Sept. 1, 2016
The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
SAN JOSE & SJPD NOW IN A FULL BLOWN EMERGENCY!
Council Declares Emergency for SJPD
—10-1 vote means chief can bypass union contract, reallocate officers to patrol—
By Robert Salonga <email@example.com>
SAN JOSE — In a rarely seen move reflecting the desperation of the times, the San Jose City Council declared a state of emergency Tuesday to allow police Chief Eddie Garcia to shift more officers to the city’s undermanned street patrol, a stopgap to keep intact the force’s most basic community service.
The 10-1 vote capped a contentious week since the proposal of the emergency declaration, which allows Garcia to override the current labor contract to move 47 officers in detective and specialized divisions to street patrol. Besides dissension within the council over calling the situation an “emergency,” the issue took an unexpected turn last week when it surfaced that as many as a dozen officers are living in RVs in a city lot near police headquarters because of unpredictable overtime and extended shifts forced by staffing shortages.
Mayor Sam Liccardo, while acknowledging a bevy of alternative measures discussed, concluded that none of them would swiftly address the stark patrol shortage that faces the city.
“We could wait weeks or wait months, but this is the only thing we can do today,” Liccardo said.
Without the reallocation, the department predicted that unplanned extended shifts would increase by 20 percent in the next six months to 7,506 hours worth of patrol needing to be filled. The jump is due to the number of patrol vacancies, leaving the department 87 short of the prescribed 500-officer minimum. The new reallocation recovers about half of that manpower deficit; overtime, mandatory or otherwise, and extended shifts will fill the rest. Garcia, while saying he was grateful for the council’s vote, stressed that the declaration merely keeps the department above water. The focus now turns to how to reorganize the reduced divisions and bureaus after they lose staff to patrol. “The council gave me the resources to avoid a further crisis,” the chief said. “The priority is to answer 911 calls. We’re going to be able to provide better service, with respect to patrol.”
In perhaps another sign of how tough times are, the San Jose Police Officers’ Association aligned with the chief and agreed to give up some of its contract protections. The contract grants officers significant rights to choose their assignments.
“We have an emergency now that needs a solution now,” said union President Sgt. Paul Kelly, who then called out skeptics of the urgency of the situation. “What number of officers does our department have to reach before it is an emergency?” A contingent of council members, however, saw the police pressure as part of an ongoing campaign for the passage of Measure F, which would reverse several austerity measures and benefit reductions that voters implemented four years ago to rein in spiraling pension costs. The police union and department contend that the ensuing political battle helped drive an officer exodus that shrank the force by a third over the past eight years to around 900 officers today.
Garcia, in his
presentation to the council, noted that today’s authorized staffing level of
1,109 officers — which indicated available spots, not actual officers — is the
same as it was in 1986, when the city’s population was more than 40 percent
Councilman Tam Nguyen, who had voiced concern about declaring an emergency, appeared swayed by the arguments made Tuesday about the necessity of the move, but reflecting on the years-long shrinking of the department, he also questioned why the problems weren’t handled earlier. “This is a long-term crisis we should have dealt with a long time ago,” Nguyen said. Garcia was frank in his response, alluding to the clarity of hindsight: “We probably should have declared this two or three years ago.” Measure F, and the landmark city-union mediation agreement that it’s based on, has been beset by legal challenges by taxpayer advocates. One of those challenges, focusing on ballot measure language, was addressed by a court order last week reaching a compromise in that language. City leaders have also sparred over alternatives to the emergency declaration, including Councilman Pierluigi Oliverio, who revived a plan, proposed several times, to bolster the understaffed police force with officers from the Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Office and California Highway Patrol. That proposal was summarily dismissed by the police department and union, and on Monday, Sheriff Laurie Smith addressed the proposal in a letter to the city capped by the following: “I certainly will entertain any mutual aid request and provide whatever resources necessary to meet our mutual aid requirements, but to provide resources to fill 348 10-hour shifts per week is a nonsensical idea unworthy of any further attention.” Oliverio, who cast the lone no vote on the emergency declaration, restated his support for exploring outside help as the department rebuilds.
“We’re going to need something to bridge that gap over time,” he said. “We might as well start now.”
Note: Following are all of the POA Membership Alerts that were sent out since we went to press last Thursday. Many of the clips may be dated. Refer to the last Membership Alert for the latest news…
Click on the links below watch the latest news:
KPIX 5: Overworked Officers Living in Police Parking Lot (video)
NBC 11: Long hours and forced overtime caused an "officer encampment at SJPD" (video)
KPIX 5: Council Member Khamis Proposes ending Pay Jobs for cops (video)
Yesterday, our City Council voted 10-1 in favor of making a formal declaration of a public safety staffing emergency. This unprecedented action allows the Chief of Police to make staffing changes prior to concluding the meet and confer obligations with the POA. Council Member Pierluigi Oliverio -no surprise- was the sole no vote.
Our staffing situation has left this once renowned police department with no good staffing options. But despite these extreme conditions, the POA cannot turn its back on our obligations to protect our members' rights and our contract. We will be meeting with the Chief's office and the City to discuss the impact of these changes but those talks will have to occur after they have been implemented. The timelines for shift change were not sufficient to conclude these talks in time for a possible shift rebid.
This declaration is not just a legal maneuver, it is also a public statement from the council finally acknowledging the crisis our department is in. It also has highlighted the enormous responsibility San Jose Officers bare in keeping San Jose residents and each other safe, after loosing hundreds of officers, working countless hours of forced overtime and never knowing when you will be home after showing up to work.
on the links below to watch and/or read the news clips and videos:
NBC Bay Area: San Jose City Council Votes 10-1 For State of Emergency Addressing Police Staffing Crisis (video)
City Council Meeting Videos
Son-of-a-gun, it sounds like the paper supports both the “Emergency” declaration and a yes vote on Measure F. What happens if "F" doesn't pass in November? Don't ask; no one on this side of the issue wants to know.
S.J. Should Declare Safety ‘Emergency’
Editorial — Mercury News — Aug. 30, 2016
The San Jose City Council should declare a public safety emergency Tuesday so that Police Chief Eddie Garcia can sidestep the police union contract and immediately assign his dwindling number of officers where they’re most needed, regardless of their personal preferences. It’s the expedient solution to a deepening crisis, and the police union supports it.
“I hate the word ‘emergency’,” Mayor Sam Liccardo said Friday. “But it’s the word in the state statute” that empowers the city to do what needs to be done promptly.
He’s right. Get it done — and then focus on persuading voters to approve Measure F in November to ratify a negotiated settlement over 2012’s voter-approved pension reform, the main reason for the police shortage. The settlement will retain significant pension savings while enabling San Jose to again offer pay and benefits competitive with other Bay Area departments.
The SJPD had more than 1,300 officers a decade ago. It has shrunk to around 800 and is about to fall below its legal mandate for 500 officers on regular patrol — unbelievably low for a city of a million people spread over 180 square miles.
Until now, Garcia has kept patrol covered through incentives and mandatory overtime, but that’s no longer enough. He needs to reassign 47 officers who have bid for duty in special units.
Is this a real emergency? Not in the sense of a Hurricane Katrina or a Loma Prieta earthquake. But the city is approaching a tipping point.
Garcia wants to keep enough officers on patrol to respond to residents who have their own very real emergencies — say, for example, a woman who wakes up at 3 a.m. to see a guy in a stocking mask trying to jimmy the patio doors.
Council members who question the use of “emergency” say it’s a ploy to help pass Measure F. Some argue the city should use the less sensational “meet and confer” procedure with the union to bypass the contract. But that’s also less efficient. “Meet and confer” implies some level of negotiation. It could take weeks.
Why risk complications and create delays?
Some doubters are hung up on the police union’s responsibility for the shortage of sworn officers. It’s certainly true that former union leaders accelerated the initial departures, urging veterans and recruits to leave and even helping them find jobs. But ultimately, smart people act in their own best financial interest. If compensation had been adequate, others would have filled the slots. In fact, nearly all city departments experienced a brain drain in the wake of Measure B.
If voters in November approve Measure F to resolve the issues, it will clear the way for serious recruiting — with current union leaders as partners — while locking in billions in pension savings. Until then, give Garcia the authority he needs to keep up patrols.
THE TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
San Jose Official: Police Not to Blame for ‘Bacongate’
By Sal Pizarro, Columnist <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mercury News — Aug. 27, 2016
The aftermath of San Jose’s postponed Bacon Festival of America is lingering like the post-breakfast aroma in a country kitchen.
Let’s be honest: The city has many more important problems than making sure we can stuff our faces with bacon over Labor Day weekend, but there are some good lessons to be learned from “Bacongate” — as the Bacon Fest organizers have mirthfully dubbed it — about the tangled mess of producing an event in San Jose.
In an item about the festival being postponed until Oct. 15 to 16, I wrote that the delay seemed to be an unforeseen and unintended consequence of the San Jose Police Department’s staffing issues. Ryan Sebastian, whose company Moveable Feast produces the festival, said he was informed the police department didn’t have the available resources to handle the event over the holiday weekend.
Not so fast, says David Vossbrink, spokesman for the city manager’s office.
“The Bacon Festival delay is actually the result of the bacon organizers submitting their completed applications for city permits too late to make the event work for Labor Day weekend,” Vossbrink told me in an email. “Unfortunately, the organizers have chosen to blame SJPD staffing as the cause rather than acknowledging their share of responsibility for the delay.”
Seely, right, and Gabe Chamberlain, from
Dublin, eat cheesy bacon hot dogs at San Jose’s
2015 Bacon Festival of America.
And here’s where we get into the complicated process of putting on an event. Applications for special event permits must be submitted no later than 45 days before the first day of an event, though some documents on the city’s website recommend submitting at least 60 to 90 days in advance. That’s because the 17-page application must be reviewed by several city departments, including the Office of Cultural Affairs, Parks, Recreation and Neighborhood Services and the police, before approval.
The San Jose Parks Foundation, which was the nonprofit partner for the Bacon Festival, submitted an application July 9, 57 days before the original festival start date of Sept. 3. Vossbrink acknowledged that an application was submitted in July but said it was incomplete and that a completed application wasn’t turned in until Aug. 9 — 25 days before the festival.
“Three weeks is just not enough time to complete the review, arrange logistics, and schedule staff from many departments, including police and PRNS, for a big event — especially on a holiday weekend that has many events already on the calendar,” Vossbrink said, adding that the city does have a serious police staffing issue and that is part of the need for the long lead time. The letter of denial from the Parks, Recreation and Neighborhood Services department dated Aug. 16 says, “The San Jose Police Department’s Secondary Employment Unit informed us permits requested for street closures, alcohol sales/distribution along with required police services could not be provided.” Sebastian’s take is that the application spent that month stuck in the bureaucratic process. He doesn’t blame the police department for its decision because he believes they didn’t see it until August. At this point, he’s just looking forward to putting on a safe event in October at Plaza de Cesar Chavez.
But there have been instances when the 45-day lead time must have been overlooked — and on a holiday weekend. After all, even the most optimistic Sharks fan couldn’t have guessed the team would be in the Stanley Cup Finals six weeks before the puck dropped for Game 1 on May 30. But there still was a daylong event — including a beer garden — that drew thousands of people to Plaza de Cesar Chavez on that Memorial Day Monday.
Were rules bent for the Sharks? Probably. Should they have been for the Bacon Festival? It’s hard to say, as the natures of the two events are different and require different resources. Still, it seems like there could have been a middle ground. Also, can anyone imagine that if the police force was staffed the way it should be that there would have been an issue in the first place?
SB869 passed. This is FYI for retirees…
Roger (Sides) <email@example.com>
Roger added in a later message that this Information was provided to him by a neighbor who’s a retired SFPD captain, and that he received it from a retired SFPD Ranngmaster and a Lt. who is president of the SFPD Veterans Police Officers’ Assn., their equivalent of our Retired Police and Firefighters’ Assn.
New law via SB869: The gun under the seat, or in the center console, could now cost you $1000. Take note of SEC.2 and 25452 if you are a current or retired LEO. Keep in mind that this only applies when you are leaving a firearm in an unattended vehicle.
SECTION 1. Section 25140 is added to the Penal Code, to read:
25140. (a) A person shall, when leaving a handgun in an unattended vehicle, lock the handgun in the vehicle’s trunk, lock the handgun in a locked container and place the container out of plain view, or lock the handgun in a locked container that is permanently affixed to the vehicle’s interior and not in plain view.
(b) A violation of subdivision (a) is an infraction punishable by a fine not exceeding one thousand dollars ($1,000).
(c) (1) As used in this section, “vehicle” has the same meaning as specified in Section 670 of the Vehicle Code.
(2) As used in this section, “locked container” has the same meaning as specified in Section 16850.
(3) For purposes of this section, a vehicle is unattended when a person who is lawfully carrying or transporting a handgun in a vehicle is not within close enough proximity to the vehicle to reasonably prevent unauthorized access to the vehicle or its contents.
(d) This section does not apply to a peace officer during circumstances requiring immediate aid or action that are within the course of his or her official duties.
(e) This section does not supersede any local ordinance that regulates the storage of handguns in unattended vehicles if the ordinance was in effect before the date of enactment of the act that added this section.
SEC. 2. Section 25452 is added to the Penal Code, to read:
25452. A peace officer and an honorably retired peace officer shall, when leaving a handgun in an unattended vehicle, secure the handgun in the vehicle pursuant to Section 25140.
SEC. 3. Section 25612 is added to the Penal Code, to read:
25612. A person shall, when leaving a handgun in an unattended vehicle, secure the handgun in the vehicle pursuant to Section 25140.
SEC. 4. Section 25645 of the Penal Code is amended to read:
25645. Sections 25140 and 25400 do not apply to, or affect, the transportation of unloaded firearms by a person operating a licensed common carrier or an authorized agent or employee thereof when the firearms are transported in conformance with applicable federal law.
SEC. 5. No reimbursement is required by this act pursuant to Section 6 of Article XIII B of the California Constitution because the only costs that may be incurred by a local agency or school district will be incurred because this act creates a new crime or infraction, eliminates a crime or infraction, or changes the penalty for a crime or infraction, within the meaning of Section 17556 of the Government Code, or changes the definition of a crime within the meaning of Section 6 of Article XIII B of the California Constitution.
If you wish to see the full page regarding this new law, click
on the link below:
• • • • •
Why was I not surprised by this missive from Middle Ground regarding last week’s Mail Call item about Huma Abedin sent in by Talking Points?
The article submitted by Talking Points last week about Huma Abedin, a senior Hillary Clinton staffer, was written by Paul Sperry and appeared in the the New York Post and on the Breitbart web site.
As to the author, Paul Sperry is a conservative author, political commentator, and investigative journalist. He’s was the former Washington Bureau Chief for World Net Daily. Currently he is a contributor to Fox News and writes op-ed pieces like this one for the New York Post.
Huma Abedin served as an intern to Hillary Clinton when she was First Lady. Since then she has held the position of Deputy Chief of Staff when Clinton was Secretary of State and is now the Vice Chair of her presidential campaign. Abedin is a practicing Muslim, who married former U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner, who is Jewish.
She was born in Michigan to a pair of college professors, Syed Zainul Ph.D. and Saleha Mahmood Abedin Ph.D., both of whom received their doctorates from the Univ. of Pennsylvania. Huma Abedin graduated from George Washington University.
In 1978, Huma’s parents co-founded a London-based educational organization, the Institute of Muslim Minority Affairs, that focused on the study of Muslims in non-Muslim societies. The institute supports research, host conferences and publishes the peer reviewed ‘Journal of Muslim Minority Affairs.’ The institute is mostly staffed by family members.
Much of Sperry's article was about Huma Abedin’s mother, Saleha, who is the journal’s editor-in-chief. Sperry wrote that Huma, "published articles in a Saudi journal taking Clinton’s feminist platform apart, piece by piece." This is not a true statement. From 1996 to 2008, Huma Abedin, along with her brother and sister, all served as assistant editors. As one of the institute's assistant editors her job was that of an advisor, with her mother making the final decisions as to which academic papers and studies would be considered for review and possible journal inclusion. It was her mother who selected and published the articles that Sperry wrote about. Also, the journal is not a Saudi journal, it's published by Taylor & Francis Publisher located in Oxford England.
The content of the article and the allegations made by Sperry have been challenged by other media sources and fact checking organizations. For instance, Sperry called the journal a "radical Muslim publication" and echoed previous claims about Huma Abedin that had been made by Rep. Sean Duffy (R-Wis.).
Fact Checker looked into this and other statements in the article and awarded them their highest rating for false and misleading statements. Four Pinocchios.
Ed. — Click HERE to view the Washington Post fact-check entry.
Sorry, M.G. Your four Pinocchios WAPO fact-check link is about “reported ties that Huma Abedin has with the Muslim Brotherhood,” but I went through the article submitted by Talking Points word by word, and I couldn’t even find the words “Muslim Brotherhood.” So should the four Pinocchios apply?
Click HERE to pull up last week’s New York Post article submitted by Talking Points that Middle Ground is referring to.
It might also be noted that WAPO (Washington Post) is a left-of-center newspaper like the New York Times, versus the Wall Street Journal that most will agree leans to the right. For what I feel is a fair and balanced view of the facts surrounding Huma Abedin’s Muslim (NOT Muslim Brotherhood) ties, I recommend clicking on THIS Snopes link. And if you do, don’t hesitate to click on the colored links within the entry that includes Newsweek, Vanity Fair and the Muslim Minority Affairs website itself.
AUGUST EDITION OF THE BILLY & SPANNER NOW ONLINE
The latest electronic version of the Billy & Spanner is now available on-line. Thank you to all who have agreed to receive the on-line version of the newsletter. You can read the newsletter by clicking HERE.
RETIREES ASSOCIATION NEWS
The San Jose Police and Fire Departments, as well as the San Jose Police Officers' Association, San Jose Fire Fighters, Local 230 and the San Jose Fire Museum are hosting a 15th Anniversary Memorial for those who died during the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. You can view the details HERE.
ONCE AGAIN, DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA?
This is a reminder that you might want to get out your clubs or borrow a set and sign up for this golf tournament that will benefit the SJPD Chaplaincy. As we noted last week, we’re not saying that "Someone" important will remember when it’s time to visit the 19th hole in the sky, but you can't be absolutely sure!
MORE TRUTH TO THIS THAN MEETS THE EYE...
LOOKING FOR SOME LAUGHS?
restaurant will handling the dinner portion. For more
information, contact Juan Reyes at <firstname.lastname@example.org>
CHIEF BEARS IT ALL FOR “SAN JOSE INSIDE”
We suspect there will be a few statements in this in-depth interview with Chief Garcia that won’t be received very well by some retirees and members of the rank and file. But that’s just a guess…
Chief Eddie Garcia: More Gun Control Laws Needed, Black Lives Matter a ‘Valid’
By Josh Koehn <email@example.com>
San Jose Inside — Aug. 31, 2016
Jose Police Chief Edie Garcia says the 2nd Amendment
is not being applied as the Founding Fathers intended.
Studies show that police officers overwhelmingly oppose stricter gun control laws. Eddie Garcia, San Jose’s police chief, isn’t one of those officers.
Last month, I had a long phone conversation with Chief Garcia while he was driving to a meeting. We talked about issues involving the local department, but most of our discussion veered toward national issues: gun violence, the Black Lives Matter movement and the headlines of the previous weeks, as police officers in Dallas and Baton Rouge were ambushed and killed.
Chief Garcia had some strong—and surprising—opinions on gun control, as well as the inability of lawmakers to enact meaningful change. We discussed whether police officers should be among the biggest champions of gun control, especially when so many officer-involved shootings are motivated by a fear that civilians could be armed and dangerous. From there, the conversation turned to race and how law enforcement at large views Black Lives Matter.
Unlike the union that represents San Jose police officers, Garcia sympathized with issues Black Lives Matter protesters have raised.
“I think it’s a very valid movement,” Chief Garcia told me in a follow-up conversation Sunday. “We have to acknowledge as a police department that this badge didn’t always stand for what it stands for today. We’ve got to admit things.”
The badge still stands as a symbol of oppression to some—just see the furor over the stance, or seat, of 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick—but going back to our talk in July: on some points, the chief and I agreed. On others, we respectfully disagreed.
Before we got off the phone, though, I realized how rare it is to have a candid conversation like this with law enforcement, especially when the person on the other end of the line is the top cop in the 10th biggest city in the nation.
I asked Chief Garcia if he would be willing to go on the record about his views, and he immediately agreed. It took some time to schedule, but below is an email Q&A with San Jose Police Chief Eddie Garcia.
Josh Koehn: What are your thoughts on the Second Amendment?
Chief Garcia: It’s a very important amendment, and obviously very polarizing. I agree with the right to bear arms, but I equally believe in the limitations that have been placed by our courts. One aspect that I find interesting is that the Second Amendment was adopted in the late 1700s. I wonder if today’s modern weaponry were available then, if that amendment would look the same. I suspect not.
Do you think there are too many guns on American streets?
Are gun crimes more of an issue in states other than California?
I think gun crimes are an issue for our entire country.
What do you consider an assault rifle?
Simply stated: a compact, long-range capable weapon with high capacity that can be fired very rapidly; originally designed for the military.
Do you think the average non-felon should be able to own an assault rifle?
My belief—and I realize this may not be popular—is that these weapons should be for military and police use only. This is a perfect question to go hand-in-hand with my response to question No. 1.
Do police feel safer knowing that everyday citizens could be carrying a gun? Does the size of the gun matter? (no pun intended)
Again, simply stated: No.
There is so much training that we as officers go through. The technical aspects of the training (i.e. marksmanship and safety) are just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much we want our officers to rely on before using their weapons: de-escalation, CIT (Crisis Intervention Team training), etc.
And as well trained as we are, as seen nationally, there still remain questions on our use of firearms. I certainly would not like to see confrontations between armed citizens and our officers, who understandably would have a difficult time in a split-second decision discerning “good guy with a gun” or “bad guy with a gun.” Their jobs are difficult enough, I don't feel the need to add to that. And, obviously, the higher the caliber the more damage can be caused.
Would you feel safer if we armed our teachers and principals with guns?
Not necessarily. We feel our protocol of “Run, Hide, Defend (Fight)” is the best way to survive campus violence. However, if strict policies and training were in place, I would not object to having a dialogue regarding access to a weapon if all reasonable means have failed and death or serious injury was imminent on a school campus.
What were you doing when you learned about the sniper attack in Dallas?
I was having a meeting, and immediately started following the coverage.
What was your reaction to the events in Dallas and Baton Rouge?
I felt them to be despicable and cowardly. They shook the foundation of our great country.
Do you think the Black Lives Matter movement is dangerous or illegitimate?
I believe the movement to be legitimate, but it needs to be used broadly or better defined. If the issue is the concern over police use of force, which is a valid point, then let's have that conversation.
However, if the issue is strictly that “Black Lives Matter” then we cannot have that conversation without also discussing the homicide rates in certain cities where black lives are lost at the hands of other black lives. I know that this movement isn't trying to say that ONLY Black Lives Matter, but simply that Black Lives Matter ALSO.
Finally, and I don’t believe the responsible individuals looking for reform believe this, especially those who we have been working with in San Jose, but I strongly oppose, as have those in our city looking for reforms, any movement that disgraces the sacrifice of the men and women who wear the uniform and which advocates violence against law enforcement.
What legislation have law enforcement agencies or police chief groups put forward in recent years to curb gun violence?
(Chief Garcia said he did not have information on this question.—Editor)
What legislation have local law enforcement agencies or police chief groups put forward in recent years to address mental illness?
There is recent legislation already on training and how to deal with mental illness that departments have to employ. I just mandated that every member of this department be trained on CIT.
Has the NRA or any other organization impeded these efforts? How so?
My personal belief is that the NRA simply attempts to defend the Second Amendment as it’s written, so if there are any types of proposed restrictions to that, they definitely will step and defend against those. And they have a very strong lobby.
Do you see gun violence and mental illness as related issues?
They are definitely related issues. As first responders, we encounter individuals with firearms and mental issues all too often. Ultimately, it is the families of those lost and my officers—not only physically but also mentally—that suffer most. These encounters can be simply tragic. If we can bridge the gap, between crisis training and gun control, it will make our community safer AND my officers safer.
Is the status quo on gun control in this country acceptable?
Absolutely not. As I've stated, I do believe in the Second Amendment. However, as stated in question one, if it were to be written today, I believe it would be written differently and more strictly defined.
Josh Koehn is the managing editor for San Jose Inside and Metro Silicon Valley. Email tips to <firstname.lastname@example.org> or follow him on Twitter at @Josh_Koehn.
As of yesterday (Wed.) afternoon when we prepared this for the Farsider, there were 28 comments to this article. Click HERE, then scroll down if you want to review them.
HAYWARD STILL MUM ON WHY DIANE WAS PLACED ON ADMIN. LEAVE
This is the latest news about Diane (Urban) Stuart's removal via Administrative Leave as Hayward's Police Chief...
Chief Under Investigation
—Mayor says she has ‘great respect’ for Diane Stuart and her work—
By Mark Gomez and Rebecca Parr, Staff writers
Mercury News — Aug. 31, 2016
HAYWARD — One day after it was announced Police Chief Diane Stuart has been placed on administrative leave, Mayor Barbara Halliday said she has “great respect” for the city’s top cop. Halliday would not comment Tuesday on the investigation, but she did say Stuart and the Hayward Police Department have worked with the community, including a strong presence at the recent National Night Out.
“I have great respect for her and her work here in Hayward,” Halliday said.
City officials confirmed Monday that Stuart, who has served as police chief for five years, was placed on paid administrative leave for a personnel issue. City officials did not provide any details about the reason for the placing Stuart on administrative leave.
Hayward City Manager Kelly McAdoo appointed Capt. Mark Koller as the acting chief. “All I can say is that the chief has been placed on administrative leave pending a personnel investigation,” said Hayward City Manager Kelly McAdoo.
Halliday said the Hayward “very much supports our police department,” pointing to the outpouring of sympathy after the death of Sgt. Scott Lunger last year, including a community- led candlelight vigil.
Stuart recently opened a new substation in South Hayward, moving it to Tennyson Road to have a more visible presence.
Betty DeForest, a longtime civic leader, was surprised by the news.
“I have been impressed with the Hayward Police Department under Chief Stuart’s leadership ever since she arrived in Hayward,” DeForest said.
Hayward city Councilwoman Sara Lamnin was not worried about the state of the department.
“The department is in good shape, the community is safe, the process will go forward and there’s nothing really else to do,” Lamnin said Tuesday after reports of the investigation surfaced.
Stuart, known as Diane Urban during her years in San Jose, was appointed as the first woman to lead the Hayward’s police department in August 2011, according to her bio on the city’s website. She began her law enforcement career in 1986 with the San Jose Police Department, climbed to the rank of assistant chief, at the time the highest- ranking female police officer in San Jose history. When Stuart left San Jose to become Hayward’s chief, she was replaced by another female officer, Rikki Goede, now the police chief in Piedmont.
During her career in San Jose, Urban worked in the Field Training Office, Horse Mounted Unit, the Intelligence Unit and the elite MERGE Unit, also known as SWAT. She later commanded the Special Operations Division before an appointment as assistant chief.
Urban graduated from Cal State East Bay with a degree in criminal justice. She also received a master’s degree in applied social science from Boston University.
As of last (Wed.) night there were 25 positive postings of support for Diane on the 10-7ODSJ Facebook page by her friends and former SJPD coworkers.
MEANWHILE IN PALO ALTO…
Walk to Honor, Support Police
—Sister of fallen officer calls Vets 4 Cops event ‘ heartwarming’—
By Jacqueline Lee <email@example.com>
Mercury News — Aug. 30, 2016
Army veteran Chantelle MacKenzie, pushing a stroller with her two children, rounded out a procession of police supporters who walked recently from the VA Palo Alto Health Care Services campus to the Alta Mesa Cemetery and Funeral Home. As she navigated the carriage over cracks on the sidewalk about 1.5 miles each way, MacKenzie struggled to answer her toddlers’ questions about death and funerals. But having served tours in Afghanistan, she said it was important to share with her children a different narrative about police officers than what they see on TV.
Police across the country have received increased scrutiny and criticism, from Black Lives Matter protesters to non-activists alike, in the wake of several cases where officers used excessive force or killed unarmed black men from Ferguson, Missouri, to Cleveland and elsewhere. Early last month, five police officers were killed by a sniper in Dallas during a protest march and three officers were killed days later in Baton Rouge as they responded to a call about a suspicious person with an assault rifle. Police have said the officers were targeted by people upset over the police shootings. The killings and continued protests nationwide led the Palo Alto Police Department to temporarily alter its procedures so officers respond to calls in pairs instead of alone.
In response to the police killings, local Peninsula veterans organized a Vets 4 Cops walk to show there is community support for police officers and to honor those who have fallen.
MacKenzie was overjoyed when she learned about the walk, but she and her husband had to do a “risk assessment,” in Army terms, before deciding whether it would be safe to bring their children along.
“We’re just here to say thanks to them, but nowadays police officers are targets,” MacKenzie said. “It breaks my heart. I don’t know how they get up every day and put on their uniform knowing there are people out there who want to harm them.”
veterans James Brown, left, and Buzz Bickham
lead a group of supporters as part of a Vets 4 Cops event.
Marine veteran James Brown, who organized the walk, said he has seen the fear and worry grow in his police officer friends.
Brown said he hopes the event shows police officers there is a larger community that recognizes the dangers they face every day in protecting residents.
“We see their morale suffering; we see them hurting,” Brown said. “We want them to know: We value you, we respect you and we appreciate what you do.”
Brown, who works on advocacy issues for veterans, said he was struck by how there are more police officers killed in the line of duty on U.S. soil — 77 so far this year, according to the Officer Down Memorial Page — than there are American military combat casualties overseas — seven, according to email notifications Brown said he gets as a veteran.
Police and military share an understanding of what it’s like to put life on the line for community, Brown said.
“There is a brotherhood here. We wear green, but they wear blue and it’s the same thin line,” Brown said. “When you’re overseas, you want to know your family is safe and the police are there for them.”
Brown, Air Force veteran Mark Zappa and a local TV personality who Brown said wishes to remain anonymous pooled their money and got contributions for shirts, flags and other items for the Vets 4 Cops event.
Any donations received will go to C.O.P.S., a foundation that supports families of police officers killed in the line of duty, Brown said.
Brown thought it was appropriate to walk from the flag pole at the VA to the grave of fallen police officer Joel Davis, who worked for the East Palo Alto Police Department.
Davis, 26, was shot and killed in 1988 while chasing a suspected drug dealer who apparently brandished a gun at a liquor store.
Tami McMillan walked with Vets 4 Cops on Sunday and placed a rose on Davis’ grave.
McMillan’s brother, Rich May, also died in the line of duty. May, also an East Palo Alto officer, was shot in 2006 after responding to a fight at a restaurant.
May’s death is particularly relevant in today’s context, when there is a growing public voice for police not to shoot first, McMillan said.
“Rich did what everybody today wants him to do, and he’s dead,” McMillan said. “He used his voice and his ASP (expandable baton).”
McMillan called Sunday’s event “heartwarming” and said the veterans’ support means more than they know.
“You never want your loved one forgotten,” McMillan said. “Whether it’s the green line or blue line or red, for firefighters: They do the same job, just in different places.”
COWS ARE NOT IMPRESSED...
THIS IS ALL WE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE KAEPERNICK DUST-UP
Clicking HERE will display the letter that the San Francisco POA sent to 49ers President/CEO Jed York and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodall.
• • • • •
So what could be the underlying cause of Kaepernick’s controversial views that have generated so much negative publicity? Perhaps it’s the woman in this short video clip that was posted two days ago and includes the description below. It wouldn’t be the first time a man has fallen under the spell of a woman...
“During the off-season Colin Kaepernick converted to Islam. Colin Kaepernick is also engaged to Black Lives Matter activist and hip-hop radio personality DJ Nessa Diab. Colin Kaepernick’s national anthem protest, his girlfriend, MTV host Nessa Diab, is supporting the quarterback. She took to Twitter to issue a statement about her beau Sunday, the same day she attended the 2016 Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden in New York. “I'm always proud of him and always will be.”
• • • • •
With all of the publicity generated by Colin Kaepernick’s refusal to stand for the National Anthem, we found this article posted on the Internet by Allen West to be the most articulate and well crafted we've seen…
Ret’d. Lt. Colonel and former
Florida Congressman Allen West
Mr. Kaepernick, a biracial young man adopted and raised by white parents, claims America is oppressing blacks at a time when we have a black, biracial president who was twice elected. We’ve had two black attorneys general and currently have a black secretary of homeland security, along with a black national security advisor. Here in Dallas our police chief, whom I know, is an outstanding black leader. The officer in Milwaukee who shot the armed assailant after issuing an order to drop his weapon was black. Is Mr. Kaepernick following suit and cherry-picking what he terms “oppression?”
First of all, let me clarify to you sir, you are a multi-millionaire “one-percenter” just because you can throw a ball and kiss your biceps. Men like Jesse Owens, Jackie Robinson, Hank Aaron, Oscar Robertson, Ernie Davis, and Bernard King and Condredge Halloway of my alma mater were athletes who knew of oppression. You sir may certainly have the right to sit upon your “fourth point of contact” when the National Anthem is played but never forget, you live in a nation that has provided you the privilege to have that right.
My story is one I wish to share. My dad was a corporal in the U.S. Army and served during World War II. He was born in 1920 and knew oppression. Yet, when he sat me down on the steps of our home, 651 Kennesaw Ave NE in Atlanta, he shared with me that there was no greater honor or privilege, than to wear the uniform of these United States. Perhaps that ‘s why his first and middle sons, along with his grandson, are all U.S. combat veterans, just like Dad. Herman West Sr. was not a victim, and he raised men who would never allow anyone to suppress or oppress them. Perhaps you should stop trying to make victims and admonish people, black people, to be victors — try it, and you may find that more satisfying than your insidious action and word vomiting.
If you want to know about oppression of blacks in America, past and present, how about you ask Rep. Nancy Pelosi of the San Fran Bay Area about the policies that decimated the black family? Maybe you can cross the Bay over to Oakland and ask Rep. Barbara Lee about the 13 to15 million black babies killed since 1973, and ask her who is Margaret Sanger?
Or perhaps you can ask the two California senators, Boxer and Feinstein, about who doesn’t support better education opportunities for black children in the inner cities — school choice, vouchers, charter schools, home schooling.
Perhaps you didn’t know Barack Obama was the one who cancelled the DC school voucher program for deserving young black children — talk about oppression. Is that something you’re willing to do, or is it just too difficult?
You should look at who’s been controlling the communities and cities where blacks live. This isn’t not about what America has done; it’s about what a certain group, a political party has done. And your somewhat backhanded comment towards our law enforcement officers — well, wonder how many times San Francisco PD has protected you?
Here is the deal young man. My recommendation is that you apologize. Be a stand up fella and admit you made a very stupid comment. Humbly state that you do realize how very special this country is and the opportunities it has afforded you — and many others. You should take that stand and apologize to all of those who are currently serving in our Armed Forces and those veterans who’ve been willing to make that last full measure of devotion.
You see, when the National Anthem is played, it has a very special meaning to us — maybe you should take a hiatus and go over to Helmand Province in Afghanistan and spend a week and understand why. Go over and throw a football with the men and women who enable you to earn those millions of dollars.
The American flag has a very touching meaning for those of us for whom it will drape our coffin — as it was for my Dad…and it will be for me. That song defines who we are as a proud and exceptional people. This is a land where so many dream of coming to and earning the title of American. Your actions were shameful, disgusting, despicable and disrespectful. You do have a right and a freedom of expression. But know, there are consequences to your ignorant action, which is what it was.
When the National Anthem is played, I salute because I am a black man born and raised in the inner city afforded the opportunity for greatness in my own right. May you seek God’s forgiveness and find humility, because we, the people are not going to forget what you did and said.
We are not as classy as the former Florida congressman...
ATTENTION COLLEGE STUDENTS...
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Their 60th Wedding Anniversary
Received from Doug Bergtholdt
Their three kids, all successful, agreed to come for a Sunday dinner in honor of their parents' anniversary.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number 1. “Sorry I'm running late, but I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient. You know how it is. I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "Important thing is we're all together today."
Son number 2 arrived and said, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you.”
“It’s nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived. “Happy anniversary Mom and Dad. !’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor when we were younger, but we managed to send each of you to college. Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and said, "WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep,” said the father, “and cheap ones, too.“
• • • • •
By the time you read this you will understand what ”Tanjooberrymutts” means. And only then will you be ready to travel to China.
The following is a telephonic exchange between an American as a hotel guest calling room-service in China”
Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye, Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to Oddor sunteen?"
Guest: "Uh, Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?. Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Room Service: "An toes. Ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I don't think so."
Room Service: "No? Udo wan sahn toes?"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means."
Room Service: "Toes! Toes!. Why Uoo don wan toes? dow bow anglish moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! I've got it! You were saying 'toast.’ Fine, yes, an English muffin will be fine."
Room Service: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
Room Service: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter. Just put the butter on the side."
Room Service: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
Room Service: "Copy, Tea, Meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please. And that's everything."
Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh an copy. Rye ?"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
Room Service: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome.”
Remember, I said "By the time you read this you will understand what ’Tanjooberrymutts' means. And now you do!
IF I GET A BISCUIT AFTER TESTIFYING I'LL MAKE THIS QUICK...
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
Aug. 24 — 30
Aug. 24: After more than a year of promising mass deportations of undocumented immigrants, last night Donald Trump actually referred to them as “great people.” Even Ryan Lochte was like, “Get your story straight, man!”
Melania Trump is getting ready to sue the British newspaper the Daily Mail for writing that she once worked as an escort. Yep, Melania says she strongly denies the accusation that she has ever worked.
“Bachelorette” winner Jordan Rodgers has started working as a TV commentator for college football. When asked who he thinks will win a big game, he’s the only analyst who goes, “This is tough, I’m in love with both teams ... I’m gonna have to go with Miami.”
Jennifer Lawrence was just named the world’s highest paid actress, bringing in $46 million last year before taxes. Yep, she narrowly beat out the world’s second highest paid actress: Hillary Clinton.
Aug. 25: Politico is now reporting that Hillary Clinton's campaign is using a run-out-the-clock strategy against Donald Trump, hoping to just outlast him until November. "Sounds like a good plan," said Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and John Kasich.
Trump will be the first president to make decisions by playing “Hot or Not” with world leaders. Like, "Angela Merkel, not hot. Vladimir Putin, very hot."
The Boston Globe just reported that according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn't take any vacations as president. I think that's because he has offended so many other countries he can't leave this one.
Astronaut Jeffrey Williams just set the U.S. record for most days in space, reaching the milestone of 521 days. It's less of an accomplishment after NASA admitted they sort of forgot he was up there.
Aug. 26: A producer for the VMA’s says that apparently Rihanna is going to deliver a “holy crap moment.” Donald Trump was like, “Who cares? Try doing that twice a day, every day.”
The Washington Post published an entire biography of Donald Trump that’s 431 pages long. Trump said it’s a little longer than the books he likes to read, by about 431 pages.
The Trump biography also reveals that he doesn’t have a computer at his desk in Trump Tower. Instead, every five minutes he just shouts at his secretary, “Barbara! Google me!”
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt celebrated their second wedding anniversary this week. They said it was a small celebration, just them and their immediate army — I mean family.
New research found that young people actually have higher stress and anxiety than older people. It’s mainly due to the older person in front of them trying to pay for a TV with dimes.
There’s a new report that says that the sales of canned wine are on the rise. Finally, people that drink boxed wines have someone to look down on.
Aug. 29: Donald Trump is trying to turn his poll numbers around and recently told his supporters that if he's elected, the White House will become the people's house. He was like, "Because I ain't living in that dump. I'm going to get a mansion down the street and I'll check in every other week."
The CEO of Wendy's says the election is hurting the chain's burger sales — people are spending less because they are worried about the future. Let's be honest here, if you're eating a Wendy's Baconator, you're probably not too concerned about the future.
Anthony Weiner is back in the news with another sexting scandal. He's like the Michael Phelps of sexting. He keeps saying he's going to retire, but every four years he's back.
Kim Jong Un reportedly threw a huge outdoor dance party on Thursday to celebrate the successful test of North Korea's ballistic missile. Residents described the party as fun, exciting, and mandatory.
Aug. 30: Anthony Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, has decided to finally separate from him after his latest sexting scandal. So ladies: He’s single!
Donald Trump weighed in on this, saying that our national security may have been compromised by the scandal because Weiner’s wife had access to Hillary’s security briefs. I wouldn’t worry though, ’cuz Weiner’s only sharing the stuff that’s in his own briefs.
Pope Francis met with Mark Zuckerberg yesterday at the Vatican, and it was revealed that the Pope doesn’t actually have an official Facebook account. In other words, he wants to connect with millions of Catholics worldwide, just not the ones he went to high school with.
Zuckerberg actually gave the Pope a drone. The Pope was like, “You mean it hovers above us and sees everything? Yeah, I’ve already got one of those. It’s called God.”
Queen Elizabeth is advertising for a housekeeping assistant to live and work in Buckingham Palace. The job would require dusting all the palace antiques — like chandeliers, vases, and Queen Elizabeth.
Aug. 24: The Trump campaign said pollsters aren’t counting people who are afraid to say they’re Trump supporters. That’s right, because Trump supporters are very, very shy.
NASA announced they have re-established contact with a spacecraft that had been missing for two years. The spacecraft went missing again when it was told who the Republican nominee is.
It’s been reported that after winning three gold medals in Rio, Usain Bolt was caught cheating on his girlfriend. More impressive, he was also found with another woman just 14 seconds later.
According to Hillary Clinton’s newly-released medical records, she suffers from seasonal allergies. But she just takes some Benadryl and they’re all deleted.
Experts say Hillary Clinton’s campaign strategy is to ignore the controversies, and just run out the clock. By the way, that also happens to be Hillary Clinton’s marital strategy.
Aug. 25: On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her.
It’s been reported that the biggest currency in prison now is not cigarettes, but ramen. Just make sure to clarify the next time your cellmate asks to hold your noodle package.
The leader of England's Brexit movement spoke at a Trump rally and he said, "I wouldn't vote for Clinton if you paid me." So in other words, Hillary has lost the critical "People Who Live in England" vote.
Donald Trump’s campaign is now saying he didn’t change his immigration plan, he just changed the words he used to describe it. They also said Trump hasn’t been married three times, he’s just changed the person he calls "wife."
After lying to Rio police, Ryan Lochte has been summoned to Rio to testify. In accordance with the Brazilian Constitution, he has the right to a fair and Speedo trial.
This weekend, after winning three gold medals in Rio, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt was caught cheating on his girlfriend. Here's how fast Bolt is: The woman he slept with last weekend is already four months pregnant.
Aug. 29: Today, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. The first thing the Pope told him was "Get these goddamn baby pics off of my feed."
At last night’s VMAs, Beyoncé's album "Lemonade," about her husband’s cheating, won seven awards. So the favorite to sweep the VMAs next year is Huma Abedin.
Beyoncé won Best Pop Video, Best Female Video, Best Choreography, Breakthrough Longform Video, Best Direction, Cinematography, Editing, and Video of the Year. Just for the hell of it, they threw in the Nobel Prize in Economics.
A developer in New York wants to build an IHOP on top of a Revolutionary War cemetery. IHOP's CEO said, "It makes sense, we've killed more Americans than the British ever did."
A 25-year-old has scammed over $1 million from Trump supporters. It’s being called "the first time in years that the Trump name has actually made someone money."
Donald Trump is challenging Hillary Clinton to release "detailed medical records." This marks the first time Trump's ever been interested in the body of a woman over 40.
Aug. 30: On Sunday in California, several dozen Latinos held a rally for Donald Trump. They were a group calling themselves “Latinos Who Don’t Really Follow the News.”
Both candidates are practicing for the debates, and according to insiders, Hillary Clinton is still trying to find a stand-in for Donald Trump. So far the best she’s come up with is a car alarm stuffed inside a rotting pumpkin.
This November, Californians get to vote on whether or not to legalize recreational marijuana. They can either forget to vote in person, or forget to vote by mail.
At a track meet last weekend, a 100-year-old woman won a gold medal in her age group in the 100-meter dash. Her opponents dropped out of the race in 1987.
Ryan Lochte and former Gov. Rick Perry will appear on this season’s “Dancing with the Stars.” The theme of this season is “Dumb.”
Arizona and Florida are holding primaries today. Arizonans are voting for either John McCain or Kelli Ward, while Floridians are voting for either bath salts or meth.
Aug. 25: There are rumors that Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has signed a deal to appear on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars." It'll be nice for Lochte to have three people judging him instead of the whole country.
It's not official yet, it is just a rumor that Ryan Lochte is joining "Dancing with the Stars" — but you know it's true because it didn't come from Ryan Lochte.
Astronomers at NASA are saying that they discovered a new Earth-like planet that's only 4.2 light years away. I know, I reacted the exact same way as you did. I don't know how far that is either.
A new Earth-like planet has been discovered a few months before an election where Donald Trump could be president. If that's not perfect timing, I don't know what is.
Aug. 30: It was reported this week that scientists from the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence or SETI have detected a signal from a distant star, and they think it could be proof of alien life. Scientists say this could be the sign of a highly advanced alien civilization. While the aliens say, “We attack at dawn.”
Today “Dancing with the Stars” has revealed the cast for its upcoming 23rd season. If you’re not familiar with “Dancing with the Stars,” it’s basically “Game of Thrones” for your mom.
Former Texas governor and presidential candidate Rick Perry is a contestant. Perry is very publicly opposed to gay marriage. So, if you’re wondering who’s going to have the worst hair and makeup on the show, you’ve got your answer.
Aug. 24: At first Donald Trump came out with guns blazing, said he's going to kick all the Mexicans out, he's going to build a wall to keep them from coming back in. Last night during a town hall on Fox News he said he could be softening, which is normal, it happens to a lot of men his age.
He's now agreed to give immigrants a 30-minute head start before he tries to catch them with a net.
Not only is he reaching out to the Hispanic vote, he's been reaching out to the black community. Donald Trump said he loves African-Americans, in fact some of his best credit cards are black.
In California, the state senate yesterday rejected a bill that would abolish daylight saving time. Some lawmakers want to get rid of it because they can't figure out how to program their microwaves and they've had enough.
Aug. 29: Donald Trump's doctor, Harold Bornstein, has been making the rounds to defend his unusually effusive report on the candidate's health . . . He wrote, "If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency." I guess that means he did physicals on Obama and Reagan and Lincoln, too.
Dr. Bornstein now says he wrote the letter in five minutes and used hyperbole because being rushed makes him anxious. So, well, he should see a doctor about that.
Aug. 30: On September 26th Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will face off in a debate at Hofstra University. The Clinton campaign is using psychology experts to create a personality profile of Trump to figure out what his approach might be. I don’t know, are they preparing for a debate or trying to catch the Zodiac Killer?
Hillary Clinton said, “I’m not taking anything for granted, I don’t know which Donald Trump will show up.” She’s right, it could be the Donald Trump we see on cable news, could be the Donald Trump we see at these rallies, it could be Donald Trump Jr. … technically still a Donald Trump.
According to a new poll, 54 percent of Republican voters don’t believe Trump was the best choice to be their party’s nominee for president, they wished they’d picked someone else. Kind of like when you go to buy a shirt. You see all these shirts, plain patterns, regular shirts. They look OK but not exciting. Then tucked in the middle of all these plain shirts, you see this totally awesome shirt. It’s bold. It’s different. It doesn’t play by the other shirts’ rules. You buy it, you get home, you try the shirt on, you look at yourself in the mirror and then your wife walks in and says, “What the hell are you wearing?”
Aug. 24: A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico.
Hillary Clinton held fundraisers today in Silicon Valley. Said Hillary, “It’s so great to be back here in the town where I was built.”
A new report has found that Donald Trump may have used some of his campaign funds to buy thousands of copies of his own book. Oh my God, that’s what he’s gonna use to build the wall!
Ryan Lochte is reportedly in talks to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars.” Wow, I knew he was in legal trouble, but I didn’t know we were already at the sentencing phase.
Aug. 25: Hillary Clinton cited an old Mexican proverb in her speech in Nevada today to highlight the unchanging nature of Donald Trump. A Mexican proverb, or as Trump calls it, "A spell!"
Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper last night — and she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face.
Donald Trump's running mate Mike Pence tweeted six pictures of himself stopping to get a burger in North Carolina yesterday. Chris Christie was like, "OK, now he's just rubbing it in.”
A new study has found that the more selfless a person is, the more sex they tend to have — so play on, player.
"The View" this week celebrated its 20th anniversary, although that might not be factually correct, because I heard it on "The View."
A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features. So now you've just got to kick back and wait for somebody to murder his parents.
Aug. 29: Donald Trump's campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, spoke about Trump's new immigration policy over the weekend, and said he will ensure that enforcement is humane. Humane? I don't think it's a good sign when a candidate is talking about undocumented immigrants the same way KFC talks about chickens.
Hillary Clinton has begun pledging $30 billion over the next decade to retrain coal miners to be able to work in newer technology businesses, so get ready for an interesting trip to the Apple Store.
A restaurant in Manhattan has created a $15, 25-ounce milk shake, which comes in a cream cheese frosted glass covered in marshmallows and cereal, filled with ice cream and topped with a cinnamon bun. At least that's what it said on the toxicology report.
Aug. 30: Hillary Clinton spoke yesterday about her preparation for the upcoming presidential debate, and told reporters, quote, “I do not know which Donald Trump will show up.” Yes — will it be the kind, generous and intelligent Donald Trump, or will it be the one who exists?
Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in an interview today that Donald Trump’s focus on a border wall is because “a wall is something very easy for people to understand.” Whereas tax returns, super complicated.
An African-American pastor who is a prominent Trump campaign surrogate tweeted out a cartoon of Hillary Clinton in blackface yesterday and accused her of pandering to black voters. Clinton responded calling the accusations, quote, “untrue” and “wack as hell, dawg.”
Papa John’s has announced it will be coming out with an app for Apple TV that will allow customers to order pizza from their screen. You get a soda, bread sticks, and a large pizza when you say “Siri, how will I die?”
Aug. 26: Mylan, the company that produces these EpiPens, have jacked up the price of these pens for less than $100 for a pair, to over $600. That price is enough to send you into shock, but don't do it because you can't afford the pen anymore. Now, to be clear, that value is saving the lives of people who can't breathe. Or as Mylan likes to call them, "Gasping, cash-filled meat sacks."
After starting a firestorm, Mylan's CEO Heather Bresch came forward to address the criticism. She said, “Look, no one's more frustrated than me.” She's frustrated! I mean, the tone-deafness of that just takes your breath away and getting your breath back will cost you over $600.
The FBI is investigating whether Russian intelligence agencies have hacked the computers at The New York Times, or as the Times reported it, "Putin named world's sexiest leader."
McDonald's recalled the wristbands after they left people with burns and blisters — which, technically, is the job of their apple pie filling.
Aug. 30: The first presidential debate is now less than one month away and apparently the candidates have two very different ways of preparing. Hillary Clinton pores over briefing books, thick with policy arcana and opposition research.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump is all about spectacle. One former aide said “Trump wants to be a showstopper in the Roman coliseum, the main event at WrestleMania.” Which makes sense since just like pro wrestling, you look at Trump’s campaign and say “That’s got to be fake!”
Mrs. Palin just posted on Facebook that she tripped and fell while doing something called “Rock-running.” Not sure what rock-running is, but I think it’s when you jog while playing air guitar.
Palin fell and hit her head on a rock. Don’t worry, she’s OK or, you know, the same.
Trump is planning a major immigration policy speech Wednesday in Arizona. Now, he was originally supposed to give it last Thursday in Colorado, so it moved later and further south. If he delays it again, it’s Monday at the Panama Canal.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
• • • • •
A few months before Kaepernick chose to remain seated while everyone else in the stadium stood, Virginia Tech men’s basketball coach Buzz Williams did not like the way his team behaved while the National Anthem played prior to Hokie basketball games, so this is what he did to teach his team the meaning of RESPECT. (There’s a lesson to be learned here, Colon. Uh, sorry, Colin.) (4:05)
• • • • •
When an Amarillo PD Officer died from an on-duty injury, his brother officers saw to it that his children had an escort on their first day of school. Have a look at THIS "Inside Edition" clip. (1:39)
• • • • •
Bless Mike Amaral for posting THIS clip on Facebook in remembrance of the Mamas and Papas. Some of their songs gave me an Obama-Chris Matthews shiver up my leg. Sadly, Michelle Philips is the only one of the four who is alive today. (4:06)
• • • • •
Pop quiz: Who is this guy? He sure sounds a lot like Donald Trump, but he doesn’t have those golden locks atop his head. Listen to what THIS guy says; it will only take a minute-and-a-half. (1:34)
• • • • •
Guess who dropped in paid a visit to “The Honeymooners?” We’ll give you one hint: it was NOT Hillary Clinton. (0:54)
• • • • •
One of our readers who was in San Francisco on June 26th to see a play got tied up in traffic due to the city’s Gay Pride Parade. That’s when he snapped this pic of the start of a drag race…
• • • • •
Try as it might, the DNC was unable to keep THIS Bad Lip Reading of the Democratic National Convention from going public. Sorry, Democrats, it’s your loss, our gain. (5:24)
• • • • •
As the story goes, a Muslim woman dressed in a burka applied for a crossing guard position in Alberta, Canada. She didn’t really want the job; her intention was to sue the city “as she was positive they would not allow her to wear a burka on the job.”
A smart government official gave her the job, but he came up with a unique uniform for her to wear because reflective material was mandatory for all traffic guards in the city. She quit after her first day on the job.
As stated, that’s how the story goes. So was it true? Alas, the answer is NO.
• • • • •
• • • • •
Leroy says a replacement is being sought for THIS group of music-makers after one of the member’s instrument slipped out of place during a rehearsal. If you would like to apply, contact our Webmaster at <firstname.lastname@example.org> and he will put you in touch with the group. (For sanitation reasons, you will need to provide your own instrument.) (2:28)
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For you lovers of jazz, here are two classic renditions of “All About That Bass” you may have seen before. We ran the “Postmodern Jukebox” version last year in the July 2, 2015 Farsider, then followed it up with the “Koi Boys” rendition a few months ago in the May 26, 2016 Both are excellent, but I favor the PMJ’s version because of the the ladies who can reach down and bring forth a Satchmo sound for a note or two. Don’t like jazz? That's almost un-American.
As if we didn’t have enough things to worry about these days, we might as well add sinkholes to the list according to this video received from Alice Murphy. It includes a nice melodic soundtrack to help SETTLE your nerves if you get a little rattled. (13:09)
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Calling all car freaks: Former S/O Dep. Earl Eubanks who I worked with 48 years ago sent in a link to a site that you car freaks should love. Every single line that describes something automobile-related also gives the running time of the included video as well as a link on the far right you can click on that will play the clip. Virtually anything you can think of that is related to motor vehicles from car tests to products to vintage films to…well, you name it and you are likely to find it. The pic below shows just a few of the video topics covered. Click HERE and you will see what we mean. Have fun!
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Hey, guys. Watch this and see if you can relate. Hey, ladies. Watch THIS and see if you, too, can relate. (1:47)
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Any of you remember Jackie Vernon? He was a deadpan comedian who appeared on numerous TV shows in the 1960s and early ’70s. This is his classic “Slide Show” he performed back in the late ’60s at San Francisco’s “Hungry I,” where many comedians tried out their material. JACKIE passed away in 1987 from a heart attack at the age of 63. (5:01)
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Alice Murphy’s email said “If Penn & Teller can’t figure this out, how can a mere amateur?” She makes a good point, although I’m not sure it would befuddle Penn and his silent partner. Watch THIS sleight of hand by Mac King and see if you can figure how how the rope trick is performed. ((2:11)
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Sick, sick, sick. We’re referring to THIS very short Scottish humor clip that is making the rounds. (0:29)
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We chose this as our closer for the week: The title of the clip is “Disney offered a job to the student that created this animation. After watching it, I can see why?” And after 'I' watched it, I can also see why. Give it a LOOK and have a good week. (4:12)
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Pic of the Week:
Mr. Wonka. Loved your work in “Young Frankenstein,”
"Blazing Saddles" and all your other Mel Brooks’ movies.
And I’m sure I speak for many when I say we still miss
your late wife, Gilda. (“It’s always something.”)
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 9/1/16
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <email@example.com>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve