Since April and I have a second home in Truckee where we spend a great deal of time, I can also do qualifications in the Truckee area for those live closer to that location. Shooting can occur 7 days a week, but is limited during the late Fall and Winter months. No Range fee required.
Retirees might also want to check with their local law enforcement agencies, shooting clubs and private ranges to see if they will provide the remote qualifications, without requiring the long drive and frustrations of going to the SJPD Range.
Bill, thanks again to you and Leroy for keeping the family together and well informed. Feel free to edit and shorten this reminder message as you see appropriate.
Dan Bullock <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Good info, Dan. And it’s a pleasure to receive a message that needs no editing. Highly unusual.
• • • • •
Loved the Ken Block Gymkhana videos! Here's one you might enjoy: Recently, Motor Trend once again lined up a dozen of the fastest cars around and raced them down the quarter mile. It's a well-produced video. and you might be surprised at the outcome. Or maybe not.
Dirk (Parsons) <email@example.com>
As a car freak I love this sort of stuff as it takes me back to my youth when I watched the mailbox for the latest issues of Hot Rod, Motor Trend, Car & Driver and Road & Track. HERE is the link readers can click on if they want to view this well produced video.
• • • • •
In my humble opinion, both vice-presidential candidates are more qualified to be President than the two wannabees we currently have. As it stands now, it might come down to two simple truths when it comes to making our final decision on voting day. If we want a bucking bronco in the china shop, then we might cast in favor of Trump. He'll shake things up nationwide and world wide, but no one can judge what he will do. But for sure it won't be politics as usual. Could be exactly what is needed; jump start and kick ass, or it could be a complete disaster. One never knows in advance. People say they are 'scared to death' of Trump. That's because they are scared to death of change. Does the nation have the guts to go along with yippee ki yay?
With Hilary it will be the normal and familiar corporate corruption at play in the White House; she's been bought off by so many people who have a vested interest in holding to the status quo. She's been in politics so long she thinks she's entitled, like it's her right of inheritance. Bow to the queen. Bill will be her number one advisor on most issues (that's just a plain fact, weather she'll admit it or not). With her, the lid might or might not be kept on the boiling pot for a time (boiling pot as in ready to explode). Will her health hold up? Will her mind hold up? Can we trust her? Most people can't and don't. Not even close. What else is she hiding? How much more will she cover up?
I'm writing this prior to the first debate, but my guess is that it will still hold true till Nov. 8th. Before that day maybe we could all step back and not get distracted or confused by all the rhetoric and the daily barrage of words flying every which way. When it's all said and done, it's going come down to two basic themes: shake things up and trust, or status quo liberal business as usual. Your choice.
Either way, between these two, to engage the vote in this election will be a tricky risky gamble for all of us.
Dave (Scannell) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I can’t argue with your points, Dave, but remember, there are only a handful of states that will determine who wins, and California isn’t one of them. Point of fact: All of California’s electoral votes will be going to Hillary, so a vote for Trump here in the Golden State is an exercise in futility.
• • • • •
I can't say the debate was impressive. I think I could have done a better job except I can't stand for 90 minutes. I'm over the hill.
Trump missed an obvious opening on the "hacking-cyber issue" by not saying the obvious. Hillary created a gift to hackers with her personal server. Why he dropped that issue baffles me. Trump got drilled on his income tax returns not being revealed.
All in all, my 90 minutes could have been better spent petting my dog.
Phil (Norton) <email@example.com>
Consider yourself lucky, Phil. I don’t have a dog!
NEW VANGUARD NOW AVAILABLE ONLINE
The September 2016 eVanguard is now online. Hard copies of the magazine should have already arrived in the mail.
Click HERE to download the newsletter.
NEW RETIREES ASSN. NEWSLETTER ALSO AVAILABLE ONLINE
The latest electronic version of the Billy & Spanner is now available on-line. Thank you to all who have agreed to receive the on-line version of the newsletter.
You can read the newsletter by clicking HERE
AN UNSECURED WEAPON COULD NOW COST A COP A $1,000 FINE
Brown Signs Police Gun Bill
—Officers will have to lockup firearms left in cars, after two high-profile thefts—
By Thomas Peele <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mercury News — Sept. 27, 2016
SACRAMENTO — Gov. Jerry Brown on Monday signed legislation, inspired by two high-profile Bay Area killings, that requires police officers — like other gun owners — to lock up their weapons when they park their squad cars and personal vehicles. The new law, sponsored by state Sen. Jerry Hill, comes more than a year after Kate Steinle was shot in the back on a San Francisco pier by a drifter with a federal agent’s stolen gun, and an Oakland street artist was killed with another agent’s stolen gun while painting an anti-violence mural under a freeway overpass.
Under the new legislation, officers, like everyone else, could face an infraction and a $1,000 fine for leaving a weapon unsecured.
The new law closes a loophole so law enforcement officers — just like all gun owners — must lock away guns when leaving them in a car. “This is a matter of basic public safety and common sense,” Hill said Monday. He said the governor never discussed the bill with him and that he wasn’t completely confident Brown would sign it. “But it just made too much sense.”
An investigation by this news organization revealed that law enforcement agents in California frequently lose possession of their weapons: More than 944 guns were lost or stolen from police since 2010, an alarming number that also helped propel Rep. Mark DeSaulnier to introduce similar legislation in Congress to crack down on cops who don’t safeguard their weapons in vehicles nationwide.
Steinle died in her father’s arms on July 1, 2015, after being shot with a gun stolen from a federal Bureau of Land Management officer. Less than three months later, artist Antonio Ramos was killed with a gun stolen from an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent. Both weapons were left unsecured in vehicles that the officers had parked in San Francisco.
Despite the devastating outcomes and high publicity surrounding the two killings, the Bay Area News Group’s investigation found officers continued to leave weapons unsecured in their vehicles. Four FBI guns have been stolen from vehicles in the Bay Area this year, including three in Benicia; Salinas police had three guns stolen from cars in a six week period in April and May.
And a San Jose police cadet resigned on the eve of becoming an officer after his gun was stolen from his car in late October while he was in a restaurant at Cupertino’s Vallco Shopping Mall.
The new law “is a great first step,” said Frank Pitre, a lawyer who represents the families of Steinle and Ramos. But he said he wants to see police agencies toughen the discipline they face administratively when they leave a weapon vulnerable.
“The discipline needs to have teeth,” he said. “A suspension, and, when appropriate, a termination. They have to make sure there are consequences.”
Hill said he sponsored the bill because police departments weren’t doing enough to deter thefts. Department policies ordering officers to safely store weapons ”didn’t work,” he said.
The new law will require officers to store weapons in their vehicles in a locked box.
This news organization’s investigation found that between 2010 and June of this year, more than 90 weapons were stolen from parked vehicles when officers left them in backpacks and duffel bags or in glove boxes or shoved under seats. Sometime the cars were unlocked. Most thefts occurred from officers’ personal vehicles.
This news organization also found officers who lost guns — even for careless reasons — were almost never disciplined.
The president of the state Police Chiefs Association said the law will remind officers what they have to do when leaving a weapon alone in a car.
“The more we can do to keep guns from being stolen, it’s an important cause,” said Ventura police Chief Ken Corney. “There will be that extra accountability to help (officers) make the right call.”
WANT TO AVOID THE INCONVENIENCE OF A BACKGROUND CHECK FOR AMMO? STOCK UP SOON
Gun Control Measure Leads by a 2-to-1 Ratio
—Newsom’s initiative would force buyers of ammunition to face background checks—
By Jessica Calefati <email@example.com>
Mercury News — Sept. 23, 2016
SACRAMENTO — A gun control initiative placed on the November ballot by Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom in the wake of several high-profile mass shootings is leading by a 2-to-1 ratio with strong support from liberals who live on the coast, a new poll shows.
Proposition 63 would force ammunition purchasers to undergo background checks and outlaw possession of high-capacity ammunition magazines. It would do little to impact a package of legislation that Gov. Jerry Brown signed in July that already tightens rules for firearms owners. But that doesn’t seem to matter to voters.
Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom placed Prop 63 on the ballot
The new Field/IGS Poll found 60 percent of likely voters surveyed the week of Sept. 7 support the initiative while 30 percent say they’re opposed. Only 10 percent reported being undecided. The poll also shows a similar share of likely voters favor Proposition 64, which would legalize marijuana for adult use. A poll on Wednesday from the Public Policy Institute of California also showed 60 percent of likely voters support legalizing marijuana.
Supporters of the gun control initiative applauded the poll results and said they’re proof of what Newsom has been saying since he launched the Safety for All campaign late last year: that voters deserve a chance to take on the gun lobby and endorse sensible rules that will make Californians safer. Last week, a USC Dornsife/Los Angeles Times poll found 64 percent of voters supported the measure.
“People are ready to stand up to the National Rifle Association and take bold action to reduce gun violence,” said Dan Newman, a spokesman for the Safety for All campaign.
Gun rights advocates dismissed the poll results and warned supporters not to get too comfortable, noting that turnout this season will be unusually tough to predict and that a ballot as crowded as the one voters must navigate in November could yield some surprises.
“The Stop 63 community will show up to stop this radical measure come rain or come shine because they know that it does nothing to stop crime and only hurts hardworking, law-abiding Californians,” said Craig DeLuz, a spokesman for the Firearms Policy Coalition, a gun advocacy group.
Most of Proposition 63’s support comes from Democrats, liberals and coastal county voters, the poll found. But while it shows two-thirds of GOP voters oppose the measure, it also reveals that a little more than half of residents who live in the state’s conservative inland counties back it.
Along with requiring background checks for bullet sales and banning possession of high-capacity ammunition magazines, Proposition 63 would also force licensed vendors to report ammunition theft within 48 hours, make theft of a firearm a felony and create a new court process to ensure that firearms are surrendered by people upon conviction of serious crimes.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield
Received from Joe Suske
1921 — 2004
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There's nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself right now.”
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, “Because you came home early.”
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.
My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had
anything to play with.
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did every thing we could, but he pulled through anyway."
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent one of my fingers to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get?
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
And that’s why we miss Rodney Dangerfield.
• • • • •
Received from Bruce Morton
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to him pulled out her mobile phone.
She started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train. Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later she was still talking loudly and the man sitting next to her had enough. He leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her mobile phone in public any longer.
• • • • •
Received from Joe Devane
At The Villages in Florida there was a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I miss Chicago."
The following morning the owner found that someone had broken the windows, stole the radio, trashed the interior and left a note on the seat that read: "Hope this helps"
SOLVING AMERICA'S OVERWEIGHT PROBLEM
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
Sept. 21 — 26
Sept. 21: It was announced that you’ll be able to watch next week’s debate on Twitter. So, finally a way to see Trump say something really crazy on Twitter.
I saw that on Monday Donald Trump met with the Egyptian president in New York City while he’s in town for the U.N. General assembly. Trump said he’s always felt connected to Egypt, mostly because Trump University was a huge pyramid scheme.
House Speaker Paul Ryan was at the airport and didn’t recognize a three-year congresswoman from Massachusetts. And even asked her, “So what do you do?” Ryan realized she was a congresswoman when she answered, “Nothing.”
Apparently Kanye West just gave Kim Kardashian a massive second diamond engagement ring. Kim said, “Wow, thank you so much.” While every married guy in America said, “Yeah, thank you so much.”
New research found that pigeons can actually be taught to read. And once the researcher finished teaching the pigeon, the first thing it wrote was, “Get a life, man.”
Sept. 22: They’re offering the debate in virtual reality, so if you want to feel like you’re actually on stage during the debate, here’s your chance, Jeb.
Trump was actually describing himself in an interview this week and said that his strongest suit is his temperament. Although sadly, even that suit is made in China.
Singer Marilyn Manson recently said he doesn’t plan on voting, because he doesn’t like Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. That story, again — the 2016 election: Too scary for Marilyn Manson.
A letter written by George Washington in 1786 is going on sale for $35,000. The letter is to a friend and says, “Don’t tell anyone, but I was born in Kenya.”
Fashion designer Ralph Lauren is working on an autobiography. You can buy it full price at any of his stores or just wait until it is half price in a bin at T.J. Maxx.
Sept. 23: A White House email account was hacked and a lot of their information was leaked yesterday. They're saying the information was stolen from the Gmail account of a low-level staffer. Then Joe Biden was like, "Technically, my title is vice president."
Mark Zuckerberg's wife, Priscilla, says their 10-month-old daughter won't be allowed to sign up for Facebook until she's 13 because she has to follow the rules. That's so sweet that she thinks teens will still be into Facebook in 13 years.
New data finds that more Americans are bringing their own lunch to work every day. As evidenced by the inside of your break room microwave that looks like a triple homicide just took place.
It was reported today that due to his role in the Bridge-gate scandal, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie could face impeachment. When he heard that, Christie said, "MMM, peach, mint."
Sept. 26: The debate was actually split into several themes. America’s direction, America’s prosperity, America’s security, and then strangely “America’s ninja warrior.”
There were actually 1,000 people in the audience tonight and they were instructed not to applaud or cheer during the debate. As people watching were like, “What about sobbing? Can we quietly sob?”
In addition to costumes, they also banned balloons and drones. Which explains why Trump uninvited Chris Christie and Ben Carson.
A lot of celebrities are sharing their views of the election. In an interview with Rolling Stone, Bruce Springsteen called Trump a moron. Which is why now Trump’s starting a rumor that Springsteen wasn’t really born in the USA.
A man in Florida is in jail after he was spotted riding a manatee and dared cops to arrest him. Maybe it’s just me, but if you dare cops to arrest you, try to be on a faster animal than a manatee.
Sept. 21: Today, Donald Trump told an African-American audience, “Black churches are the conscience of our country.” In response, the crowd said, “Yes, that’s why we’re not voting for you.”
Donald Trump falsely claimed that NBC News anchor Lester Holt is a Democrat, when he’s actually a registered Republican. In other words, Trump just alienated the one black guy who might have voted for him.
Fox News has forbidden Sean Hannity from appearing in any more campaign ads for Donald Trump. Fox said, “We want to appear neutral while covering the race between Mr. Trump and that Sickly Lying Witch.”
Two days ago, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were tied in Florida, but today she is up by five points. Of course, there’s a margin of error... of Florida.
In California, two women have been arrested for holding a group of men hostage and making them work for several months on a marijuana farm. The men said they wanted to escape but they never got around to it.
It’s rumored that Brad Pitt had been cheating on Angelina Jolie with an actress who looks like a young Angelina Jolie. As a result, he’s about to have the bank account of a young Brad Pitt.
Sept. 22: The presidential debate on Monday is expected to pull in huge ratings. In fact, the whole country has “Lester Holt Fever.”
There’s a rumor that one in 10 Europeans is conceived in an Ikea bed. So people putting together Ikea furniture are at least using one tool correctly.
Media experts say Monday night’s presidential debate will have a Super Bowl-sized TV audience. Of course, the Super Bowl audience drinks for fun, but Monday’s debate audience will be drinking out of sheer terror.
Six members of the cast of “The West Wing” are going to campaign for Hillary Clinton at an event in Ohio. The move has backfired, though — now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen.
Environmentalists are trying to get the bumblebee added to America’s endangered species list. Then they changed their minds after they were at a picnic for five minutes.
There’s a new startup in India that will deliver condoms within 30 minutes. Or as every guy calls that, “Way too late.”
Sept. 26: Hillary Clinton has asked “Shark Tank’s” Mark Cuban to attend tonight’s debate. Trump was furious and said, “A billionaire reality star has no business being at a presidential debate.”
A new study says men who have more sex are more likely to pray. Especially if they forgot to use birth control.
On Friday, Donald Trump added more names to his list of potential candidates for the Supreme Court. So congratulations to Judge Judy and Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Facebook is expanding its campaign to combat online hate speech. In other words, Facebook is shutting down.
Scientists now say life on Earth may have started after an accidental mashup between DNA and RNA. When asked for comment, Larry King said, “That was one crazy weekend, man.”
Before tonight’s debate, President Obama told Hillary Clinton, “Be yourself.” Then Obama told Donald Trump, “Please, please, please be yourself.”
Sept. 22: You wouldn’t know it from walking around in Hollywood, but today is the first official day of fall. Autumn is upon us and summer is gone. I don’t know. It’s kind of sad. How am I supposed to pick out a Halloween costume? I didn’t have time to get bikini-ready.
Some people are trying to figure out what they’re wearing for Halloween. It’s hard for me to relate to. If you’re looking for a political costume, I saw this online, you can be Sexy Hillary Clinton. It’s just Hillary with no pants on. That’s how she got pneumonia, by the way. Or you can be Sexy Donald Trump — or maintain a shred of dignity and be neither of them for Halloween.
The only person I can imagine dressing up as Sexy Donald Trump for Halloween is Donald Trump himself.
And neither Sexy Trump nor Sexy Clinton is half as disturbing as Sexy Bernie Sanders. He distributes the candy evenly throughout the neighborhood.
Yahoo today announced that at least 500 million user accounts have been hacked, which would be one of the biggest cyber security breaches ever. They got information from 500 million people who are still inexplicably using Yahoo.
They believe it was by a state-sponsored actor like Russia or North Korea, or maybe the Belgians are up to something. Whatever country it was is unaware no one has signed up for a Yahoo account since 1996.
Sept. 26: Tonight the main event from Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York: Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton in the first of three presidential debates. It was a long 90 minutes. But the results are in and not a single voter changed their mind. A huge waste of time. It’s very hard to believe that there are still undecided voters. The choice is pretty orange-and-white.
The experts said in order to win, Hillary Clinton had to project an image of competence, experience, wisdom, health, and vitality, without coming off as angry, bookish, or overbearing. Donald Trump had to not mention his [genitals].
This was expected to be the most-watched debate ever. The ratings were expected to rank up with the finale of “Cheers,” the finale of “M.A.S.H.” Makes sense, in a way this election feels like the series finale of America.
Sept. 21: President Barack Obama appeared before the U.N. General Assembly for the final time in his presidency to announce that the U.S. would be admitting 110,000 refugees in the coming year. Now the refugees will include people fleeing dangerous places like Syria, Libya, Florida...
This might sound like a lot of people, 110,000 people are coming in, but you’ve got to remember millions will be fleeing if Trump is elected.
Obama announced this today, the day after a tweet by the Trump campaign comparing refugees to poisoned Skittles. Obama was basically like, “It was going to be 100,000, but after your little Skittles tweet, it’s now 110,000.”
Emma Watson gave a speech about gender inequality on college campuses. If there is one issue Emma Watson is familiar with, it is large educational institutions being run by an old white guy.
Sept. 26: Tonight was the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and honestly, I meant to watch it, I really did, but right before the debate aired, I was flipping through my DVR and I ended up watching this show called “MacGyver.”
Sept. 21: President Obama’s half-brother, who lives in Kenya, told reporters this week that he will be voting for Donald Trump in the country’s mock U.S. election. Oh, that’s got to sting for Trump — an Obama wants to vote for him, but it’s the one with the Kenyan birth certificate.
Donald Trump said at a campaign rally yesterday that he would put Syrian refugees in safe zones, and make Middle Eastern countries pay for them, adding, “There’s nothing like doing things with other people’s money.” “You said it, baby,” said Melania.
Tomorrow is the first day of fall. I am so excited to watch Donald Trump change colors.
A company has come out with a new smartphone-connected candle that can light or extinguish itself on command. Of course, Samsung already has a phone that can light without a command.
Sept. 22: Sen. Elizabeth Warren said yesterday that Donald Trump is too chicken to release his tax returns. Too chicken? I don’t know. He looks more like ham to me.
Donald Trump said yesterday that there will be a great place for former presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson in his administration if he wins. Although I’m guessing it won’t be secretary of energy.
A new poll has found that almost 70 percent of voters say they have concerns about Donald Trump’s rhetoric. And the other 30 percent said [shows photo of Trump’s sons], “Which one’s Rhetoric?”
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg announced a $3 billion initiative yesterday, to cure or manage all diseases within the next lifetime. Hopefully to include whatever disease it is that makes my aunt think I want to play Candy Crush Saga.
Amazon in Japan is now offering a priest delivery service for Buddhists who don’t have a local temple. The box may look empty when it arrives, but after you gaze into it you realize the priest was inside you all along.
Sept 26: After tonight’s debate, several Fox News analysts said that Hillary Clinton was the clear winner. So maybe global warming IS a hoax because hell has frozen over.
Pundits are noting that this year’s group of debate moderators is the most diverse in history, featuring an African-American, two women, a Filipino, and an openly gay man. Trump was like, “I think I’ve heard this one before, but go ahead.”
Ahead of tonight’s debate, Hillary Clinton posted an article on Twitter pointing out that no living president has endorsed Donald Trump. Nice try, Hillary, but it just so happens that Vladimir Putin is living.
Madonna reportedly bought her son a Donald Trump piñata this weekend to celebrate his birthday. A Donald Trump piñata is just like a regular piñata, except there’s nothing inside.
Green Party candidate Jill Stein was escorted off the Hofstra University campus this afternoon after she tried to talk to reporters outside of tonight’s debate without proper credentials. As she was being dragged away by police she shouted, “Don’t you know who I am?” and they said, “No. No one does.”
Sept. 26: We all just watched Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton debate for an hour and a half. Coming into tonight’s debate, Democrats were divided between two strong emotions: panic and pants-crapping.
Democrats have not been this nervous since Anthony Weiner asked to borrow their phone.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump had to not commit murder — on camera.
Meanwhile, Hillary was so prepared, my new nickname for her is Preparation H. Yeah, it’s a compliment. In the primaries, she already proved she could “soothe the Bern.”
Of course, it did not take long for one of these two candidates to tell a lie. [clip of Hillary saying, “Donald, it’s good to be with you.”] False! Where are the fact-checkers? Pinocchio!
The debate was moderated by NBC’s Lester Holt, which makes sense since he hosted “Dateline” and is used to two rich white people who want to murder each other.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WALT DISNEY NOW?
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
GOT STUCK IN THIS MAZE FOR TWO HOURS LAST WEEK
• • • • •
I wish Mark Dice had made this offer to me. As a collector of silver bouillon, I’m fully aware of what a 10 oz. bar of pure silver is worth. It may have been worth $150 in July of last year when THIS video was made, but as of Tuesday of this week a 10 oz. bar of fine silver sells for $203 by cash or check, or $211 with a credit card. Silver or Hershey? Hmmm.
• • • • •
As near as we can tell, THIS guy is participating in “Take Your Cat To Work Day,” and there is little question that the cat is enjoying every minute of it. (1:12)
• • • • •
We see a lot of videos of servicemen being reunited with dogs after they returned home, and sometimes with dogs they served with overseas. What makes this short story unusual is THIS soldier reunited with a cat he had adopted in Afghanistan. (2:27)
• • • • •
When I first saw this clip I thought it was an animation of a couple of sea horses, but I was wrong. These are the real thing doing what is called a “courtship dance” at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. As the description says, male sea horses carry the eggs and give birth while the female fertilizes them. Good to know. If I’m going to be reincarnated and come back as a sea creature, I will adamantly REFUSE to come back as a male sea horse! (0:58)
• • • • •
WE'RE IN TROUBLE, FOLKS. THEY HAVE ALREADY GAINED A FOOTHOLD IN CANADA
• • • • •
Can any of you beat my time in THIS reaction time test? Take a many tries as you want. As a 72-year-old I'm quite proud of this reaction time. Unfortunately, I now have a case of painful carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand, dammit!
• • • • •
Bless you, Brother Macris, for sending in THIS Jackie Vernon clip that took place at a Playboy Roast of Uncle Miltie several years ago. (Why is it that all of the great comedians are dead?) (2:28)
• • • • •
Ladies, let this be a warning when you are shopping for that last minute GIFT and you know your cruise ship is about to depart. (2:21)
• • • • •
HOW TO SAVE A BUCK IN TODAY'S ECONOMY
• • • • •
If (when?) Proposition 64 passes in November and pot is legalized for social use, will we look back at THIS scene from Cheech and Chong’s “Up in Smoke” and realize how prophetic it was? (9:17)
• • • • •
Having gone back several decades with that Up in Smoke clip, let’s go one step further and look at THIS scene from “Sudden Impact” where Harry Callahan utters that famous phrase, “Go ahead, make my day.” (3:57)
• • • • •
Kudos to whoever in the Dept. produced this “Inside SJPD” presentation highlighting the Department’s “Coffee with a Cop” program. Clicking HERE will open the .pdf file. You can then use your mouse and the scroll bar to navigate through the high quality photos.
• • • • •
Well this sucks! Remember the portly guy on the left below? He skipped town several years ago when the restaurant bearing his name on Winchester Blvd. changed hands and became The Flames. The restaurant was originally the site of the first Bob’s Big Boy in Northern California and is soon to become office and/or condos. Click HERE to watch this KPIX news report. (2:32)
• • • • •
A QUESTION FOR YOU VEGANS...
• • • • •
Ouch! This is sure to leave a mark. Click HERE and watch this guy fall off a ladder, then tumble and tumble and tumble and tumble and eventually meet with a surprise after he finally comes to a stop. (0:59)
• • • • •
You may have seen on various TV shows a snippet or two of this “Funny or Die” series called “Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis” in which Hillary’s advisers suggested she appear in the hope of looking cool and capturing some millennial votes. What we have HERE is the entire five-minute clip. We’ll let you decide if it helped or hurt her campaign effort. (5:47)
We believe that Hillary’s advisers suggested she appear on the show because they heard that Barack Obama received positive reviews from millennials when he appeared on the same show two years earlier. The advisers’ mistake was forgetting that Obama can appear to look COOL to the younger generation which impossible for Hillary to pull off. (6:36)
• • • • •
We’re closing the Farsider this week with something special: It's the first ever authenticated UFO abduction interview submitted by my colleague in paranormal studies, Prof. Thomas F. Macris, AA, MA, GED, BS, PhD. Focus on what these people are telling THESE government employees from the NSA and you, too, may become a believer. (5:46)
• • • • •
(That’s "Goodbye" in Klingon)
Pic of the Week
Leroy and I knew there was something we admired
about those Cheeseheads from Green Bay...
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 9/29/16
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
Mark Clough — Added
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve