The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
FORMER OFFICER SCOTT PHELPS
We became aware of Scott’s passing a few hours after we had gone to press with last week’s Farsider. Following is his obituary that appeared in the Mercury News last Thursday…
Peter Scott Phelps passed away at his home of natural causes in San Jose, California on September 1st, 2018. Scott, or Scotty as he was affectionately known, was born in Waterloo, Iowa on August 18, 1944 to Everett Andres Phelps and Lillian Elizabeth Madsen. He was the second oldest of four children, brother to Julie, Jane, and Liz. As a young boy his family moved from Iowa to the Bay Area, where he graduated from Blackford High School in 1962. Scott worked to put himself through college and graduated from San Jose State University in 1968 with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology. After graduating, Scott began a long career in the field of Law Enforcement and Public Safety. His numerous jobs included serving in the California National Guard as a Military Policeman and as a San Jose Police Officer. He then joined the United States Secret Service, where he worked forgery and counterfeiting cases and Presidential protection for President Nixon at the White House in Washington, D.C. Wanting to come home to San Jose, he left the Secret Service for a teaching job at San Jose State University in the Administration of Justice Department. While teaching at San Jose State, Scott earned a Master’s degree in Administration of Justice. He later transitioned to teaching at Cabrillo College in Aptos, CA in the Public Safety Department. In the mid 1980s, Scott co-founded Pacific Security and Investigations, a company that performed security for many Santa Cruz events and businesses including the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and the Pruneyard Shopping Center in San Jose. As a young man he also enjoyed working as a volunteer on the National Ski Patrol. During his 37 years at Cabrillo, Scott influenced many lives and mentored hundreds of students who went on to achieve successful careers in local law enforcement.
Scott met the former Kathleen Koch of San Jose, CA in 1973, and the two married in 1975 in a mountainside ceremony at Lake Tahoe. Scott and Kathy made their home together in Scotts Valley, CA and raised two children, Erik and Rebecca. Outside of his family, the joys of Scott’s life were teaching, mentoring, and coaching youth in both education and athletics and following his beloved San Jose State Spartans in all sports. His family laughs to this day that his first date with Kathy was to a San Jose State football game. Scott began coaching youth sports with San Jose City Parks and Recreation in the late 1960s. Later he became an assistant Track and Field Coach at Cabrillo College. In the early 1990s he dedicated many hours to Scotts Valley Little League as both a coach and a member of the board of directors. One of his proudest accomplishments was coaching the Scotts Valley Little League Astros baseball team of 9 and 10 year olds to back to back District Championships while compiling a win/loss record of 35-1 over two years. He later coached as an assistant for the football and baseball teams at Monte Vista Christian High School. To those who knew him, one of Scott’s greatest legacies is the positive impact he had on so many young people through his energy, enthusiasm, and passion for teaching and coaching. In his retirement years Scott took great joy in spending time with his children and four grandchildren and driving his golf cart around the Villages Golf and Country Club where he lived. He will be greatly missed by friends and family for his sense of humor, silly songs and jokes, and friendly, outgoing nature.
Scott is survived by his mother Lillian Phelps Coulson, his sisters Julie Tzendzalian and Liz Fuller, his wife Kathy, his son and daughter-in-law Erik and Erin Phelps, their children Owen, Summer, and Samantha, his daughter and son-in-law, Rebecca and Josh Adams, and their son Luke.
Private services will be held. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Scott’s favorite charity, the Wounded Warrior Project by clicking HERE. Or to the San Jose State Spartan Athletic Fund by clicking HERE.
~ ~ ~
You can sign and/or leave a message in the Scott Phelps’ Guest Book by clicking HERE.
The September 2018 eVanguard is now online. Hard copies of the magazine will be arriving in the mail soon.
Click HERE to go to the POA website, then click on the image of the Vanguard to download it to your desktop..
PBA MEETING REMINDER
Next Wednesday, Sept. 19, is the date of this month’s PBA meeting at the POA Hall. The bar will be open at 5 p.m. with dinner following somewhere around 6:00 or 6:30. All members are encouraged to attend.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
This opinion piece by a former San Jose City Ombudsman is from last Friday’s paper…
the Divide Between the People and Police
By J. Manuel Herrera — Opinion
Mercury News — Sept. 7, 2018
These are unprecedented times when visceral videos of controversial uses of force by police are putting officers at greater risk of harm — witness the shocking assassinations of police officers in Dallas and Baton Rouge. Meanwhile, police community relations are in a critical stalemate that can only be transcended by diversifying beyond win-lose confrontations and adversarial oversight processes.
Decades ago I worried about tensions in my east San Jose neighborhood when some youth threatened to acquire guns because of what they said was abusive police harassment. I urgently contacted a police field commander and invited him to a meeting in my home.
The police commander heard stories from the street that evening and sensed something in what these tough-looking youth were saying. Our young people experienced being respectfully listened to by this police commander, and were astounded when he offered each one his business card with an invitation to call him directly with any concerns.
I gratefully wrote a letter published by the Mercury News, thanking our police department for their responsiveness at a time when the police were facing intense criticism from our community.
I learned then that privately talking with a police commander could be amazingly effective, especially when combined with publicly acknowledging our police for their positive community actions. Thankfully, tensions in our neighborhood subsided with notable new occurrences.
Years later I was appointed ombudsman for the city of San Jose. I rode police patrols, investigated complaints against the police, communicated with police internal affairs (the office that investigates police misconduct allegations), met with the police chief, and taught at the police academy. I became immersed in the world of police-community relations and gained valuable insights.
I learned that our adversarial, legal, and quasi-legal approaches need to be complemented by informally connecting wise neighborhood elders with wise police elders who are police commanders.
I envision wise grassroots elders becoming communicators of credible anecdotal information received from aggrieved community members, not to adjudicate individual cases, but to begin discerning patterns of street behavior based on a flow of anecdotal information from reliable sources.
Credible anecdotal information would then be informally shared with police commanders who are best positioned to modify police behaviors based on their ongoing relationships and their ability to take the measure of each officer with professionalism, wisdom and fairness.
Let’s create a process for wise community elders to informally share credible community grievances with local police commanders, grievances that are mostly human relations-oriented versus being about illegalities or criminal matters requiring formal, adversarial processes.
As community leaders, let’s publicly support our police and continually acknowledge them for their positive actions, to begin countering societal forces that have created isolated and insular police communities.
Equally important, public safety strategies must go beyond simplistic notions of aggressive policing to emphasize greater investments in mental health and drug addiction treatment, housing availability, jobs, and school and youth programs. Police officers should not continue being the backstop and frontline for society’s failure to address core human needs.
As community leaders, let’s promote an already-existing street-smart compliance with police directives to uphold everyone’s safety, because black lives matter and blue lives matter, and we must find our way to peace where all lives matter. Comply with police directives, then register complaints as warranted.
By partnering with police leadership through privately sharing credible anecdotal information, officers that are consistent provocateurs can be more clearly indicated and appropriately addressed by police leadership. Civic leaders, too, can be confidentially educated by wise community elders.
We can stand up for the people and the police, and do so from the heart of the community
J. Manuel Herrera is president of the East Side Union High School District Board of Trustees. He will host a public forum and deliver a discourse about police-community relations to explore new ways of anchoring police-community relations on wise elders from among the people and the police at 7:30 p.m. Oct. 17 at Evergreen Valley High School’s Cougar Hall. Reservations are required. RSVP at <email@example.com>.
I finally found something older than I am!
Ken (Hawkes) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I’ve been there, Ken, and I know for a fact that STONEHENGE is at least twice as old as you are!
• • • • •
I was going through some of your old Farsiders when I ran across this song by Joyce Shaffer in the April 22, 2010 Farsider. For people like me, it means the same today as it did eight years ago. I'm hoping you will run it again if possible, but I would ask that you don't use my name.
(Name withheld by request)
Don’t know why you don’t want to see your name in print unless you have some friends who disagree with the message, but it’s your call. The song can be heard by clicking HERE.
• • • •
A friend down in Arizona sent me this video called Reality Check. I haven’t heard of Brittany Hughes before, but she makes several excellent points about how short our collective memories are when it comes to 9/11. (See the attached video.)
Talking Points <Talking.Points @comcast.net>
You may find it to be worth a couple minutes of your time to click HERE and watch the video TP sent in.
Brittany Hughes is the conservative managing editor and host of the Web series “Reality Check.” Conservatives would likely enjoy seeing some more of her videos like one titled “Five of the Dumbest Things Maxine Waters Has Ever Said” by clicking HERE.
• • • • •
Looks like the big storm is going to clobber Eric Lind in Oriental, North Carolina. His boat is in the river by his house. Not looking good for him. Think good thoughts.
Bob Johnson, #1334 <email@example.com>
Friends of Eric’s who want to check on his welfare might be able to reach him at <firstname.lastname@example.org> IF he still has power and/or an Internet connection through a working cell tower.
I posted Bob’s message on the 10-7ODSJ Facebook page at 10:30 p.m. Tuesday night. As of 6 a.m. today (9/13) the post generated the following comments:
Cynthia Johnson: (Hands praying)
Mike Doc AJ O’Anjali: My first team Sgt. at SJPD 1996. God Bless Sgt. Lind.
Lynne Caro: Hope everything will be OK. Sending good thoughts your way, Eric.
Margie Thompson: My prayers for Eric and his family.
Jeff Dooley: I went through hurricane Camille in 1969 while in the Air force in Gulf Port Miss. Not fun, winds got up to 180-200 mph very scary and killed a lot of people. Be safe.
David Madsen: Sgt. be safe. God protect you.
Dan Guarascio: I went through hurricane Carla while I was in the Air Force in the early 60's. Filled a lot of sandbags with water up to my waist.
Tom Brewer: Stay safe my friend.
Bob Balesano: Okie Smoke, Bob Johnson?
Cheryl Babineau: Praying for you, Eric.
Stan Baroff: A great guy and a great roommate for me and Vince Kubo. I pray you will be safe.
Margie Thompson: Eric, the Keith Kelley Club i here if you need anything. Stay safe.
Todd Frank Gonzalez-Lobdell: Prayers his way that it misses him completely.
We would like to hear from (or about) any other SJPD family members who live on the East Coast and are being (or have been) impacted by Hurricane Florence. Just a simple email that says you weathered the storm will suffice. Good luck!
THIS YEAR’S KEITH KELLEY CHRISTMAS DINNER DANCE
Marge says tickets will be available from Oct. 24th through Nov. 24th.
DEADLINE SET TO ORDER SJPD STRONG SHIRTS
SJPD Strong dry-wick shirts are available in mens/womens/kids sizes at $20 each. Order and payment must be received by 12 noon on Tuesday, Sept. 25th. A minimum of 32 shirts need to be ordered. If that number is not reached, your money will be returned. To place order email <Cynthia.email@example.com> with the style and size and route or drop off payment to her in GIU. If mailing send to:
C/O SJPD -GIU
201 W. Mission Street
San Jose, CA 95110
OPEN HOUSE OF FIRE MUSEUM DATE CHANGE
date for the San Jose Fire Museum's Open House at Old Fire Station One
has changed to Saturday, October 20, from 9 AM to 3 PM. All retirees are invited.
HAS IT REALLY BEEN NEARLY HALF OF A CENTURY?
This pic that was taken in 1969 or 1970 was posted on Ivan Comelli’s “Vintage San Jose Police” Facebook page a few days ago, but the poster didn’t know the identities of the cops and their furry partners. That’s where we came in. With some help from Terry “Greek” Moudakas, we were able to furnish everyone’s names, including the K-9s.
(Front Row) Asst. Chief George Cannell and Ofcr. Ken Postier with Shep;. (Back Row L-R) Ofcr. Bruce Hodgin with Ingo; Ofcr. Ed Conway with Vuois); Ofcr. Rocklin Wooley with Fredo; Ofcr. Terry Moudakas with Celto; and Sgt. Bill Bailey with Blitz.
TEXAS DOCTORS SAY THEY SAW PROTESTORS PAID IN CASH TO DISRUPT
THE BRET KAVANAUGH SUPREME COURT NOMINATION HEARING
Source: Real Clear Politics
Author and commentator Adam W. Schindler interviewed three Texas doctors who traveled to Washington, D.C. to attend the confirmation hearings for Judge Brett Kavanaugh. While waiting in line, they say they witnessed protesters being paid in cash to cause trouble in the hearing and in the public line to get in.
Click HERE to play the video.
Does this video constitute proof of the doctora’
claims. Appears to us that it does.
The photos and captions below were received from Lumpy…
the Senate nominating hearing, this woman screamed
about stopping Kavanaugh from being approved.
she was removed from the hearing room, she approached the "paymaster
with what may have been the “sack of money” as stated by one of the doctors.
NO NIKE PRODUCTS FOR THIS LOUISIANA TOWN
Mayor Bans All Nike Products From City Rec Facilities
By Tom Gannett — Blue Lives Matter — Sept. 10, 2018
Ben Zahn sent the head of his rec
memo that banned buying or receiving Nike products.
Kenner, LA – The mayor of one Louisiana city has announced that the city recreation department, and any booster clubs that operate at its facilities, would no longer be purchasing or accepting delivery of any Nike products.
"Under no circumstances will any Nike product or any product with the Nike logo be purchased for use or delivery at any city of Kenner recreation facility," read the Sept. 5 edict issued to Recreation Director Chad Pitfield by Kenner Mayor Ben Zahn.
Effective immediately, all purchases of clothing, shoes, athletic equipment or any other athletic equipment by booster clubs operating at city recreation facilities must be approved by Pitfield or his designee, the memo said, according to THE TIMES-PICAYUNE.
The memo, which was issued on the Republican mayor’s letterhead and featured Zahn’s signature, did not mention the controversial Nike ad campaign praising former National Football League quarterback Colin Kaepernick for “sacrificing everything,” which likely was the impetus for the ban, The Times-Picayune reported.
Kaepernick kicked off the massive controversy surrounding the National Anthem by kneeling to protest police brutality and racial injustice at a San Francisco 49ers exhibition game in 2016, during his last season actively playing in the NFL.
After the season, Kaepernick opted out of his contract with the 49ers and became a free agent. He hasn’t signed with another team and has sued the NFL owners for allegedly blackballing him from the football league.
The Kenner mayor’s opinion on kneeling is not a new one, nor has he hidden it from voters in the past. His support for the National Anthem has been outspoken and very public.
At the Kenner Freedom Fest on Sept. 2, just a few days before Kaepernick announced the new Nike ad on his social media, Zahn kicked off events on the stage by asking everyone in the audience to stand for the National Anthem.
In front of a
crowd of cheering community members, the mayor said he was going “to ask the
crowd to do something which we all are very proud of. With all the things going
on throughout this country right now with people not standing, I’m gonna ask you all to stand for what’s about to happen.”
“She’s gonna come out and do our National Anthem because this is not the NFL football players, right? This is the city of Kenner. And in the city of Kenner, we all stand. We’re going to be proud of that,” Zahn said.
In the video
of his remarks, the crowd replied with cheering and applause when Zahn condemned the NFL players’ actions. Despite obvious
support from part of the community, there was blowback from his decision from
"I was not made aware of this decision beforehand and it is in direct contradiction of what I stand for and what the City of Kenner should stand for. I am 100% AGAINST this decision. I will meet with the Mayor and other Council members in an effort to rescind this directive," City Councilman Gregory Carroll posted on his official Facebook page on Sunday.
The president of the Kenner booster club also strongly disagreed with the memo, and expressed his opinion to the media.
“If it have a Nike logo on it or anything affiliated with Nike, they’re going to not approve it because it has a Nike logo on it,” Owen Rey explained to WWL-TV. “My opinion on it is that it shouldn’t be that way.”
"If we have something that we feel that we want that's going to benefit our kids, it shouldn't matter what logo, what brand - as long as it helps the kids and what we're trying to accomplish at the park," Rey said.
Click HERE then scroll down to review the readers’ comments about this story.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Praise the Lord
Received from Bruce Morton
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. He then looked across the restaurant and saw someone very familiar sitting alone at a table.and asked the waitress, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded yes, and the Republican asked her to give Him a cup of coffee and put it on his bill.
The next patron to enter the restaurant was a Libertarian who had a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He, too, glanced around the restaurant and asked the waitress, "Isn't that Jesus over there?" When she nodded it was, he asked her to take Him a cup of tea. "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant, was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey, how about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?" When he looked around he said to the waitress, "Isn't that God's boy over there?" When she nodded yes, the Democrat said in a loud voice, "Take him a cold beer and put it on my bill."
About ten minutes later Jesus got up to leave. When He passed the Republican He touch his shoulder and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican immediately felt the strength return to his legs which enabled him to get up from his wheelchair. "Praise the Lord," he said.
Jesus then walked over to the Libertarian and also touched his shoulder. "For your kindness, you too are healed," He said. The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he also stood up and said, "Praise the Lord."
With a huge smile on His face, Jesus began to walk toward the Democrat, who jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me. I get a check every month for being on disability."
• • • • •
From the Archives
An elderly nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them in an attempt to correct their ways. She decided she would pack a lunch and sit with the workers so she could talk with them.
She put her sandwich and an orange in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. After sitting down with the workers she asked: "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused.
One of the workers then looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"
The worker yelled back, "Cuz his wife's here with his lunch."
• • • • •
Great Irish Moose Hunt
From the Archives
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the airplane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we got six," they said. "The pilot let us take them all, and his plane was the same as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded.
But even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Surrounded by moose bodies, Paddy, Mick and the pilot survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"
Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
• • • • •
old for golf
From the Archives
Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrived home looking downcast.
"That's it," he told his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad, once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathized. As they sat down she said, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try?"
"That's no good," sighed Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three years old. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three," said the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day Arthur headed off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He teed up the ball, took an almighty swing and squinted down the fairway. He turned to the brother-in-law, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did," says the brother-in-law, "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go?" asked Arthur.
"I don't remember."
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
—Summer Reruns excluded—
Sept. 5 — 11
Sept. 5: Bob Woodward's book is out about the president. It's already a bestseller on Amazon. Between Woodward’s and Omarosa's books, Trump has done something incredible — he's "Made America Read Again."
Woodward's book is about working for Trump, and it's called "Fear: Trump in the White House." That was actually his second choice for a title, cuz "The Babysitter's Club" was already taken.
Today, The New York Times published an anonymous article from a senior White House official that criticizes Trump. When Trump heard, he screamed, "Oh my God – the fake news is coming from INSIDE the house!"
A senior official wrote an anonymous op-ed about Trump. Even stranger, the official signed it "XOXO, Gossip Girl."
Today, confirmation hearings continued for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. At one point, a protester screamed, "Sham president, sham justice!" Then security escorted Ruth Bader Ginsburg out of the room.
I read that Joe Biden will decide whether he's running for president in 2020 by this January. He's gonna take a coin and say, "Heads, I run. Tails, I flip again until I get heads."
I heard that the pumpkin spice latte is already on sale at Starbucks. Because when it's 95 degrees outside, nothing's more refreshing than some hot gourd juice.
Sept. 6: In a recent interview, [Paul McCartney] said that he once saw God while he was doing psychedelic drugs. Paul was like, "Oh, man, that's God." While God was like, "Holy crap, that's Paul McCartney. My God. You're the biggest — I love you so much."
The NFL season kicked off tonight with a game between the Atlanta Falcons and the Philadelphia Eagles. And it's perfect timing for the Eagles' fans. 'Cause they just sobered up from the Super Bowl.
Fantasy Football also began tonight. It's a fun way for people who are bad at real sports to realize that they're also bad at imaginary sports.
Later this season, too, the NFL will hold a game in Mexico. It's all part of the League's plan to combine as many things that Trump hates as possible. It's really clever. Rosie O'Donnell is doing the halftime show. Jeff Sessions is a referee.
Speaking of the president, after one of his staffers wrote an anonymous op-ed criticizing him, Trump is trying to find out who it was. Today he said, "It's kind of fun. It's like I'm playing a real life version of 'Blue's Clues.'"
Today at Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court confirmation hearing, Democrats released some of his confidential emails from 2003. Republicans were furious that his emails were being read. Then Hillary was like, "Sucks, doesn't it?"
Sept. 7: Last night, President Trump held a big rally in Montana. When he first got there, Trump said, "Take me to your leader, Hannah Montana."
Later on, Trump told the crowd that he has the mental fitness to be president, and to prove it, he tried to strap a Fitbit around his head.
SpaceX founder Elon Musk smoked pot on a podcast. You can tell he really liked it because now he's building a rocket that goes from Taco Bell to White Castle.
Elon Musk smoked on a podcast and said, "I'm not a regular smoker of weed." People had a feeling he wasn't a regular smoker of weed when he used the phrase "regular smoker of weed."
Sept. 10: President Trump's still trying to figure out who wrote the anonymous New York Times op-ed about him. You can tell he's getting desperate — today he yelled, "That's it. Get me the gang from 'Scooby Doo!'"
This weekend Kellyanne Conway said the author of the op-ed wants to "create chaos" and is a "national security risk." Then Trump was like, "Wait, maybe I wrote it!"
Pardon the interruption...
After former President Obama said you'd need a "magic wand" to bring back certain jobs, Trump said, "I guess I have a magic wand." Then Stormy Daniels was like, "Fake news."
Trump says he has the "ultimate deal" to make peace in the Middle East. But first, he says he wants to make peace between Cardi B and Nicki Minaj.
I saw that Jeopardy host Alex Trebek grew a beard. When his wife saw it, she said, "What is... that on your face?"
After losing all 16 of their games last season, the Cleveland Browns' first game of the year ended in a tie. Yep, the Cleveland Browns: Even when they don't lose, they don't win.
I heard about a college student in Canada who emailed everyone at his school named Nicole, Nicky, Nicolette, and Nik trying to find the woman he met at a bar. Meanwhile the actual woman was like, "Phew! Thank God I gave him a fake name!"
Sept. 11: Bob Woodward's book, "Fear: Trump in the White House," hit stores today. It's expected to be a No. 1 best-seller, until another tell-all book about Trump comes out tomorrow.
The book is already at the top of the best-sellers list for Amazon and Barnes & Noble. It's been purchased almost a million times on Amazon, and twice at Barnes & Noble.
At one store in Washington, people were lined up to buy the book at midnight. It was awkward when Trump drove by, looked out the window, and was like, "Melania?"
Woodward says Trump's plan to eliminate the federal debt was just to print more money. Before his staff could stop him, Trump ran to Kinko's with a $100 bill and said, "Make me a trillion copies."
Chief of Staff John Kelly also denied a lot of things Woodward wrote about him. Then Woodward said, "Kelly is wrong in denying those things." As you can imagine, Kelly didn't like that. So he responded saying, "I refute Woodward's denial that my claims that he was lying are true."
Woodward heard that and fought back, saying, "I reject Kelly's refuting of my denial that claims that he was lying are true." And then Kelly responded, "I object to Woodward's rejection of my — wait, I forget. Whose denials are false?"
Then Woodward said, "Yeah, hold on a second. I'm pretty sure that my rejection of your denial of my refusal is true, right?" Then Kelly said, "Wait, there was a refusal? I don't remember a refusal. Who refused what?" Then Woodward said, "Wait, I think I got it. You rejected my denial of your claim from my — you know what? Screw it. Let's grab a beer."
Everyone is preparing for Hurricane Florence as it heads toward the East Coast. Today in the Oval Office, Trump spoke about the storm. He really knows what he's talking about: [Trump clip] "They haven't seen anything like what's coming at us in 25, 30 years. Maybe ever. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet." [Imitating Trump] "Don't worry, I'm building an ark. And Mexico is going to pay for it."
Republican officials are worried that Ted Cruz will lose his re-election campaign because he's not likable enough — especially compared to his opponent, Beto O'Rourke. And they might be right about his likability. Look at the way both candidates answer some basic questions. When asked, "What do you like to do in your spare time?" O'Rourke said, "Play guitar." Ted Cruz said, "Organize my documents."
When asked, "What is your plan if you don't win the election?" O'Rourke said, "Spend time with my family and keep fighting for what's right." Ted Cruz said, "Organize my documents."
I heard that South Korea has stress cafes where people can go to take a break from their day, or as they are known here in America, bars.
Sept. 5: White
House Chief of Staff John Kelly released a statement last night denying that he
called President Trump an idiot, saying, quote, "The idea that I ever
called the president an idiot is not true. In fact, it's exactly the
opposite." And it is the opposite. He called an idiot the president.
In the same interview, President Trump claimed that special counsel Robert Mueller is former FBI Director James Comey's "best friend" adding, quote "I could give you 100 pictures of him and Comey hugging and kissing each other." Which is a lot more pictures than there are of Trump and Melania hugging and kissing.
According to a new report, some upscale hotels are now offering cannabis-infused room service items to maximize relaxation for guests. Or you could just go to any Days Inn and huff the drapes.
Sept. 10: After former President Obama delivered a speech on Friday criticizing President Trump, Trump said that he tried to watch the speech but fell asleep, adding, "I found he's very good, very good for sleeping." I know, right? When he was president, we all slept so soundly.
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders held her first press briefing today in almost three weeks. And you could tell she was a little rusty — because she almost answered a question.
Famed Watergate journalist Bob Woodward's new book titled "Fear: Trump in the White House" will be released tomorrow. You can find it wherever Sean Spicer's book isn't sold.
President Trump on Friday claimed the quotes in Bob Woodward's book were made up and that Woodward uses every trick in the book to demean and belittle. Said Woodward, "You mean my tape recorder?"
An all-red cow was born in Jerusalem this week, which some believe fulfills a biblical prophecy to "reinstate purity to the world." While Education Secretary Betsy DeVos believes it means strawberry milk for everyone.
Sept. 11: Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said yesterday that the White House is not considering conducting lie detector tests to uncover the author of the anonymous op-ed published in The New York Times. Because putting a lie detector in the White House would be like putting a smoke detector in Willie Nelson's dressing room.
According to journalist Bob Woodward's new book, Sen. Lindsey Graham once urged President Trump to encourage the Chinese government to assassinate North Korean leader Kim Jong Un and replace him with someone they control. Said Trump, "You mean Kung Fu Panda?"
According to a new CNN poll, President Trump's approval rating has fallen six points in the last month. If he gets any less popular, they're just going to reboot the series without him.
A man in New York yesterday bought a $10 million winning lottery ticket while at a convenience store to buy treats for his dog. Which came as a major disappointment to his dog. "You didn't get the treats?"
A man in Florida has been arrested for stealing over $5 million from his job at a local credit union to produce movies. He apparently got caught after the release of his new documentary, "How I Stole $5 Million From My Local Credit Union."
Sept. 5: Today was day number two of Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court confirmation hearing. And, like yesterday, it was disrupted by dozens of protesters. So far, Capitol Police have arrested more than a hundred people — more than 100 people arrested in Washington, D.C. And, for once, not one of them worked for Donald Trump.
Some of the protesters dressed in costumes resembling handmaidens from "The Handmaid's Tale." And, it had an effect. It delayed the hearing for six hours while the Senate caught up on Season Two.
If these protesters really wanted to get Trump's attention, they should have just put on NFL uniforms and taken a knee.
This hearing is supposed to go on for another couple of days. It is very in-depth. Senators are questioning Kavanaugh on guns and abortion and why he looks like the flustered dad on every sitcom from the '90s.
Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn) tried to tie Judge Kavanaugh
to stolen documents at the SCOTUS Confirmation Hearing
Robert Mueller's Russia investigation slowly marches forward. Yesterday it was reported that he has agreed to accept some written answers from Donald Trump instead of interviewing the president in person. President Trump prefers to handle his questioning in writing so that his answers can be more thoughtful, more coherent — like his Twitter, you know?
This marks the first time in years Trump has written something by hand that wasn't a check for a porn star.
Sept. 6: Everybody is talking about this big bombshell in The New York Times. They published an article written by an anonymous senior White House official that claims members of the the administration are concerned about Donald Trump's mental stability. So from within the White House they are actively working to thwart the president's agenda. As you can imagine, Trump is furious about this today, mostly because he thought getting his agenda thwarted meant something totally different.
When he heard about the editorial Trump was like, "How dare this person publicly undermine a high-level government official? Anyway, I'm going to go and humiliate the attorney general on Twitter."
The anonymous source assured readers that they should remain calm knowing that there are "adults in the room with the president." So right off the bat, we can go ahead and rule out Eric Trump. He's gone.
It was announced today the most common vegetable that toddlers eat is French fries. Or as my brain processed this story: A study has confirmed that French fries are a vegetable. I ate two plates of vegetables today and some more vegetables tonight. I'm joking. You cannot just eat French fries. You have got to eat other vegetables. You know — onion rings, loaded potato skins, carrot cake.
In other shocking food news, according to another study, chocolate chip cookie addiction shares many similarities with cocaine addiction. Truly, yes. Researchers say sugar can give you some of the same cravings that cocaine can give. And I say, it is actually worse for you. Like, believe me, try getting an entire chocolate chip cookie up your nose.
Now I don't even know if this was a legitimate study so much as it was just a bunch of scientists having a really, really fun weekend.
Sept. 7: The president is now saying that he would be willing to shut down the government this fall if Congress doesn't fund his border wall. Now this is huge news. Do you know what this means? This means the government has been up and running this whole time.
Even crazier, this threat comes just one day after Trump told reporters, "I don't like the idea of shutdowns." And Trump should know about shutdowns. He had to do it with Trump steaks, Trump airlines, Trump casinos, Trump magazine, Trump vodka — and, of course, Trump marriages.
A novelty website is selling what it claims to be the world's largest gummy in the form of a giant gummy hot dog that weighs 33 pounds and contains 38,000 calories. The giant gummy is shaped like a hot dog. And at 38,000 calories, it's almost as bad for you as an actual hot dog.
During an interview yesterday, Bob Woodward, the veteran journalist and author of a new book detailing the chaos and insanity inside the Trump administration, concluded by saying that people need to "wake up" to what's going on in the White House. Wake up? We're awake, Bob! We're awake! I haven't had a full night's sleep in two years!
Former President Barack Obama is back on the campaign trail trying to rally Democrats for the midterm election, and on Saturday, while at a stop in Anaheim, Obama reminisced about the time he was kicked out of Disneyland for smoking a cigarette. God, don't you miss when the president's biggest scandal was like, "I was asked to leave Disneyland once."
Obama was like, "Go ahead and kick me out of Disneyland. I'll just come back as an animatronic figure in the Hall of Presidents — and stay there forever."
Disney's CEO responded to Obama in a tweet, saying that smoking aside, Obama was welcome back at the park any time. Not surprisingly, President Trump retaliated by launching a drone strike on Splash Mountain.
Recently passengers on a United Airlines flight from Scotland to New Jersey got a bit of a shock when the pilot came out of the cockpit, changed out of his uniform, and fell asleep in a first-class seat. The only way this could have been more concerning for the passengers is if the pilot also had an emotional support dog.
A couple in Florida was just arrested for selling drugs out of their mobile home after police noticed that they had constructed — and we're not making this up — a drive-thru window. The only way this story could be more Florida is if the drive-thru were run by an alligator and his stripper girlfriend.
Sept. 6: Thousands of bugs have been stolen from the Philadelphia Insectarium. Thieves made off with more than 7,000 bugs, including millipedes, rhinoceros roaches, lizards, frogs, snakes, and venomous spiders valued at more than $40,000. I get why people steal, but what's the plan after a theft like this? Unless you live in an ant farm, you walk around the street going, "Wanna buy some bugs?"
There's a tweet on the subject, a warning. "If you see this six-eyed sand spider that is highly venomous, let the Philadelphia Insectarium know." Trust me, I'll let them know. I see that freaking thing? I'll let everybody know if I see it, probably with a loud and very girlish scream.
The new NFL season kicked off tonight. The Eagles hosted the Atlanta Falcons in a game that also marked, perhaps more importantly, the start of a new Fantasy Football season. Most of the guys I know studied harder for their Fantasy Football draft this year than all of high school and college combined.
Sept. 6: According to the anonymous author [of The New York Times op-ed], many of Trump's senior officials are working diligently from within to frustrate his worst inclinations, and that's not easy because all of Trump's inclinations are tied for worst.
Well, now the hunt for the author is on. The op-ed has sent tremors through the West Wing and launched a frantic guessing game. As opposed to the other Trump games. There's Collusional Chairs, Charade of a Marriage, and Pin the Crime on the Don Jr.
Some folks think they know who wrote the op-ed because of an unusual word in this passage, which describes John McCain's legacy as "A lodestar for restoring honor to public life and our national dialogue." I actually think my sister drives a 2009 Suzuki Lodestar.
But that word might be a clue, "lodestar," because it happens to be one of Vice President Mike Pence's favorites … It's so unlike Mike Pence to make a strange word choice. Just ask his wife, "Mother."
But Pence is pushing back, because after the speculation started, he denied writing the op-ed. He also denied having a closet full of bumper stickers that say, "Mike Pence 2020: I Wrote the Op-ed!"
Sept. 11: Today President Trump gave a briefing about the government's plan for Hurricane Florence. Sensing the seriousness of the occasion, Trump respectfully didn't make the whole thing about himself — for almost a minute. Then he reminded everybody what a great job he did with the last hurricane. "I think that Puerto Rico was an incredible, unsung success." He's right. It was definitely unsung. Maybe because no one could plug in their mics because it took 11 months to restore power.
NASA's administrator has directed the space agency to look at boosting its brand by selling naming rights to rockets and spacecraft. Look, I love space travel. I get that NASA needs cash, but I think corporate sponsorship might have changed the moon landing. [Video of moon landing with voiceover] "That's one small step for man, one comfortable leap thanks to Dr. Scholl's Insoles. Houston, I'm gellin'."
It's not just rockets. This new proposal would allow astronauts to appear in commercials and on cereal boxes. Wait, are you telling me that up till now astronauts weren't allowed to appear in commercials or on cereal boxes before? Are you saying the Trix Rabbit never actually flew to Mars?
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for what’s new.
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We are starting this column with a contribution from Lumpy, who says THIS may be the worse attempt at an armed 211 ever. We concur, but we would add that it may also be the funniest. (0:37)
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It goes without saying that I have become smitten with Kitty Flanagan, a popular comedienne from down under who I discovered a few weeks ago. This week she is going to explain what “The Cloud” is for adults. For ADULTS! (Get the hint?) Pay attention. There may be a pop quiz at the end. (5:06)
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From Alice Murphy comes this TV ad by Samsung in India that has attracted over 209 million views since it was first posted in Dec. of 2016. Take a couple of minutes to WATCH and you will see why. There is an outside chance that you might also want to keep a hankie handy. (4:00)
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The first of this week’s Hope for Paws videos begins with Jaime helping Eldad rescue a little homeless pooch that had spent the last few weeks living on the grounds of a school. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that when you look like “Seymour,” a loving forever HOME is not far away. (4:40)
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"Gershwin" was dropped off and abandoned by his owner(s), and because of his size at 110 pounds, he posed a potential danger to both Eldad and Loretta. THIS is how the giant was rescued. (Note: As Eldad states in the comments section, you can ask Loreta Frankonyte questions about this by visiting her Facebook page.) (6:24)
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Lisa and Eldad responded to rescue a senior dog that was reported to be living near a freeway on ramp. It turned out that "Rudolph" was injured as well as HOMELESS. (4:08)
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Our final Hope for Paws story this week is brand new as it was posted three days ago on Sept. 11th. It’s about a little sweetheart of a dog named Yoda that found himself homeless after his owner died. Eldad was apparently on another mission as THIS rescue appears to have been accomplished by Lisa and JoAnn. (3:48)
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Does this cat remember its former owner who has been dead a long time, or is it simply responding to the heat given off by the smart phone? We will never know, but cat owners know what they would LIKE to believe. (1:47)
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Speaking of wild animals, Leroy and I took a vote and have deemed THIS oldie-but-goodie to be the funniest 15-second clip on the Internet. (0:15)
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Note to the Nike Corporation:
This is what "sacrificing everything" looks like!
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Lip Sync Challenges for the Week
Pic the right song and your agency’s challenge is guaranteed to make it into the Farsider, and that is what the MACON CO. S/O in North Carolina did. (4:09)
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If there is a city in the U.S. that can match San Francisco for its liberalism, it’s Seattle, and while it may cause some frustration for its police department at times, it hasn’t stopped the SEATTLE PD from entering the Lip Sync Challenge. Based on the number of views it has received (395K) THIS is the most viewed Police Lip Sync Challenge videos so far on YouTube. (5:27)
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After careful consideration, we are awarding the YAKIMA (WA) PD and FD a score of 9.2 for its Lip Sync Challenge entry. It was set to the song “Don’t Stop Believin’.” (5:15)
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We brought The History Guy back this week to tell us the story of the USS SHENANDOAH, America’s first airship. It is indeed a story “that deserves to be remembered.” (14:37)
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If you were in the East Bay around 4:30 p.m. last Sunday and looked to the sky you may have seen the Antonov An-225 making its approach to the Oakland Airport. It would have been hard to miss because it is the LARGEST airplane in the world. (5:26)
Just how big is this Ukranian-built monster? Watch THIS.
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This week’s Allec Joshua Ibay’s aircraft incident is about a San Jose bound FedEx cargo plane in which its Captain, First Officer and Flight Engineer had to fight for their lives when an off-duty Flight Engineer who was hitching a ride tried to kill them with a hammer and spear gun, then CRASH the DC-10 for insurance money for his family. (15:13)
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It should be a crime for a group of guys like Dude Perfect to have so much fun while simultaneously raking in tons of dough as a result of their 34 million YouTube followers. This video where they show off their prowess with bowling balls is only a few weeks old and it has already garnered over 17 MILLION views. (7:35)
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This clip from Bill Leavy may look like a magic act, but it's only DUSTIN JOHNSON — the No. 1-ranked professional golfer in the world — doing things with a golf ball that have to be seen to be believed. (1:19)
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It makes me feel proud when I see people in a foreign country like Germany put together a flashmob with a song made famous by American composers like Simon and Garfunkel. While the chorus is mixed in with the audience in this flashmob, take note as some of those who remain seated sing along in ENGLISH to “The Sounds of Silence.” (4:50)
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This week’s closing item is another flash mob performance, but you are likely to see and hear one like this only in a Red State and parts of California that includes San Diego, Orange County, and California’s interior that includes Sacramento and the San Joaquin Valley. Click HERE and see if you agree. (3:40)
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C’ya next week…
Pic of the Week
California Division of Forestry has finally determined
why there are so many dead trees in the State.
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Van Dyck, Lois
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