The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
Last Friday, July 22, the San Francisco Police Officers’ Association hosted a Day of Remembrance for all law enforcement officers who have fallen in the line of duty. I was proud to be a part of this day with my fellow law enforcement brothers and sisters from the North Bay and the CHP. On this day, I proudly spoke of Michael Katherman and Michael Johnson who were honored and remembered during this event. As police officers are targeted and ambushed across this nation, we must remain strong and hold the line together! Prayers to our lost...their family and friends...and to all of our SJPD family.
HERE to watch the
video the SFPOA put together.
Correcting Some Facts on Officer Involved Shootings
Every life lost is a tragedy. Every single one. So it is regrettable that some wish to exploit these tragedies to foster and flame a false narrative that law enforcement is hunting and killing black men. It's absurdly false. Neither the data nor objective analysis back up this made-for-tabloid nonsense.
Unfortunately, San Jose Inside's recent blog posting triples down on that false narrative.
Perspective is needed: In 2015, according to an exhaustively researched database of officer involved shootings created by the Washington Post, there were 965 officer involved shootings that resulted in a fatality.  564 of those fatally shot by officers were armed with a gun; 281 were armed with another dangerous weapon (knife, machete, etc.).
Even if every single officer involved shooting in 2015 that ended in a fatality didn't occur, our neighborhoods would not become safer. To the contrary, 845 individuals armed with either a gun or other dangerous weapon would have been free to run amok, unchecked in our neighborhoods.
Eliminating every fatal single officer-involved shooting would do nothing to address many of the systemic issues that underpin unsafe neighborhoods. It would not eliminate poverty, improve educational opportunities for youth, identify and treat those with mental illness, create jobs, provide affordable housing and health care or reduce White on White - Black on Black - Asian on Asian - or Latino on Latino shootings and violent crime.
Where is the national dialogue analyzing what takes place in the years, months, days and hours leading up to violent confrontations with law enforcement? What organizations are questioning the social services network, the school system, churches and other neighborhood institutions and asking for reform of how they currently participate in creating safe neighborhoods?
A section of the Washington Post database referenced above shows that the incidents that have spurred often violent demonstrations nationwide represent less than 4 percent of officer-involved fatal shootings. While some of these incidents involve officers killing unarmed black men, being unarmed does not mean those shot posed no risk to the life of the police officer or the public. In many of the instances that comprise the 4 percent, officers or citizens were being physically attacked by the person eventually shot.
We have a long history of racial inequality and discrimination in this country. Law enforcement did not create this situation; we are only one cog in the system, and we cannot be expected to fix it alone. Should officers be held accountable for violating the rights of some citizens? Yes. Are there officers who should not have the privilege of wearing a uniform? Undoubtedly. But cops are not perfect, and law enforcement is no different than any other profession. Law enforcement must do a better job of acknowledging when we get it wrong, working to implement safe and effective use-of-force policies, and support holding those that cross the line accountable for their actions.
Yet, it's simply untrue that law enforcement is systematically targeting and killing black men, and it is difficult for law enforcement professionals to understand why there is little outrage, or demonstrations, or street and highway closures when crimes such as this occur:
This was a violent crime where a law enforcement officer was not present. So we ask, where is the national dialogue questioning the parent's decision to send their children to a party where alcohol was served? Where is the national call to hold the parents who hosted this party accountable and identify why no one acted to shutter this party before it got out of control? Where are the calls for more training and education for the parents and teens in attendance at this party about the danger of underage drinking or illegally possessing weapons?
We stand by our statement issued after more police officers were murdered recently in Baton Rouge that said in part:
When law and order breaks down to the point where our nation experiences 10 law enforcement officers killed over a 10-day period then a serious look at who we are and what we have become must take place. When a highly paid NFL player uses social media to repost an image of a cop getting his throat slit, then we must question where that player lost his moral compass and why no one around that player intervened. When an organization only incites protests over officer involved incidents and does not display the same level of moral outrage or condemnation when a cop is innocently gunned down then we must question the legitimacy of that organization.
The hypocrisy must stop for a dialogue to start.
If you haven’t already read it, this item from yesterday’s paper will bring you up to speed on the Measure B issue affecting City employees…
Deal Goes to Ballot
—S.J. leaders pressured into submitting Measure B replacement to voters—
By Ramona Giwargis <email@example.com>
Mercury News — July 27, 2016
SAN JOSE — Hoping to head off more court battles over pensions, Mayor Sam Liccardo now plans to seek voter approval for the entire settlement his administration secured with city unions to settle their lawsuits over the 2012 Measure B retirement overhaul.
After reaching the pension accord with the city’s 11 unions last summer, San Jose officials asked a court to nullify Measure B, and planned only to seek voter approval in November for charter provisions that required it.
But a former councilman and taxpayer group that supported the measure sued, arguing only the voters, who approved Measure B by nearly 70 percent in June 2012, had the authority to replace it with a settlement. A judge earlier this year refused to throw out the lawsuit.
“We know this would drag out over several years, and right now the residents of the city critically need closure so that we could restore public safety,” Liccardo said Tuesday.
The City Council will finalize the ballot language to replace Measure B at its Aug. 2 meeting. The fight over what goes in front of voters has dominated closed-door discussions over the past month.
Measure B reduced pension benefits for new hires, required existing workers to pay more for their retirement and eliminated a costly retiree perk. But unions filed numerous lawsuits, saying the measure was an assault on their “vested rights,” and blamed it for chasing away hundreds of police officers and other city employees.
City leaders last summer negotiated an agreement with unions outside of court that they said would maintain the equivalent of Measure B’s savings from parts of the measure that survived a trial court ruling. While both sides threatened appeals, the city began hemorrhaging police officers and other highly-trained personnel, many citing the retirement battles as a factor. The settlement provides a more favorable pension formula to new hires and increases cost-of-living pay raises — all without touching current employees’ retirement plans. The two sides agreed to ask a judge to nullify Measure B and then replace it with the proposed settlement.
But former Councilman Pete Constant, along with businessman Charles Munger Jr. and the Silicon Valley Taxpayers Association, filed legal papers to stop the city from repealing Measure B.
“I’m happy voters will finally have the opportunity to weigh in on this ballot measure. It’s unfortunate it had to take a lawsuit to show the city the proper way to do this,” Constant said. “Now residents will be able to see the actual numbers and decide if the increased costs are something the city can handle with the budget that they have.”
City leaders originally planned to put three provisions in front of voters, promising no retroactive pension increases or future enhancements without voter approval.
Constant said that wasn’t good enough and pressed to have the whole settlement go to voters. Liccardo at the time didn’t agree, saying that was not necessary.
Constant confirmed he’ll drop the lawsuit once the city puts the entire ballot language before voters, regardless of whether it passes. “If this does get put on the ballot, the legal case will be moot,” Constant said, adding that his lawsuit forced the city and mayor to do “the right thing.”
Despite saying the settlement will cost taxpayers more in the long run, Constant hasn’t decided if he’ll campaign against it and will wait to see final ballot arguments first.
In its announcement Tuesday, the mayor’s office did not specify its plan to put the entire settlement before voters. Spokesman David Low said that was to keep things simple.
Meanwhile, unions leaders applauded the decision, hailing it as a final step in ending the Measure B saga.
“Pete Constant has done enough damage to the safety of San Jose neighborhoods by impeding our ability to implement lawful pension cost savings that will help rebuild our depleted police department,” said San Jose Police Officers’ Association spokesman Tom Saggau.
The council has until Aug. 12 to finalize the ballot language and will also decide who will write arguments for and against the measure.
THE TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
San Jose: Ascending Police Commanders Renew Commitment in Face of Escalating National Scrutiny
By Robert Salonga <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mercury News — July 23, 2016
promoted police commanders and community service officers with the San
Jose Police Department gather after a ceremony at the Bellarmine College Prep
• Assistant Chief Dave Knopf
• Deputy Chief Michael Knox
• Captains David J. Tindall, Loyd W. Kinsworthy and Michael H. Kihmm
• Lieutenants Douglas Wedge, Scott Johnson and Paul Joseph
• Sergeants Nqui W. Scherry, Thomas L. Rodgers, Jodi L. Williams, Ryan Chan and Ken Tran
• Assistant Communications Manager Jerry Maas
• Senior Community Service Officers Jennifer M. Hernandez, Amanda J. Lunsford, Kellie A. Carroll and Charles T. Hill
SAN JOSE -- The ceremony Friday was supposed to be a commemoration of the officers and employees ascending the ranks in the San Jose Police Department.
It was indeed that. But in light of a national landscape characterized by rising tension between police and minority communities -- Friday was also the funeral for one of three Baton Rouge officers killed in an ambush last weekend -- it was also a moment for those gathered at the Bellarmine College Preparatory auditorium to refresh themselves mentally.
"Today, we get a chance to finally take a breath," said police Chief Eddie Garcia, who was overseeing his first wave of promotions as the city's top cop.
It would not be a long exhale, as Garcia turned to his freshly minted police supervisors and tasked them with navigating how to protect the city effectively while garnering and maintaining the trust of some of the city's most disenfranchised residents.
"This is a critical time in law enforcement, and your people will look to you for guidance," he said.
Mayor Sam Liccardo contended that the city is ahead of many of its big-city peers in community relations.
"We are bucking the trend here in San Jose," he said. "We are building trust here."
In all, the department anointed a new assistant chief, deputy chief, three captains, three lieutenants, five sergeants, an assistant communications manager and four community service officers. Fifteen of the 18 were in attendance Friday.
For many of the newly promoted, the ceremony lifted a lot of spirits given that the national tenor has a compounded effect in San Jose, where the rank and file has shrunk by a third over much of the past decade. Assistant Chief Dave Knopf said cohesion is vital after so many years of internal and external turmoil.
"This shows unity and commitment, which are really important for the department moving forward," he said.
Sgt. Ken Tran echoed the sentiment and specifically mentioned wanting to be part of SJPD's prospective restoration.
"It's refreshing. It gives us a chance to reflect on why we do this job," Tran said. "We're part of the rebuilding process of the department. I'm also grateful to be able to serve the community where I live."
Thanks for the great job you two do putting out the Farsider! I look forward to reading the interesting viewpoints shared by all our members. I am amazed and impressed by the broad spectrum of opinions and perspectives shared by such a large group of wonderful people with great core values. Best of luck and keep up the important work.
Mark Bell <email@example.com>
Thanks for the kind words, Mark. They are appreciated.
• • • • •
Hillary has me convinced that the answer to the country’s gang problem is to convert them to “positive gangs.” What do you think? (0:43)
Red State <firstname.lastname@example.org>
After watching the video you included, Red, "positive gangs" sounds like a great idea. If the GOP and Bernie’s supporters have their way and “Lock her up,” she can start converting the Mexican Mafia, Nuestra Familia, Aryan Brotherhood, the Black Guerrilla Family and the rest of the prison gangs.
• • • • •
For those who don't want to read my take on the various law and order issues, violence and civil war, it's all summed up in the last paragraph with the word FORD. If you want to know how I got there – have a read. I'll call this on The Final Four.
Shall we take our time with the coming civil war, or shall we jump right into it at the next flash point? Jump right into it meaning just at the boiling points – the hot spots – quick fix here, quick repair there, but not a total tear down. Is it more law and order that we need? Or, more law and order plus healing and reconciliation? Or, law and order and change and healing and a little reconciliation? Or, law and order and not so much healing and reconciliation and very little change? Or, not so much law and order, but a lot of damage control? Or, healing? What's that? That only brings out the pain.
Or, no law and order, and no healing - bury the pain, and certainly very little change; and not too much reconciliation, but just bypass all the tension(s) with tons more sex, drugs and rock & roll? Legalize it (everything). Advertise it. Customize it. Consume it. Get celebrity sponsors? Print more money. Franchise the revolution with more booze, porn, pills and drugs for every occasion. Keep the distractions coming and going, appearing and disappearing with ever increasing speed - distract, distract, distract; and hold the standards low to control the population. Some call this the ostrich method (avoid the whole mess), and others say we already use it? Numb our way out it.
These “either – or” scenarios might come down to two arguments – complete tear down or fix and repair. Even though elements of the false culture have to be removed, complete tear down is probably not the answer. Before a civil war breaks into open hostilities, the results will already be known. One side or the other will prevail, and the other side will cling to grudges for decades into the future. So, say just a ten year complete tear down, will only be followed by a hundred year rebuild, then another hundred years of subtle build up of tensions, till we have another break out of fighting.re Maybe we won't have to wait that long. All that swirling violent energy and in the long run nothing much accomplished – certainly not a lasting peace. At best, a simmering smoldering build up of inner turmoil, then wait for the same peace through violence scenario to repeat itself. Then again, sometimes violence is needed just to push society even an inch forward.
For all our freedoms, Americans still feel hemmed in and psychologically cramped and tied up in knots somehow. Why? A thousand and one reasons – by uncontrollable outside situations, by inner conflicts and confusions, lack of personal power, disconnected living, irresponsible use of freedom, people don't like themselves, stagnation in government; you name it, the list is long, and the ills are as old as the sun. The perfect storm has not hit yet, but it's definitely in the air and in the mind.
"In the mind", that in itself makes it dangerous, and that's important. Remember no one was thinking or talking about mass school shootings till April of 1999 – Columbine – no one. That one incident planted the seed in everyone's mind. Are we better or worse off today than in 1999? Contemplate that for a while and really look where we are today. I'm trying to say something very simple – watch what you think – be careful what you put out there, because it just might come back to bite you. The complete tear down scenario might rally people on both sides with patriotic feelings for a while, but will only lead to a temporary cease fire – not a real enduring peace.
If we really want to get rid of the battle within, we could take our anger and frustrations out on an outer enemy, and see what happens? There are at least a dozen countries we could go to battle with to release our inner demons. That's certainly been done throughout history. Release all those pent up energies. Pick a country and start a fight (war).
Or, we could rely on the tried and true democratic process to see us through the din of political and social uncertainty. Just because more money and more programs haven't worked in the past does not mean that they won't work in the future? But of course we're broke now. So what money to fund what programs? Then there is the fact that not too many people trust our democratic process any longer. They feel it's rigged and run by machine political operatives. There's probably a lot of truth to that.
You're right if you think there are no answers on the horizon, yet. We'll have to keep asking ourselves the same questions over and over, and deeper and deeper, and demanding clearer and clearer answers. - Is there another way – a better way – a more lasting way to move forward?
Like I said at the top, it comes down to the final four: FORD: In the case of violent civil strife it means – Found on road dead. Where we are now it means - Fight and respond daily. Where we could be with a little more diligence it means - Fix and repair daily. And finally a quote from a letter from Senator Dianne Feinstein; 'among all the countries in the world, America still offers the best chance for enlightenment', and that means – Found on road divine.
Take your pick.
Dave (Scannell) <email@example.com>
PLEASE RSVP IF YOU PLAN TO ATTEND THE KEITH KELLEY BARBECUE
The Keith Kelly BBQ has been renamed the “Michael Katherman Memorial Barbecue.” Mike served as a Director and Vice President for 8 years and chaired it several times.
Members planning to attend the BBQ are asked to RSVP via Eventbrite at the link below. Password: Katherman
Contact Keith Kelley Club CFO Margie Thompson, at <firstname.lastname@example.org> or 408-421-3785 with any questions.
BALTIMORE SIX ARE FREE, BUT WILL THEY FACE DISCIPLINE FROM THE BPD?
Freddie Gray Case: Charges Dropped Against Remaining Officers
By Carolyn Sung and Catherine E. Shoichet, CNN
July 27, 2016
Baltimore (CNN) — Baltimore prosecutors on Wednesday dropped all charges against the three remaining officers facing trial in connection with Freddie Gray's death.
Gray, 25, died after sustaining a neck injury while in police custody in April 2015. Three of the six officers charged in the case had already been acquitted.
Gray's death became a symbol of the black community's mistrust of police and triggered days of protests and riots in Baltimore. The city became a focal point of the Black Lives Matter movement and the nationwide debate on excessive police force. Police said no extra officers will work the streets Wednesday night.
"Justice has been done," said Gene Ryan, president of the Baltimore Fraternal Order of Police, said after the charges were dropped.
But the city's top prosecutor didn't quite see it that way. Baltimore State's Attorney Marilyn Mosby said the decision was "agonizing," and she slammed the way police handled their investigation into the case.
Mosby: 'Inherent bias ... when police police themselves'
More than a year ago, Mosby stood on her city's courthouse steps and announced charges against the officers. "No one is above the law," she said as she read out charges that ranged from second-degree depraved-heart murder to manslaughter to second-degree assault.
In a fiery address to reporters Wednesday, Mosby said she still believes Gray's death was a homicide. But now, she said, she realizes the criminal justice system needs "real, substantive reforms" to hold officers accountable.
"We could try this case 100 times, and cases just like it, and we would still end up with the same result."
Mosby said the case showed "an inherent bias that is a direct result of when police police themselves."
"There were individual police officers that were witnesses to the case, yet were part of the investigative team, interrogations that were conducted without asking the most poignant questions, lead detectives that were completely uncooperative and started a counter-investigation to disprove the state's case," she said, shouting into a microphone as she read her remarks.
Mosby, who comes from a long line of police officers, told reporters she isn't anti-police.
"I'm anti-police brutality. And I need not remind you that the only loss -- and the greatest loss -- in all of this was that of Freddie Gray's life," she said.
When Mosby first took on Gray's case, some praised how swiftly she acted. Others, however, said there wasn't enough evidence to convict the officers.
Gray's stepfather, Richard Shipley, said Wednesday that he supported Mosby.
"We are pissed about the decision of the trials and the outcome of all the trials that have happened here in the city. We are very proud of the prosecutors who handled the case and did their best to their ability," Shipley said. "We stand behind Marilyn and her prosecuting team and my family's proud to have them represent us."
Police union: Prosecutor's comments 'outrageous'
Gene Ryan, center, flanked by attorneys and accused police officers.
Standing at a podium with the six officers who were charged, the police union chief called Mosby's comments "outrageous and uncalled for and simply untrue."
Evidence, he said, showed there was no wrongdoing.
"The state attorney simply could not accept the evidence that was presented," Ryan said. "She had her own agenda."
Investigators concluded Gray's death was an accident, said Ivan Bates, an attorney representing one of the officers.
"The thing that bothers me is this: We always attack the criminal justice system. We have to let the criminal justice system speak for itself. It gets it right," he said.
Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake told CNN that the prosecution's decision to drop charges made sense, given how the judge had ruled in the trials of the other three officers.
"I think (Mosby) made a wise decision, because the judge has found in the past that the cases were thin," she said.
Police Commissioner Kevin Davis, who took over for former Commissioner Anthony Batts in October, said 30 "ethical, experienced, and talented" detectives worked on the case and a local newspaper reporter was given access to the investigation.
"We knew the community would need a transparent assessment from an independent third party," the commissioner said.
Davis said the decision to drop the remaining cases was a wise and thoughtful one. He also said the relationship with Mosby's office was inherently strong and will remain so.
The commissioner's office said the officers are on administrative duty until a review by the Montgomery County Police Department is finished.
What the officers faced
A pretrial hearing for Officer Garrett Miller had been set for Wednesday. Trials for Officers Alicia White and William Porter had been scheduled for the fall.
Baltimore Chief Deputy State's Attorney Michael Schatzow made the request to drop charges against them in court Wednesday.
Evolution of Black Lives Matter
Black Lives Matter started with a hashtag. Now it is a rallying cry, a cause and a movement in the wake of the deaths of black men at the hands of police. The latest police shootings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile have spurred a new round of protests across the country and worldwide.
Three officers were previously acquitted in the case: Edward Nero, a bike officer involved in the initial police encounter with Gray; Caesar Goodson, who drove the van that transported Gray; and Lt. Brian Rice, the highest-ranking officer charged.
A retrial against Porter had been scheduled after a jury deadlocked in the case against him in December.
The prosecution's announcement Wednesday closed the criminal cases against the officers. But they still face administrative reviews and possible discipline.
Ryan told reporters Wednesday that most of the officers are already back at work.
CNN's Carolyn Sung reported from Baltimore, and CNN's Catherine E. Shoichet wrote from Atlanta. CNN's Amanda Wills and Wolf Blitzer contributed to this report.
~ ~ ~
Anyone besides us notice that there was no mention of the $6 million the City of Baltimore paid to the Freddie Gray family?
One angry prosecutor: If you can tolerate it, here is State Attorney Marilyn Mosby’s press conference about the dropping of charges on the Baltimore Six who haven’t already been acquitted. (11:56)
STORY OF THE WEEK
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Trooper saw a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thought to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that it contained five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back. He also observed that they sat perfectly still and that their eyes were wide open. The driver, obviously confused, said, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the trooper replied, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. “No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly…twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman said a bit proudly.
Trying to contain a chuckle, the trooper explained to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the trooper for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am,” said the trooper, “I have to ask: Is everyone in the car OK? These women seem awfully shaken as if they have seen a ghost, and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a couple of minutes, officer. We just got off Route 119.”
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
July 20 — 26
July 20: It’s the Republican Convention and Donald Trump returned to Cleveland ahead of tomorrow night’s speech. A lot of people noted that Trump was greeted by his whole family when he landed, except for his wife, Melania. Even weirder, Michelle Obama WAS there.
The chief creative officer for Chipotle is facing charges for buying cocaine seven times since January. His co-workers could tell he had a cocaine problem, because not even people at Chipotle need to go to the bathroom THAT much.
Aviation companies claim a newly developed virtual reality headset will actually help pilots fly in poor visibility and land in difficult conditions. So if you’re boarding your next flight and you see the pilot putting a giant box over his head, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight! “It’s like I’m REALLY flying!” “You ARE flying. Pay attention!”
San Diego has been hosting its annual Comic-Con. Yep, it’s been a great place to get away from people playing Pokémon . . . just to be around people DRESSED as Pokémon.
July 21: A lot of people are wondering why the Trump campaign would even invite Ted Cruz to speak at the convention in the first place. It turns out Ben Carson summoned him the night before by saying the word "Lucifer" three times.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump's running mate Mike Pence gave a speech at the convention last night and even poked fun at the fact most people don't know who he is. I guess even Donald Trump calls him "Vice President Hey Buddy."
The Democrats support special labeling for GMO foods. Republicans support teen abstinence programs. So they can compromise, and now, teens have to wear labels telling everyone they're virgins.
The Republicans want to defund Planned Parenthood. The Democrats want to stop Donald Trump from preventing access to birth control. They compromised, and now, Planned Parenthood will hand out pictures of Donald Trump as birth control.
July 25: Tonight was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, where today the temperature was over 100 degrees. As if Hillary Clinton needed another reason to sweat. She went through two pantsuits.
In fact, it was so hot Hillary met with some Bernie supporters just for the chilly reception.
We may be seeing more Trumps in politics. In fact, Donald Trump's son, Donald Jr., told CNN he hasn't ruled out running for mayor of New York next year. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton turned to Chelsea and said, "Clear your schedule."
July 26: Of course, it’s the Democratic Convention, which began last night. There were several big moments, and by the end, everyone was chanting "I'm With Her!" Unfortunately for Hillary, they were talking about Michelle Obama.
Michelle gave a really big speech last night. But she wasn’t the only one. Bernie Sanders gave the final speech of the night, which kept being delayed by applause. Bernie was like, “Please stop with the clapping! You’ll make the lights go off and on!
Bernie Sanders said that he knows people are disappointed in the results of the primaries, saying, “I think it’s fair to say nobody is more disappointed than I am.” At which point, Jeb Bush threw his empty Hagen Daazs container at the TV.
Boyz II Men opened up the Democratic Convention yesterday performing their hit “Motown Philly.” Then they closed it out with Bernie Sanders singing “It’s so Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday.”
July 25: According to a poll, 90 percent of Bernie Sanders supporters plan to vote for Hillary Clinton in November. The other 10 percent plan to put their hand down the sink and then turn on the disposal.
Earlier tonight, Bernie Sanders spoke at the Democratic National Convention. Sanders' speech was interrupted by dozens of applause breaks and three pee breaks.
Hillary Clinton’s main task this week is to divert attention from leaked DNC emails and other negative press. Hillary’s going to begin her speech with the rousing first line — "Hey, Look, There’s a Pokémon!"
The manager of English soccer team Manchester United has banned his players from playing Pokémon Go. The Manchester United manager said, "I want my players thinking about soccer, not some fun game where interesting things happen."
The Australian Olympic team is refusing to check into the Olympic Village saying it is "uninhabitable." Then after checking into a Day’s Inn, the team said, "Never mind."
July 26: Donald Trump is now leading Hillary Clinton by 28 points with white voters without a college degree. However, Hillary is ahead by 98 points with voters who went to Trump University.
Experts are saying that the highlight of the Democratic Convention’s first night was Michelle Obama’s speech. In fact, Melania Trump said she already knows it by heart.
Today, shortly before we taped the show, Hillary Clinton became the first female presidential nominee of a major party. So now little girls everywhere can say, "One day I’m gonna grow up and run against an insane reality TV star."
It’s being reported that 19 out of the 31 apartment buildings in the Rio Olympic Village are not ready yet. Today, Rio organizers asked, "How does everybody feel about a 'Fall Olympics'?"
Yesterday at the DNC, Elizabeth Warren said, "Trump's entire campaign is just one more late-night Trump infomercial." Trump called her "stupid" then said, "But wait there’s more . . ."
Verizon has purchased Yahoo and plans to merge it with AOL. Verizon said its goal is to become the RC Cola of the internet.
Legal experts are saying it’s only a matter of time before someone uses Pokémon Go as an excuse for committing a crime. At least then we’ll get to hear the first lawyer ever to use the "Squirtle Defense."
July 21: Last night was night three of the Republican Convention, and if you thought the first two nights were exciting — then you really need to get out more.
The big story of last night was that Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, despite being invited by Donald Trump, refused to endorse him in his speech and this prompted the audience to boo him. I will say Ted Cruz was completely unfazed by the booing. I think it was because he thought they were going “Cruuuz,” he's like, Thanks guys, thank you, thank you.”
Traditionally the third night of the convention is supposed to be all about the VP pick and everyone was saying that the Ted Cruz fiasco overshadowed Trump's VP Mike Pence. Even Trump doesn't seem to like him that much. There was an awkward moment between them at the end of Pence's speech [shows video of air-kiss]. They greeted each other the way you greet your girlfriend's mom the first time. You're like, “Are we going to — do we — we just kiss on the lips — muah — just kiss on the lips.”
I really like Trump and Pence's chemistry. You can tell these guys have been friends since all the way back on July 18th of 2016.
July 20: Donald Trump Jr. spoke at the Republican Convention and said his dad was his best friend, which is sweet and a little sad.
I was imagining if my dad was running for president, and I thought about it for a long time. I think my speech could say, “My dad taught me the most important thing — when someone offers you his finger and asks you to pull it, don't. Nothing good comes of it.”
One of the things I've been enjoying most about the convention, almost everyone refers to him as Donald J. Trump, like there's another one running around. But I've thoroughly enjoyed everyone saying it. The "J" is a big thing. And a lot of people don't realize, the "J" stands for Jamal.
The most unusual comments were made by former Trump rival Dr. Ben Carson. Speaking with the authority of a brain surgeon that had performed a lobotomy on himself, he said Lucifer is Hillary’s top running mate. That's how you feel the Bern.
A good thing they have a doctor there because some members of the convention contracted the norovirus, losing bowel control. It’s basically what happened to Chris Christie after walking off stage when he endorsed Trump.
You probably know what happened, Melania Trump being accused of stealing her speech from Mrs. Obama. And then a speechwriter took responsibility, saying Melania told her she admires Mrs. Obama, and the woman that actually wrote the things Melania pretended to write, admitted she pretended to write the things that Melania to pretended to write.
But if you had to give a speech in Slovenia-ish, you would have to write a few paragraphs in English, too.
July 21: There’s a new weather phenomenon, causing unusually high temperatures, expected to get up to 115 degrees in some states. So, don't go to some of those states. And the fear is that the heat dome will turn into a thunderdome, and we'll have to turn to Mad Max to help us.
President Obama said to drink water, stay out of the sun, and check on your neighbors. Can you imagine checking on your neighbors in Los Angeles? And Donald Trump tweeting, “The sun is the worst. Hot, lazy, stupid, the sun is a big fat loser.”
In Cleveland tonight, Donald Trump officially accepted the Republican nomination. Throwing “Make America Great” t-shirts into the crowd — not really, but it's kind of believable, right?
When he finished his speech, they dropped 125,000 balloons, poor Chris Christie spent all day blowing them up.
The big drama last night came courtesy of Sen. Ted Cruz, who chose not to endorse Donald Trump, even though they let him give a speech. There were a lot of boos for Ted Cruz. How dare he? One of the reasons he didn't voice his support for Trump, he reportedly has plans to run for president again in 2020. Why not? It went so well this time.
It was a good day for Ben Carson. He just signed a deal to be the new face of Tylenol PM.
July 25: The theme for the Democrats today at the Democratic Convention is “United Together.” Which really is the best way to be united. So much better than being united apart.
After the Republican Convention last week, the DNC was supposed to be the boring one. It was quite the opposite. Every time Hillary Clinton's name was mentioned there were boos from Bernie Sanders fans. Even Bernie had to ask his supporters to calm down. After a year of telling them not to calm down. It's like Chef Boyardee telling people to take it easy on the ravioli.
July 26: Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the United States, which even if she doesn't win is going to look great on her resume.
Bill Clinton spoke tonight. He was the major speaker of the evening. Of course he strongly supported his wife to be our next president. In a surprise move asked Melania Trump to be his first lady.
If Hillary wins, it will be interesting to see because Bill Clinton would be our nation's first first man. Which is interesting. We've had a first man on the moon, a first man to climb Mount Everest, a first man to run a four-minute mile. Nobody ever thought to be just the first man. I guess Adam maybe was the first first man.
The Democrats have had some impressive speakers so far. Last night Michelle Obama delivered her second convention speech of the week. The first lady made a very powerful point. She noted that she and her husband wake up every day in a house built by slaves. To which Donald Trump replied, “Really? Can I get the name of your contractor?”
It was a big night for Bernie Sanders. You could tell. For the the first time ever it appears he combed his hair.
July 20: A number of college professors are saying that Melania Trump's convention speech earlier this week would classify as plagiarism in some academic settings. While in other academic settings [displays logo of Trump University], it would earn you a Ph.D. in "Speechinating."
Paul Ryan last night told the Republican convention's audience that they can get through next week's Democratic convention with a little help from the mute button. And speaking of which [displays photo of Dr. Ben Carson], the mute button also gave a speech last night.
A 91-year-old woman in Germany is under investigation for destruction of property after she tried filling in words on a crossword puzzle on display at an art museum. If charged, the woman could face time in a four-letter word for enclosure.
A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?"
July 21: Ivanka Trump introduced her father tonight says he is color blind and gender neutral — which means that Trump cannot use the bathroom anywhere.
The Republican Convention had a theme each day, and today's was “Make America One Again.” Let's be honest, that was not the first draft.
Ted Cruz spoke in the convention last night and was loudly booed because he refused to support Donald Trump for president — and I'm surprised to learn that Ted Cruz has a backbone, considering that he has no face bones.
Following the outrage that Cruz did not endorse Trump last night, Cruz’s wife, Heidi, was escorted from the convention by security as people yelled, "Goldman Sachs!” Careful, Republicans — if you say it three times, Hillary will appear.
Following Mike Pence's speech last night, Donald Trump joined his running mate on stage and appeared to make an air-kiss gesture to him, and Pence tried to send Trump to a gay re-education camp.
July 25: Hillary Clinton introduced her new running mate Senator Tim Kaine at an event in Miami this weekend. She found Kaine while searching a stock photo database for “white businessman.”
First Lady Michelle Obama spoke tonight on the first day of the Democratic National Convention, while Melania Trump furiously took notes.
President Obama appeared on Face the Nation this weekend and said of Hillary Clinton, "She's not always flashy, and there are better speechmakers, but she knows her stuff.” Man, I’d hate to see Obama set somebody up on a blind date. “She’s got one wonky eye and she talks too much, but you don’t wanna die alone, do ya?”
Donald Trump will be holding a Q and A session on the online message board Reddit during the Democratic Convention this week — though Trump’s Q and A will be unique in that he will both ask and answer the questions. “Am I the most handsome candidate in history? Interesting question, thanks for asking. I will say, a lot of people think so.”
July 26: Democrats held a roll call vote today to formally elect Hillary Clinton as their party’s nominee. Delegates had the option of voting either “no” or “ugh, fine.”
Bernie Sanders supporters were so angry last night that they booed each mention of Hillary Clinton’s name, and even booed the pastor leading the pre-convention prayer. Of course, this was Philadelphia. Booing is just how people exhale.
A British Airways flight had to make an emergency landing recently after the cabin strongly smelled like marijuana. Even worse, the pilot was flying at, like, 5 miles per hour.
New York was hit with a large thunderstorm last night, which caused enough rain to create temporary waterfalls in some subway stations. It’s the closest New Yorkers have ever come to seeing nature.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
• • • • •
Is this what we have become? It almost makes me ashamed to admit that I am a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. That my four years of service took place 50 years ago is no excuse for THIS. (3:39)
• • • • •
Here is an interesting exchange between an irate Bill O’REILLY and an equally pissed off Montel Williams that took place at last week’s RNC in Cleveland. First up is O’Reilly. (1:01)
Next up is MONTEL who didn’t like being called a “coward,” especially since he spent 22 years in the military and reached the rank of Lt. Commander in the Navy while Bill skipped military service altogether. (2:07)
For reference, THIS is the background on Montel Williams according to Wikipedia.
And THIS is a similar Wikipedia background on O’Reilly. (Note: If you are a big Bill O’Reilly fan, you may want to skip over the section titled “War Coverage Claims” as it might remind you a little of the 2015 Brian Williams scandal)
• • • • •
We would argue that there is only one way to bring unity back to the Republican party, but it would require a miracle to bring the lovable Bob HOPE back to life. (0:24)
• • • • •
Would you believe there are people who earnestly believe that the photo below is Donald Trump without his golden wig and orange spray-on makeup? An email claiming this was "The Donald" became so prevalent a few weeks ago that SNOPES was asked to investigate.
• • • • •
• • • • •
Well this has got to be a little embarrassing for Secretary Clinton. Fortunately for her, the mainstream media overlooked THIS little gaff. To prevent further miscues she needs to learn that when she sees “(sigh)” on the teleprompter she is supposed to let out a sigh, not pronounce the word. (0:32)
• • • • •
I am coming home to get married soon, so get out your check book. I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me. As you know, I am in Australia and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype and we have now had a two month relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes and a really big wedding. Lots of love and thanks. Your favorite daughter.
~ ~ ~
My Dear Lilly,
Like Wow! Really? Cool. Whatever. I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with your new husband, sell him on eBay.
• • • • •
• • • • •
If I was younger, filthy rich and lived closer to the Delta I would pull out my checkbook and buy three of these seven amphibious vehicles in a New York minute. Maybe FOUR if I was as rich as Trump. (10:09)
• • • • •
From our “I Hate it When This Happens Because It’s Liable to Leave a Mark Folder” comes the very first motorcycle PARACHUTE jump. (1:23)
• • • • •
Question: Is THIS what is meant by the term, “Ride it as if you stole it?” The mishap left a few scratches on the Harley, not so much on its rider. (1:19)
• • • • •
Click HERE if you want to see an SUV be magically transformed into a Hog, a not-so-happy housewife instantly turned into a happy biker gal, and her husband be converted from a nerd to a cool biker, all in 30 seconds.
• • • • •
Assigning your one-year-old to vacuum the house is NOT child abuse if you have the right equipment. Here's proof: (1:21)
• • • • •
“Hey, not too bad. A little hot water, two or three
decent farts and I’ve got a jacuzzi goin’ on here.”
• • • • •
A man should follow this dog's example and comfort his wife after she gives birth to several babies. It would prove helpful, of course, to first ask the WIFE if she would be comforted by having her nose licked.
• • • • •
Have a look at “The Three Amigos” of Whittier. We’re talking about the man, his dog and the hummingbird that are highlighted in THIS clip we received from Tom Macris. (2:34)
• • • • •
We don’t care how hot it is, THIS pooch should still acknowledge that we are still in a drought. (0:56)
• • • • •
One of these cockatoos is an obvious Elvis Presley fan; the other is not. Check out THIS clip sent in by Bill Mallett and see if you can tell which one is which, if you haven’t already guessed. (2:26)
• • • • •
So what can a couple of cyclists do when they find a poor COW with its head stuck in the fork of a tree? Hmmmm. (2:23)
That cow’s dilemma was apparently not all that unusual. Here’s is a CALF that found itself in the same situation. (4:24)
This cow has a slightly different problem. It’s not just its HEAD that is stuck, it’s the entire body, and it proves to be a problem to find a solution. (2:16)
• • • • •
Never gave any thought to having a pony, but if I could find one like THIS little fella I’d buy one in a heartbeat. Watch how he entertains himself, then plays dumb when the farmer rides by on his tractor. (1:10)
• • • • •
We’re going to wager that you will say “Awww” to THIS clip of a little furry bunny munching on a banana that Art Mogilefsky sent our way. (0:46)
• • • • •
After being separated from his FLOCK during a storm, “Bigbird” the Pelican (no offense, Jim Spence) was cared for by the staff at a safari camp, where they developed an unlikely friendship while they taught the bird to fish. (3:06)
• • • • •
Dirk Parsons provided us with a pick-up line you single seniors may want to use:
An elderly widower walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-eighties, well-dressed, hair well-groomed and smelling slightly of an expensive aftershave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-seventies.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink, takes a sip, then slowly turns to her and says: "So tell me, do I come here often?"
• • • • •
Evian (the bottled water company) keeps hitting it out of the park with their baby commercials. Dewey Moore says “This could be one of the BEST commercials ever created.” (1:35)
Here’s another one with the dancing BABIES that dates back three years. (1:16)
And THIS one with the roller babies from 2009 is the one that started it all. (1:01)
• • • • •
This is a very short clip of a typical GROUP of "Pokéman Go" fanatics playing the game that has taken the country by storm. (0:15)
• • • • •
Mensa, as you may know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.
Five members of Mensa’s Gilroy Chapter recently went out for lunch at a local cafe in town. When they sat down, one of them discovered that the salt shaker contained pepper, and the pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the two containers without spilling any and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa minds.
The group debated the problem, presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution. "Miss,” one member said, “we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and that the salt shaker…” Before he could finish his sentence, the waitress interrupted, "Oh! Sorry about that.”
She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both containers and switched them.
There was dead silence at the Mensa table.
Kind-a reminds you of the Government, doesn't it.
• • • • •
Some (many?) of you may shun this, but if you will give FLOTUS a chance to show her non-political side you may find her entertaining. Go ahead, set politics aside for a few minutes and take a chance. (14:41)
• • • • •
It’s a little known fact that the concept of karma is nothing new. Here is proof that it existed back in the time of the caveman…
• • • • •
Look at what’s happening in Florida at DUI checkpoints. Is it just a matter of time before it catches on here in California? (2:54)
• • • • •
If you remember Simon & Garfunkel you should also remember one of their major hits, “The Sound of Silence.” This is the BLUE VERSION we chose as this week’s closer. (4:12)
• • • • •
Pic of the Week
We were pleased to see Bernie and Hillary
kiss and make up at the Democratic Convention...
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION
ROSTER as of 7/28/16
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <email@example.com>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve