July 23, 2015
Bill Mattos, Editor and Publisher
Leroy Pyle, Webmaster
The Farsider is an independent publication that is not
affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included
on its website solely for the convenience
of the retired San Jose Police community. The content of
this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent
Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
HAYWARD POLICE SERGEANT SCOTT LUNGER
killed in the Line of Duty during the early morning
of July 22 during a traffic stop. The story can be
IT’S THIRTY YEARS AND OUT FOR THE CHIEF...
Chief Larry Esquivel announced yesterday that he will be
ending a thirty-year career on Jan. 16th. Assistant
Chief Eddie Garcia will fill in as the interim Chief
until a permanent replacement can be found, which is not
to say that he won't be selected by the City Manager if
the decision is made to stay inside the Dept. Here are
the details on Larry's departure as reported in today’s
Jose’s Top Cop to Retire from Force
—Police chief took lead during a rough time in
By Robert Salonga
Mercury News — July 23, 2015
— Chief Larry Esquivel, who provided steady leadership
to the San Jose police during one of the most
challenging periods in department history, is retiring
after spending three decades protecting his hometown.
The top cop in the country’s 10th largest city made the
announcement to his staff Wednesday afternoon. It’s a
decision that had been expected this summer and
generally corresponds with a changing of the guard at
City Hall and the police union.
After Esquivel formally retires on Jan. 16 , the interim
role will be filled by assistant chief Eddie Garcia, who
credited Esquivel with “providing stability to what had
been a rudderless ship” and “getting us to the starting
blocks” of a rebuilding effort.
A search for a permanent replacement is not expected
until later next year.
Esquivel, 53, led the department, where he’s spent his
whole career, through unprecedented trials that included
chronic understaffing, an election year dominated by
merciless sparring over the city’s public safety and
true crime picture, and intense scrutiny about racial
sensitivity in light of national movements.
“In the face of daunting challenges, Chief Esquivel’s
strong leadership and commitment to collaboration has
steered our police department to keep our residents safe
— with the lowest rate of violent crime of any major
city in America during some very difficult years for a
workforce that lost hundreds of officers,” Mayor Sam
Liccardo said in a statement.
Since his appointment as interim chief in early 2013 and
as permanent chief by that year’s end, the department
has been beset by a dramatic exodus of officers who
retired early or left for other law-enforcement agencies
amid a bitter struggle between the city and the San Jose
Police Officers’ Association over pay, pension and
Almost like a fateful bookend, after three years of
heated, start-and-stop negotiations, last week the two
sides reached an agreement just as Esquivel winds down
his Police Department career.
“It’s going to take some time to rebuild, but I think
this is the start,” Esquivel said. “I’m proud to be able
to say that when I left, I felt good about the direction
of the department.”
Jose police Chief Larry Esquivel has taken on several
roles during his time on the force. He was leader
MERGE (SWAT) unit and an Internal Affairs
Buena High and San Jose State alum started as a reserve
officer in 1984 and became a full-time officer starting
in 1986. His roles have included being an undercover
narcotics detective, robbery unit supervisor, team
leader on the SWAT unit called MERGE, Internal Affairs
commander and deputy chief overseeing patrol.
Still, the chief mostly avoided community ire about
understaffing, and the union largely refrained from
criticizing him, mostly focusing its vitriol toward the
mayor and the reforms aimed at reining in police
SJPD found itself scrutinized as were officers
throughout the country last summer after the police
killings of unarmed black men in high-profile incidents
in Ferguson, Missouri, New York and South Carolina. An
SJPD officer was suspended in December after posting
combative social-media comments antagonizing the ensuing
Black Lives Matter movement, and an initial analysis of
police-stop data by this newspaper found stark racial
disparities in who was being stopped and searched on the
street with no discernible crime found.
But there were also several progressive acts by
Esquivel’s administration that engendered community
trust. The police-stop scrutiny, for instance, stemmed
from the department’s decision to start collecting the
introspective data in the first place.
And the department quickly returned to the federal
government a surplus Mine-Resistant Armor-Protected
transport vehicle that critics argued projected the
image of an occupying, rather than protective, force.
This week, the department launched its first body-camera
field testing program, aiming to fully outfit the force
within the next year.
“We’re on the right track,” Esquivel said. “I see a
light at the end of the tunnel that our department is
going to get back to what it was.”
We’ll provide you with the first three paragraphs of
this article from the Huffington Post sent in by Dan
Katz and you can decide if you want to read the rest of
it. We recommend you do, and it’s only a
Of Deception: California Initiative Would Gut Retirement
Benefits for Millions
Democratic former San Jose mayor Chuck Reed and
Republican ex-San Diego councilmember Carl DeMaio
finally unveiled the language for a promised attempt at
getting a statewide public pension cutting measure to
2016 voters, the expectation was that Reed II would be a
reined-in and more realistically-framed version of Reed
I – last year’s failed attempt at undermining the public
That try for the 2014 ballot was aborted after Attorney
General Kamala Harris slapped it with a candid, albeit
politically untenable summary that frankly described the
proposed constitutional amendment as targeting
longstanding legal rights—rights that protect the
pensions and retirement health care of the 1.64 million
Californians enrolled in the state’s public pension
But even veterans of the state’s public-sector
retirement wars were unprepared for the sheer scale of
what awaited them this time around. Amid the deceptively
simple wording contained in the laudable-sounding “Voter
Empowerment Act of 2016,” Reed-DeMaio concealed a hidden
trigger that is now being recognized as a wholesale
attempt to uproot 60 years of statutory law and a
critical foundation of labor relations.
Click the hyperlink in the lead-in above to read the
Nothing as of press time
THE TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
How many active and retired San Jose cops will agree
with the sentiment of this story from last Sunday’s
paper is unknown, but from many of the comments seen on
Facebook, we can say with authority it is far from most…
Substance, Luck Working for Mayor
leader’s pension deal with police tops achievements—
News — July 19, 2015
SAN JOSE —
When Mayor Sam Liccardo promised last year to bring
closure to City Hall’s most rancorous battle, his
But after six months in office, Liccardo reached a
tentative accord last week to settle the city’s feud
over pension reforms he’d championed as a councilman and
mayoral candidate — but which critics blamed for an
exodus of police and other workers that critically
weakened city services.
Police union says new mayor’s give-and-take
style contrasts with his predecessor.
Liccardo’s critics, who decried his steadfast
predecessor and ally Chuck Reed, are acknowledging the
mayor’s first six months have shown an unexpected effort
to mend fences.
“It was ‘my way or the highway’ with Reed,” said Ben
Field, executive officer of the South Bay AFL-CIO Labor
Council. “Mayor Liccardo has taken a different approach
in the sense that he’s been willing to go to the table
Liccardo isn’t taking a victory lap yet — the proposed
settlement has yet to be ratified by union workers, and
it’s too early to say how it will go over with the
voters who approved the pension cutbacks. But the
tentative deal capped an eventful — and sometimes
sorrowful — first six months that tested his leadership.
Just 13 weeks after his inauguration, and with tension
already high over the pension dispute, Liccardo was
challenged with leading the reeling city after the
killing of a police officer. In the following months, he
was forced to corral the fractious council in fending
off developer efforts to further weaken the city’s
anemic industrial base and to strategize a city response
to the state’s withering drought.
“I feel fortunate to say we’ve had a great run so far,”
Liccardo said. “I came into office with a sharply
divided council and a divided city, and we’re seeing
folks work together to accomplish some important goals
on everything from resolving pension disputes to
creating job opportunities for at-risk teens to
improving public safety.”
Liccardo, a former Santa Clara County prosecutor and
two-term city councilman representing downtown, enjoyed
strong business support as he narrowly defeated his
union-backed opponent, county Supervisor Dave Cortese,
in last year’s race to succeed the termed-out Reed. The
pension fight was front and center during the campaign.
Jose Mayor Sam Liccardo (right), and San Jose
police Chief Larry Esquivel attend a meeting of the
Gang Prevention Task Force at City Hall on Friday.
voters since have largely favored pension- reform
candidates like Liccardo, the pension battle was leaving
the police department in crisis. The department has seen
its ranks dwindle from 1,400 officers in 2009 to about
“My fundamental position hasn’t changed much, but I’d be
the first to acknowledge that the fallout from Measure B
was a painful one,” Liccardo said, “and certainly our
workforce suffered and the city suffered in its
inability to retain many of our employees.”
Larry Gerston, a political science professor emeritus at
San Jose State, said resolving the Measure B dispute
will define Liccardo’s first six months in office.
“This will certainly enhance the stature of Mayor
Liccardo, who came into office saying he’ll find a way
to solve this,” Gerston said. “He’s seen as someone
who’s much more open to accommodation.”
It’s this change in stature that’s won over some of
Liccardo’s harshest critics, many of whom say his
leadership style is a welcome change from Reed.
“We’re sincerely appreciative that Mayor Liccardo
rejected the Reed approach, embraced negotiations and
provided critical leadership at the seminal moment when
Measure B negotiations were at a tipping point to
resolve this long nightmare,” said Tom Saggau, a
spokesman for the San Jose Police Officers’ Association
and San Jose Firefighters Local 230.
In an attempt to hit the reset button with an army of
jaded employees, Liccardo cleaned house at the city
manager’s office before beginning his term. He led the
council in replacing Ed Shikada with Norberto Dueñas, a
leader well-respected by city employees.
Amid the icy tension of the pension dispute came what
Liccardo called his young administration’s “darkest
hour”: In the middle of a council meeting, he got a text
message that a San Jose policeman had been fatally shot.
Liccardo canceled the meeting and, in the hours and days
that followed, strove for a delicate balance of leading
the community’s outrage and expressing grief without
The officer, Michael Johnson, was killed in an ambush
while responding to a call of a suicidal man. Johnson, a
38-year-old San Jose native and graduate of Gunderson
High School, was the city’s first officer lost in the
line of duty since 2001.
“This strikes the heart of all of us in San Jose,” the
mayor said that night.
Rebuilding the city’s workforce isn’t the only political
challenge. Liccardo also is tasked with unifying a
council often divided by business versus labor
“All of them have their own interests,” Reed said. “But
the mayor has to create a council majority that can work
together to solve problems.”
Liccardo wasted no time staking out key priorities for
the City Council, which has five new members. One
priority is keeping the city’s industrially zoned land
off limits for conversion to housing, which is more
profitable for developers but a net loss for the city’s
He also made a point of positioning San Jose as a leader
in the state’s efforts to manage its record drought,
leading the council in adopting more aggressive
conservation goals than had been recommended. He said
the city exceeded that 30 percent cutback in June.
The unanimous adoption of Liccardo’s first budget in
June — one that pegged $11.4 million for police hiring
and retention, funded road repairs and restored library
hours to six days a week — was another notch in his
But San Jose still is plagued by a lack of affordable
housing and homelessness, which Liccardo called the
city’s biggest challenge. He’s proposed housing
initiatives such as building tiny homes and converting
motels for the homeless. Liccardo said he supports
expanding San Jose’s rent control if state law allows
Liccardo hit a few stumbling blocks in his first six
months. He admitted violating state open meeting laws
twice in three months by discussing issues outside a
public forum. The violations were resolved by delaying
action on those issues.
Keeping San Jose on stable financial ground, the
upcoming general plan review process, creating more jobs
and getting BART to San Jose are a few challenges in the
next six months.
Liccardo said he has benefited from one thing that his
predecessor did not: San Jose’s recovering economy.
“I had the good fortune of coming into a different set
of circumstances than Chuck did,” he said. “Different
times call for different styles of leadership. We have
the ability to be more collaborative because we have the
resources to be able to restore pay and services.”
Only in the people's Republic of Santa Cruz will you see
things like this! Sure glad I live here!
Great job you guys! Look forward to Thursdays!
Bob Johnson, 1364 Ret.
We’re a little surprised that a stoned activist living
in Berkeley by the Sea didn’t try to stop the patrol car
and write the cop a citizen’s citation for following too
• • • • •
She is blonde. She is good looking. And she is ultra
conservative. If I was 40 years younger and single, she
would be my kind of girl. Listen to what she said to
President Obama after the slaughter in Chattanooga, but
before the Sailor died from his wounds.
Talking Points <Talking.Points@comcast.net)
You’re slipping, T.P. I now know your approximate age
and that you are married. Keep sending in this emails
and you will eventually I.D. yourself. In the meantime,
HERE is the clip you sent in of Tomi Lehren ranting
to the Prez about Islamic terrorists. (2:37)
• • • • •
I know you no longer ride a motorcycle, but should you
reconsider, perhaps something like this would be more to
Dirk is right. As I got older I found that my 800+ pound
motorcycle got heavier and heavier, so I decided to
unload it last year (to Bill Silva) before it unloaded
me. But after watching this clip Dirk sent in from Jay
Leno’s Garage, I’m not at all sure this motor would be
any safer. Click
HERE to watch it.
• • • • •
Here’s a follow-up song to "I Don't Look Good Naked
Anymore” from last week. This one that is also funny and
sometimes true is for the entertainment portion of the
Farsider. I’ve got one more, but I'll hold it for
Like last week’s country hit — “I Don’t Look Good Naked
Anymore” — this one received from Ron was also in a
prior Farsider. But because it was so long ago (2009) we
decided it was worth another run. Raise your hand if you
remember this old country favorite, “It’s Hard to Kiss
the Lips at Night that Chewed My Ass Out All Day Long.”
Even if you do, it should be worth another look and
listen, so click
NEW RETIREE RANGE QUALIFICATION INFORMATION
A trip to Police Personnel at 1661 Senter Rd. to pick up
paperwork is no longer necessary for retired sworn
personnel who wish to renew their I.D. cards. Craig
Clifton posted the information below on Facebook, and we
confirmed it with a call to the Permits Unit. Here is
what to do if you want to renew your I.D. card with the
First, call the Range at 408-277-5372 to make sure it
will be open on the day you plan to renew your I.D.
Next, go directly to the Permits Unit next to the
Chief’s Office in the PAB.
Fill out the paperwork and then go to the Range at 1400
hrs. Monday through Friday. You will be required to
bring your own ammunition. Fifteen rounds are needed to
qualify. Bring additional rounds if you wish to practice
first or if you fail to qualify on your first try.
Once you complete your qualification, take the paperwork
to the Chief’s Office for the signature of the Chief,
Asst. Chief or BOA Dep. Chief.
From there, go back to the Permits Unit to obtain your
new ID card.
For out-of-county and/or out-of-state retirees
During our conversation with the Permits Unit we
inquired about retirees living out of the area and were
told that the paperwork can be obtained via mail. Once
the paperwork that is mailed to you is completed and
returned, it will be certified and returned to the
retiree, who can then qualify at a local certified
range. Then mail the paperwork back to the Permits Unit
and you will receive your I.D. card by mail. For the
full details, call the Permits Unit at 1-408-277-4452.
Addendum from the President of the Police & Fire
For those who qualify out-of-state, there's a form that
is not sent with the ID packet needed by the Range. That
form is on the Retirees’ Assn. website for download. Not
a member of the Association? First, why? Second, contact
me by email and I will send you the form. — Mike Alford
RETIREES’ ASSN. BARBECUE SCHEDULED — SIGN UP NOW
Association of Retired San Jose Police Officers &
Announces its 32nd Annual BBQ
of Monterey Highway in Coyote Valley
August 20, 2015
to 7:00 PM
Served at 5:00 PM
Cob, Salad, Garlic Bread,
Drinks, Beer & Wine
Checks Payable to:
Jose, CA 95159.
need a count of Retirees and Spouses
be attending the BBQ by August 15, 2015.
something comes up and you are not able to attend,
know by sending an e-mail to
South: Take the Bernal Road Exit West - Right turn: turn
right at the 2nd stop light - you will dead end into
Monterey Road. Turn left: go 1 mile south to Metcalf
Road - turn left: make immediate right turn (approx. 50
yds.): follow that road to Coyote Ranch.
FROM 85 South: Take Bernal Exit West - Right turn (DO
NOT GET ON 101): turn right at the 1st stop light - you
will dead end into Monterey Road. Turn left: go 1 mile
south to Metcalf Road - turn left: make immediate right
turn (approx. 50 yds.): follow that road to Coyote
Who are these two kindergartners? Both of them would
grow up to be career San Jose cops and both are now
retired. Here are a couple of hints: One was a K-9
officer, the other one was associated with an ATM.
The answer can be found by looking for two asterisks by
their names on the Subscription Roster at the end of
And since we're digging up dinosaurs from the past, see
if you can find our Webmaster in this class photo from
1956. If you can't spot him, we'll tell you where he is
sitting at the very end of today's Farsider, just below
Doug Zwemke's name on the Subscription Roster.
“THE DONALD” HAS A FEW WORDS FOR ALL YOU…
It: You People Want To See How Far This Goes, Don’t You?
Exclusive to the Onion, America’s Finest News Source
2015 — Vol 51 Issue 29
polls are out, and just as I predicted, I’m leading the
Republican presidential race by a wide margin. You might
be wondering how that could be. After all, it’s hardly
been a month since I entered the field and I’ve already
alienated America’s largest immigrant population, seen
dozens of my high-profile business deals implode one
after the other, and publicly insulted a national hero’s
military service, all while not offering a single viable
policy idea. But none of that matters at all, and my
candidacy continues to surge forward, because none of
you—not a single one of you—can look away. Not even for
Admit it: You people want to see just how far this goes,
My campaign’s just barely begun and I’ve already got you
begging for more. Sure, you can say you oppose me or
that you don’t even take me seriously. But let me ask
you: How many articles have you read about Ted Cruz
lately? How many news segments have you watched on Bobby
Jindal? Or Rand Paul? But if those stories have the name
“Donald Trump” in them, well, look who suddenly can’t
The thing is, I’ve got all of you eating out of my hand
and I haven’t even released a single campaign commercial
yet. Don’t look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want
to stick around and see what that looks like, because
you and I both know these ads are going to be absolutely
incredible. I’ll be standing there projecting my best
presidential air, saying “I’m Donald Trump, and I
approve this message,” and you won’t be able to take
your eyes off it.
You keep obsessing over every little thing I do and say,
and I promise you’ll get your commercials real soon.
And the TV spots are just the beginning. I know you, and
I know what you like. You’ll absolutely eat it up when
you see the “Trump ’16” T-shirts, the lawn signs, the
bumper stickers; in fact, you’ll probably get a real
kick out of pointing them out to your friends. Now, just
imagine me shaking hands with senior citizens at a
nursing home in Iowa. Wouldn’t you love to watch that?
Or hear what comes out of my mouth when I speak to
blue-collar workers at a struggling auto factory?
You say that doesn’t interest you? Oh, right, because
you’re dying to see how Scott Walker behaves in those
situations, right? Give me a break.
Just take a moment and imagine the primary debates: Jeb
Bush; Chris Christie; me. Of course, they’ll put me in
the middle because I’m ahead in the polls—far ahead at
the moment. You already know how I answer even the most
basic inquiries, so just picture me staring down the
barrel of a question about foreign affairs or
agriculture policy or something like that. You think you
won’t sit there with bated breath while I try to tackle
a question about using military force, or about food
stamps, or about how my faith influences my
decision-making? I guarantee you that my answers will be
worth watching. And we both know you wouldn’t miss them
for the world. It’d be the biggest, most-watched primary
debate in history, courtesy of all of you.
And might I remind you that the longer this goes on, the
closer I get to selecting a running mate. That
realization kind of delighted you in a way, didn’t it?
You absolutely want to know who I’d pick. A defeated GOP
challenger who hates my guts? Another lunatic
billionaire? Maybe my own son, Donald Trump Jr.?
Whatever your wildest expectation is, I promise you I
will surpass it. You’re not going to pass up an
opportunity to see that, are you?
I can tell you’re practically salivating right now. And
I’m going to keep riding this fascination, this little
fixation you have with me as far as you’ll take me. You
know I will.
So don’t try to tell me you’d be just as happy to watch
one of these other bozos go toe-to-toe with Hillary
Clinton or give a soaring speech at the national
convention. And don’t delude yourself into thinking it’s
everyone else who wants to watch me do this and you’re
somehow above it. You want to see it. You want more. You
hear “Trump” and your attention snaps to the TV screen
Don’t think it’s true? Fine. You know what you have to
do to make me go away. Just quit paying attention. Stop
reading this right now.
That’s right, I didn’t think so. I have the power to
make the next 16 months one of the most incredible times
in our nation’s history, and not a single one of you can
say you’re not at least a little bit curious to see how
this wild ride shakes out. So just keep clicking every
link that mentions my name and hitting play on every
clip of my public appearances, and I promise you will
not be disappointed.
Now, excuse me, but I have to go appear at a New
Hampshire town hall and make a statement that every last
one of you will be eagerly reading about and discussing
in just a few hours’ time.
HERE’S SOME RED MEAT FOR THE UFO BELIEVERS AMONG YOU…
Air Force Colonel Claims New Evidence Will Blow the Lid
Off Rendlesham UFO Sighting
—Officer says Air Force encountered "some type of
superior intelligence" that could "change size, change
Speigel — Writer, reporter, editor
Huffington Post — July 21, 2015
Air Force colonel says he has new evidence to throw
light on one of the most notorious UFO reports in
history -- the 1980 sighting near the Bentwaters Royal
Air Force Base in the UK.
Col. Charles Halt has collected sworn statements from
air traffic controllers, on duty in 1980 at Bentwaters.
They tell him that they witnessed a UFO on radar
performing incredible aerial maneuvers. And they were
afraid of talking about this until they retired.
On Dec. 27, 1980, unusual lights were seen by military
personnel in the Rendlesham Forest, located between dual
bases RAF Bentwaters and RAF Woodbridge. Several
witnesses say they saw
fast-moving objects in the sky in addition to a
reported landing of a triangular craft in a clearing.
When the encounters continued into a second night, Halt,
deputy base commander at Bentwaters, leading a group
into the forest, experienced part of the unexplained
light show for himself, including an unknown object
moving through trees and appearing to drip a molten
substance (as depicted in the illustration at the top of
In addition to a tape recording Halt made as the UFO
sightings unfolded, he also filed the following report
in which he describes a laser-like beam of light
streaming from one UFO down to the ground where he and
his men were standing:
pictured below in 1981 — told The Huffington Post that
what he and the others experienced in the forest was
under intelligent control.
"The military has nothing to do with it, other than the
cover-up, but I can tell you, there is some type of
superior intelligence that can change size, change
shape, do funny things. What I saw, I'm firmly
convinced, didn't have anything that we know or could
relate to, inside it. Maybe they're not a being as we
know, maybe they're an entity that just has
intelligence, and we just can't relate to it."
Charles Halt, Ret.
he eventually obtained signed sworn statements, after
many years, from air traffic controllers who were on
duty during the 1980 Bentwaters events.
"They saw the object go across their scope -- a 60-mile
scope -- in two or three seconds. Thousands of miles an
hour," he told the BBC. "It came back across their scope
again, stopped near the water tower. They observed it.
They watched it go over into the forest where we were."
It was only after years passed and the air traffic
controllers retired that they decided to tell Halt about
what they saw on their radar scope in 1980. "They told
me that they knew anytime an air traffic controller
reported a UFO, they got de-certified. So they said
BBC video of Halt's account.
We previously reported how
Halt accused the U.S. government of covering up UFO
information, and he believes there's a top secret agency
that's in charge of anything to do with possible
extraterrestrial visits to Earth.
"There is a contract civilian agency, that is fed
information, that is controlling everything. It's made
up of either former military, high-level government
agencies or high-ranking, very knowledgeable scientists.
I can almost guarantee you. That's the way we do it. And
disinformation is the biggest thing," Halt told HuffPost
Halt is most disappointed with what he feels has been
decades of inaccurate information spread about the
Bentwaters incident. This includes the
disappearance of key government files concerning the
case. In 2011, the UK released thousands of previously
classified UFO documents, but the ones pertaining to the
Rendlesham Forest sightings mysteriously vanished.
"It doesn't surprise me at all, because they were
probably taken from them by somebody, or sent somewhere
by direction. Trust me -- that's the way it works," Halt
said. "It's very disappointing on one hand, and it's
also frightening. Who knows what else is going on?"
The following segment from a 2007 documentary, "Best
Evidence: Top 10 UFO Sightings," includes a recreation
(described by eyewitness Halt) of that eye-shaped
glowing object moving through the trees of Rendlesham
Forest in 1980 as it appears to drip some sort of molten
We asked Halt if a UFO cover-up policy could have been
and still is a good decision.
"No, I think we need to know. I think the public can
handle it. Let's face it: If a UFO lands tomorrow in
Washington or wherever, you're still going to pay your
mortgage and will still go to work. You'll still put gas
in your car, unless something dramatic happens."
~ ~ ~
No offense intended, but Tom Macris (he sent in this
article) and I are in agreement that those who
categorically refuse to accept the possibility that UFOs
exist are free to continue believing in Bunnies and
Duckies in the sky. Again, no offense intended…
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
Some bad news for Donald Trump. The controversial
remarks he’s made since he began his presidential
campaign have cost his brand as much as $80 million. You
can tell things are rough for Trump because today he had
to wipe his mouth with a napkin instead of a 20.
Shepard Fairey, the street artist responsible for
President Obama’s “Hope” poster, is now facing vandalism
charges in Detroit. It's pretty serious. Detroit
officials say the artist's spray paint caused over
$9,000 worth of improvements.
With more and more states legalizing marijuana,
companies are lining up to create the first marijuana
breathalyzer. Officials say the toughest part is getting
stoners to stop trying to inhale off the breathalyzer.
Kim Kardashian went on Shaquille O'Neal's podcast this
week and said she would not name her son a direction
because, quote, "North is the best." Interesting. I
didn't realize that Shaq had a podcast.
July 16: Earlier this week Donald Trump gave an
interview with CNN at a winery he owns in Virginia. It
turns out Trump’s winery makes two different kinds of
wine: white wine and not-white wine.
Over on the Democratic side, Martin O’Malley recently
spoke about the need for Wall Street reform and said
that he isn’t running for president to be quote, “wined
and dined” by executives. Then Chris Christie said, “And
I am also not running to be wined.”
In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential
candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent
support. Or in other words: We’re all tied with
presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee.
Disney revealed its plans for its upcoming resort and
theme park in Shanghai, which will open next year. It’s
great news for anyone who loves theme parks but wished
the lines were a billion times longer.
July 17: Donald Trump’s campaign has raised about
$100,000 in donations during the second quarter. Which
raises an important question: Who is giving Donald Trump
money? That’s like giving your money to a pile of money.
In a recent interview, John McCain addressed Trump’s
campaign rally in Arizona and said that he just quote,
“fired up the crazies.” Not to be confused with Trump’s
show “Celebrity Apprentice,” where he just FIRED the
MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell is saying Donald Trump
lied when he said he made $20 million a year off his
“Apprentice” series on NBC. NBC also denied Trump’s
claim, saying, “We don’t have $20 million. We’re NBC.”
Researchers here in New York created a robot that
actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're
keeping score, that's robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.
President Obama became the first sitting president to
visit a federal prison yesterday. Obama said it was a
good chance to talk about prison reform, and to catch up
with so many former congressmen.
July 20: Donald Trump got in some trouble for saying
that John McCain is not a war hero, and said, “I like
people that weren’t captured.” Not good. In fact,
Trump's people are telling him to lay low for a while
until this all combs over.
Rick Perry said Donald Trump is unfit to be president
and called for him to immediately withdraw from the
race. Then he said, “And that’s coming from ME!”
Perry actually said Trump is a toxic mix of demagoguery
and nonsense who is unfit to be president. Then Perry
took off his glasses and said, "Whoa! I think these
things are magic!”
The dating website AshleyMadison.com, which is a site
where married people go to find someone to have an
affair with, was hacked yesterday and now the hackers
are threatening to release information about its users.
This is one way to cut down on the number of people
running for president.
July 21: Donald Trump’s not backing down. Yesterday he
said he doesn’t need to be lectured by the other
Republican candidates, who he says have no business
running for president. Not to be confused with Donald
Trump, who ran for president and now has no business.
In a speech in South Carolina, Donald Trump responded to
criticisms from Senator Lindsey Graham by giving out
Graham's personal cellphone number. Graham knew
something was up when he saw he had more than one missed
Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that
President Obama will try to use the final year of his
term to push through too many controversial laws. Obama
would’ve responded but he was busy drafting his new
"mandatory Mexican gay weed" bill.
In a new campaign ad, Jeb Bush referenced “The
Godfather” and said his nickname used to be “Veto
Corleone” because he vetoed so many bills in Florida.
When you’re the third person in your family to run for
president, maybe you shouldn’t bring up a movie trilogy
where the third one was clearly the worst.
Presidential candidate Donald Trump had a meeting with
Ted Cruz. He said he does not know why he agreed to fly
to New York to meet Ted Cruz and then he promised to
bring that kind of leadership to the Oval Office.
There is now footage of the drug kingpin El Chapo
changing his shoes right before his escape. Apparently
authorities didn't notice El Chapo was lacing up a pair
of Nike Tunnel Runners. It's a special brand they have.
That El Chapo is quite a character. A photo surfaced of
El Chapo drinking a beer and flying a plane. Sounds like
we have a new "Most interesting man in the world."
July 16: In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes
nearly every flavor of ice cream. When he heard this,
Chris Christie said "Hey, she stole my speech."
A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas
filled with candy. So finally something good is going to
come out of Donald Trump.
A company is trying to fund a new endeavor known as Uber
for Kids. So parents will soon be teaching their kids
that they shouldn't talk to strangers but they should
get into a car with them.
iPhone users are reporting that Siri will correct them
if they try to say Bruce Jenner instead of Caitlyn. In a
related story, Siri is now asking to be addressed as
July 15: A
Texas couple's car was stolen a month ago. Yesterday it
was found and it had been upgraded. There was a new
drive shaft, three new wheels, and 30 bags of meth in
it. You know you're high on meth when you think a car
has only three wheels.
That is what happens when someone who sells meth steals
your car. When someone who sells weed steals your car,
it comes back full of candy wrappers and two tickets to
the Grateful Dead reunion.
The problem with meth stories is once you've had one,
all you want to do is have another. It's a slippery
slope. But we can do one more because if we do it
together we're doing it for fun. It's only if you're
doing it alone that it becomes a problem, right?
A man in Colorado was driving with a cousin who refused
to get out of the car. So he called the police and they
found her in the car along with 16 pounds of meth. Isn't
the first rule of having 16 pounds of meth in your car
to never call the police?
Sixteen pounds of meth. To put that in perspective,
that's how much meth you would have to smoke to vote for
July 16: Tonight is a night for celebration. We've done
50 episodes. To give you a sense of how much time has
passed since we filmed our first episode, there have
been 846 iTunes updates. Three were necessary and two
were actually downloaded.
When I walked in this morning, I was so touched. I saw
that CBS had put the very first suit I wore in our first
show in a glass case in the lobby. The whole outfit —
shirt, pants, jacket, underwear, bra, all of it.
Preserved for history.
July 20: A couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King were
married this weekend. It was the Burger-King wedding.
Joel Burger and Ashley King must really want to be with
each other because they're willing to put up with every
single person they meet thinking they're making a Burger
King joke like they're hearing it for the first time.
Ashley Madison is a dating service for married people
looking to have an affair. It's a website that I
definitely only heard about for the first time this
morning and 100 percent knew nothing about before.
Well, Ashley Madison was hacked today and the hacker has
vowed to leak all 35 million users' identities and
information. This is the day you want if you're a
divorce lawyer. It's like Christmas. It's also Christmas
for kids who want to have two Christmases.
July 21: In California, Google has been testing its
self-driving car on public roads. And that self-driving
car has gotten into its first major accident. Already.
The future is here.
Here's how powerful Google is, and nobody is really
talking about it. Apparently, if you do a search for
"Google car accident," Google just redirects you to
adorable cat videos. And it works.
One advantage of a self-driving car is it cuts down on
road rage, which I'm learning is a major problem in
America. In England we don't have road rage. We have
road squabble. And we always sort it out with a glove to
the face and a game of snooker.
July 20: On
Saturday Donald Trump had some unkind words for Arizona
Senator John McCain. Can you imagine being tortured 5
1/2 years in a Vietnamese prison camp, and then a man
whose greatest war-time accomplishment was brokering a
peace treaty on "Celebrity Apprentice" between Gary
Busey and Meat Loaf belittles you and calls you a loser?
The closest Trump ever got to battle was his fight with
Donald Trump had a very good reason for not fighting in
the Vietnam War. He had student deferments and a medical
deferment because of his feet. He had a bone spur.
Maybe we should enter Donald Trump in a surf
competition. Even if he doesn't get eaten by a shark it
would be worth it to see him with his hair wet, right?
July 21: A new Washington Post/ABC poll shows Donald
Trump leading the pack of Republican presidential
contenders. They must be polling the same people who
voted for Sanjaya on "American Idol."
At a campaign event in South Carolina, Trump gave out
Senator Lindsey Graham's personal cellphone number. He's
bringing the same level of class to this presidential
election that one does to a stall in a public restroom.
I've never seen anything like this. Giving phone numbers
out, it's like Trump's running for president of a
sorority or something.
After severing ties with Donald Trump, NBC is reportedly
in talks with comedian George Lopez to take over
"Celebrity Apprentice." So Trump’s greatest nightmare
came true. A Hispanic guy took his job.
Now that some economic sanctions are being lifted,
Iranian citizens are apparently clamoring for Western
products like iPhones. We should have just sent them
iPhones in the first place. Then they’d never get any
work done on a nuclear weapon.
President Obama said yesterday that education is the key
to reducing the prison population. Though apparently
power tools also work.
July 16: Caitlyn Jenner was given the Arthur Ashe Award
for Courage at last night’s ESPY Awards. Caitlyn
received the award for spending 24 years married to Kris
President Obama today became the first sitting U.S.
president to visit a federal prison. And for a brief
moment, there was some real excitement over at Fox News.
Disney announced this week that it is making a prequel
to the classic animated film "Aladdin." It’s just two
hours of a lamp sitting on a shelf.
July 20: A couple who got married in Illinois on Friday
has the last names Burger and King. Which makes sense
because in a few years most of their conversations will
end with “Fine, have it your way!”
Rick Perry said this weekend that he believes Boy Scouts
would be “better off if they didn’t have openly gay
scoutmasters.” Man, between the Boy Scouts and gay
marriage, Republicans really don’t want gays tying the
Rachel Dolezal gave an interview to Vanity Fair where
she continued to claim she is black. Even though the
whitest thing you can do is give an interview to Vanity
The U.S. won the International Math Olympiad. If you
don’t think Americans can compete with Asia in math,
maybe you should talk to some of the members of the
American team, like Shyam Narayanan, Yang Liu, and Allen
Liu. And their coach, Po-Shen Loh.
July 21: At a campaign event today, Donald Trump read
Senator Lindsey Graham's cellphone number aloud on live
TV. It’s the craziest thing Trump has done since
whatever he did right before that.
Republican hopeful Rick Perry this week compared Donald
Trump to cancer. Which really isn’t fair, because
sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
The White House is making a special Twitter account to
answer questions about the new nuclear agreement.
Finally using Twitter for what it was designed for —
explaining complex, international nuclear agreements
involving several nations.
A former Iowa lottery official was found guilty
yesterday of rigging a computerized "Hot Lotto" game so
he could win a $14 million jackpot. He now faces up to
5, 12, 14, 20, or 25 years in prison.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
HERE for the most current update.
• • • •
Has it really been 64 years since
THIS film was produced by the San Jose Chamber of
Commerce in an attempt to draw people and businesses to
the city? It has been a handful of years since we last
ran the film here in the Farsider, and it gives us pause
to consider the fact that most of the adults in the film
are no longer alive. If you choose to watch it, Joe
Suske wants to know if the cop standing next to the
three-wheeler is the late Hans Gerdts. And we would like
to know if the Motor Unit seen riding side-by-side had
more members in 1951 than it does today. (9:44)
• • • • •
If you want to see rare footage that is on record with
the 2016 Guiness Book of World Records of the largest
glacier calving ever captured on film, you have come to
the right place. If you have ever taken an Alaskan
cruise and opted for a helicopter ride that landed you
on a glacier, be glad it wasn’t
THIS one at this particular time. (4:41)
• • • • •
Like surprises? Check out
THIS clip Alice Murphy sent in of a trio of ‘ladies’
from the Philippines singing “Sex Bomb” from the show
“Asia’s Got Talent.” (4:08)
• • • • •
Tom Macris is more into cats than dogs, but he would be
happy to adopt one of these critters if one was
available. Doesn’t matter to him if it’s called an Ewok,
a Munchkin or a Teddy Bear. Whatever it's called, Tom is
convinced that the force is strong with
THIS little (be careful how you pronounce this) Shih
short second clip, Munchkin the Teddy Bear
VISITS New York and (bow) wows the Big Apple. (1:09)
• • • • •
Could you tolerate a spouse, partner or roommate who
acted like a cat? Watch
THIS before you decide. (1:15)
question, but replace the cat with a
• • • • •
Do dogs believe in payback? There is little question
that this one does. Perhaps
THIS is where the term “Payback can be a bitch”
• • • • •
After a 5 year hiatus, it’s time once again to bring
back the talented Golden Retriever and graduate of the
Arthur Murray School of Latin Dancing as it happily
shows off its dancing
MOVES to a merengue beat in front of some of its
• • • • •
OK, perhaps that Golden Retriever can dance, but can it
belt out a song like
THIS feline? The only hitch in the git-along is that
you have to continually scratch the cat's butt to keep
the music flowing. (0:51)
• • • • •
Have you ever heard of the sport of Cat Laser Bowling?
All you need to play is a laser pen, a cat, a throw rug
and some ultra light plastic pins. This is how it’s
done, but pay attention because
THIS clip runs for only 17 seconds.
• • • • •
Kudos to Bert Kelsey for sending in a link to an
animated movie that shows the growth of the U.S. from
its very beginning. What a great learning tool for a
grandparent to watch this with their grandkid(s) by
their side. Or alone for that matter as it is indeed
HERE and follow the directions.
• • • • •
In our quest to discover humorous stories that are
relatively uncommon (those we haven’t heard before),
this one qualifies…
A woman walked up to the bar in a quiet rural pub and
gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her
immediately. She seductively signaled that he should
bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently
caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his
face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she
said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there
anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she
continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's
lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his
mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, “there's no toilet paper,
hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room.”
• • • • •
We suspect that this device Bruce Morton brought to our
attention will be loved by many parents as much as it is
hated by their kids. It’s a
PEPPER HACKER that will turn off all Wi-Fi devices
and force the family to look and talk with each other at
dinnertime. Have a look. (2:00)
• • • • •
This clip received from Dean Janavice goes hand-in-hand
VIDEO above as it relates to a common issue in the
country today. (1:41)
• • • • •
If you want to know if the ageless
MADONNA will still be performing in the year 2026,
here’s a preview of her upcoming World Tour 11 years
from now. (0:51)
• • • • •
Do you remember the
LADY IN RED (below) from a few weeks ago who put on
an extraordinary display of exuberance on the dance
floor at a wedding reception? We think we may have found
MALE COUNTERPART in this clip.
• • • • •
typical Church Service looks like today
PASTOR: The Lord be with you!
CONGREGATION: And with your spirit.
PASTOR: Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC,
iPad, smart phone, or Kindle Bibles to 1 Corinthians,
13:13? And please switch on your Bluetooth to download
PASTOR: Now, Let us pray, committing this week into
God's hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook,
and chat with God.
PASTOR: As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings,
please have your credit or debit cards ready.
You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password
'Lord909887.’ The ushers will circulate the mobile
card-swipe machines among the worshipers.
Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are
directed to the computers and laptops at the rear of the
Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.
Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cell
phones to transfer your contributions to the church
(The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly
electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and
laptops beep and flicker!)
PASTOR: And now our Final Blessing and Closing
This week's ministry cell meetings will be held on the
various Facebook group pages where the usual group
chatting takes place. Please log in and don't miss out.
Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at
1900 hours GMT. Please don't miss out.
You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for
counseling and prayers.
God bless and have a nice day.
(And Jesus wept.)
• • • • •
Here is something special whether you are a horse lover,
dog lover, or neither. It is one of the most impressive
performances we have ever seen. If your computer or
mobile device can pull up this video that Louis Quezada
posted on Facebook by clicking
HERE, you are in for a real treat. Give it a shot.
• • • • •
With the threats and subsequent attacks on military
recruiting facilities, perhaps the Navy should go back
to building full-size battleships and planting them in
the middle of America’s major cities, like they did in
New York back in 1917. What terrorist in his right mind
would contemplate attacking a battleship like the one
pictured below? (Oops, you're right: “Terrorist” and
“right mind” is an oxymoron. Sorry ‘bout that.)
HERE to access the Mashable website with full-size
vintage photos of the battleship that was used as a
recruiting tool in New York’s Union Square 98 years ago.
• • • • •
Speaking of Battleships, planes, trucks and race cars
represent only a portion of the radio-control hobby.
Here we have a club that specializes in RC Battleships
TARGET the “enemy’s” battleship with the intent of
sinking it. (6:13)
• • • • •
Anyone besides us find it ironic that a group of German
RC hobbyists would build and fly a huge version of a
B-17 Flying Fortress without also building a couple of
ME-109 German fighters to shoot it down? (6:00)
• • • • •
Aha, here are the radio-controlled ME-109s we mentioned
in the clip above. They accompany a large version of a
B-25 Mitchell medium bomber, the same type of aircraft
used in the Jimmy Doolittle raid on Tokyo shortly after
the U.S. entered WWII. The only hitch is that B-25s were
not used in the
BOMBING of German cities due to their lack of range
and bomb load. Oh well, these flying models are still
interesting to watch. (11:04)
• • • • •
Now for the real stuff: Those of you familiar with the
general history of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor
in Dec. of ’41 are probably aware that the only U.S.
planes that were able to get off the ground and
counterattack were two P-40 Warhawks, as depicted in the
films “Tora, Tora, Tora” and “Pearl Harbor.” What you
are unlikely to know are the details about the pilots in
command of the P-40s. This is an excellent
CLIP that tells their story. (5:58)
• • • • •
Speaking of aviation, here is a contribution from Dirk
Parsons of a Vimeo video titled “Haneda Airport Tilt
Shift and Time Lapse.” With the accompanying sound
track, we found both the audio and the video interesting
to watch and listen to. Click
HERE and see if you agree. (3:48)
• • • • •
Ilmari Koppinen from Finland and Emiel Pauwels from
Belgium are both in their 90s. During an athletic meet
for veterans in San Sebastian, Spain, they decided to
race each other in the 100 meter dash. What the camera
didn’t pick up are the
PARAMEDICS standing by with defibrillators. (0:32)
• • • • •
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate
from his wife.
The certificate was for a consultation with an Indian
medicine man on a nearby reservation who was rumored to
have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband
went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The elderly Native American gave him a potion and, with
a grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful
medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say
‘1-2-3.’ When you do, you will become more manly than
you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for
as long as you want."
The man thanked the old Indian. As he walked away, he
turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' the medicine man
responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not
work again until the next full moon."
The 70-year-old was very eager to see if it worked, so
he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the
medicine, then invited his wife to join him in the
bedroom. When she came in, he took off his bath robe,
said: "1-2-3," and was immediately the manliest of
His wife also was excited and began throwing off her
clothes, and then she asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
• • • • •
We have seen rally and gymkhana champion Ken Block tear
up the streets in San Francisco. (If you missed it,
WATCH what Block does in L.A. with an
all-wheel-drive, 845 HP, custom built ’65 Mustang. We
tried to count the number of LAPD and LASO cars in the
video but eventually gave up. (12:08)
• • • • •
Any of you ever have a call like this one when you were
working the street? About the only thing you can do is
watch the car go round and round and try not to get
dizzy and embarrass yourself by falling over. Hint: This
clip goes on for several minutes. Because your time is
important, we suggest you use your mouse and cursor to
grab the timeline scrub bar and slide it to the 6:45
mark for the climax. When the cops who have been
standing by see how easy the solution was, the odds are
they each regret they had not taken the same action
themselves so they could be the
HERO that saved the day and appear on the local
• • • • •
Looking for that “special ride” that will take you back
to your youth? This
RK MOTORS website provided by Dewey Moore may be of
help. It's not your typical car lot.
• • • • •
Next time you are presented with someone’s concept about
what the future will look like, be skeptical.
THIS clip titled “Cars of the Future from 1948” will
show you why. (2:15)
• • • • •
was kind enough to provide us with this week’s “Thought
for the Day”
Does it not seem hypocritical that the Federal
government, which has “Tomahawk” cruise missiles as well
as “Apache,” “Blackhawk,” “Kiowa” and “Lakota”
helicopters, and used the code name “Geronimo” in the
attack that took out Osama bin Laden, officially objects
to the name of the Washington Redskins?
• • • • •
And finally, please don't get all goofy on us for
THIS satirical clip about televangelists if you are
a devout fundamentalist Christian and believe that humor
and religion should never be combined. Try to turn the
other cheek instead and appreciate the humor and
athleticism of this crazy car salesman. (4:34)
• • • • •
Hallelujah and Amen...
Pic of the Week
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Abram, Fred & Connie
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Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
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Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
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Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
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Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
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Van Dyck, Lois
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Windisch Jr., Steve
seated on the extreme left of the first row. The 1956
photo was taken at the Pearl Harbor Intermediate School