The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
On August 10, 2018, CHP Officer Kirk Griess was tragically killed while conducting a traffic stop on I-80 in Fairfield. Both he and the motorist he had stopped were struck and killed by a vehicle that veered off the freeway and hit them. Click HERE for more details.
In Officer Griess’ nineteen years of service, he had developed deep roots in the law enforcement family. His daughter had been a non-sworn employee in the Fairfield PD, and had moved on to attend the Police Academy with the goal of following in her Dad’s footsteps as a Fairfield Police Officer. Clearly, the law enforcement vocation was strong in CHP Officer Kirk Griess.
Please take a moment for CHP Officer Griess and his family. Your POA will reach out to our CHP Police family and offer our support in any way we can.
Take care of each other,
link will take you to a Toll Tribute to Officer Kirk Griess
the CHP posted on YouTube on Monday of this week.
The current devastation that has occurred as a result of the massive wildfires occurring throughout the state has been unimaginable and beyond belief for so many that have been directly and indirectly affected. Watching personal stories of those affected including first responders that live in the areas that have been ravaged has been difficult and we cannot help but think, what if this had been us or our families? That unimaginable thought unfortunately has become reality for some of our San Jose brothers. We must always remain cognizant of our members and their families, especially when they are faced with tragedies that leave them picking up the pieces, rebuilding their lives, and healing in more ways than one.
We recently learned Sergeant John Boren’s mother and father lost their home in the Redding fire. Additionally, we learned Retired Sergeant Steve Bustillos — brother of Deputy Chief Mark Bustillos —barely escaped with his life fleeing the Redding fire. As you can try to imagine, both families have sustained losses monetarily, they have lost items with sentimental value, and in one situation one of them was physically injured as a result of the fires.
We face tragedy every day in our jobs, but when we deal with it directly and more importantly when it affects someone in our “Police Family” we have demonstrated time and time again that we will come together and help our “family” rise above the tragedy. There quite possibly could be more people in our police family that have been affected by the various fires that continue to decimate our state. We are asking that any member that may be affected or know of another member that has been affected to please contact us at the POA so we can try and assist in any way we possibly can. We understand there are times when things occur in your personal lives that should remain private and we will always try to respect that. YOUR POA will always remain supportive of our member and their families.
Please take a moment to visit the links below and consider making a donation to help those affected including our very own. We will continue to monitor the fires and any member of our San Jose family that has been directly affected. Should the time arise, and only with the permission of those SJPD families, we will provide additional links to donate specifically to them and their families.
The Red Cross has set up donations for the Shasta County Carr Fire. Those wishing to donate to the Red Cross can do so by texting REDCROSS to 90999 to make a donation or by visiting its website, <www.redcross.org>.
The United Way of Northern California has established a Shasta County Fire Relief Fund. To donate, text CARRFIRE to 91999 or visit <www.norcalunitedway.org/CARRfire>
Paul and Sean
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
(and former SJPD personnel)
There are several other media sources for this news. Just type Tracy Police Chief Larry Esquivel into the Google search engine to pull them up. Chances are, there will be an update to this news by the time you are reading this. As of this writing, the Tracy Mayor is saying only that Larry's firing is a "personnel matter."
Former SJPD Chief Abruptly Fired as Head of Tracy Police
—Larry Esquivel terminated as Tracy police chief with no explanation from city and outcry from police union—
Robert Salonga <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mercury News — Aug. 16, 2018
Larry Esquivel, the former chief of the San Jose Police Department, was abruptly fired from his current job as chief of Tracy police under mysterious circumstances.
Former SJPD chief Larry Esquivel was abruptly
fired from his current job as Tracy police chief
this week amid mysterious circumstances.
City officials confirmed to multiple news outlets that Esquivel was terminated Tuesday, but declined to explain further, citing it as a personnel matter.
Tracy Police Officers’ Association expressed dismay over the firing, stating in a Facebook post that they backed Esquivel.
The union is “extremely disappointed with the City of Tracy’s decision to fire Police Chief Larry Esquivel yesterday,” the post reads. “Chief Esquivel had the full support of our membership.”
The post encouraged residents to attend the Tracy City Council meeting Tuesday to support Esquivel, whose firing occurred as the city explored expanding its police services to cover the neighboring Central Valley town of Lathrop.
Esquivel spent 30 years with SJPD, retiring in 2015 as chief, a position he held for two years. Before taking the chief post at Tracy, he was a finalist for the same job in Tucson, Arizona, a position that was eventually filled by another Bay Area chief, former Richmond chief Chris Magnus.
ABC 10 out of Sacramento reported on Larry’s firing on its news last night. Click HERE to view the newscast…
I hear from some of ya'll now and then as you tell me you're moving out of California for somewhere else. We already have a handful of former SJPD folks here in Texas, and I know of at least one vintage SJPDer who's in the process of moving here now.
Thought maybe this video might be of interest to all ya'll look'n to move away from the Left Coast.
Russell (Jones) 1502 <email@example.com>
Click HERE to listen to the transplanted Californian’s submission titled “If you don’t like Texas...” (1:59)
• • • • •
Regarding Terry Eisenburg’s item in the Farsider, I offer the following acronym: A L H N H.
Bruce Hodgin <firstname.lastname@example.org>
We gave up after 15 minutes and asked the former K-9 cop what the letters meant. Bruce replied and said they stood for “At Least He’s Not Hillary.”
• • • • •
The election of Trump can be understood by looking primarily at what happened to the center of our country, which is essentially all but the elitist coastal regions, i.e., the destruction of once good jobs and industries by off-shoring and technology theft by other countries. We have suffered trade imbalances and unfair NATO costs to defend most of Europe and other parts of the world, have gotten bogged down in costly wars and the list goes on, including the fact that we pay about 25% of the cost of the UN with only having ~5% of the world population. Trump has stated repeatedly that we are chumps and have been taken advantage of by other first world countries.
Trump’s election can best be summarized by one of our favorite military/political/history scholars, Victor Davis Hanson. I have attached one very long and very detailed video lecture that discusses how Hillary lost the election, how Trump got elected, Trump’s first 100 days and what he needs to accomplish to get re-elected in 2020. President Trump has already accomplished many of the things VDH outlines. Just one example is that in spite of all the “racist” allegations, the President’s policies have resulted in the lowest level of black unemployment in decades.
For what it is worth, I have a very difficult time with his crass/reckless comments; I didn’t like him during his show the Apprentice, but this video will explain why I voted for him and assuming he does not get run out of office may very well vote for him again. Readers can skip the intro to the lecture by starting at about 3:40. I would suggest that they look at many of the VDH videos to understand how the world works.
Charlie Hoehn <email@example.com>
For the record, I’m a fan of Stanford Fellow Victor Davis Hanson and have included a couple of his commentaries regarding California’s immigration problem in the Farsider in the past.
• • • • •
If a memorial service could be described as wonderful or perfect, Jim Roach’s ceremony Saturday evening certainly was. The ceremony was held at Jim and Marty’s beautiful 20-acre estate with views all the way to the Sierras. The weather was warm when we arrived around 1630 hours, and the smoke and haze had mostly lifted, so the setting was near perfect for the gathering of about 150 family members, neighbors and close friends.
Marty’s daughter, a professional event planner, had everything arranged and set-up in perfect order. There was table seating for everyone under three open tents; hors d’oeuvres; a fully-stocked open bar, a 4-piece Jazz combo; a buffet dinner and a limited number of speakers (Jim’s brother, his two sons, a group from his “adopted extended family,” me, and his immediate neighbor and closest friend, Annemarie Trager.
Annemarie and the family had asked me to address Jim’s career with the SJPD, the Department and the people who were there during the “Golden Era.” Each speaker was supposed to take 3 minutes for their part of the presentation. April said that I went a bit longer, but I had much to tell, and I owed it to Jim to do my very best. The non-SJPD people in attendance seemed to gain an appreciation for Jim’s law enforcement career, the quality of the people with whom he worked, and the wonderful Department that existed during our careers there. I have to admit that I was shaking during my talk and choked up a bit when I was making my final comments.
The late start of the event and the long distances to travel may have limited the SJPD attendance, but Marty and Jim’s family and friends were very appreciative of the SJPD representation for Jim’s memorial.
The retirees in attendance from the Department and their residences included Ken Tanaka and wife, Gilroy; Pete Lovecchio, San Jose; Curt Reeves, Placerville area; Bill Mills, unknown; Brenda Wells, April and Dan Bullock, Grass Valley area. Bill “Smitty” Smith’s younger brother was also there; he was a fraternity brother of Jim’s younger brother.
Thanks to you, Leroy and the Farsider for getting the word out about Jim’s passing and the notices about the memorial service (including the MapQuest info).
May you rest in peace, Jim Roach, a Good Cop and a Good Man.
Dan Bullock #1311<firstname.lastname@example.org>
Side Note: I am afraid that the SJPD Family may only exist in the hearts and minds of us retirees. To prepare for my talk at Jim Roach’s memorial service, I emailed the Chief of Police on 4 Aug and requested Jim’s promotion date to Sergeant and a list of his assignments, noting that the memorial service was on Saturday, 11 August. Having been the Personnel Lieutenant for three years, I knew that this request was a simple task, and the results could have easily been emailed back to me.
By Friday, 10 August, I had not received a reply, so I called the Deputy Chief of the Admin. Bureau (over the Personnel Unit) to inquire about the status of my email request. Voice mail only, so I left a similar request to the email a week earlier. No response.
I am sorry, but if a request for non-restricted personnel information to help honor a deceased, retired SJPD Sergeant by a retired SJPD Deputy Police Chief cannot be provided in a timely manner, then what higher calling or more important task can there be for the San Jose Police Department?
I am one frustrated and embarrassed former member of the SJPD, but still a proud member of the SJPD Family.
I share your frustration, Dan. For years I had two civilian contacts in Police Personnel who would provide me with an I.D. photo, DOB and other information for all the Dept. deaths I covered in the Farsider. About 18 months ago a civilian took over the supervisory duties in Police Personnel and made it clear that neither I or anyone else was to receive anything other than what was considered public information, which included dates of appointment and retirement ONLY. I had a personal one-on-one with the BOA Dep, Chief and Farsider subscriber at the time and he said he would see to it that I continued to have access to the info I had been receiving for the past several years. When he got back to me a few days later he apologized and said that the new civilian supervisor in Police Personnel was a stickler for what could be released and that there was nothing he could do. I still have an excellent relationship with a contact in Personnel, but her hands are tied in what she is able to release which limits me only to a deceased Dept. member's appointment and retirement dates. You are absolutely correct, Dan; it is not the same police department you and I devoted our careers to. Pity.
• • • • •
Last October I had written about how Fact Checker had investigated the statements and tweets made by President Trump since he took office 9 months earlier. They documented that he had made an unprecedented 1318 false or misleading claims within that time span. That's an average of 4.8 per day, weekends included. Since documented fact checking of candidates and presidents was initiated, no one else has ever come within a mile of this record.
On August 1st Fact Checker published an update that encapsulated just how significant the increase in the number of his false and misleading statements/claims has been during the intervening 9 months. President Trump has taken his record breaking 1318 and added 2911 more, with 978 of these occurring in the last 2 months alone. His daily average has been raised to 10.6, which amounts to over twice as many as during his first 9 months. His overall total now stands at 4229.
To be fair it must be noted that Fact Checker counts every time a previously verified falsehood or misleading statement/claim is repeated as a separate incident. A practice that certainly adds to the president's overall number. Fact Checker justifies this practice because, historically when a politician had been caught by them or one of the other fact check organizations in a verified lie, they have almost always corrected or modified their statement, rarely did they repeat it again publicly. THIS is the link to the Fact Checker article.
During a press interview following these findings, Peter Wehner, was asked about this ethical phenomenon. Mr. Wehner is a former senior adviser to President Reagan's, and both President Bushs' administrations on ethical issues, who now works as a senior fellow at the Washington D.C. based conservative think tank, the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He stated that "While all presidents lie to some extent, we don’t have a run-of-the-mill liar in the White House, we have a pathological liar. This is a man who lies on personal matters, on political matters, on domestic and international matters,. He lies morning, noon and night. It’s just never-ending. We’ve never had a president who lies so pathologically.” He finished by saying "This is especially troubling because of the number of people who believe our president’s lies, who accept them."
So why does President Trump keep repeating so many of his false statements and claims? Psychologists and social scientists who specialize in understanding this particular practice have pointed out that the use of repetition is a particularly effective technique for persuading supporters of the veracity of a person's false claims. In part because most people have a 'truth bias', an initial inclination to accept what others say as true. When liars repeat the same lie over and over again, they gain even more credence among those who want to believe them or those that are not all that motivated either way. So when people hear the same lies over and over again, especially when they want to believe those lies, a kind of new reality can be created. What they’ve heard starts to seem like it’s obviously true, and not something that needs to be further questioned by them.
PolitiFact is another fact checking organization that along with Fact Checker has been rated among the top five most credible sources having little or no bias while providing highly accurate evidentiary documentation and findings. They do not share Fact Checker’s practice of counting the accuracy of any statement/claim more than once. PolitiFact's findings for President Trump's major statements/claims now stands at 15% half true/misleading and 69% mostly or completely false.
FactCheck.org is another one of these top 5 sources. Type 'Donald Trump' into the search box and hit enter to bring up all of their reports.
Middle Ground <email@example.com>
You know what I think? I think that Trump’s base doesn’t give a rat’s ass whether he lies or not. What they see is the strongest economy we've had in years with employment at something like 3.9 percent, black unemployment at a 20 year low, ISIS is relegated to the back pages of the newspapers if it is reported at all, and most things that can be measured work in his favor. That’s not to say he isn’t his own worst enemy when it comes to his tweets and often ridiculous off-the-cuff statements. In fact, I’m of the belief that if he loses the House in Nov. it will be his fault. He would stand a far better chance of keeping the House and the Senate — and even winning reelection in 2020 — if someone would put a gag in his mouth and immobilize his tweeting fingers. There, I said it. Now if you will excuse me I’m going to don my asbestos (flameproof) jacket to protect me from incoming fireballs.
• • • • •
If you'll allow me, I'll put down a brief but great history of everything in four paragraphs. No trust is needed, or faith either. The logical mind demands — show me the proof. Particle theory is far from my strength, but I'll have a go. If you check the periodic table of elements, there are about 120 elements therein — uses to be 92; but they've found more, or switched names, or something. Just take any one of those elements and break it down, and it becomes atoms (neutrons, electrons, and protons). There you have it — the building blocks of the universe is the tiny atom.
Hold on a sec...? Not quite! Hum..? Scientists kept smashing with bigger and better atom smashers. Out came spinning Quarks, Neutrinos, Protons called hadrons. That led to string and wave theory — universe being made up of clusters of wave like electron-magnetic energy strings.
If you can just keep looking and searching you'll find words like anti-matter, standard model, Higgs bosons, electron cloud theory, etc. The search is never ending — new words and theories all the time. Then somebody suggested putting all that stuff in a thick-walled carbon steel vacuum-like box, and sucking out everything. Take out everything of the universe — atoms, quarks, energy strings and the like... gravity, electromagnetic tension, light beams, microwaves, radio waves — everything. What you ended up with is computer simulations of what Nothing looks like. Nothing — a field of nothing. You end up with nothing but a field of emptiness.
Is it not true that 2,500 years ago the Buddha declared: Everything is enlightened. Everything in the universe is radiantly empty.
The logical/rational mind demanded proof. There you have it — the Big Bang, Yin Yang Theory: from nothing to everything, from everything to nothing.
The Great Theory of Everything, turns out to be nothing at all.
Dave (Scannell) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I’m going to continue publishing your letters, Dave, until I receive one that I can understand. You and Middle Ground, for different reasons, have me scratching my head so much that my rich, thick Portagee-Cherokee hair is beginning to thin on top!
SAY "HI" TO THE AUGUST BIRTHDAY BOYS FROM LAST NIGHT'S PBA MEMBERSHIP MEETING
(L-R) Curt Reeves; Dan Archie; David Byers; Dave Dulong; Brian Gay; and Lee Wilson.
Photo by Aubrey "Bird" Parrott. PBA Cake Team: Brian Bennert and Mike Fehr.
THE LATEST VANGUARD IS NOW AVAILABLE
The August 2018 eVanguard is now online. Hard copies of the magazine should be arriving in the mail soon. Click HERE, then on the image of the Vanguard to download it to your desktop
FUEL THE FLAME FOR SPECIAL OLYMPICS NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
Date: Sept. 12, 2018
Time: 7 a.m. - 11 a.m.
Location: Moe's Stop, 1948 Camden Ave, San Jose CA 95124
Event: Fuel the Flame
What is it? SJ PD employees will serve as hosts at gas pumps, cleaning windshields, and holding signs to promote the event, and collecting tips to support Special Olympics Northern California. Needed are 6-10 volunteers.
Cynthia Theobald - GIU - 408-313-6877
Olivia Herrera - CSO - 408-221-6357
Sgt. Jodi Williams - IA - 408-483-0389
“SJPD STRONG” SHIRTS AVAILABLE
“SJPD Strong” dry wick shirts in mens/womens/kids sizes are now available at $20 each. Order/payment must be received by 12 noon on Tuesday, Sept. 25. If we receive less than 32 orders your money will be returned. To place an order, email <Cynthia.email@example.com> with the style (men’s, women’s or kid's), size and route or drop off payment to her in GIU. Or mail your order and check to:
201 W. Mission Street
San Jose, CA 95110
IF YOU WANT TO MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR THE KKC DINNER DANCE…
…it’s scheduled for Saturday, Dec. 1st, at the Holiday Inn at 1350 N. First St. More info will follow.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT…
We can’t say this item received from Joanne McDougall is in response to last week’s missive from former SJPD cop (and psychologist) Terry Eisenberg, but we can’t say it’s not, either...
I was thinking: Since only 11 million people have ObamaCare. How will 24 million people die if it is repealed? Will an additional 13 million people be randomly shot?
I was thinking: If Donald Trump deleted all of his emails, wiped his server with Bleach bit and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the Mainstream Media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare him innocent?
I was thinking: If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?
I was thinking: If you rob a bank in a Sanctuary City, is it illegal or is it just an Undocumented Withdrawal?
I was thinking: Each ISIS attack now is a reaction to Trump policies, but all ISIS attacks during Obama's term were due to Climate Change and a plea for jobs.
I was thinking: After the London 'Lone Wolf' terrorist attack government officials arrested at least eight other 'Lone Wolves' who had conspired with the original 'Lone Wolf' in planning the 'Lone Wolf' attack. Why do they tell us even though all involved are Muslims, you can be assured, the 'Lone Wolf' attack has nothing at all to do with Islam, just like the other 1,000 plus 'Lone Wolf' attacks by Muslims, are completely unassociated with Islam?
I was thinking: We should stop calling them all 'Entitlements'. Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, ad nausea are not entitlements. They are taxpayer-funded handouts and shouldn't be called entitlements at all. Social Security and Veterans Benefits are Entitlements because the people receiving them are entitled to them. They were earned and paid for by the recipients.
I was thinking: If Muslims want to run away from a Muslim country, does that mean they're Islamophobic?
I was thinking: If Liberals don't believe in biological gender, then why did they march for women's rights?
I was thinking: How did the Russians get Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC to steal the Primary from Bernie Sanders? How did Russia get Donna Brazile to leak debate questions to Hillary Clinton in advance of the debates?
I was thinking: Why is it that Democrats think Super delegates are fine, but they have a problem with the Electoral College?
I was thinking: If you don't want the FBI involved in elections, don't nominate someone who's being investigated by the FBI.
I was thinking: If Hillary's speeches cost $250,000 an hour, how come no one shows up to her free ones?
I was thinking: The DNC is mad at Russia because they 'think' they are trying to manipulate our election by exposing that the DNC is manipulating our election.
I was thinking: If Democrats don't want foreigners involved in our elections, why do they think it's all right for illegals to vote?
WE DIDN'T HAVE THE "GREEN THING" BACK THEN...
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
The older lady said that she was right, that our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. Then the older lady went on to explain: Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.
We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days.
Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one TV or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief, not a screen the size of a movie theater.
In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power.
We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled fountain pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing."
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
Isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?
Feel free to pass this on to another old selfish person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person. We don't like being old in the first place, and it doesn't take much to piss us off. Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart ass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
A Senior’s Version of Facebook
Received from Joe Suske
This is for those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists:
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street I tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later, and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them a “thumbs up” and tell them I “like” them.
And it works just like Facebook. I already have 4 people following me: Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.
• • • • •
Modified from the Archives
President Trump and Maxine Waters somehow wound up on the same stage at a mixed-up campaign rally in Orange County when Trump said to her, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go crazy with joy?"
Waters replied, "I don't believe you. If you really think you can do that, prove it!"
So Trump slapped her.
• • • • •
From the Archives
A newly remodeled grocery store opened up a few miles from from my residence. The store has an automatic water mister that keeps the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of freshly mown hay.
As you pass the meat department you smell the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
Approach the egg case and you hear chickens clucking and cackling, and the air is ripe with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bakery department features the tantalizing smell of freshly baked bread and cookies.
I drive to another grocery store three miles away when I need to buy toilet paper.
• • • • •
From the Archives
I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics.
"How much do you weigh?" she asked.
"135," I said.
The nurse put me on the scale. It turned out that my weight was 180.
The nurse asked, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measured 5 foot 2.
She then took my blood pressure and told me it was very high.
"Of course it's high!" I screamed. "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"
She put me on Prozac. What a bitch!
• • • • •
From the Archives
In my next life I want to live backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old people's home, feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then you start work. You get a gold watch and a party in your honor on the first day.
You work for 40 years until you are young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party like mad, drink alcohol and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.
You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, Voila! You finish off on an orgasm!
• • • • •
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
—Summer Reruns excluded—
Aug. 9 & 13
Aug. 9: Earlier today, Vice President Mike Pence gave a speech at the Pentagon about creating Trump’s Space Force. Pence began the speech by saying, “I can’t believe I have to do this.”
Actually, Pence said the military will start forming the U.S. Space Force by the end of 2018. Then Trump was like, “Consider it my going away present.”
We finally learned about the Space Force chain of command. According to Trump, it’ll go, “E.T., Yoda, then Groot.”
Rudy Giuliani told CNN the Russia investigation could help Republicans in the midterms because Americans are getting tired of all the drama. Then America was like, “We’ve had 62 seasons of ‘Real Housewives’ — we NEVER get tired of drama.”
Some people think all of Giuliani’s interviews are meant to distract and confuse people about the real issues. Even Trump was like, “It’s working — I have absolutely NO IDEA what’s going on.”
It just came out that when she worked in the White House, Omarosa secretly recorded Trump on her phone. I don’t know what’s crazier — the fact that people keep recording the president, or that Omarosa worked in the White House.
Nintendo fans are worried about Mario’s brother, Luigi, because in a trailer for a new game, he appears as a ghost. They said 30 years of jumping “groin-first” into a flagpole must’ve finally caught up to him.
SeaWorld is letting 125 employees go. Or as the animals put it, “Must be nice.”
Aug. 13: Tonight was an all-new episode of “Bachelor in Paradise.” You know I love that. But if you want to see some reality stars go at it on TV, just check out Omarosa and President Trump.
The big story is, of course, Omarosa. She’s been promoting her new book, “Unhinged.” It’s about her time in the White House. She claims President Trump has mentally declined. Trump was furious. He said, “This book is an outrage. And — wait, what were we talking about?”
On “Meet the Press” yesterday, Omarosa played a recording of Trump’s chief of staff John Kelly, firing her in the White House Situation Room. Experts said, “Nobody’s ever made a recording in that room.” Then one guy said, [Russian accent] “That you know about.”
In her new book, Omarosa claims that she once walked in on Trump in the Oval Office eating a piece of paper. Eating paper. On the bright side, that’s actually the healthiest thing he’s ever eaten.
She says that Trump ate a piece of paper in the Oval Office. But I think Trump was just confused. Because it was a note from an angry staffer that said, “Eat me.”
But before all this got out, Trump’s campaign tried to keep Omarosa quiet by offering her $180,000 in hush money. When Stormy Daniels heard that, she was like, “Oh, my God. What did she have to do for the extra $50,000?”
The president’s been keeping busy. On Friday night, he had dinner with the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook. And this is nice — Trump even picked up the check. But then he ate it.
An 11-year-old boy in Florida was able to hack into a state elections website and change results in under 10 minutes. So get ready to meet Florida’s next governor, Fortnite McDeadpool.
Aug. 9: It was announced today that first lady Melania Trump's parents are now officially U.S. citizens. They passed their citizenship test when they were asked, “Who's the president of the United States?” and they replied, “Our idiot son-in-law.”
In an interview last night, Rudy Giuliani said the Russia investigation is going to lead to very big reforms, just like Watergate, saying it will be, quote, "A different kind of Watergate, it's on the side of the investigator." He then continued, "Yeah, this Trump thing is just like Watergate. No, not THAT kind of Watergate, a reverse Watergate. I should have never said Watergate. Why did I say Watergate? Stupid Rudy, stupid!"
According to sources within the White House, many Defense Department officials do not support President Trump's push to create a military space force. Kind of like how you don't let your kid pick what car you buy.
Following the launch of his own charter school, nearly 14,000 people have signed an online petition to make LeBron James the secretary of education, even though we already have one. "Who is it now?” asked Betsy DeVos.
The New York Times has reported $24 million in profit for the second quarter this year. "You're supposed to report profit?" asked Paul Manafort.
The NFL's Arizona Cardinals have launched a new competition where fans can win a team jersey and get their photo on the scoreboard if they eat a burger consisting of five patties, five hot dogs, five bratwursts, eight slices of bacon, eight chicken tenders, 12 ounces of fries, lettuce, pickles, sauce, and 20 slices of cheese in under an hour. Said one fan, "Ugh, lettuce?"
A beach near San Francisco yesterday hosted the annual world dog surfing championships. And just like last year, the surfers had a really hard time staying on their dogs.
Construction workers recently found a 124-year-old time capsule underneath a school in Massachusetts that contains two newspapers, silver war medals, and the first season of "Grey's Anatomy."
Auntie Anne's has announced it will begin selling pumpkin spice pretzel nuggets next month. So if you like pumpkin spice and you like eating at the mall… you could probably use some good news.
New research has found that settlers of North America took more than one route to get to the continent. Unfortunately, the ones who used Apple Maps didn't make it.
Aug. 13: After former White House staffer Omarosa Manigault released a recording of a conversation with President Trump, Trump tweeted, “Wacky Omarosa who got fired three times on ‘The Apprentice’ now got fired for the last time. She never made it, never will.” Well, actually, she did make it. You hired her for a job in the White House after she got fired three times on “The Apprentice.” That’s like getting cut three times from the Mets and thinking, “I’m going to try out for the Yankees.”
Former White House staffer Omarosa Manigault yesterday played a recording of a conversation with chief of staff John Kelly in the Situation Room, which is the most secure area of the West Wing. Well, [shows door with sign “Melania’s Room: Keep Out!!!”] the second most secure.
Omarosa also claims in her book that she once saw President Trump eat a piece of paper. But in his defense, [shows paper with “chicken” written on it] he was tricked. [imitates Trump, chewing] “There’s something wrong with this chicken.”
President Trump had dinner on Friday with Apple CEO Tim Cook. Well, Tim, did you try unplugging him and plugging him back in?
NASA yesterday successfully launched a probe designed to touch the sun. [shows photo of Don Jr. and Eric] “I use a probe to touch mine, too,” said Trump. “Father, can I have a hug?” “Get the probe!”
According to Politico, White House aides need to remind President Trump of time zones in different countries on a constant basis. He forgets that in America it’s 4 p.m., but where he is, it’s 1957.
Aug. 9: According to a new article, former White House aide and "Apprentice" star Omarosa is in possession of secretly recorded conversations she had with President Trump. This is all part of the run-up to the release of her new tell-all book, "Unhinged." This is just shocking. Imagine a cartoonish reality-show villain getting that kind of access to the Oval Office. And then having Omarosa tape them.
First it was his lawyer who secretly recorded him, now it's Omarosa. This is going to be the first time a court case will be delayed for having TOO MUCH evidence.
A man in Florida was recently arrested after running into a liquor store with an alligator and chasing people who were shopping there. I'm just going to say it: This emotional support animal thing has officially gone too far.
A liquor store and a live alligator. If only this man had been naked, we would've had a Florida trifecta. It was so close, so close!
The whole thing was pretty embarrassing, though. The next morning, he had to do the croc of shame.
Obviously, every reporter wants to talk to this guy. He's really getting swamped. Wow!
Aug. 13: President Trump was in New Jersey this weekend, where he hosted a “Bikers for Trump” rally at one of his private golf courses. Because really, what’s more bad ass and rebellious for bikers to do than hang out at a members-only golf club? “Bikers for Trump,” or as most people call them, “bikers.”
During an interview yesterday, former Trump aide Omarosa played a secret recording of chief of staff John Kelly informing her she was being fired. The firing took place in the White House’s Situation Room. Omarosa recorded this herself, which is a first, because usually there’s a whole camera crew there when she’s getting fired.
On the tape, Kelly says Omarosa was being fired due to significant integrity issues. And nothing says “I don’t have integrity issues” like recording your boss in the top-secret Situation Room.
Also, on the recording, you can hear General Kelly telling Omarosa that if she makes a friendly departure, she won’t lose her reputation. That’s also what they tell me when I’m asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s. “We’ve talked about this, Mr. Corden, don’t make a scene. You can come back tomorrow.”
And there was another huge revelation from Omarosa this weekend: She said the Trump administration was “deceiving this nation” by hiding how mentally declined President Trump actually is. Oh, come on. We see his tweets. He’s not fooling anyone.
Our apolgies to you Hillary fans. We promise to look for a Melania Trump zinger for next week.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for what’s new.
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For the curious among you, this is the conversation between the air traffic controller and Rich Russell, the baggage handler who stole the Horizon Air Dash 8 at SEATAC last week. There’s some video of the suicide FLIGHT near the end. We found the viewers’ comments below the video largely sympathetic of Richard “Beebo” Russell. (7:20)
Click HERE for a follow-up with video to the incident from 3 days ago.
And THIS final update is from two days ago.
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No bias by my officers, says the Portland police chief, which is contrary to the title of THIS video about the recent street melee. Might we suggest, Chief, that when you are addressing the press over an incident like this, you try to avoid using the term “When one side gets the short end of the stick…? Just a thought. (3:00)
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Steve Postier felt this info about a new restraint technology would be of interest. It’s a gun that fires a cord that wraps around and immobilizes a subject. We can see where this $800 device will have its own chapter in the sequel to “Fifty Shades of Grey!” (YES, you read that right!)
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When Pete Salvi sent us four individual email attachments showing shoplifters getting caught with unusual items, we bundled them together and uploaded them to YouTube so they could be seen in one run. We titled THIS clip Shoplifting the Improbable. (3:10)
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Tip of the Week...
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With over 33 million subscribers to their YouTube channel, the “Dude Perfect” guys have found a fun way to make a living. And with video clips like this one that received over 95 million views, the money the five guys are splitting is nothing to SNEEZE at. (4:17)
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If you don’t think laughter is contagious, watch THIS local market stunt in Antwerp (Belgian) from Coca-Cola’s “Choose Happiness” campaign. The clip was received Don Hale and should at least bring a smile to YOUR face. (1:27)
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We would normally dismiss this as a conspiracy video designed to frighten those who reside in the Pacific Northwest. The problem is, it’s from a NOVA program on PBS, and producers of the series seldom deal in false facts. (3:07)
There are literally dozens of YouTube videos about the Cascadia Subduction Zone running in length from a few minutes to over an hour (just type the three words into the YouTube search field and hit the return key). THIS 2-year-old clip is from a “CBS Sunday Morning” program. (8:08)
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If you have ever traveled to Pompeii, we can guarantee you will find this animation of what happened on that fateful day interesting, if not fascinating. Give it a LOOK. (8:39)
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Since it is unlikely we’ll be visiting Pompeii again anytime soon, here is a postscript about reconstructing the FACES of some of the victims who were buried alive by the ash. (2:59)
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Familiar with a B-29 Superfortress? Want to become even more familiar? Hop aboard "Fifi" and come along for a ride. You will not only get a rough idea of what it was like inside the huge (for its time) aircraft when squadrons of this WWII bomber were making dangerous runs to Tokyo before the Enola Gay and Boxcar dropped Fat Man and Little Boy on Hiroshima and Nagasaki which brought an END to the War. (21:34)
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The History Guy is back with the details of the 1957 Pacoima (Calif.) mid-air collision and its connection to the 1971 fatal accident that took the lives of Buddy Holly, J.P. Richardson and Ritchie Valens. This is indeed a slice of history that DESERVES to be remembered. (11:39)
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Here are a few more Lip Sync Challenges by law enforcement agencies. We are starting off with our cousins next door at the Santa Clara Co. S/O. Want a good laugh? Freeze it at the 3:55 mark and watch Kerry Smith boogie! Kudos to my former agency from the 1960s. Sheriff Laurie Smith and her crew did an excellent job. (8:01)
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For imagination, creativity and the selection of a truly excellent song to lip sync to, we have to give a slight edge to the Sacramento Co. S/O. Here is THEIR challenge. (6:38)
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Don’t ask how, but the Oxnard PD somehow managed to convince the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to participate in its lip sync challenge. Seems to us that’s a bit unfair, but we’re not complaining. At least our eyes aren't. (4:33)
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To pick from dozens more, go to <www.youtube.com> and enter lip sync challenge police in the search field. We received some emails over the past week asking if the SJPD had participated? We searched and made some calls. As far as we can determine, the answer is no. Or not yet.
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It's Hope for Paws time: This is the story about a little homeless dog that was running on a bridge over an L.A. freeway when he was rescued by Eldad, who named the pooch “Dingo.” It took a few weeks of medical care to make him healthy again, but he eventually found a FOREVER home in Seattle. (4:26)
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It took five days before Eldad and Lisa were able to located a scared Golden Retriever that had been reported. This was one of the tougher rescues for both the rescued and the rescuers. After naming her “Clarabella,” the Golden Retriever's life was about to change for the better, which is a gross UNDERSTATEMENT. (4:25)
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When Hope for Paws was contacted about a dog that had been abandoned by a homeless couple in downtown L.A., Lisa was the first to spot it. But the little dog did not want to be rescued. At least not at first. Click HERE for the story that concludes with a very happy ending for “Scooby.” (4:15)
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Looks to us that cops from L.A.’s Hollenbeck Station have taken community policing to the extreme. We’re thinking that this two-striper on the left could give up his day job and still make a living. Have a LOOK and listen. (2:43)
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This week’s closer takes us back to Mexico where we find a mariachi flash mob comprised of several Federal Police officers and a lady cop with an amazing voice. Click HERE if you are ready to be entertained. (4:59)
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Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION
ROSTER as of 8/16/18
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
Sylvia Dewaere — Address change
Robin Tokiwa — Added
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Martinez, Jr., Raul
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve