The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience
of the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
PBA MEETING REMINDER
Next Wednesday, Sept. 21
Bar Opens at 5:00
Dinner at 6:00 or thereabouts
Meeting to follow
YES on MEASURE F
Please share the letter below with your family and friends.
Click HERE to share on facebook.
Click HERE to read the letter on ProtectSanJose.com.
Click HERE to download a PDF of the letter.
~ ~ ~
Re: Open Letter to the Residents of San Jose
Dear Residents of San Jose,
San Jose Police Department answers your calls, now we need you to answer ours...
We commend Mayor Liccardo and the rational members of the City Council for publicly declaring what police officers, many residents and many local businesses have known for some time; San Jose is experiencing a "public safety emergency".
Pointing fingers and laying blame for why our police department has dwindled from over 1400 officers a few years ago to 812 street ready officers today is not what the San Jose Police Officers' Association is interested in.
We are interested in improving safety for those officers that are still here, improving 20-minute response times, recruiting and retaining police officers, and providing disability protections to officers and firefighters injured in the line of duty.
The declaration of a public safety emergency will allow Chief Eddie Garcia to redeploy investigators, detectives and special unit officers back to patrol to keep up with an increasing 911 call volume. This means that crime victims will experience delays in their cases. The SJPOA is truly sorry for that, but San Jose residents should know that those investigators and detectives that remain are committed to working hard to solve crimes.
San Jose Police Officers are called every day to help the residents of our city. But now, we need your help in passing Measure F on November 8th. Measure F will allow our police department to begin the difficult rebuilding process that lays ahead. Measure F will restore disability protections to officers and firefighters injured in the line of duty, provides a fair and affordable retirement benefit and allow us to recruit and retain officers.
When the call comes to help the residents of San Jose, SJPD will always answer those calls. We need the residents and businesses we serve to now answer the call to help rebuild our public safety by supporting Measure F on November 8th.
Paul Kelly, President
San Jose Police Officers' Association
Deleted...by request of author
THE TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE, THE SJPD AND THE SJFD
San Jose Remembers the Fallen Heroes of Sept. 11
—Hundreds gather downtown for a Mass, march and ceremony to honor first responders who died—
By Sharon Noguchi <email@example.com>
Mercury News — Sept. 12, 2016
SAN JOSE — On a day of remembrance, unity and gratitude — interspersed with messages of forgiveness and mercy — hundreds gathered in downtown San Jose Sunday for a memorial Mass, march and ceremonies to honor the first responders who died 15 years ago in the 9/11 attacks.
“We gather as a people who yearn for peace, for justice and for the common good,” said the Rev. Joseph Benedict, pastor of the Cathedral Basilica of St. Joseph in San Jose.
Firefighters and police officers commemorate the 9/11 attacks.
Organized by the San Jose Fire Department, the gathering included at least 150 uniformed officers from throughout the county and beyond from fire, police, and sheriff’s departments; the California Highway Patrol; other first-responder agencies; and cadet and Explorer Scout programs.
Beginning and ending with the mournful bagpipe tones of the Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Office Pipe Band, the ceremonies marked the 15th anniversary of the day four hijacked planes crashed and killed about 3,000 innocent people. The memorials honored first responders, including 343 New York City firefighters who died in the rescue efforts on Sept. 11, 2001.
San Jose’s remembrance actually began hours earlier, as it has on every 9/11 for the past decade and a half, with an honor guard and a moment of silence at a small fire department ceremony at 5:46 a.m. — the moment in Pacific Daylight Time when the first hijacked plane crashed into the North Tower of New York’s World Trade Center.
Because this is a “benchmark year,” fire Capt. Christopher Salcido said, the department organized the larger community ceremonies to follow.
The 1½-hour-long Mass and subsequent program at San Jose’s Fire Station 1 were at once solemn and reflective, with uplifting music by the cathedral choir and orchestra and the Gilroy High School Chamber Singers.
listen as Bishop Patrick J. McGrath delivers the homily
during a Mass commemorating the 15th anniversary of the Sept. 11
attacks at the Cathedral Basilica of St. Joseph on Sunday in San Jose.
“Today we are one with the FDNY and NYPD,” Bishop Patrick J. McGrath, of the San Jose Archdiocese, told the congregation in the majestic Cathedral Basilica of St. Joseph. Acknowledging the emergency workers who sacrificed their lives, San Jose fire Chief Curtis P. Jacobson said, “They were rushing to save lives of innocent victims while so many were running away.” Packing the cathedral, with the bright sky of a perfect late-summer day lighting up the elegant stained-glass windows, a mix of city officials, regular St. Joseph’s parishioners, families of officers and everyday people came to pay respects to the fallen and their families.
“The Mass was beautiful,” said Theresa Gaeta, 57, of San Jose. A part-time student at San Jose City College, Gaeta has no connection to victims or emergency responders. “I just wanted to give my sisters and brothers my support,” she said. The Mass conveyed a distinct message of forgiveness, as McGrath cautioned against hysteria and revenge against peace-loving people. “We can never lash back against whole communities,” referring to Muslims, he said, “because of the actions of some. “There will always be people who wish us harm,” added McGrath, who warned that in the nation’s efforts to protect itself, “we risk awakening an evil within ourselves.”
From the Gospel of Luke, the Rev. William Stout, the San Jose Fire Department’s chaplain, read the parable of the prodigal son, a story of grace and redemption.
“I thought the bishop did a great job,” said Jeff Parrish, 80, a regular churchgoer who attended the Mass with a relative and a Bible-study friend. “He was right on point to say we should not seek revenge. I thought he had a lot of courage to say what he did.”
ceremonies Sunday in San Jose, a flower wreath
honors the New York firefighters who died on Sept. 11, 2001.
After the Mass, the bagpipers, a color guard and two vintage firetrucks ferrying dignitaries led a parade of officers marching in step three blocks to San Jose’s Fire Station No. 1, where another ceremony commemorated the victims.
“As times get rough for what we do, I ask you to look down at your badges or patches,” San Jose police Chief Eddie Garcia told the uniformed officers standing at attention on Market Street.
He reminded them of the difficult nature of their job, “so we can go home at the end of the day, look in the mirror and say we made a difference.”
The 9/11 attacks altered how firefighters regard their jobs, instantly expanding the scope from firefighting and medical response to encompass what was previously rare — bombs, hostage-taking, hazardous materials and other unforeseen emergencies, said San Jose fire Capt. Darren Wallace, 47.
The training may be more varied now, but, he asked, “How do you train for a plane going into a building?” More than ever, the job involves uncertainty, while continuing to nurture a camaraderie that was evident at Sunday’s ceremonies. “You realize that bad people are out there,” Wallace said. “But I work with great people. We help people 24/7, 365 days a year.” A rendition of taps and the bagpipes’ “Amazing Grace” sounded, and a cluster of five tolls of the station bell signaled the ceremony’s end.
If this story is true it makes a wonderful statement. Hope all is well.
Bob (Brahm) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I’m happy to report that the story is true, Bob. Readers can confirm it below…
the Music Stopped
—For those who are unaware, at a military theater, the National Anthem is played before every movie.—
From a Chaplain in Iraq:
I recently attended a showing of ‘Superman 3,’ here at LSA Anaconda. We have a large auditorium we use for movies, as well as memorial services and other large gatherings. As is the custom back in the States, we stood and snapped to attention when the National Anthem began before the main feature. All was going as planned until about three-quarters of the way through The National Anthem the music stopped.
Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000 18-22 year-olds back in the States? I imagine there would be hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude comments; and everyone would d sit down and call for a movie. Of course, that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the first place. Here, the 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention, eyes fixed forward. The music started again. The Soldiers continued to quietly stand at attention. And again, at the same point, the music stopped. What would you expect to happen?
Even here I would imagine laughter, as everyone finally sat down and expected the movie to start. But here, you could have heard a pin drop. Every Soldier continued to stand at attention. Suddenly there was a lone voice , then a dozen, and quickly the room was filled with the voices of a thousand soldiers, finishing where the recording left off:’ And the rockets red glare, The bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through the night That our flag was still there. Oh, say d does that star-spangled banner yet wave, O’er the land of the free, And the home of the brave.’
It was the most inspiring moment I have had here in Iraq. I wanted you to know what kind of Soldiers are serving you here. Remember them as they fight for you! Pass this along as a reminder to others to be ever in prayer for all our soldiers serving us here at home and abroad. For many have already paid the ultimate price.
Written by Chaplain Jim Higgins
(LSA Anaconda is at the Ballad Airport in Iraq, north of Baghdad)
Clicking on either of these sources will confirm the story.
• • • • •
Some of the articles that have been posted in the Farsider over the last several months have questioned the truthfulness of both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. With the national polls showing that both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have dismal scores as to their honesty and trustworthiness, how does the American public's opinions about these two presidential candidates match up with reality and the facts?
Since last December when Trump said Clinton "lies like crazy,” he has continued to label her as a "dirty rotten liar" or a "world class liar,” during many of his rallies and press conferences.
For Clinton's part, she has publicly called Trump a liar on a few occasions, and her recent campaign ads have increasingly been focusing on this claim.
So which one is correct, or are both correct?
PolitiFact has been following each candidate closely and fact checking the major statements they've been making. The number of statements they've analyzed to date stands at nearly five hundred, divided nearly equally between the two of them.
Here are its findings to date:
While the other major political fact checking organizations including FactCheck.org and Fact Checker do not publish similar summary charts, a review of their findings shows very similar patterns.
For those interested in looking deeper into this situation and into the history of our past presidents lying to us, Politico Magazine recently published this article entitled, “Are Clinton And Trump the Biggest Liars Ever to Run for President? A short history of White House fabulists.”
The author is David Greenburg Ph.D., a professor of political history at Rutgers University.
Here's the link: <http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/07/2016-donald-trump-hillary-clinton-us-history-presidents-liars-dishonest-fabulists-214024>
MEDICAL COVERAGE INFO FROM RETIREMENT SERVICES
Below please find links to the 2017 medical rates for retirees. Click the link to your specific health plan to see the corresponding rates for 2017.
Open enrollment letters will also being mailed to members over the next several weeks instructing members how to change plans, if so desired.
• 2017 Member Only
• 2017 Member + Spouse/Domestic Partner
• 2017 Member + Child(ren)
• 2017 Member + SP/DP + Child(ren)
• 2017 BSC/SHP
• 2017 Kaiser Hawaii and Northwest Plans
Carol Bermillo from Retirement Services will be at our October 13th membership meeting to go over the plans and rates as well as answer questions you may have.
One More Item
For anyone who is interested or in signing up for Sutter Health during open enrollment, please find the Sutter Health Plan service area by clicking THIS link. The document contains the specific zip codes in the service area.
THE “PIG SOCKS” ARE NOT A LAUGHING MATTER TO COPS YOU JERK!
Kaepernick’s Socks Play Role in Race for Chief
By Scott Herald, Columnist
Mercury News — Sept. 12, 2016
I have tried hard — very hard — to stay away from the Colin Kaepernick story. But when the 49ers quarterback sat down during the national anthem and then wore “pig socks’’ to a practice on the last day of August, his actions inevitably stirred the pot in the already-bubbling Santa Clara police chief’s race. Angered at Kaepernick’s statements — and particularly the socks — the Santa Clara Police Officers’ Association sent a letter to the 49ers, warning that unless the team took action to stop “this inappropriate behavior,’’ Santa Clara officers could choose not to work at 49ers games. Predictably, this created a national uproar. The cops got heavy criticism for threatening a boycott of a player exercising his First Amendment rights. That wasn’t entirely fair. The cops’ work at the 49ers games is voluntary, more akin to protection at a big nightclub than walking a beat.
But the fracas nonetheless prompted competing statements from police Chief Mike Sellers and Mayor Lisa Gillmor, who has endorsed the rival for Sellers’ job, former POA head Pat Nikolai. It was hard to interpret what they said except through a political lens.
Sellers took the harder line, saying that while Kaepernick’s actions were distasteful, “Police officers are here to protect the rights of every person, even if we disagree with their position.’’ He promised to urge the POA leadership “to put the safety of our citizens first.’’ That offered an opening — albeit a narrow one — to Gillmor, who issued a letter more friendly to the cops. Calling the socks “demeaning’’ to police officers, she pointed out that working 49ers games is voluntary. “Just as Mr. Kaepernick has the right to sit down for the national anthem, off-duty police officers have the right to sit out football games,’’ she wrote. Then, lavishing praise on the cops as “outstanding officers,’’ she added that she hoped they would work at 49ers games. The upshot? There will be plenty of protection for Kaepernick at Monday night’s nationally televised 49ers game. Giving credit to the calming influence of the mayor, the POA took one last shot at Sellers, saying that his statements “only served to confuse our issues.’’ Then again, one of their central issues is replacing the chief with one of their own.
FYI: In another development that bears on the chief’s race, I’ve learned that the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office is investigating whether city officials broke the provisions of Measure B, which prohibits general fund money from being used for operations at Levi’s Stadium.
A few cops have contended that their work at the stadium was billed to the general fund — an allegation Sellers has dismissed. Meanwhile, an audit of the stadium’s financial operation is being undertaken by Harvey Rose Associates, a step that was suggested by a civil grand jury last June.
The final results of that audit are not expected until after the election. In the meantime, however, Gillmor has convened a council subcommittee to deal with particular findings of the auditors. It’s hard to weave a political campaign from the dry language of an audit. But something tells me that we haven’t heard the last of this.
POP QUIZ: WHAT’S THIS, AND WHERE IS IT LOCATED?
To the Struggle Against World Terrorism
The artist, Zurab Tsereteli, was in his home in Moscow on the morning of September 11th. The television was on as he was getting ready for work and Zurab, like the rest of the world, was glued to coverage of the attacks on the Twin Towers. He watched the towers collapse on TV and was moved to tears.
That day, he went to work at the Academy of Art driving on a route that takes him past the American Embassy. People were gathered outside the embassy gates to pay sympathies, to be together, and to mourn. He saw a mass of crying people and decided to use the image of a tear in a memorial.
He set to work that day on a proper and appropriate form through which to express his feelings over the attack. He went through many various sketches and 'forms' (all of which are chronicled in the yellow book) until finally deciding on the current monument's form.
Zurab traveled to NY shortly after the September 11th and went to ground zero. The ruins were still steaming. He decided that he wanted to create a memorial to the victims; but that he wouldn't want to build on top of the bones of the dead on the ground zero site. He began to look for an appropriate and fitting site on which to erect the memorial.
Zurab spoke with friends and colleagues who were in NY during the attacks. He heard stories about how boats and ferries were used to shuttle survivors away from the Twin Towers. He also learned about the New Jersey residents who worked in the towers. Zurab decided to look for a site in New Jersey, where the monument could be on the waterfront and settled on a never before seen area of the peninsula at Bayonne. Here, the World Trade Center was the backdrop to the waterfront, and so, the backdrop of life. The site had been a military instillation, and the town had decided to convert the land into public park-space.
From this vantage point, the Twin Towers looked almost as if they were in fact one building. His bronze monument reflects that image with a jagged tear through the center, and a 4-ton nickel tear hanging from the top. The tear represents not only the sadness and grief over the loss of life on 9/11 and previous attacks on the World Trade Center, but also hope for a future free from terror.
The monument has several reflective elements, so that the visitor becomes part of the memorial. The nickel tear is shiny and mirror like. The granite name plates which make up the stand for the monument, and on which the names of the victims are etched, is also shiny and reflective.
Click HERE to visit the monument’s website.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane. After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
"Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.
Finally the rabbi quietly observed, "Beats the hell out of a bacon sandwich doesn't it?"
• • • • •
(Caution: Some readers may find this offensive.)
An elderly married couple who were football fans no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passed gas and said, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolled over and said, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, ‘It’s fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife let one go and said, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man let another one go and said, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone, the wife ripped another one and said, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds went by and she let out a little squeaker and said, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.'
Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by his wife, so he strains real hard. With defeat totally unacceptable, he gave it everything he had and accidentally pooped in the bed.
The wife said, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man replied, 'Half time, switch sides.’
CONSIDER THIS YOUR PERSONAL INVITATION
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
Sept. 7 — 13
Sept. 7: Donald Trump has just revealed that he’s not practicing for the upcoming debates in a “traditional” way, and has not been using a stand-in for Hillary. Which explains why today I saw Trump at Ann Taylor Loft yelling at a mannequin. “That sweater set isn’t very presidential! Sad!”
Today, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said he’s endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. Well, actually what he said was, “I have an endorsement for . . . Hilarity? Is there a Hilarity here? Hillberry? Hill-am-bee?”
Jessica Alba’s Honest Company is selling “bipartisan diapers” featuring the Democratic donkey and Republican elephant holding hands. Because at the end of the day, both Republicans and Democrats are basically full of the same thing.
I saw that a library in Alabama is warning customers that failing to return a book on time could result in 30 days in jail. So if anyone asks what you're in for, LIE!
Failing to return a book on time could result in 30 days in jail. So remember, kids: If you want to stay out of trouble — don’t read.
Sept. 8: Football started tonight with the Denver Broncos playing their first game since Peyton Manning retired. Trevor Siemian took his place and before kickoff, Peyton put his arm around Trevor's shoulder, looked into his eyes and said, "You know, starting today, you can get two medium Papa John's pizzas for $6."
New York's Fashion Week kicked off yesterday. A crowded runway where people keep going in circles, or as most New Yorkers call that, LaGuardia.
Speaking of Kanye, he reportedly set a record this week, selling almost $800,000 worth of merchandise at Madison Square Garden — beating the record held by Pope Francis when he held Mass there. So if you're keeping score, that's Yeezus one, Jesus zero.
Sept. 9: Fashion Week is in full swing here in New York City. During one interview, Kendall Jenner made the comment that Hillary Clinton might look good in a jumpsuit. Then Hillary said, “Well, hopefully they never find those emails or it’ll be an orange jumpsuit.”
During last night's game between the Broncos and the Panthers, quarterback Cam Newton was spotted on the bench flossing his teeth. Weirdly, that was the moment dudes were like, “I could never make it in the NFL.”
This morning, North Korea claimed it successfully tested its fifth and most powerful nuclear warhead. Kim Jong Un called the test a major triumph, then asked how long it takes eyebrows to grow back.
Vladimir Putin told Bloomberg Businessweek that Russia never interfered with the U.S. election and doesn't plan to. Putin was like, “Trust me – it was hard enough rigging ‘The Bachelorette.’”
Sept. 12: Hillary Clinton had to walk back a comment she made about Trump supporters last week. So, if you're keeping track, Trump supporters are deplorable, and Hillary supporters are deportable.
Hillary was just diagnosed with pneumonia. And to everyone's surprise, Trump has refused to attack her while she's sick and even said that he hopes she feels better. At which point, people started asking Trump if he was feeling OK.
I guess Trump really does want her to get better, because today he sent her some flowers in a basket of deplorables.
Sept. 13: Last night was the big season premiere of “Dancing With the Stars.” And at one point, two protesters rushed the stage as Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte got his scores. Security stopped them within about 10 seconds, or as Lochte put it, “They kidnapped me, put a gun to my head, and dropped me off at the Grand Canyon!”
Yesterday Hillary tweeted to her supporters that like anyone who’s ever been home sick from work, she’s just anxious to get back out there. Then those people said, “Nope, we’re pretty happy just staying home and watching Netflix.”
Yesterday Joe Biden told some of Hillary’s campaign workers that he’s also had pneumonia before, and that if the doctor tells you to take three days off, you should actually take SIX days off. Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president.
A spokesman for the Royal Family says that Prince William and Kate Middleton’s upcoming family trip to Canada will be a “largely casual” and “highly outdoors” event. Then normal people said, “So ... camping. You’re going camping.”
Sept. 12: Donald Trump said he wishes Hillary Clinton a speedy recovery from her pneumonia. He said, "Get well soon, you shrill, lying crook."
Chipotle is testing deliveries by drone. A spokesman for Chipotle said, "If our food is going to come flying out of you, it might as well fly into you."
Some conspiracy theorists are claiming that Hillary Clinton is so sick that she’s been using a body double. When Bill Clinton heard about it, he said, "Man, I wish."
After Hillary Clinton’s health scare yesterday, Donald Trump has said he will release his medical records and he said he’s expecting some "very large numbers."
North Korea is on a campaign to increase tourism. They have a new slogan, "Come for our glorious sights, stay because you saw too much."
Sept. 13: Hillary Clinton revealed to Anderson Cooper that she has fainted “a few times.” Of course, I think we all get that way around Anderson Cooper.
A fistfight broke out at a Trump rally yesterday. Or, more accurately, a Trump rally broke out during a fistfight.
A 700-pound woman is trying to hit 1,000 pounds to reach her goal of becoming the World’s Fattest Woman. Although, she still plans to put “700 pounds” on her Tinder profile.
A new study came out and it claims that women would be better off going to bed two hours before men. The study was paid for by guys who want to watch porn.
Donald Trump will be going on the Dr. Oz show to discuss his health. He will then discuss his immigration plan with Dora the Explorer.
During last night’s “Dancing With the Stars,” two protesters rushed the stage during Ryan Lochte’s performance. So finally, an assault on Ryan Lochte that really happened.
During last night’s Rams v. 49ers NFL game, a fan that ran onto the field had more rushing yards than the entire Rams offense. The guy got arrested, so now that we know he can run and has a criminal record, he’s perfect for the NFL.
Sept. 8: Last night was NBC's Commander-in-Chief Forum where Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump gave live back-to-back interviews about national security, and the candidates decided who would go first with a coin toss. But there was an awkward moment when Trump saw the coin, grabbed it, and put it in his pocket. “So what? I didn't see a coin, what coin, what are you talking about?”
In all seriousness Donald Trump called heads, but just in case he lost he also called the whole thing rigged.
The forum was hosted by “Today Show” host Matt Lauer and a lot of people were very angry with his performance last night. Not Apple-losing-the-headphone-jack angry, but they were angry.
Much of the criticism stemmed from Lauer not pressing Trump when he lied or didn't answer questions. My question is, how did Matt Lauer even end up with this job? Was there a conversation at NBC like, “You know who would be great for the presidential forum?” And they were like, “Oh, the guy on ‘The Today Show’ who excitedly announces they're now making pumpkin spice marshmallows.”
Sept. 12: This weekend Hillary Clinton called half of Trump supporters a basket of deplorables. A basket of deplorables is not only an insult, but it's also the top-selling item at KFC.
While in New York Hillary became overheated and had to leave an event to receive medical attention. It turns out that she had been diagnosed with pneumonia on Friday. I mean this was a scary moment for Donald Trump because he was thinking, "Oh God, I might actually have to be the president."
But today on Fox News Trump actually said, "I just hope she gets well and gets back on the trail." I mean forget Hillary, is Trump OK?
Sept. 13: Protesters rushed the stage during Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte’s performance — or as Ryan Lochte told the press afterwards, some Brazilians tried to rob him at gunpoint while he was dancing.
We’re not even sure what they were protesting, but one thing they did accomplish was making Ryan Lochte even more confused than he is normally. “Whoa, why are these guys so mad at dancing?”
It’s weird to protest “Dancing With the Stars” because that’s already where stars go as punishment for doing something wrong. The protesters are like, “Lochte must pay!” And he’s like, “Do you think I just did the foxtrot with Cheryl Burke for fun?!”
There’s been a lot in the news about Hillary Clinton’s recent bout of pneumonia. Hillary herself tweeted about it yesterday, saying just like any sick person, she’s “just anxious to get back out there.” That shows how out of touch Hillary is with regular people. People don’t want to go back to work. Nobody’s in bed at 1 p.m. thinking, “Oh man, I wish I was watching Linda’s PowerPoint on how to fill out my expense reports.”
Her doctors say she’s doing so well, she’ll be up and deleting emails in no time.
Sept. 8: Tom Hanks is here tonight to tell us about his movie "Sully," a story about a group of Somali pirates who hijack Tom's plane and threaten his life with a box of chocolates or something like that.
Matt Lauer interviewed Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton back-to-back in front of a crowd of American veterans. The winner, the leader who came off strongest and best last night, was Vladimir Putin.
Donald Trump loves Vladimir Putin. After all is said and done, if he doesn't become president, at the least, Donald Trump will have amazing sex with Vladimir Putin.
The one guy Donald Trump has nothing bad to say about is Vladimir Putin. Maybe he is afraid Putin will cut off his supply of wives.
Tonight’s the rematch of the Super Bowl between the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos. Broncos will be without quarterback Peyton Manning this year. Peyton retired at the end of last season so he could spend more time grocery shopping with Lionel Richie.
The New York Mets signed ex-NFL player Tim Tebow to a minor league contract. Proof that God exists — or doesn't; I am not sure. If this doesn't work out, he may never lose his virginity.
According to new research from the CDC, middle-aged parents are more likely to smoke marijuana than their teenage kids. In other words, your mom finally made weed uncool like she did to Myspace.
The use of marijuana by older Americans has skyrocketed. It is up 455 percent since 2002 — which, of course, is the year Oprah made it one of her Favorite Things.
Among seniors 65 and older, monthly marijuana use is up 333 percent. That's just Willie Nelson.
Sept. 9: Last night North Korea conducted what they claim was a successful test of their biggest nuclear warhead yet. So congrats to them. I'm glad they're finally figuring that out. Will someone please tell Kim Jong Un they like his new glasses and he looks like he lost weight so he doesn't kill everybody on the West Coast?
Don't worry, though. Donald Trump is going to take care of all of this. How do you fight crazy hair? With even crazier hair.
I don't know if you saw this but some interesting photos of Donald Trump were released today from the year 2000. There he is [shows photo] at the U.S. Open with his then-girlfriend Melania, former President Bill Clinton and a lady in a Playboy Bunny shirt. How perfect is this photograph? Look at those two bitter enemies sizing each other up. It looks like the first three minutes of a “Girls Gone Wild” video. It represents the United States at its peak. Before 9/11, before ISIS, before "Celebrity Apprentice" — just two horny dudes yukking it up with a couple of swimsuit models.
This is probably why Trump hates Hillary. She ruined this for them. She took his wing man away.
Sept. 13: Protesters interrupted the show “Dancing With the Stars” to protest Ryan Lochte, upset that the Olympic swimmer is part of the competition and they decided to run onstage to tell everyone about it. That tackle, sadly, was the closest ABC will ever get to having Monday night football on the network.
The men were arrested on suspicion of trespassing or as they call on it “Dancing with the Stars,” tres-paso doble.
I get that the protester wants to see him punished, but I don’t think this guy realizes, being on “Dancing With the Stars” IS his punishment.
Where were these guys when Paula Deen was on the show, when Tom DeLay was on the show, Warren Sapp, Floyd Mayweather, O.J.? O.J. wasn’t on “Dancing With the Stars?” Well, he will be, with good behavior.
Ryan Lochte himself was a little shaken up. They asked him how he was feeling. He said, “So many feelings are going through my head. No thoughts. But a lot of feelings.”
Sept. 7: Apple unveiled the new iPhone today, which it says is water resistant. This could be a devastating blow for the “big bag of rice” industry.
Police in Connecticut on Friday discovered a cache of 600 marijuana plants growing in the backyard of a daycare center. Said one of the kids, “It’s not how to get to Sesame Street that matters, it’s about the journey, man.”
A new study shows that a small percentage of Americans take medication designed for pets instead of getting a prescription from their doctor. Said one owner, “Ah yeah . . . my dog’s having trouble getting an erection?”
Sept. 8: Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence broke with his running mate yesterday, saying that unlike Donald Trump, he does not doubt that President Obama was born in Hawaii. Though interestingly, Pence refused to respond when asked if it was true that he was born in Lego Land.
A man in Australia was caught last week smuggling half a million dollars’ worth of cocaine in his stomach in Sydney airport. In his defense, it would have cost him OVER a million if he bought it AT the airport.
A new study suggests that “starchiness” should be added as a new taste to the five basic tastes that humans can detect. One researcher’s wife was like, “Next time you can just say you didn't like it.”
A food festival in Los Angeles has announced they'll be holding a seminar on cooking with marijuana. The way it works is, you put a frozen pizza in the oven and then you find it the next day when you wake up.
Sept. 9: Donald Trump said this week that Vladimir Putin has been a leader far more than our president has been a leader, and he's got a point. I mean, if President Obama was as strong a leader as Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump would be dead by now. That would be the difference.
Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who will be moderator for the final presidential debate of election season, said in an interview this week that he doesn't feel it's his job to call out the candidates when they lie. "Super!" said Hillary and Donald at the same time.
New York City turned 352 years old yesterday, and I have to say, it smells it.
The movie "Sully," about the miracle on the Hudson, landed in theaters this weekend, which was pretty shocking because it was supposed to land in Charlotte.
A New York man was arrested this morning after allegedly stealing $600 from the bra of a 93-year-old woman. The woman was like, "Hey, give that back! I danced my [butt] off for that money."
Sept. 12: Hillary Clinton upset Republicans this weekend after she accused half of Trump supporters of belonging to a basket of deplorables, which is also Trump's usual order at KFC. "I will have the 12-piece basket of deplorables. Tremendously crispy."
RNC Chairman Reince Priebus spoke out against Hillary Clinton's attack on Donald Trump's supporters and said, "Clinton's comments show outright contempt for ordinary people." Then again, so does the name Reince Priebus.
Hillary Clinton left the Ground Zero memorial service early yesterday because she felt overheated. Said Trump, "Hey, if anyone's too hot it's my daughter Ivanka."
Following the news that Hillary Clinton is suffering from pneumonia, Donald Trump has promised to release his own medical records. "Wait, you wanted me to save those?" said his doctor.
Green Party candidate Jill Stein said on Sunday that she would not have assassinated Osama bin Laden, but instead would have captured him and brought him to trial. I would say that will hurt her poll numbers but she only has one.
Sept. 13: Following an uproar over her hidden pneumonia diagnosis, Hillary Clinton said yesterday that she just didn’t think it was going to be that big a deal to keep the illness from going public. Sure, when has keeping a secret ever hurt a Clinton?
According to a new poll, neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump is currently projected to have the necessary 270 Electoral College votes to clinch the election. So you know what that means — a dance off!
Newt Gingrich commented on Hillary Clinton’s current health concerns last night, and said he is unlikely to trust her medical reports. Oh, but you’ll trust Donald Trump’s doctor? He looks like he got his medical license from a Dave & Buster’s claw machine.
Bill Clinton tried to dispel rumors yesterday about Hillary Clinton’s health and said that she’s almost certainly in better health than her opponent. I don’t know, Trump definitely has higher levels of vitamins K, F, and C.
Sept. 7: Trump may have gotten a sign he will win in November because Trump's attorney, Michael Cohen, tweeted out a picture of a cloud that kind of looks like Donald Trump, along with the caption, “In case anyone is unsure as to who will be our next #POTUS, the Lord has chosen the people's messenger.” Yes, God made a Trump-shaped cloud, though the cloud actually holds a position longer than the real Donald Trump.
God works in mysterious ways because later that day He also endorsed [shows cloud photos] a seahorse, a ducky, and your mother making love to the mailman.
A court on the island of Corsica just upheld a local ban on burkinis, which combine a burka with a bikini. [shows photo of fully- clad woman on beach] Though I gotta say, I don't see much kini. It's mostly burk. But then again, well, look at those ankles! Hello! Those can't be natural.
Defenders of the ban say burkinis promote the subjugation of women. So basically here’s their logic: “Excuse me, ma’am, your garment is part of a culture that oppresses women. So let’s lose that top.”
Sept. 8: Last night they held, like, an appetizer debate — an “amuse douche,” if you will. It was called the Commander-in-Chief Forum. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump answered questions about national security. It was the first time the two of them were in the same room since Trump's wedding.
It took place right here in New York on the aircraft carrier Intrepid. Once the two of them were on board, a lot of people were tempted to cut it loose and let it drift out to sea.
Since last night was not technically a debate, there's no real winner. But many have declared a loser: Matt Lauer. New York magazine summed up by saying, "Matt Lauer's interviews of Clinton and Trump were a complete disgrace to journalism." Which I think is unfair. Come on. A complete disgrace to journalism would be Matt Lauer dressing up as Paris Hilton.
Sept. 9: Some disturbing news out of North Korea, they conducted a nuclear test detonating a 10-kiloton device underground. You think it's hard being a North Korean? Imagine being a North Korean prairie dog.
North Korea may soon have the technology to nuke countries other than their own because last month they tested a submarine-based missile called the "No Dong." The missile flew 300 miles before falling into the Sea of Japan. Man! The dolphins around Japan just cannot catch a break.
I'd like to take a moment right now to reassure Kim Jong Un. Dear Leader, I want you to know that your ban on sarcasm is a great idea, it's so, SO smart. It doesn't seem desperate AT ALL. And setting off a bomb underneath your own country? Genius!
By the way, that haircut — amazing! Doesn't make you look anything like a gang leader at a women's prison.
Sept. 13: It has been a rough week for Hillary Clinton. She has been dropping in the polls, and over the weekend, even her immune system turned against her. No surprise — all the white blood cells are voting for Trump.
Most damaging of all may have been a remark she made at a fundraiser on Friday when describing Trump’s voters as a “basket of deplorables.” Wow. Hillary should put her insults in “the hamper of awkwardness.”
It sounds like the worst-selling item at Edible Arrangements. Or maybe your cousin’s suburban punk band. Or even better, maybe the Korean translation of the “Minions” movie.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
• • • • •
To get the ball rolling, Steve Postier felt this CBS “On the Road” segment about Kyle the Goose was worth sharing, so click HERE and see if you agree. (2:34)
And you can click HERE if you would like to read about this special relationship between Goose and Man.
• • • • •
There’s nothing like a cold brewski straight from the fridge when you are in the middle of a job, RIGHT? (0:27)
• • •
These are two of the most ferocious Pugs we have ever seen. WATCH how they terrify this little harmless kitten. (1:10)
• • • • •
You have heard the term “Crazy Cat Lady,” right? Here’s your opportunity to meet the LADY who admits to being at the top of the list. (4:11)
• • • • •
Kudos to Friskies for their series of “Dear Kitten” advertisements the pet food company posted on YouTube in recent years. THIS is one of the first ones. (2:57)
In this one the little kitten LEARNS about the family dog. Go to YouTube and search for “Dear Kitten” to see other clips. (3:25)
• • • • •
If only this cat that wants in the house could talk. Oh wait, it can. Click HERE and check out this short clip received from Sharon Lansdowne. (0:40)
• • • • •
If you are not interested in viewing THIS clip of a mother hen and her baby chicks, you can always shut your eyes, kick back and enjoy Satchmo’s iconic rendition of “What a Wonderful World.” (2:20)
• • • • •
We’re thinking that this tourist and the baby elephant should consider getting a room. Watch THIS clip and see if you agree? (4:06)
• • • • •
Care to guess what this Dutch Harbor (Alaska) fisherman is going to do with this pan full of squid? Here’s a clue: Think Alfred Hitchcock, then click HERE and see if you were correct. (2:00)
• • • • •
The New Generation Gap
• • • • •
So how dies Shaq feel about Kaepernick’s National Anthem protest? Click HERE and he will tell you. (1:27)
• • • • •
I never had a daughter, but if I did, I think I would want one like THIS little 8-year-old. (1:20)
• • • • •
Joe Suske loves these old documentaries about the Bay Area and sent in THIS one from the 1940s about the San Francisco interurban trolly system that also includes vintage footage of the East Bay as well as the 1906 earthquake and the war years of WWII. We recommend it if you enjoy the history of our own backyard (20:29)
• • • • •
This is for you military aviation aficionados: What we found interesting about THIS video of two Australian Air Force F/A-18s taking off in a nasty crosswind is how the first one leaves skid marks from its landing gear on the runway from being blown sideways before it gets airborne. They become more visible when the camera zooms in as the second Hornet starts its roll. Have a look. (1:47)
• • • • •
Rumor has it that Lumpy was responsible for this piece of art
he calls "Stoned Nudists" during a trip to Mexico last summer.
• • • • •
Tom Brewer felt THIS “Blind Trust Experiment” was worthy of posting on Facebook. We did, too, which is why you are seeing it here in the Farsider. (4:33)
It would be accurate to say this social experiment has caught on in other parts of the world. Check out THIS footage from Istanbul, Turkey. (2:22)
The experiment is also taking place in several other cities you can find on YouTube, including THIS one in Barcelona, Spain. (3:04
• • • • •
Her name is Daniela de Santos, and no one has done a better job of mastering the Pan Flute. Listen to THIS rendition of Ave Maria sent in by Alice Murphy. (3:06)
• • • • •
Speaking of the pan flute, see if you recognize THIS song by two Native Americans who call themselves Inka Gold. Hint: The song was made famous by the Righteous Brothers, and we consider this a “Don’t Miss” if you were influenced by the music of the 1960s. (4:00)
• • • • •
So what are these young people capturing on video with their smart phones? For the gal on the right it is probably the buff guys in bathing trunks participating in a flashmob while the guy on the left is likely focusing in on the bikini-clad dancers. THIS is Germany, and it makes us wonder how the Muslim refugees in the area reacted to all the skin. (3:25)
• • • • •
Here’s a flashmob treat for those of you with IRISH blood coursing through your veins. The video is comprised of members of the famous Riverdance ensemble greeting arriving and departing passengers at the Dublin Airport. (4:19)
• • • • •
While we are still on the other side of The Pond, let’s drop in at Heathrow and check out THIS flashmob that is greeting passengers returning to the UK. (3:12)
• • • • •
Back in 2013 this was 9-year-old Almira Willighagen who appeared on Holland’s Got Talent. Although she blew away the judges and the audience, she had no idea at the time that she would appear on stage with Andre Rieu’s orchestra a year later. You may have a difficult time believing the sound that comes out of this little girl, but give it a try anyway by clicking HERE. (6:30)
When Almira won the finals of Holland’s Got Talent in 2013, Andre Rieu took notice and presented her to his world-wide audience the following year during his concert that was attended by 10,000 in Maastricht, The Netherlands. Now ten, the little Dutch girl brought some members of the audience to tears prior to them getting up from their seats and giving her a standing ovation. Have a LOOK if you want proof. (Note: you can learn more about her by reading the comments under this video.) (6:20)
For more of her performances, go to YouTube and enter “Almira Willighagen” in the search field.
• • • • •
Pic of the Week
Tit for tat...
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 9/15/16
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
John Spicer — Added
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <email@example.com>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve