July 19, 2018
The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
RETIRED SERGEANT JIM ROACH
Born Nov. 28, 1948
Appointed July 1980
Retired Jan. 2007
Died July 16, 2018
According to an email from Dan Bullock and a Facebook post from Trish Fay, Jim succumbed to a massive heart attack at his Grass Valley residence this past Monday morning, July 16th. He hadn’t been feeling well the night before, laid down to take a nap and never woke up. His wife Marty called 911 and paramedics confirmed he was gone.
Jim and Marty (Martha) had been married about 4 years, according to Dan.
“Jim loved being part of the SJPD Family,” said Trish Fay. “But his first priority was his two kids.”
A celebration of life will be held, but a date and location has not yet been determined. We will pass the information along as soon as it is known.
RETIRED SERGEANT HAROLD “HAL” LAIL
Born Feb. 25, 1930
Appointed October 1955
Retired May 1980
Died May 13, 2018
Hal had been residing in a Gardnerville, NV nursing home and receiving periodic visits from Gary Leonard. When he called the daughter who lives in Hal’s old house in Wellington, NV, he learned that Hal had passed away in May. Gary then contacted us.
With the daughter’s phone number provided by Gary, we made contact with her husband. During the 20 minute phone conversation we learned the following:
After his retirement from the Dept., Hal built a home in the Santa Cruz Mountains and worked as a PI for the Boccardo Law Firm. A few years later he left the firm, but continued doing PI work on his own. When his wife Mary passed away in Dec. of 2000, Hal made the move to Smith Valley outside of Wellington, Nev., where he purchased a home in a community that had a landing strip. (During his career with the Dept., Hal owned an airplane that he sometimes used for aerial surveillance and photography for the SJPD.)
Some 6 1/2 years ago Hal moved from his Wellington residence into a retirement home in Gardnerville. When his health began to fail earlier this year, he moved into a rehab center and finally into a group home. Four days after that final move he was hospitalized and passed away from complications of kidney failure.
Hal leaves behind a daughter, Katherine Ann, and her husband, Jim Jacobson. Those who wish to send their condolences should address it to Jim and Katherine Ann Jacobson, 559 Upper Colony Rd., Wellington, NV 89444. There is no email address. The couple’s phone number is available by request from <email@example.com>.
Hal’s remains were cremated and there was no obituary.
Gary Leonard and Hal Lail, circa 1983 while
Gary was the Police Chief of Grand Junction, CO
Hal’s plane was an Aeronka Champ that he flew on some PD cases, but often we went on “adventures.” Once to Baja for a week landing on beaches and “camping out.” He was a great cop and good friend and I miss him a lot. My Dad told me that towards the end of life you should have good memories of friends and adventures. Hal was the best friend a man could have, and I often think of the ‘adventures’ he and I shared.
In the late 1950s Hal was on the 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. shift working the So. First St. west area with Ken Stagg and Buck Ballard. I was working the area east of So. First and Virginia with Charlie Roy and Glenn Terry. Many a major bar fight along South First and the Monterey Highway drew us together for the purpose of maintaining order among the loveless creatures who let alcohol impair their rational thinking. (We ‘always’ won!)”
Hal flew aircraft surveillance for the Dept. in his privately owned plane and was an exceptional investigator as well as a precision model maker for his court cases. His wife, Mary, worked at the old Mercury News as a Linotype operator.
Following retirement, Hal was part of a group of us retirees who worked a 3-month security detail at Cal Casualty Insurance in San Mateo in the latter part of the 1980s. I was later aware of his move to Nevada and his purchase of a house with a landing strip after Mary died, but I lost track of him after the move.
Hal was an extremely talented, sharp investigator as well as an excellent pilot, especially when it came to air surveillance and air photography for the Dept. during his time at the PD. There are lots of stories about him, but not all of them are appropriate for publication. He was definitely the kind of cop you wanted alongside you. — RIP, buddy.
The following funeral information appeared in last Thursday’s Farsider…
To all active and retired members:
It is with great sadness we inform you of the passing of Retired Sgt. Raul Martinez Sr. #1735. Sgt. Martinez is a highly respected and dedicated member that served the San Jose Police Department from July 1975 - January 2002. Sgt. Raul Martinez Sr. is survived by his son, Sgt. Raul Martinez Jr. #2836, as well as his daughter-in-law, OSSD Manager Veronica Andrade, both of whom are active members of the San Jose Police Department. Our thoughts and prayers are extended to the entire Martinez family.
The following are dates, times, and location for services being held. The Martinez family has extended an invitation to all that would like to attend.
Funeral Services to be held at:
Oak Hill Memorial Park
300 Curtner Ave.
San Jose, Ca 95125
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
0900-2100: Viewing - Room E
1800 hours: Family and Friends will speak in remembrance of life
Thursday, July 19, 2018
1000-1100 hours: Funeral services at the Oaks Chapel
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
1000-1100: Internment; Meet in the front lobby area to proceed to burial site
1130-1330: A celebration of life luncheon at the SJPOA Hall
Let us not
forget those who have paved the way for others. Rest easy brother, we have the
watch from here. You will forever be a member of the SJPD family. God Bless.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Police Furious Auditor Didn’t Relay Threat
Jailed suspect said, ‘Next time I am going to shoot them in their
(expletive) face. I am going to defend myself. I have the right to do that’
Robert Salonga <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mercury News — July 13, 2018
SAN JOSE — The police chief and officers union are rebuking their civilian watchdog for failing to warn the department about a jailed suspect’s threats to shoot the next officers he encountered on the street.
Steven Yoshun Garrison, 48, called the Office of the Independent Police Auditor on Monday from the Santa Clara County Main Jail where he was in custody for an assault arrest and complained about being frequently stopped by white officers. Garrison is black.
Steven Yoshun Garrison, 48, is suspected of
threatening to shoot San Jose police officers.
According to multiple law-enforcement sources and a police bulletin obtained by this news organization, Garrison stated in his expletive-laced complaint that “next time I am going to shoot them in their (expletive) face. I am going to defend myself. I have the right to do that.”
Police were never alerted to the threat, and sources say it wasn’t discovered until Wednesday, when the SJPD Internal Affairs unit conducting a random audit of submitted police complaints found and listened to the recording. Soon after, a safety alert was sent out to officers warning them about Garrison.
“I’m disappointed that this type of information wasn’t relayed as quickly as it possibly could,” said police Chief Eddie Garcia. “I know that’s an expectation others have of us when these threats come in as well.”
IPA Aaron Zisser, while expressing contrition, said confidentiality protections prevent him from speaking specifically about the shooting threat and corresponding complaint, but that he empathized with Garcia’s sentiment.
“I conveyed to them how absolutely seriously we take any threats against officers,” Zisser said. “We have notified the police department when we’ve received threats and have gotten nothing but the absolute most attentive, most serious response.”
Garrison has been in custody since Sunday, the day before he called in the complaint and reported shooting threat, according to jail records.
But the San Jose Police Officers’ Association said while that was being confirmed, their rank-and-file were out on the street Thursday wondering if their next enforcement stop was going to end in a shooting. Garrison has a criminal record spanning more than 25 years and includes past assault and domestic-violence cases.
“To have an Independent Police Auditor with serious credibility issues is one thing, but to also be incompetent to the point of putting every police officer’s life in danger crosses the line and Mr. Zisser needs to be immediately removed from office,” union President Paul Kelly said in a statement.
Kelly’s repeated call for Zisser’s termination, and his “credibility” remark, refers to a controversy that marred the annual police audit report spearheaded by Zisser, which the union, Garcia and several city councilmembers including Mayor Sam Liccardo criticized as distorting certain use-of-force cases. The report did not initially disclose that what appeared to be startling percentages of racial disparities were based on just three arrests.
Zisser said his office’s protocol is to immediately alert the police department when a complaint includes a threat. He did not specify why that did not happen in Garrison’s case.
“Obviously the nature of the threat as published in that bulletin is alarming and absolutely should have been flagged by our office to the police department,” he said. As to why he did not promptly see the threat, he said the volume of complaints to his office means he does not immediately see every complaint and that he relies on his staff to help him identify threats. But he also said “it’s my responsibility to make sure there is a strong protocol in place to flag a serious threat, and that the protocol is followed uniformly. The buck stops with me, and I will do everything I can to enhance and tighten those procedures.”
But for Kelly and the union, their last straw for Zisser has long passed.
“What would Mr. Zisser say to the family of a murdered police officer whose death could have been prevented by disclosure of this criminal’s threat made several days ago? Ooops?” Kelly said. “Mr. Zisser must go.”
Garrison’s threat is particularly resonant to SJPD, with the 2001 death of rookie Officer Jeffrey Fontana, who was shot in the head without warning by a suspect as he attempted to make a traffic stop, and Michael Johnson, who was shot and killed in 2015 in an ambush while responding to a call about a suicidal man. “I would hope people would recognize that officers have been killed and ambushed throughout the country and information like this needs to be shared immediately,” Garcia said. “To not have that information, to allow my officers to at least have a heads up, is extremely unfortunate.”
Just wanted to update our group on Dick Hunter's status. Darrel Richter and I visited him on Friday the 13th. He's in the advanced stages of Parkinson and is mostly confined to bed and a wheelchair. He is in great spirits, but a little difficult to communicate with. He has been moved to the Maple House Assisted Living Center at 410 Pennsylvania Avenue, Santa Cruz 95062. Phone 831-423-6347. I am sure he would appreciate hearing from friends and former co-workers.
Thanks, Bill, keep up the great work!
Mike Destro <email@example.com>
• • • • •
I just visited with Dwight Messimer and his wife Rainey, who have lived in Roseville for the last 3 years. Earlier this year Dwight suffered a major heart attack and the outlook is not so good. One doctor said he may not make it through December, and having any kind of operation is very dangerous. Dwight retired in '88 with a disability and had been working closely with Chief McNamara as the media relations officer for several years.
Once retired, Dwight worked as a history professor at San Jose State for 14 years. During that time he wrote and had published 14 books on military history. He even sold the movie rights for one of his books, which shows how interesting, well written and received it was.
Dwight is writing another book, and he and Rainey spend most of their time at home. He is still as sharp as ever and has lots of insightful information on not only where we have been in the past as a country, but where we are headed.
If you count yourself as one of Dwight's friends, now would be the time to email or call him or send a card. He would definitely enjoy a personal visit or other contact. (Phone number and home address withheld; see below.)
Dennis McKenzie <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Dwight and I go back to the early 1970s when he and I along with Sgt. Bob Silfvast opened the then-brand-new Mayfair Substation on Story Rd. that was a small three-bedroom house the City had purchased. The late GG Ballard was our boss at the time. A few years later Dwight and I we were working together again, this time for Joe Mac; I was publishing the Insider and Dwight had replaced Bobby Burroughs who had retired as Joe Mac’s Admin. Assistant. I lost total contact with Dwight when he retired in 1988.
I called Dwight with the number you provided and we spent a half-hour on the phone catching up. Yes, his heart issue is extremely serious. I eliminated his phone number from your update so people don't call at an inopportune time, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t like to talk with his friends and former co-workers. We agreed that I would provide his email address and that he would be happy to reply with his phone number and the best time to call for anyone who makes contact with him at <email@example.com>.
A Google image search turned up the pic below that listed Amazon as a source from the many books he has authored. I wish him the best.
• • • • •
Posted by Steve Papenfuhs on the
10-7ODSJ Facebook Page...
Jeff Martin and I visited with Juan today. He and Yolanda are so brave, and Yolanda is an angel. Their family is stepping up, and I’m honored to know them. They are all better people than me, I can say that for sure.
Clicking HERE will display the Feb. 24, 2017 Farsider with info about Juan.
• • • • •
If you wonder why America has such a bad reputation in Europe and beyond, it’s because of CNN, MSNBC and the BBC. When I'm waiting at the airport, on the airplane or in my hotel, the only news that I can get comes from one of the above three.
CNN is the most watched network in every country I have visited. The answer is clear, if you believe what CNN broadcasts about America and Americans, you might understand America's reputation.
Fox News, One America News, and most conservative news broadcasts are unavailable in Europe and beyond.
Don't blame the Europeans for America’s poor reputation, blame CNN, MSNBC and BBC.
Bill (Yarbrough) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
TV choices must have changed over the years, Bill. My late wife and I traveled to Europe and parts of Asia and Africa every summer for 16 straight years back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, and we were able to tune into Sky News virtually everywhere. As noted in last week's Farsider, Sky News is a sister network to Fox News, both of which are owned by Rupert Murdoch.
• • • • •
This looks like good news for retirees being able to have weapon magazines that can carry over ten rounds.
You have probably seen this, but I wanted to bring it to your attention in case you had not.
Thank you for all the work you guys do for the rank and file and retirees.
Rick Williams, 2040 Ret. <email@example.com>
When you open the link Rick sent in (click HERE), it looks like AB 11-92 (Firearms: Retired Peace Officers) is now law and does in fact allow retired peace officers in good standing to carry magazines capable of holding over 10 rounds. And it matters not whether the retiree received a service or a disability retirement. To be on the safe side, however, we would like to see the POA Attorney or some other legal source confirm this is now law and for POA President Paul Kelly to send out a Membership Alert addressing this. (Paul and the POA attorney should be more familiar with this than retired Firefighter Ray Storm who is currently president of the Police & Fire Retirees’ Assn.)
THE BIRTHDAY BOYS FROM LAST NIGHT’S JULY PBA MEETING
(L-R) Brian Bennert; Steve Windisch, Jr.; Rick Botar; Phil Rodgers; and Ron Tannehill.
Lee Wilson and Jim Polmanteer prepare the rib-eyes
for dinner. Four birthday
cakes were required to provide dessert for the 100+ members in attendance.
Photos by Aubrey "Bird" Parrott
SJPD EMERALD SOCIETY NEWS
TOUCHY SUBJECT; WAS THE SHERIFF’S DECISION RIGHT OR WRONG
Sheriff Denies Honors for Deputy's Funeral Because He Committed Suicide
By Holly Makin — Blue Lives Matter — July 12, 2018
An eighteen-year veteran of the Dallas County Sheriff's
Department received no honors during his funeral.
Dallas, TX – Interim Dallas County Sheriff Marian Brown said she denied a fallen deputy funeral honors because she did not want it to appear that the department was condoning or glamorizing suicide.
Off-duty Dallas County Sheriff’s Deputy Homero Calderon, 40, died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound at his residence on June 29, the department said in a Facebook post.
Click HERE for the original article.
"There are no words that can accurately describe the sadness we are experiencing due to his loss,” Sheriff Brown said at the time.
“We, in public safety, have difficult jobs that come with unique challenges and dangers, coupled with regular life stressors that make it easy for us to become overwhelmed,” she continued. “As law enforcement professionals, we often mask emotion to do our jobs on a day-to-day basis helping people and we forget or ignore that we often need help ourselves.”
His widow, ShaRonda Calderon, had also worked for the Dallas County Sheriff’s Office in the past, and said she expected that her husband would receive certain honors after he served nearly two decades as a law enforcement officer, WFAA reported.
Video included, click HERE.
“There were a lot of things that I was told should have happened that didn’t happen,” ShaRonda said of Deputy Calderon’s July 5 funeral service.
The department’s protocol dictates the guidelines for officers’ funerals. Full honors are given only to officers who die in the line of duty. But officers who pass away while off-duty are also entitled to certain honors as outlined in the department’s general orders, WFAA reported.
Those honors include an honor guard, a bugler, an officer standing watch over the fallen hero’s casket, and a final radio call broadcasting the officer’s badge number, according to the news outlet.
None of those things occurred after Deputy Calderon’s death – a decision that was made by Sheriff Brown.
“It is the responsibility of the leadership of the department to make decisions that are deemed best for the department,” Sheriff Brown said in a statement to WFAA. “Due to the nature of Deputy Calderon’s death, the sheriff’s department does not want to condone nor appear to glamorize suicide."
“The message that it’s sending is that we’re not here for you,” ShaRonda told WFAA.
The department did not even provide the folded American flag that was placed on Deputy Calderon’s casket – that was provided by an anonymous donor, WFAA reported.
ShaRonda said she was unaware that Sheriff Brown planned to attend or speak during her husband’s funeral until it occurred, and that much of her message revolved around Deputy Calderon’s manner of death as opposed to the kind of man he was when he was alive.
“If you needed him, he’d be there,” ShaRonda said of her husband, a father of three. “That’s what I fell in love with. If I needed something, he would be there. That’s what makes a perfect police officer.”
Prior to Deputy Calderon’s funeral, the Dallas chapter of the National Latino Peace Officers Association (NLPOA) sent Sheriff Brown a letter imploring her to “consider modified honors by providing 2-4 honor guard members to accompany the family to the memorial, during the memorial and an escort to his final resting place or something similar to this modified honors plan,” according to a JULY 1 LETTER.
“I do not believe it is too much to ask to provide modified honors for a gentleman who sacrificed eighteen years of his life to his department and his community,” the correspondence read. “This act of compassion by you and your commanders would be an immense token of solidarity and support for all those left behind and show your employees how much you care about their health and welfare.”
On Wednesday, the NLPOA issued another letter to Sheriff Brown, this time expressing “absolute dismay” over her decision to withhold honors from Deputy Calderon and his family due to mental illness, WFAA reported.
“It is not the department’s right to question why or how an employee’s death occurred to determine if honors were to be provided,” the NLPOA told the sheriff in the letter.
Click HERE then scroll down to review the readers’ comments about this story.
HAND GESTURE TO COST FOUR COPS SOME DOUGH
Officers Suspended Without Pay, Accused of 'White Power' Hand Gestures in Photo
By Holly Matkin — Blue Lives Matter — July 16, 2018
The mayor suspended four Jasper officers who played the
"circle game" during a picture for their local newspaper.
Jasper, AL –
Four Jasper police officers have been suspended without pay after they made a
circular “okay” hand gesture in a photograph that appeared in a local
Jasper Mayor David O’Mary said that some people claimed the gesture was a racist symbol for “white power,” WBMA reported.
Click HERE to read the WBMA account of the incident.
The photo was intended as a way to recognize the Jasper drug terrorism task force officers’ hard work in connection with a recent gun and narcotics bust in the area, said Mayor O’Mary, who had arranged to have the image taken.
After the photo was published in the Daily Mountain Eagle, some people complained that the four Jasper officers were making a racist hand gesture.
The officers were actually following a viral trend known as the "circle game" where the goal is to make somebody look at your hand making the OK sign below waist level.
"It's a kid game. Going around and hitting everybody when you see it," one Jasper resident told WBMA immediately after viewing the photo.
The myth that the OK sign actually meant "white power" was started by internet trolls on 4chan, an anonymous message board, in February of 2017, according to the Anti-Defamation League.
“We must flood twitter and other social media websites with spam, claiming that the OK hand sign is a symbol of white supremacy,” the anonymous poster wrote, according to ADL, a civil rights organization. “Leftists have dug so deep down into their lunacy. We must force [them] to dig more, until the rest of society ain’t going anywhere near that s--t.”
Users encouraged people to perpetuate the hoax using hashtags such as # PowerHandPrivilege and # NotOkay, created fake social media and email accounts, and bombarded journalists and civil rights organizations with the misinformation.
Mayor O’Mary said he had not spoken to any of the four Jasper officers regarding what they meant by the gesture, WBMA reported.
They have been suspended for two weeks, and one week of the suspension period will be without pay.
He said that all four of the officers had “perfect” records prior to this incident, and that he would have likely imposed harsher punishment if their histories with the department weren’t so exemplary.
“That's contradictory to how we run our city. That's not our mindset. That's not the way we do things and they used poor judgement,” the mayor said.
"We talked to two senior African-American law enforcement officers that are on the City of Jasper's payroll and they think it's fair and that's a pretty good sounding board,” he added.
Click HERE, then scroll down to review the readers’ comments about this story.
IS THIS MAYOR RELATED TO MAXINE WATERS?
Mayor Drives City Cop Car With Invalid Handicap Placard For Personal Use
By Holly Makin — Blue Lives Matter — July 15, 2018
The handicapped placard hanging from the rear view mirror
of Alorton Mayor Jo Ann Reed self-assigned cop car isn't hers.
Alorton, IL – An Illinois mayor facing a felony charge for allegedly demoting a police sergeant who testified against her has been using a village-owned patrol vehicle to go about her daily business.
“We did not approve that,” Alorton village Trustee Gwen McCallum told the Belleville News-Democrat.
Click HERE for the newspaper account
“It’s a perk of a mayor,” Alorton Mayor Jo Ann Reed told KTVI in February, after a reporter asked her why an impoverished village should provide her with a vehicle.
Click HERE for the KTVI story and video of the interview.
Reed, 60, was recently seen in the patrol vehicle parked at a gas station in a nearby township, according to the Belleville News-Democrat.
When reporters asked for a comment, she rolled up the window.
The vehicle, which was equipped with lights and sirens, also had a handicapped placard hanging from the rearview mirror.
According to the Belleville News-Democrat, the state of Illinois never issued Reed a handicapped placard, but it did issue one to her father, Albert Reed, who passed away in March.
His placard expired on July 1, Secretary of State spokesman Dave Drucker told the paper.
Although it is not illegal for someone to display a placard issued to someone else, it is illegal to use the placard to park in a handicapped parking area if the person it was issued to is not in the vehicle, Drucker said.
In 2013, the mayor was also working as a records clerk for the St. Clair County Sheriff’s Department when she pleaded guilty to a felony offense for smuggling a cell phone into a jail facility for her niece, who had been charged with assault, the Belleville News-Democrat reported.
“It is an unfortunate situation for me,” she told the paper at the time. “I have been told by numerous officers that bringing money, cellphones and cigarettes into the jail is a common practice…I am a good person, and the people who really know me will tell anybody that.”
She subsequently resigned from her mayoral position, and was fired from the sheriff’s department.
As a condition of her plea agreement, Reed successfully completed chemical dependency treatment, which allowed the felony conviction to be erased from her record.
Without a felony conviction on her criminal history, Reed was able to run for mayor again, which she did.
But in December of 2016, she and seven other Illinois public officials were arrested as the result of Operation Watchtower, a joint federal and state investigation, the Belleville News-Democrat reported.
Reed was charged with knowingly giving or promising to give money to another person to vote or to influence that person to vote for or against any candidate, and electioneering within 100 feet of a polling place.
She was re-elected as mayor in April of 2017.
In July of the same year, village trustees voted to give Reed sole authority for hiring and firing village employees.
“I think everyone has enough trust in me that I can make the decisions,” Reed told the Belleville News-Democrat at the time.
According to a criminal complaint, by December of 2017, Reed was charged for demoting Alorton Police Sergeant Leon Hughes “in retaliation for his testimony in a proceeding where [Hughes] had reasonable cause to believe that the information in this testimony disclosed a violation of state or federal law,” the Belleville News-Democrat reported.
The complaint alleged that Reed had “performed an act which she knew was forbidden by law…in that she omitted the offense of official misconduct” by violating the Illinois Whistle Blower Act, according to the paper.
Reed has pleaded not guilty to all three of the felony counts pending against her.
In February, Sgt. Hughes sued the village, Alorton Police Chief David Clark, and Reed for “shunning him,” the Belleville News-Democrat reported.
Reed denied the sergeant’s allegations in a March court filing.
Click HERE to review the readers’ comments about this story.
SPOT A FAMILIAR NAME? OLD TIMERS WILL..
When Mike Thompson alerted us to a news item he heard on KCRA Channel 3 in Sacramento, we had to search the Sac Bee newspaper to confirm he wasn’t imagining things. Turns out he wasn’t. Read on…
Expo Has New Acting Police Chief One Year After Fights Marred State Fair
By Kellen Browning <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Sacramento Bee — June 26, 2018
The California Exposition has appointed Joseph Robillard as its acting police chief, the state fair host announced Monday. Robillard will be tasked with overseeing security at the 165th fair in July, a year after at least eight fair attendees were arrested and more than 60 were thrown out.
Robillard, a former Yuba City police officer, Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control investigator and deputy director of security for the state lottery, has worked at Cal Expo since 2007, according to a news release. He replaces Robert Craft, who is retiring after working for the Cal Expo police department for 40 years.
"I’ve got some big shoes to fill," Robillard said. "We have a great team here, all the sergeants and lieutenants together, we've developed some game plans to make this a fun, safe place."
Last year, fair merriment was marred by several fights and confrontations with police officers, who were accused of racially profiling black teens. One incident resulted in a Sacramento Police Department helicopter being called, an officer breaking her leg and fair gates closing early.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Received from Joe Devane
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece and the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into the world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"
• • • • •
Most Intimate Moment
Received from Gary Johnson
A very attractive lady walks up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," says bartender through his heavy breathing. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
• • • • •
to our Health Care Coverage
From the Archives
In reverse order, here are the top ten changes to a less expensive health plan City Hall is considering for those retired employees not covered by MediCare…
10: Your annual breast exam for females will be done at Hooters.
9: Directions to your doctor's office state, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8: The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7: The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6: The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is “An apple a day."
5: Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4: "The patient is responsible for 200% of out of network charges," is not a typographical error.
3: The only expense covered 100 percent is embalming.
2: Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's printed on them.
And the number one indicator that you have been assigned a cheaper health care plan:
1: You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle Stick and a roll of Duct Tape.
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
July 11 — 17
July 11: I don't know if anyone watched soccer today. Yeah? Today, big story: Croatia beat England in the semifinals of the World Cup. Croatia won. Which is nice. It's really nice. It's the first time in a while I've heard people say, "Way to go, Croatia." Something you don't hear all the time. "Good going, Croat."
It's been a stressful week so far. First, 12 Thai soccer players were trapped in a cave with rising water, and now six world leaders are trapped in a summit with President Trump. It's rough.
It's come out that President Trump's new communications director has changed the White House lighting so Trump looks younger. Even more impressive, the new lighting makes Melania look happy.
Sarah Palin is complaining that she was tricked and humiliated by comedian Sacha Baron Cohen. Yes — apparently 10 years ago he tricked Palin into thinking she was actually qualified to be vice president.
The founder of Papa John's Pizza used the N-word during a conference call about how to avoid bad publicity. Yeah. Of course, for Papa John's, the N-word is nutrition.
July 12: President Trump arrived in England today and he was greeted by hundreds of angry protesters. Of course, it didn’t help that Trump arrived in England wearing a Croatian soccer jersey.
While in the U.K., President Trump was asked if he was worried about the protests there. And he said, “I think they agree with me on immigration.” Trump has a point. Many people in England want him immediately deported.
A Republican congressional candidate sent out anti-Semitic messages in a robocall. Of course, anti-Semites are now furious that robots are taking their jobs.
The founder of Papa John's has resigned after using a racial slur in a conference call. People are calling it the second worst thing Papa John's founder ever said since “I'm starting a pizza company.”
July 11: I'm driving to work, and right on the corner of Hollywood and La Brea, I notice that the newspaper box was smoking. It was on fire. First time I passed, there were flames coming out of this thing, so I doubled back to shoot video — because I'm a journalist first and foremost. By the time I got there, a guy from the kabob shop had thrown a pitcher of water on it. If a newspaper bursting into flames isn't the single best metaphor for 2018, I really don’t know what is.
So our president, the orange guy, Trump, is in Belgium right now at the NATO summit fighting over how many ways they will split the check.
Things got off to a rocky start. They had a breakfast meeting today with the NATO secretary-general where Trump complained that he wants other countries to spend more for defense. Donald Trump attacking others for not paying their fair share is [gutsy]. I mean, it's basically the Trump business plan.
He had especially harsh words for Germany. He repeatedly said Germany is totally controlled by Russia — which is also a good one, coming from him. He attacks Germany for making a deal with Russia, on his way to make a deal with Russia.
On the other side of the world, new details about Secretary of State Mike Pompeo's ill-fated trip to North Korea last week. Sources say the meeting went “as badly as it could have gone.” Pompeo was supposed to meet with Kim Jong Un, but got snubbed because now, according to North Korean state media, Kim Jong Un was busy visiting a potato farm. For real. Which caused a huge reaction in North Korea. They're like, “What? We have potatoes?”
By the way, potato farms are about as fun as it gets in North Korea. Potato farms are in North Korea what Dave & Buster's are to us.
This is the final season of "Game of Thrones," but HBO is working on a prequel that reportedly takes place 10,000 years before the original. Which means winter won't be coming for a very long time: 10,000 years.
That would mean the "Game of Thrones" we're watching now had 10,000 years to invent electricity — and they're still using torches for light and crows to deliver the mail. I guess these Lannisters are more inbred than I thought.
There are also said to be at least three more "Game of Thrones" pilots in the works at HBO, each one of them set in a different time period with different characters and story lines. This is all part of HBO's plan to make sure we never understand anything that happens on "Game of Thrones" ever again.
Kylie Jenner is on pace to become the world's youngest self-made billionaire, or selfie-made billionaire. Kylie Jenner's 20 years old. According to Forbes magazine she's already worth $900 million — more than her sister, Kim Kardashian who's only worth $350 million. She's poor. Who knew Kylie was the money bags in that family?
The FCC, the Federal Communications Commission, now that they did away with net neutrality, they had another terrible idea. The FCC is considering a plan that would require U.S. citizens to pay $225 to make a complaint. So if you're mad about how high your cable bill is, soon you can pay the government $225 to complain about it. Boy, they really have their fingers on the pulse of us, don't they?
July 12: It is Emmy nomination day here today. It’s one of our most self-important days of the year. The Emmy nominations, as you know, honor excellence in television. They were announced this morning. I’m proud to say our show was nominated for 46 Emmys today! [wild applause] All right, not really, but thank you for believing me. We were nominated for two.
Our president, at NATO today, described himself once again as a genius, a very stable genius. The “genius” part aside, who describes themselves as stable? Stable is the word the doctor uses after a car accident: “He's stable, it’s OK.”
Speaking of a "very stable genius," fans of Kimmel can
for a little a ditty that should get their Anti-Trump motor running.
flew off to England for talks with Theresa May. Trump has a lot of work to do
in England. No. 1 on the list, he is demanding the English give us a better
deal on their muffins. And no more fork split!
Trump was greeted by protests before his dinner with the prime minister. Tomorrow, he’s scheduled to have tea with Queen Elizabeth. President Trump has actually been preparing for his meeting with the queen, listening to “Bohemian Rhapsody” for weeks now, and he knows all the words.
Meanwhile, back at home, Stormy Daniels — remember Stormy Daniels, the president's $130,000 friend? — had a brush with the law last night. She was arrested at a strip club in Columbus for allegedly touching a customer who turned out to be an undercover police officer. Under Ohio state law, an employee who appears nude or semi nude is prohibited from touching patrons on the premises of a sexually oriented business unless it’s a family member. That's the law. And just like that, the state of Ohio shoots past Florida in the race for creepiest state.
July 16: Today was maybe the strangest of all 542 bizarre days of Donald Trump's reign of error. The president's been to Europe, insulting our allies and rubbing his nipples up against our enemies.
On Friday he had tea with the queen — and on Friday, it seemed like a big deal that he walked in front of the queen, which is apparently a no-no, a royal faux pas. You’re not supposed to turn your back on the queen, or pour ketchup in her tea, or take the hat off her head and swat a fly with it. You're not supposed to do any of those things.
But that turned out to be nothing compared with what happened in Finland this morning. Helsinki has frozen over. The president of the United States today publicly sided with Russia over our own FBI on the subject of cyber attacks on our election campaign.
Trump had a meeting today with his KGB BFF, Vladimir Putin, and in an interview with CBS yesterday he said he was going into this meeting with low expectations. Yeah, we all were.
Trump and Putin met one-on-one with only their interpreters in the room for more than two hours. Reportedly, Trump wanted to meet with Putin alone because he didn't want his advisers to see him naked, which is natural.
And we probably should have known how this was going to go, based on this, because right off the bat [shows clip] you can see here Trump looks over at Putin as they sit down in front of the media, and gives him a little wink. Yeah, there you go — “Thanks for keeping that tape between us guys.”
After Trump was asked to weigh in on Russia’s role as hack master in the 2016 election — something the FBI, the Justice Department, and even Trump’s own secretary of state say happened, without question — Trump finally had the chance to publicly castigate Putin for trying to disrupt our democracy. This is what our commander in chief chose to do: [clip of Trump] “My people came to me, Dan Coats and some others, they said they think it’s Russia. President Putin just said it’s not Russia. I will say this: I don’t see any reason why it would be.” Well, I guess that settles it!
If you’re wondering whether Vladimir Putin has an incriminating video of Donald Trump, we now know beyond a treasonable doubt that he does.
This wasn't a good day for Donald Trump. We haven't seen an American so owned by a Russian since “Rocky IV.”
July 17: The news today is that our president is a liar, and not even a good one. President Trump today, in an attempt to explain what the Helsinki was going through his cotton candy-covered head when he stood next to Vladimir Putin, of all people, and took sides with Russia over our own American intelligence agencies, now says it was just a tiny little slip-up — even smaller than his fists. [Clip of Trump] "In a key sentence in my remarks I said the word WOULD instead of WOULDN'T. The sentence should have been, 'I don't see any reason why I wouldn't,' or 'why it wouldn't be Russia.'"
I have to say, when you said "I don't see any reason why it WOULD be Russia," for a minute it almost seemed like you were hiding something from us. Like there was something Putin knew about you that you wanted him to keep quiet. Now it all makes sense. Boy, I tell ya, Papa John must be at home right now going, “Wait, you can do that?”
What I want to know is, which genius on his team came up with this idea? Who in that administration told him it would be good? I bet it was Melania, she hates him the most.
You think about history and presidents, this is like if Bill Clinton had come out and said, "Wait, no, I meant to say I DID have sexual relations with that woman."
Even when our president was forced to sit in front of the world and make this preposterous claim that he of course knew the Russians tried to meddle with our elections, he couldn’t help but spread the blame around. [clip] "I have full faith and support for America's great intelligence agencies, always have. I have felt very strongly that while Russia's actions had no impact at all on the outcome of the election, let me be totally clear in saying that … I accept our intelligence community's conclusion that Russia's meddling in the 2016 election took place. It could be other people also. There's a lot of people out there." So maybe it wasn't the Russians at all, maybe it was the Canadians, you know? Sneaking around, drilling holes in trees. We don't know what they're up to.
July 16: Today, President Trump met with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Finland. Trump was pretty nervous, which makes sense, because most people are nervous when meeting their boss.
They met one-on-one and the meeting lasted for two hours — or about one hour and 58 minutes longer than his meeting with Stormy Daniels.
According to experts, Trump and Putin had a lot to negotiate in their meeting. Trump says the negotiations went great. Putin now controls New York and California, and in exchange, Trump got three magic beans.
But after their time together, Putin did say that the meeting went very well. In fact, it went so well that Putin said he might make Trump president for another four years.
Trump and Putin also held a press conference where Trump actually defended Putin and seemed to side with Russia over his own intelligence agencies. After the press conference, CNN, MSNBC, and even Fox News slammed Trump for his performance. Trump said he shouldn't jump to any conclusions until we hear what Cartoon Network has to say.
Before he met Putin, Trump was in the U.K., where he met Queen Elizabeth. It got off to a bumpy start when the first thing Trump told the queen was that he knows all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
This weekend France won the World Cup and they were led by a 19-year-old prodigy named Kylian Mbappe. After the game, Mbappe said winning the World Cup totally makes up for being named after a Hanson song.
The 12 boys who were rescued from a cave in Thailand last week are about to be released from the hospital. They said the first thing they want to eat is KFC. Then their doctor was like, “Dear God, haven’t your bodies been through enough?”
July 17: Last night Trump returned home from his trip to Finland. Trump walked into the White House and immediately texted Putin that he got home safe.
After Trump threw U.S. intelligence agencies under the bus in Finland, there were protesters outside the White House shouting "Go back to Russia." But don't worry, the Secret Service was able to get Melania to quiet down.
A brewery in Finland created a special beer in honor of yesterday's Trump-Putin summit. When they heard that, some other beers wanted to commemorate the summit as well. So they released new slogans that were inspired by the meeting. Guinness' new slogan is “Things are looking dark. Your beer should, too.” Miller Lite's new slogan is “Weaker than Trump's stance on Russia.” O'Doul's new slogan is “This time with alcohol, because even we need a drink after yesterday.” And Samuel Adams' new slogan is “Take it from a Founding Father, we're screwed. Drink up.”
A couple in Florida are getting married and instead of wedding presents, they've asked for money to buy goats. Even crazier, one couple they invited was like, "Finally, a chance to re-gift this goat."
July 12: Anybody watch the testimony before the House Judiciary Committee? It was a parliamentary smackdown. The Capitol Dome became the Thunderdome, all during the testimony of FBI agent Peter Strzok.
Back in 2016, Strzok was part of the FBI’s investigations into both Hillary Clinton and the Trump campaign. And since then, it's come out that he exchanged anti-Trump text messages with his mistress, an FBI lawyer, saying things like: "God, Hillary should win, 100 million to zero," "Trump is a [bleeping] Idiot," and "What the [bleep] happened to our country??!?!" I don't know, but hopefully Robert Mueller will tell us soon.
Republicans see these texts as proof of a vast conspiracy within the FBI to stop Donald Trump from being elected president. And here's how devious and how deep they went: In order to keep it a secret, they let him get elected president.
Right from his opening statement, Strzok came out swinging, saying, “I have the utmost respect for Congress' oversight role, but I strongly believe today's hearing is just another victory notch in Putin's belt.” After the last two years, I'm not sure Putin has any belt left. It's all notch at this point.
July 16: President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin had a one-on-one meeting today that lasted over two hours. Ugh, poor Trump! That is a long time to hang out with your boss.
In an interview with the newspaper The Sun, President Trump said immigration has changed the fabric of Europe, adding, "And I don't mean that in a positive way." Said Trump, "I mean it in a racist way.”
The Washington Post has published an article investigating where doves go after they're released at weddings [shows Popeyes logo] and you do NOT want to read the article.
Former first lady Michelle Obama attended a Beyoncé and Jay-Z concert yesterday where she danced in the front row with Beyoncé’s mother. This, according to a white woman on the phone with police.
Dunkin' Donuts is partnering with Harpoon Brewery to release a coffee-infused beer. Not to be outdone, Four Loko is now partnering with heroin.
The website Vice has published a new article profiling items found in the New York's subway system's Lost and Found. The most common thing lost on the subway? An hour and a half.
July 17: President Trump created a stir at a press conference with Vladimir Putin yesterday, when he said this about the hacking of the DNC server [clip of Trump]: "I have President Putin. He just said it’s not Russia. I will say this — I don’t see any reason why it would be." Well, today he set the record straight [Clip]: "In a key sentence in my remarks I said the word WOULD instead of WOULDN'T. The sentence should have been, 'I don't see any reason why I wouldn't,' or 'why it wouldn't be Russia' . . . sort of a double negative." Well, I don’t think he’s NOT an idiot.
President Trump claims that he meant to say "I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be Russia" who meddled in our election. And Melania is now saying that at their wedding she meant to say, "I don't."
President Trump said today that he misspoke during a summit with Vladimir Putin, blaming the confusion on a double negative. And Trump's an expert on double negatives [photo of Eric and Donald Jr.] because he made one.
During an interview with Vladimir Putin yesterday, Fox News host Chris Wallace tried to give Putin a copy of the indictments of 12 Russian nationals for meddling in the election. And then Putin tried to get Wallace to "Smell this cloth."
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell today warned Russia to not meddle in the upcoming midterm elections, and then he winked so hard his neck got smooth.
In honor of World Emoji Day, Apple has announced it's adding cupcake, kangaroo, and lettuce symbols. A cupcake, a kangaroo, and lettuce, or as Outback Steakhouse calls it, a salad.
The makers of Crocs have announced they're coming out with a high-heeled shoe. While the wearers of Crocs have announced they're going to give plaid shorts a try.
July 11: It is the first full day of Donald Trump's trip to Europe. He's in Brussels for the NATO summit and then it’s on to England, and then he's going straight to hell — I'm sorry, Helsinki — to meet with Vladimir Putin.
As The New York Times put it, “Mr. Trump kicked off his meetings on a contentious note.” Contentious is his ONLY note! He's a human air horn.
Trump claims Germany is controlled by Russia because 35 percent of their natural gas comes from Russia. It's true, we're all controlled by the people who give us our gas, which is why I'm forever beholden to the Chevron on Route 3. When they invaded the Pizza Hut next door, I said nothing. What could I do?
With everything going so badly in Europe, I'm sure Trump longs for the days of his summit with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. Remember? "No more nukes." [Trump voice] "You can sleep safe. Alan Alda, you can come home, your work is done."
Well, last week North Korea got a follow-up visit from Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. And now we're getting reports that Pompeo’s North Korea meeting went "as badly as it could have gone." I'm not surprised, sometimes the second date is rough. You go back to his place, you find out it’s full of executed relatives or worse, Limp Bizkit CDs.
Another reason Pompeo didn't have a good meeting with Kim Jong Un: He didn't meet with Kim Jong Un. But Kim had a very good excuse. Turns out he was too busy visiting a potato farm to meet with the U.S. secretary of state. But to be fair, a lot of people have trouble telling the difference between Mike Pompeo and a potato. You say potato, I say Pompeo. Potato, Pompeo, let's call the nuke deal off.
Mike Pompeo had a gift for Kim that he never got to deliver. Remember when Donald Trump was threatening to blow up the world and calling Kim Jong Un “Little Rocket Man?” Well, he thought it would be fun to send Pompeo with an Elton John CD with the song “Rocket Man.” And the CD is signed. It’s not signed by Elton John; it's signed by President Trump. [Trump voice] “Dear Kim, I didn't write this, but I did listen to it. Put it on to remember that time I insulted your [genitals]. Stay sweet, have a great summer. — Don.”
Not to worry, Mr. Colbert. If we go to war with North Korea, we
eliminate Kim Jong Un's top generals with a heavy duty magnet...
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for what’s new.
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Coming soon to a theater near you: The new 007 hit, “Donald Trump’s GoldenHair.” Sure to be an Oscar nominee. Click HERE to watch the trailer. (2:50)
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It took a little work to determine where this PSA on the dangers of texting originated because we were unfamiliar with the term Western Cape Government. It turned out to be a region in South Africa where THIS short video we received from Lumpy was being aired. (0:40)
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If you are less than fond of the smell of burning hair, you may want to steer clear of some barber shops in India and Pakistan where fire haircuts are all the rage. Check out THIS clip received from Alice Murphy. (1:53)
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I can picture retired Motor Sgt. (Comrade) Kosovilka who has an affinity for dirt bikes racing one of these three wheelers, but I can’t think of anyone crazy enough to ride WITH him in the sidecar. (2:52)
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Want to see how road rage karma works? Watch THIS 2-minute clip all the way to the end. (2:18)
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A little cooperation please...
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If you can’t score well on this quiz received from Alice Murphy you haven’t been paying attention in life. It’s about common phrases that have become part of our lexicon. Give it a go by clicking HERE.
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Them southern girls are tough. Want proof? Click HERE and check out what this cutie pulls out of the water. (1:00)
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Eldad, Lisa and JoAnn responded to a report of two dogs that had been tied with chains and locks and abandoned under an L.A. freeway. After naming them “Sir Guiness” and “Moose,” THIS is how they handled the call. (5:06)
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While Eldad was on another mission, Lisa and JoAnn set out to RESCUE a Golden mix they named Moomba that was frightened, scared and untrusting of humans. (3:25)
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This is the story of a little homeless Poodle that wasn’t going to let itself be rescued without a fight, which proved to be a challenge for Eldad and Loreta. Ultimately, she was named Coco and realized her NEW life was far better than her old one. (4:05)
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If you are an animal lover you should enjoy this video from the San Diego Zoo about a baby gorilla who had to be delivered via C-section. The clip has a very happy ending with mama being REUNITED with her baby. (4:47)
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Is something bad going to happen when all the planets line up on the same side of the Sun? I’d feel more comfortable if this video was years or even several months old, but it was posted last week. And it asks the question: If a Yellowstone seismograph monitored by the USGS portends something serious, might it be taken off line to keep the public in the dark? Questions, questions, questions. THAT’S what makes life interesting and exciting, right? (4:50)
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Early selfie, circa 1959...
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The Dude Perfect guys are back and they brought with them a guy who is undoubtedly the best card-thrower in the world. Clicking HERE will explain that statement. (6:46)
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It’s hard to tell if this “Kiss Cam” footage from a Houston Rockets game was real or staged. Based on the reactions of the fans surrounding these three, they don’t know either. What’s YOUR guess? (1:35)
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Reactions by couples captured on Kiss Cams are varied. HERE are the top ten moments so far in 2018 according to this YouTube channel. (5:23)
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It is highly unusual for a person to be taken to the hoosegow and have his car impounded for a disabled placard violation, but that’s what happened to this yo-yo. Click HERE and see why. (2:58)
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After his recent return from a European adventure, Kerry Smith can hardly wait to make another international trip, this time so he can travel the length of the Karakoram Highway that links China to Pakistan. on his prized skateboard. The only thing he likes better than the curves on this road is the native music and his favorite Chinese beach (below). Have a look and LISTEN. (1:46)
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This week’s closer takes us back a few years to this Memory Song by Tom Rush that was sent in by Mike Thompson. We ran it twice over the past several years, but it’s new to Mike. Listen to the song and you will understand WHY. (3:13)
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Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 7/19/18
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
John Esparza — Added
Dwight Messier — Added
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <email@example.com>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Martinez, Jr., Raul
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve