July 16, 2015
Bill Mattos, Editor and Publisher
Leroy Pyle, Webmaster
The Farsider is an independent publication that is not
affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its web site solely
for the convenience
of the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does
not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or
IVAN K. CHAPEL
1219 (Orig. 242)
Appointed Jan. 1967
July 11, 2015
Retired Officer Karol (Walton) Burke posted on her
Facebook page the following last Saturday…
We have not been able to find Roy Chapel’s original
post, nor were we able to find anyone who could provide
us with contact info for Roy or anyone else from the
Chapel family, even after sending info requests to three
dozen SJPD retirees who are listed as “Friends” on Roy’s
and Ivan’s Facebook page. We also sent a message to Roy
from his Facebook page, but as of press time we have
heard nothing back. An extensive obituary search on
Google turned up nothing, and a general Google search
for Ivan showed only that his residence was in Culver
City with prior addresses in Ben Lomond and San Jose.
Ivan was a Farsider subscriber, so we also sent a
message to his email address and requested that anyone
who might see it respond. No replies were received.
The only response we received from our numerous email
requests for info came from Ken Hawkes:
“It's been almost two years since I spoke with him and
know nothing of his personal life. He lived in the L.A.
area. I believe he stayed close to Jerry Erickson's
sons, one of whom is a lawyer, but? Wish I could help…”
Ken provided this follow-up the next day…
“I am sorry to hear about the passing of Ivan
Ivanovitch, he was a friend who was hired the same day I
was, 1-1-67. I was badge 240 and he was 242, so jokes
naturally arose. Unique thing about Ivan; he may have
been the Czar of Russia. His grandfather was General
Aleksey Kuropatkin, father of Ivan K. Chapel, the WWII
news correspondent. Kuropatkin was a cousin to Czar
Nicholas, who thought he had had a legitimate claim to
the throne. Ivan was not interested in pressing any
claim as he thought the KGB may be a factor. He was
Any information about Ivan’s passing, including contact
info for a family member or a link to an obituary, would
be most welcome so we can include it next week.
News broke late yesterday afternoon that a deal between
the City and Police & Fire over Measure B has been made.
This story from today’s paper is just hours old as we
are going to press…
Tentative Deal Ends Fight Over Pension Reform
—Agreement comes after police, fire unions threatened
Ramona Giwargis and Robert Salonga
News — July 16, 2015
SAN JOSE — After more than three years of bitter
fighting, city and public safety union leaders Wednesday
reached a tentative deal that would end litigation over
the Measure B pension reforms voters overwhelmingly
approved in 2012.
The proposed deal came after round-the-clock talks
during the City Council’s summer break on the day union
leaders had threatened to walk out if they couldn’t
reach a settlement.
“Today’s agreement will be a catalyst for the rebuilding
of our public safety services, to restore San Jose’s
police and fire departments,” said Mayor Sam Liccardo,
who had championed the pension reforms as a councilman
and candidate. “It’s also a moment to celebrate our
collective commitment to move forward beyond the
contentiousness of the past.”
Paul Kelly, president of the San Jose Police Officers’
Association, called it “a historic day for San Jose.”
“When two sides work cooperatively and collectively,”
Kelly said, “a positive outcome can be had.”
While the agreement Wednesday only covers retirement
benefits for police and firefighters, Vice Mayor Rose
Herrera said it would pave the way for settlements with
other unions that also are suing the city.
“The other groups will look at this as a template,”
The police and fire unions expect members to ratify the
settlement in the next few days. The deal will then go
to the City Council in early August for final approval.
The pension reform measure fueled a heated court battle
between the city and its unions, especially the public
safety groups, who blame the 2012 initiative for chasing
away droves of San Jose police officers.
But the city viewed Measure B as a way to control
skyrocketing retirement costs that had more than tripled
after benefit increases in the late 1990s, devouring
funds for services. The measure called for current
employees to pay more into their pensions, eliminated
bonus checks for retirees, established scaled-back
benefits for new workers and stricter disability
The proposed settlement would roughly maintain most
parts of the measure already enacted, such as
eliminating bonus checks for retirees and scaled-back
pensions for new hires, while abandoning provisions
blocked by a trial judge’s 2013 ruling or which the
council had not enacted, such as higher pension
contributions from workers and some disability changes.
“The message was being sent to new officers that they
wouldn’t be protected if they become disabled,” Herrera
said. “But if somebody gets injured on the job, they
shouldn’t have to fight for disability, and I didn’t
want us to be different than other agencies.”
Measure B became the signature fiscal reform initiative
of former Mayor Chuck Reed, but he called the settlement
“It’s a good move to lock in savings because litigation
is uncertain, and you never know if you’re going to be
able to hold on to all your winnings,” said Reed, who
had backed successor Liccardo and is pushing for pension
reform on a statewide level by introducing a new measure
earlier this year.
Councilman Ash Kalra, who had criticized the pension
measure, called the settlement “bittersweet
“Today, we begin to close a very dark chapter in San
Jose and start to rebuild our city,” Kalra said on
In a news conference late Wednesday, Liccardo said the
technical details about how the city will replace
Measure B charter changes with the settlement are still
being worked out, and it’s unclear if voters would have
Nearly 70 percent of city voters approved the June 2012
measure over objections of city unions, which called it
an illegal assault on their employees’ promised benefit
rights that would spawn an exodus of city workers.
The Police Department has seen its ranks dwindle from a
historic peak of 1,400 officers in 2009 to about 960
today, marking the first time in three decades that
number was below 1,000. By contrast, San Francisco, a
city with 15 percent fewer people than San Jose, is
served by more than 2,100 officers.
After Measure B was passed in 2012, the city was slapped
with numerous lawsuits from its employee unions and
retirement associations. The city and unions have
collectively spent millions litigating Measure B in
court before coming to the table four months ago to
discuss settlement options. Liccardo said the city will
repay some of the unions’ attorney fees as part of the
Less than a year ago, the two bitterly torn sides could
hardly be in the same room to discuss a settlement. But
new blood in the city’s administration — a new city
manager, employee relations director and mayor — along
with fresh leadership at the San Jose Police Officers’
Association, seemed to turn the tide.
“A number of people believed the problems between Mayor
Reed and the public bargaining units were so poisoned
that nothing could happen until there was a new
administration,” said Larry Gerston, a political science
professor emeritus at San Jose State University.
POA Membership Alerts were sent out earlier this week
about the Measure B negotiations between the City and
Police/Fire. With yesterday's agreement covered in the
story above, those Alerts are now moot. POA members can
expect to receive fresh Membership Alerts immediately as
the agreement will need to be ratified by the
THE TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Allen Funt would approve of this and be able to say once
again, “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.” In addition to
reporting about the tentative deal on Measure B, today’s
paper also included this story…
Ready to Begin Tests of Body Cameras
—Force slated to be trained, outfitted with devices by
end of June—
News — July 16, 2015
SAN JOSE — The San Jose Police Department is on the
verge of putting itself in league with other big cities
as it rolls out a body camera trial in the coming week.
The trial comes after years of efforts to employ the
cameras, a bid that outlasted multiple police chiefs and
recently got a boost amid national outcry over improving
police transparency. The current program has been 18
months in development, with a three-month field test
Fifteen officers in patrol and special operations will
spend four weeks each testing three types of cameras,
two made by Taser International — including an eyeglass-
mounted model — and one from Vievu, a company headed by
a former Oakland police sergeant. The cameras cost $400
to $600 apiece; the city estimates it will spend about
$1 million on the camera equipment to outfit a force of
about 950, about half of whom are assigned to patrol.
Fifteen officers will test three types of cameras, two
made by Taser
International and one from Vievu. The cameras cost $400
to $600 each.
Officer Christian Camarillo wears a body camera, above,
at a news
conference at the San Jose Police Department. A
model, below, is among the cameras that will be tested.
As currently outlined, the pilot will continue through
October, after which the department will process field
test results and procurement, choose a device by March,
and have officers trained and outfitted by the end of
It’s a slightly accelerated timeline from the
department’s initially proposed September deployment .
Mayor Sam Liccardo moved it up after this newspaper in
May published an analysis of police data that revealed
blacks and Latinos were stopped, searched or temporarily
detained at percentages far exceeding their portion of
the city’s population.
At an unveiling of the Taser products Wednesday at
police headquarters, project leader Sgt. Elle Washburn
addressed questions about public access and video
retention, noting that they largely fall under existing
Under the current policy, freshly minted in the spring,
video would be released on a case-by-case basis in
consultation with city counsel and under the discretion
of the police chief, in scenarios of massive public
Plans to outfit San Jose police with body cameras
sputtered during the past few years. The program was
left in limbo after Chief Chris Moore retired in 2013.
Earlier, during Chief Rob Davis’ term, SJPD conducted a
short-term test of body cameras for Taser.
The use of body cameras has received a national push by
civil-rights groups in the wake of police distrust
evoked by events in places such as Ferguson, Missouri;
Staten Island, New York; and North Charleston, South
Carolina, where unarmed black men were killed by police.
The public goodwill returns have been promising, albeit
in limited samples . Oakland, which fully outfitted its
force with body cameras in 2013, has seen the number of
use-of-force incidents drop dramatically, to 611 last
year, compared with more than 2,000 incidents in 2009.
Complaints from residents there dropped to 1,052 last
year, down from a recent peak of 2,598 in 2012, a year
marked by frequent Occupy Oakland protests.
In Rialto, San Bernardino County, police say that in
2012, the first year officers wore body cameras,
instances where they used force dropped by 59percent and
complaints from residents fell by nearly 88 percent.
During the San Jose field test, police will tally
complaints and compare them to similar periods from
previous years to gauge the hoped-for deterrent effects
— on officers against bad behavior and on residents
against frivolous abuse claims.
I just want to thank you for putting out the information
about my wife's passing (she died on April 24, 2015).
Your efforts generated emails, phone calls and cards. My
son Angelo recently got me a MacBook Pro and showed me
how to use it, so I have finally joined the 21st
Century. Kathleen was the one who would log on to the
Internet for me on our old computer so I could read the
I really appreciate all the work you and Leroy do.
If it’s helpful at all, Phil, know that you are not
alone. There are lots of other Farsider readers who have
lost a spouse and have gone through what you have
• • • • •
As you may know, I have been retired from the PD for
eight years now and since then have remained active in
the law enforcement community. As the vice president of
the Los Angeles Police Emerald Society Pipes and Drums,
I am in charge of fundraising activity for the not-for-
profit 501(c)(3) organization. The band’s primary
mission is to honor fallen law enforcement and military
personnel by performing at funerals, services and other
events. This year, members of the band have played in
services in California, Oregon, Arizona, and Washington
DC for Police Memorial Week. We will be going again next
year but it will be extra special.
The Band has been selected to be the host band in
Washington DC for National Police Week in 2016. This is
a huge honor for us to lead all the Piping Events
including the Capital Lawn Ceremony. No west coast band
has ever been asked to do this honor. Every year at the
memorial, LAPD officers in the band perform a special
tribute to their fallen officers at the Memorial Wall. I
would like to start this tradition for the San Jose
Police Officers starting next year at the spot where
Michael Johnson’s name can be found. To assist the band
in performing in this honorable event, I’m asking for
support from the SJPD family.
We are gearing up for our “Fourth Annual Cigars Under
the Stars Fundraiser 2015.” This fun event will be held
at the world famous Santa Anita Race Track in Arcadia,
CA (LA County). Last year we sold out of 400 tickets and
hope to reach or exceed this number this year.
Attached is our electronic flyer. Can you please put
this brief explanation and the flyer/brochure in the
Farsider? The organization is a not-for-profit 501 (c)
(3), so the attendee’s donation can be tax deductible.
More information is available on the brochure.
Supporters can go to the website and purchase tickets or
make donations here:
Please let me know if you have any questions.
SJPD Sergeant, #2249 (Ret.)
Vice President, Los Angeles Police Emerald Society Pipes
Ed. — Clicking
HERE will download the flyer that Brian referenced
in his message.
• • • • •
If this was in the Farsider previously I must have
missed it. It’s PG13, but a funny clip.
Apparently you did miss it, Ron, as it was in the
Farsider in Aug. of last year. But because so many of us
still don’t look good naked anymore and want reassurance
that we aren’t the only one,
HERE it is again…
• • • • •
This guy spoke for me when he posted his rant on
Facebook. We need someone like him to occupy the White
By Junius P. Long
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a
license, but not for being in the country illegally, you
live in a country run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a
field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get
an abortion, you live in a country run by idiots.
If you have to show identification to board an airplane,
cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book,
but not to vote on who runs the government, you live in
a country run by idiots.
If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding
citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten
rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy
leaders in Egypt, you live in a country run by idiots.
If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas,
but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary
drink might make you fat, you live in a country run by
If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the
TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her
neck and head searched, you live in a country run by
If your government believes that the best way to
eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend
trillions more, you live in a country run by idiots.
If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of grade
school for saying his teacher is "cute," but hosting a
sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is
perfectly acceptable, you live in a country run by
If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and
more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded
with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing
and free cell phones, you live in a country run by
If the government's plan for getting people back to work
is to incentivize NOT working, with 99 weeks of
unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they
applied but can't find work, you live in a country run
If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself
makes you more "safe" according to the government, you
live in a country run by idiots.
If you are offended by this article, you probably voted
for the idiots who are running our country into the
RETIREES’ ASSN. BARBECUE SCHEDULED — SIGN UP NOW
Association of Retired San Jose Police Officers &
Announces its 32nd Annual BBQ
of Monterey Highway in Coyote Valley
August 20, 2015
to 7:00 PM
Served at 5:00 PM
Cob, Salad, Garlic Bread,
Drinks, Beer & Wine
Checks Payable to:
Jose, CA 95159.
need a count of Retirees and Spouses
be attending the BBQ by August 15, 2015.
something comes up and you are not able to attend,
know by sending e-mail to
FROM 101 South: Take the Bernal Road Exit West - Right
turn: turn right at the 2nd stop light - you will dead
end into Monterey Road. Turn left: go 1 mile south to
Metcalf Road - turn left: make immediate right turn
(approx. 50 yds.): follow that road to Coyote Ranch.
FROM 85 South: Take Bernal Exit West - Right turn (DO
NOT GET ON 101): turn right at the 1st stop light - you
will dead end into Monterey Road. Turn left: go 1 mile
south to Metcalf Road - turn left: make immediate right
turn (approx. 50 yds.): follow that road to Coyote
CONGRATS TO THE “BIRTHDAY BOYS” FROM LAST NIGHT’S PBA
what one might assume is a pic of a Medicare convention,
these are PBA members who attended last night’s monthly
meeting and were celebrating a July birthday.
Congratulations to all for making it this far in life.
(L-R) Brian Bennert, Phil Rodgers, Bruce Raye, Bruce
Fair, Wilbur Mitchell, Bill Clark, Tom Cannell, Rick
Botar, Armando Elemen, Mike Mendez, Ivan Comelli, Ron
Tannehill and Jim Wagner.
THE LATE JIM HOBER WOULD BE PROUD OF HIS SON’S
Laurie McNamara (JoeMac’s widow) sent us a link to this
story from yesterday’s Santa Cruz Sentinel. As one of
many friends and former coworkers of the late Sgt. Jim
Hober, we are sure that Jim is looking down at his son
with an extreme amount of pride…
Names Dave Hober Police Chief
Cruz Sentinel — July 15, 2015
The new top cop in Monterey wants to use data to better
track crime trends and implement “proactive policing.”
Dave Hober, 49, began as an assistant chief in February
and has been interim chief since May. A longtime San
Jose police officer, Hober’s appointment as police chief
became official Wednesday, and he will earn a base
salary of $177,288 a year.
“I feel absolutely humbled, privileged and lucky to be
able to have this job. It’s an absolute dream come
true,” he said. “I loved working as a police officer in
a big city but I’m a small town guy.”
Hober said he wants to use “proactive policing” to stop
crime before it occurs, which can mean greater
interaction with the community to prevent crime. He also
wants to rely on weekly reports from analysts to follow
“The officers have a good feeling of what is going on
but, sometimes, if we have issues like bike theft or
people breaking into cars,” he said, “we can pinpoint
where those things are happening so officers can focus
Although Monterey is a low-crime city, Hober said issues
such as thefts can be major issues to residents. He said
there is at least one bike stolen a week.
He said officers are aware of people who are “involved
in crime,” namely those on probation and parole.
“So, when we start having crime we can look in those
areas,” he said.
Hober started at the San Jose Police Department in 1988,
moving up the ranks from officer, to sergeant,
lieutenant and captain. He has graduate degrees in
criminal justice administration and public
administration from San Jose State University. He took a
leave from San Jose Police from 1996 to 1997 to work as
a special agent with the Federal Bureau of
Monterey city manager Mike McCarthy said in a news
release the city is “extremely fortunate” to have Hober.
“He has already demonstrated excellent leadership
capabilities and a strong passion for public service,”
McCarthy said. “I am confident Chief Hober’s experience,
work ethic and education will continue to ensure
Monterey remains a safe and outstanding community.”
Just two finalists were considered for the job, Monterey
spokeswoman Anne McGrath said.
Hober has not shied away from the public eye, appearing
front and center during Monterey’s debates over massage
business regulations. In San Jose, Hober was
instrumental in returning a mine-resistant,
ambush-protected troop transport vehicle, or MRAP, after
concerns in the community over the federal tank-like
vehicle patrolling the streets.
The biggest crime since Hober came to Monterey was a
fatal shooting by alleged gang members at Del Monte
Beach on a Saturday night in March.
He said he’s been meeting with the community and that
officers are there at least twice a night on Thursdays,
Fridays and Saturdays, adding that the neighborhood is
“probably patrolled more than any other area.”
Hober said he often goes there himself on Saturday
nights, but has only had to ask people to put out fires
not in bonfire pits.
DO YOU RIDE TO LIVE AND LIVE TO RIDE?
It would be easy to write this article off as a hoax or
a parody, but because it’s from the July 14th edition of
the Washington Post, we’re thinking it might be wise for
us to disassociate ourselves from all of you who ride a
Rich-Joseph Facun /AP Images for Harley Davidson
MSNBC correspondent Jeremy Lancaster sat down with
government official Darrin Cornia to discuss recent
rumors that have been in circulation in regard to
registered motorcycle owners being placed on a
classified FBI gang list.
Darrin Cornia who currently holds a position within the
National Security Branch of the government agreed to
complete transparency prior to the interview with
MSNBC’s Jeremy Lancaster and did remain direct and
seemingly forthright throughout his conversation with
After a few moments of introduction, Lancaster bluntly
asked the following question,” Mr. Cornia, if I were to
make the statement, all registered motorcycle owners are
currently showing on a classified FBI gang list, would
the statement be true or false?
Cornia responded by saying, “That would be a true
statement, the FBI has been collecting and compiling
Department of Motor Vehicles and Drivers License
Division records for the purpose of adding those that
own motorcycles to a classified gang list since 1994.
Lancaster asked Cornia to explain the reasoning behind
the list which seems inappropriately broad, to Cornia
answered the question with the following statement,
“It’s nothing more than collecting and utilizing data.
We may not like to admit it, but the truth of the matter
is that those that own and operate motorcycles are 67%
more likely to be involved in illegal or criminal
activity than those that do not own or operate a
The National Security Official went on to explain, “It’s
the same as firearms, if local P.D or Highway Patrol
were to pull someone over that is a registered firearm
owner, that officer has the right to know this
information going into the interaction, the same could
be said about a local P.D or Highway Patrol Officer that
pulled over a registered motorcycle owner, the
situations are honestly interchangeable in the eyes of
National and Homeland Security.
MSNBC correspondent Jeremy Lancaster asked Cornia if
placing citizens on a gang list just because they are
registered motorcycle owners is considered as profiling,
Cornia responded to the question by saying, “as a nation
do we complain when we add someone that has a Crips or
Bloods tattoo to a gang list even though the individual
swears up and down that they don’t have gang
affiliation? Again these are 2 situations that are
interchangeable, we can’t pick and choose.”
Lancaster asked how individuals can find out if they are
on this classified gang list to which Cornia responded,
“Did you register a motorcycle or obtain a Class M
license anytime between the year 1994 and 2015? If so,
than you are on the list.”
The MSNBC correspondent concluded the interview by
asking Cornia, “aside from potential profiling from law
enforcement, are there potentially any additional
consequences of being on this gang list?” Cornia
responded by saying, “the purpose of the list is to
collect and utilize data, not to create consequences.
Aside from notifying law enforcement that you are a
registered motorcycle owner or operator, it can show up
to potential employers on select background checks.”
COULD “POTTY WATCHER” BE THE MOST DISGUSTING JOB IN THE
If this story — like the one above about registered
motorcycle owners — showed up in our inbox and it didn’t
cite a source or author, we would assume it was another
hoax that originated from someone’s sick imagination.
It’s not. It’s an AP story from last Sunday’s paper.
Excerpt: “There (the inmates) stay for at least 72 hours
until they complete at least three closely watched bowel
movements and a guard searches through the results.
Something is recovered from about four out of 10
‘Potty Watches’ Criticized
—Mediation panel member calls procedure ‘torture’—
Thompson, Associated Press
News — July 12, 2015
SACRAMENTO — California uses a controversial method to
recover contraband from inmates believed to have
swallowed it or concealed it in body cavities: “potty
watches” where inmates are handcuffed and shackled for
days or even weeks while guards watch around-the-clock
until nature takes its course.
Prison officials say the watches are necessary to
recover weapons, cellphones and notes passed among
inmates to coordinate illegal gang activities. Some
recovered items seem truly bizarre: a can opener,
hearing aids, and an entire electric tattoo kit. The
watches have been used 1,200 times in the last 2½ years,
yet state reports show that they produced results less
than 41 percent of the time. Other large states have far
less restrictive ways of searching for contraband. “It
was the worst two weeks of my life,” recalled Raymond
Kidd, who was on contraband watch at Folsom State Prison
for 13 days in 2011 that found nothing. “I had to be
duct-taped and gift-wrapped and shackled, 24-7, even
while I slept.”
The Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation’s
inspector general reported procedural problems this
spring in nearly half of the contraband watch cases his
office reviewed. Suspected smugglers are strip-searched,
then placed in an isolation cell in which the toilet has
been covered and the water turned off. Their clothing is
taped shut at the waist and legs to prevent them from
physically reaching body cavities, their hands are
cuffed to a chain around their waist and their legs may
be shackled. If they fight back, they can be strapped
down by the arms and legs. What are known as “hand
isolation devices” — similar to oven mitts — can be used
with a warden’s approval.
There they stay for at least 72 hours or until they
complete at least three closely watched bowel movements
and a guard searches through the results. Something is
recovered from about four out of 10 inmates.
“It’s a fairly low percentage and people who aren’t
guilty are being put through torture,” said Laura
Magnani, an American Friends Service Committee program
director who sits on a committee that mediates between
the prison system and inmates. “I mean, people are
shocked when they hear of this.”
Inmates are restrained to keep them from re-swallowing
items and it is the inmates who can prolong the process
by refusing to eat, department spokesman Jeffrey
“We still have to have some way to determine if inmates
have something in their bodies or they don’t,”
Corrections Secretary Jeffrey Beard said in an
interview. He said the department has reduced the number
of watches in recent years and is exploring scanning
technology that could one day replace them.
California’s current practice goes well beyond those of
Texas, with the nation’s largest state prison system,
and Florida, which closely trails California’s inmate
population, along with Michigan, keep inmates who are
suspected of swallowing contraband isolated for no more
than 48 hours in a cell with the water turned off.
Illinois and Georgia wait until inmates have one bowel
movement, while New York waits for two. Ohio inmates can
be kept in the cell up to seven days. The states would
not disclose how often contraband is found.
California is the only state to chain inmates while they
are in isolation cells, and its watches can last two
weeks and longer — one stretched 52 days in 2013 before
the inmate was transferred to a psychiatric hospital.
Kidd said his girlfriend was chewing gum when he kissed
her in the visiting room; guards watching on a video
screen suspected she had passed him a balloon full of
drugs that he swallowed during the kiss.
Eating with both hands chained to his waist “was a
circus act. It was a game of maneuvering the best you
could to get your hands to your mouth,” he recalled. In
the end, guards found nothing.
The watches were upheld by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of
Appeals last year in a decision authored by Appellate
Judge Jay Bybee. Critics note that Bybee previously was
a high-ranking U.S. Justice Department lawyer who helped
write memos authorizing CIA interrogators to use
waterboarding and other harsh tactics on terrorism
suspects. One judge dissented in part, saying restraints
and brightly-lit cells could cause unconstitutional
State rules now call for providing a mattress and
blanket and dimming the lights at night, if guards can
still see the inmate. Guards are supposed to avoid
applying duct tape directly to an inmate’s skin and are
to periodically free hands and legs, one at a time, for
five minutes of exercise.
The changes are a positive step, said Caleb Mason, the
lawyer who lost in the 9th Circuit decision.
But he said failing to find contraband 60 percent of the
time “is a good reason to discontinue the procedure,
given the extreme invasion of human dignity that is
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
July 13: Today Scott Walker announced that he is running
for president, making him the 15th Republican candidate
to enter the race. Which I think means we get the 16th
one for free. I’ve got a punch card.
Scott Walker’s campaign slogan is “Reform. Growth.
Safety.” Which is actually similar to Donald Trump's new
slogan: “Mexico. Money. Crazy.”
Thousands of people across the country went skinny
dipping this weekend in an attempt to break the 2009
world record of 13,648 skinny dippers. Then the sharks
said, “Cool, they already took the wrappers off these.”
While he was in Bolivia last week, Pope Francis stopped
off at a Burger King to change his clothes before Mass.
I’m no expert but I can assure you that’s the best thing
that’s ever happened in a Burger King bathroom in
July 14: It was announced today that Iran has reached a
deal with the U.S. to limit its nuclear program and send
most of its uranium to Russia. Then Americans said,
“That’s great! Wait, WHAT?”
The president of Iran prematurely announced the nuclear
deal on Twitter yesterday before it was official. Which
isn’t that big a deal until you realize the guy who
almost had nukes is known for accidentally hitting
Yesterday President Obama announced that he is commuting
the sentences of 46 prisoners, most of whom committed
nonviolent crimes. Then those 46 convicts said,
“Actually we already escaped. Thanks for thinking of us,
Police in Germany are trying to find the owner of a
plastic bag filled with $200,000 after it recently fell
from a tree at a local campsite. Then Greece said, “Can
we get like 10 million of those trees?”
July 8: We're here in San Diego for Comic-Con. Comic-Con
is the only place where you can meet a Superman whose
kryptonite is his nut allergy.
It seems like every business in San Diego jacks up their
prices this week. It's gotten so bad the NFL team has
changed its name to the San Diego Overchargers.
Tickets for Comic-Con sold out in one hour. The last
time something sold out that fast it was when George
Lucas met with Disney.
Earlier this week 2,000 gallons of bleach were spilled
right outside of San Diego. Just when you thought
Comic-Con couldn't get any whiter.
The New York Stock Exchange was shut down today for four
hours due to a technical glitch. They would have fixed
it sooner but unfortunately all the people who know how
are here at Comic-Con.
July 9: Welcome to our show in San Diego for Comic-Con
week. Comic-Con has been around for 46 years. This is
the 46th anniversary of people asking each other: "Is
William Shatner wearing a wig or what?"
It's embarrassing when you complement someone on a
costume and they say, "It's not a costume."
I've seen a lot of folks dressed as "The Walking Dead."
Although many of them might be better described as the
dead who could stand to do a bit more walking.
Comic-Con has officially banned selfie sticks and
e-cigarettes, which is too bad. Because now when I see
someone smoking an e-cigarette, I have nothing to beat
July 10: We have the cast of "Game of Thrones" tonight.
I went to see them in the green room. They're all dead.
The cast of "The Walking Dead" is also here. They were
in the green room. They're eating the bodies of the cast
of "Game of Thrones."
The new "Star Wars" movie was directed by J.J. Abrams.
"Star Wars" fans were very excited until they realized
that J.J. stands for Jar Jar.
Comic-Con is a hot bed for romantic action. Yesterday I
was checking out San Diego's Craigslist personals. The
categories were men seeking women, women seeking men,
and Marvel seeking D.C.
July 13: Everyone is trying to save Greece. If you have
any ideas, let's hear them.
One economist is proposing that the way to save Greece
is to take Greece's $56 billion in assets and move them
to an offshore bank account. And his second proposal is
to bring the Parthenon to the next "Antiques Road Show."
Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may
be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They
ARE sending us their best.
The drug lord is on the run. His name is El Chapo.
Donald Trump is in a Twitter feud with this Mexican drug
lord. It's historic — the first time Americans have ever
sided with a Mexican drug lord.
July 14: The Obama administration announced a deal with
Iran that would prevent the Iranians from making a
nuclear weapon. In exchange, we're giving the Iranians
Iran is celebrating the nuclear deal. The Iranians are
going crazy. They're drinking non-alcoholic champagne
and thinking about dancing. That's how excited they are.
Today Donald Trump's official Twitter account
accidentally tweeted a photo of him that also had images
of Nazis in it. The Nazis are furious.
Mexico is offering a $3.8 million reward for information
leading to the capture of the escaped billionaire drug
lord, El Chapo. Mexico said they'll get the money by
borrowing it from El Chapo.
July 13: We were off for three weeks. I took my family
back to London. We just got back yesterday and I am
incredibly jet-lagged. I'm also baby-lagged because my
wife and I had to fly from London to Los Angeles with
two children under the age of 5.
If you took a picture of my family going through the
airport, it is just carnage. We don't look like we're
going to our home where all our belongings are. We look
like we're fleeing Syria.
Normally you'd get on the plane able to relax. Except
you don't because when you have two children, a
4-year-old and an 8-month-old daughter, you have to deal
with everyone else on the plane staring at you with
absolute disdain. You feel like Donald Trump at a Cinco
de Mayo party.
You try to find ways to calm your kids down, but
apparently, according to British Airways, those cute
little kid-sized bottles of alcohol aren't actually for
Just 14: The New Horizons spacecraft made its
long-awaited flyby of Pluto. It's been 10 years and $700
million in the making. People say they see all kinds of
things in the new photo of Pluto. Some saw a heart shape
or a flower. I don't know what to make of this but I saw
a dad who is never quite proud enough of his son. It's
They apparently put the ashes of the scientists who
discovered Pluto in the spaceship. We sent the ashes of
a dead guy into space. Isn't that what mobsters do when
they send a toe or a finger? This doesn't seem like a
friendly gesture. It seems like a threat, doesn't it?
Another cool launch and a cool landing happened today.
It was the world's first quadruple flip ever on a BMX
bike. It was fantastic. And all it cost them was zero
dollars and three concussions.
July 13: After 17 hours of negotiations, European
leaders agreed early this morning to a tentative deal to
resolve the debt crisis in Greece. Seventeen hours — or
as Greeks call that, a workweek.
Donald Trump’s Miss USA Pageant was last night. The
title went to the contestant who was the meanest to Miss
One of the contestants during last night’s Miss USA
Pageant said she wished Oprah Winfrey was eligible to
replace Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill. To which
Oprah responded, “They make $10 bills?”
July 14: According to a new poll, 55 percent of
Americans do not trust that Iran will abide by the terms
of the nuclear deal. It’s the same 55 percent who are
running for the Republican nomination.
According to a new nationwide poll, Donald Trump now
leads all other Republican presidential candidates. But
come on, if we elect him you know he’ll just leave us
for a younger country.
A new survey shows 30 percent of Americans believe
legalizing marijuana will make driving less safe. Though
marijuana users believe that legalization will make
driving less likely.
Tomorrow, July 15, is a rare day when no professional
sporting events will take place in the U.S. It's causing
millions of fathers everywhere to ask, “Why can’t your
dance recital be today?”
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
HERE for the most current update.
• • • • •
36-second snipped of baby
PIPER clearly for the first time after her parents
slip on a pair of corrective glasses, and we can almost
guarantee it will make you smile. (0:36)
• • • • •
Don’t let it be said there isn’t a
POSITIVE side to using your smart phone to take a
• • • • •
I used to fly model airplanes when I was a kid back in
the ‘50s, but that was long before a person could fly
them by radio control. Back in the U-Control days, model
airplanes flew only in circles with the “pilot” standing
in the middle while holding on to a handle with two
lines attached to the left wing that controlled the up
and down movement of the elevator. To say that the hobby
has come a long way over the past 60 years is a vast
WATCH what this guy can do with a model of a Russian
aerobatic plane equipped with smoke generators while it
dances in the air to some great music. (7:09)
• • • • •
Along similar lines to the above, I’m thinking that
these radio-control enthusiasts got tired of crashing
their airplanes and decided to use their RC equipment
for something a little more crash resistant. Check
THIS out. (3:34)
• • • • •
Mike Thompson says he wants one of these flying video
cameras for Christmas, so I was thinking of taking up a
collection so Santa could bring him one. It’s the
perfect toy for the active person who skis, boats, runs,
hikes, you name it. On second thought, cancel that idea.
Mike’s primary physical activity is much like my own in
that it consists mostly of taking out the trash. Even
so, you’ve gotta admit
THIS is an awesome toy. (1:46)
According to the LilyCamera website, you can pre-order
one of these flying cameras that will retail for $999
now for $600 and change. Click
HERE if you are interested.
• • • • •
This item that has made four previous appearances in the
Farsider over the past eight years has been updated to
Raises its Alert Levels Due to the Rise of ISIS
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
events in the Middle East and have raised their security
level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, security levels
may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit
Cross” should ISIS make even more advances. The English
have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.”
The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance”
warning level was in 1588 when they were threatened by
the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed
Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any
other levels. This is the reason they have been used on
the front lines of the British Army for the last 300
The French government announced that it has raised its
terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two
higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and
“Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France‘s white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased its alert level from “Shout Loudly
and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two
more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and
The Germans have increased their alert state from
“Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels:
“Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as
usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO
pulling out of Brussels, which is possible given the
economic problems experienced by Greece. Italy, Spain
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have
glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really
good look at the old Spanish Navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from
“No worries” to “She’ll be okay, Mate.” Two more
escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to
cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is
canceled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of
the last final escalation level.
And as a final thought, Greece is collapsing, the
Iranians are getting more aggressive, and Rome is in
disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
Contrary to popular believe, neither this item nor a
variation thereof was penned by comedian John Cleese,
a/k/a The Tall Person.
• • • • •
If some entrepreneur brings back the Roy Rogers Quick
Trigger Shooter Hat and makes it available in the Windy
City, Leroy and I want in. Such an
INVESTMENT could make us rich. (0:48)
• • • • •
What a cool idea (pun intended). If you want or need a
room air conditioner that is an easy build,
THIS clip from Jim Silvers may be the answer. (5:32)
• • • • •
If you are looking for an affectionate and loving kitty
THIS young lady is willing to give you hers. She
first advertised it on YouTube in Aug. of last year, and
we have no idea why there have been no takers. (1:58)
• • • • •
An elderly woman had just returned home from a church
service when she was startled by an intruder. She caught
the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables
and yelled: “Stop! Acts 2:38.” (Repent and be Baptized
in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be
The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained to the
responding officer what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man and began to walk him to
his patrol car he asked the burglar, “Why did you just
stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture
“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an
Ax and two .38s.”
• • • • •
From our Suspicions Confirmed Dept. comes this evidence
that the Claw Machines you can find in arcades and some
restaurants like Pizza Hut are rigged. Keep
THIS in mind the next time your grandkid is begging
you for some quarters so he or she can try and win a
stuffed animal. (3:50)
• • • • •
This clip received from Bob Kosovilka could help explain
PUTIN has invaded part of the Ukraine and why he
wants to bring the country back into what used to be the
• • • • •
The Tour de France has been held since 1903, with a few
interruptions during the wartime. Although spectators
flock to see the prestigious event in person each year,
most have never seen it quite like
• • • • •
We don’t know who authored this, but it is moving from
inbox to inbox...
Greek Bailout Explained
It’s a slow day in a little Greek village. The rain is
beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are
tough. Everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on
On this day a rich German tourist is driving through the
village, stops at the local hotel and lays a E100 note
on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect
the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the
night in. The owner gives him some keys. As soon as the
visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the E100
note and runs next door to pay the butcher, who takes
the E100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt
to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the E100 note and heads off to pay
his drinks bill at the taverna. The pub owner slips the
money along to the local prostitute who is drinking at
the bar. She has also been facing hard times and has had
to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then
rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the
hotel owner with the E100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the E100 note on the
counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks
up the E100 note, states that the rooms are not
satisfactory, pockets the money and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However the whole village is now out of debt and looking
to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that is how the bail out packages in Greece have
• • • • •
(Warning: R-rated content)
If you choose to take a bus tour of Italy, you will
either want to go out of your way to avoid this ice
cream vendor — or you may choose to seek him out. Your
call. The background laughter of
THIS video clip shows how the normally staid
personalities of some middle-aged women can change when
they travel abroad with others like themselves. (2:24)
• • • • •
At first we thought the GoPro video camera stolen by
THIS seagull was gone forever. Then it dawned on us
that the camera was eventually recovered since it is
unlikely that the bird knew how to upload the video to
• • • • •
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a
day roaming around in Madrid, Spain.
While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next
table. Not only did it look good, the smell was
He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?”
The waiter replied, “Si senor, you have excellent taste!
Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles, from
the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!”
The cowboy said, “What the heck, bring me an order.”
The waiter replied, “I am so sorry, senor. There is only
one serving per day because there is only one bull fight
each morning. If you come early and place your order, we
will be sure to save you this delicacy.”
The Texan returned the next morning, placed his order,
and that evening was served the one and only special
delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to
the waiter and said, “These are delicious, but they are
much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Si,
Senor. The bull, sometimes he wins.”
• • • • •
This underwater footage from Fiji and Tonga is touted to
have an almost 3-D effect and be among the best ever
captured on video, according to Bruce Morton. We agree
that it is spectacular footage, which is backed up by
over 27 million views. Click
HERE to view the clip. (4:49)
• • • • •
Raise your hand if you remember
THIS sage advice the nation received a few years ago
from Uncle Joe Biden about shotguns vs. AR-15s. (1:59)
• • • • •
Watch this week’s
CLOSER and the message at the very end may reinforce
something you were taught when you were a kid. If you
were not, perhaps you should have been. (7:08)
• • • • •
Pic of the Week
A shameless plug for our favorite high school eatery...
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 7/16/15
Additions and changes since the last published update
(alphabetical by last name):
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Abram, Fred & Connie
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Long (Huntwork), Eunice
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve