The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
RETIRED SERGEANT RAUL MARTINEZ, SR.
Born July 19, 1948
Appointed July 1975
Retired Jan. 2002
Died July 6, 2018
Last Sunday, July 8th, Officer Raul Martinez, Jr. posted the following message on the 10-7ODSJ Facebook page:
I have been getting a lot of inquiries so I am confirming that my father, Raul Martinez Sr. (Badge 1735), passed this past Friday night due to heart complications. More to follow about services. My family and I thank everyone for their thoughts.
Two days later, on Tuesday, July 10th, Raul Jr. advised of the following:
Attached are the scheduled services for my father. All are welcome. The Martinez family thanks everyone for their kind words, thoughts, and prayers during this difficult time. God bless everyone.
will be held at Oak Hill Memorial Park, 300 Curtner
Ave., San Jose 95125
Viewing in Room E
Wednesday, July 18, from 9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m.
Family and Friends will speak in remembrance of his life at 6:00 p.m.
Funeral Service in the Oaks Chapel
Thursday, July 19, from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m.
Interment, meet in front of the lobby area
Wednesday, July 25, from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m.
Followed by a Celebration of Life luncheon at
the SJPOA Hall from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.
Raul Jr.’s Facebook postings generated
140 messages of remembrance and condolences from friends and former coworkers
of his father on the SJPD 10-7ODSJ Facebook page.
They included the following message and photo posted by David Dulong…
Raul, I'm very sorry to hear about the passing of your father. I had the honor of working on his first patrol team after getting promoted. He was an "old school" cop and a great Sergeant to work for. A team photo taken at sunrise in DM reminds me of the fun times we had working for your Dad on the Eastside. Take comfort in knowing that he made a positive impact on so many officers. Please accept my deepest condolences. Godspeed Sgt. Raul Martinez #1735. You will always be 10-8 in our hearts.
No obituary is planned. For questions, comments or to express
condolences, Raul Jr. can be contacted at <Martinez.email@example.com>
Since the POA sent this out 1 week ago, it would be wise to
call the POA and ensure that tickets are still available
We now have tickets for sale to the San Francisco Giants Law Enforcement Appreciation Night. Please see the flyer below for more details.
Due to the number of leftover tickets that were reserved and never picked up in previous years, we are requiring payment upon reservation of tickets. If you cannot make it in to the POA office, please call us at: (408) 298-1133 or email <firstname.lastname@example.org> with the following information:
• Name on credit card
• Credit card number
• Credit card expiration date
• 3 digits on the back of the card
• Billing address
• Number of tickets you would like to purchase
While this column is about CalPERS and CalSTRS, it doesn’t mean that our Police & Fire and Federated retirement systems are immune from criticism and change. What is a surprise is that Chuck Reed and Pete Constant are not mentioned in this story even once…
Need More Candor About Rising Pension Costs
By Dan Walters — Cal Matters Columnist
Mercury News — July 8, 2018
California’s economy may be booming, but throughout the state, local governments—including school districts—are feeling the financial pinch and asking their voters to approve new taxes of one kind or another.
There were 111 local tax measures on the June primary election ballot, the vast majority of which passed, according to municipal finance guru Michael Coleman of CaliforniaCityFinance.com.
Dozens more—sales taxes, parcel taxes, marijuana taxes, utility taxes and hotel taxes— are being planned for the Nov. 6 general election.
So why are so many local entities feeling strapped?
Local officials will tell you, if you don’t quote them by name, that it’s mostly because their mandatory payments into the state’s two big pension funds are soaring.
The California Public Employees Retirement System (CalPERS) and the California State Teachers Retirement System (CalSTRS) lost tens of billions of dollars during the recession a decade ago and have never fully recovered.
CalPERS has steadily and sharply increased financial demands from cities, counties and school districts for their civil service workers while the Legislature and Gov. Jerry Brown cranked up contributions to CalSTRS from school systems to cover teacher pensions.
However, while seeking more money from their voters to cover their ever-increasing retirement costs, local officials have been very reluctant to say it’s for pensions, fearing backlash at the polls. Rather, on the advice of high-priced “consultants,” they promise the new taxes will enhance such popular services as police and fire protection and parks.
We can expect more such propaganda this fall, leading up to the election.
One example is in Sacramento, whose mayor, Darrell Steinberg, wants his voters to reauthorize a half-cent sales tax that will soon expire and to add another half-cent.
In a recent speech, he called his proposal “a real game changer” that would finance affordable housing, shelters and services for the homeless, job training in low-income communities and small-business incentives.
However, simple arithmetic tells us otherwise. The additional half-cent of sales tax would generate less than $40 million a year, city budget documents say, while by the city’s own estimate, its mandatory payments to CalPERS are expected to increase from $81.6 million a year to $129 million by 2023.
To its credit, the Sacramento Bee pointed out the looming effect of the city’s rising pension costs. The state’s other news media should follow suit as their local officials tout the benefits of increasing taxes. Reporters can easily calculate projected pension cost increases from CalPERS data and the potential revenues from sales tax data.
Meanwhile, one city just a half-hour’s drive from Sacramento is doing it the right way, telling voters why it needs more money.
Lodi also will place a half-cent sales tax increase on the November ballot and its officials are not shy about the reason.
Lodi City Manager Steve Schwabauer has been a leading figure in efforts to persuade CalPERS to moderate its demands, arguing that cities such as his will face insolvency unless they get relief or persuade voters to raise taxes.
Schwabauer told the city council, before it voted unanimously to ask voters for the tax hike, that without it the city will see operating deficits beginning next year.
“The cause of this, pointblank, is CalPERS and our pension fund, and I have spent at least two years of my life fighting with CalPERS,” Councilwoman JoAnne Mounce said.
Such candor may not make it easier to persuade voters, but it’s the right thing to do.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Nothing of note this week.
Incredible! The Morgan Hill parade outdid itself this year and it was a real international show. It is getting so big there is talk of developing the San Martin Airport into an international hub. I took a few photos that are enclosed.
One is the Women's Republican Club of Morgan Hill, the other was the Democratic Men's Float that headed up the parade.
Some of these ladies don't live in a normal house; they live in gymnasiums with swimming pools inside and a cricket field in the back yard. The Democratic men don’t know where they live.
Mike (Egan) <email@example.com>
You're off your meds again, aren't you Mike?
• • • • •
Did you know that you do not have to be a resident of Arizona to apply for a CCW card? The process is simple and cheap. Sixty dollars and a little time will get you a CCW card good for five years. Thirty four states honor the Arizona CCW card. For more information go to <https://www.azdps.gov/>
Bill (Yarbrough) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
• • • • •
I don’t know if you would be interested in this video showing Rachel Maddow’s expert predictions about the outcome of the presidential election, but I found it hilarious.
Red State <email@example.com>
The clip Red sent in can be seen HERE, but first, here’s a warning for those of you who are fans of the MSNBC anchor: Reading the comments under the screen may cause you to throw a brick at your monitor. (4:28)
Speaking of the election, this short clip will show you how a large number of Europeans received word that Trump won the presidency. It’s from Sky News, which is a popular satellite TV network based in the UK that broadcasts throughout all of western Europe. To be fair, Sky News is a sister network to Fox News. Both are owned by Rupert Murdoch, who also owns other media outlets. Click HERE if you are interested in watching the short clip. (2:19)
PBA's ANNUAL BBQ MEETING SET FOR NEXT WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, July 18th
Next Wednesday's (July 18th) PBA meeting will feature its once-a-year barbecue extravaganza. Hors d'oeuvres and snacks will precede the lavish dinner pictured below, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, and Sgt. at Arms Bob Moir will see to it that a full array of spirits along with a variety of beer and wine will be available at the open bar, including some single-malt sipping Scotch for the discriminating alcoholic.
PBA members are invited to bring their appetites and enjoy this annual event, but no guests. Remember, this is for members only.
NEW VANGUARD AVAILABLE
The July 2018 eVanguard is now online. Hard copies of the magazine will be arriving in the mail soon.
Click HERE, then on the image of the Vanguard to download the news magazine to your desktop.
THIS IS TAKING PLACE TODAY (THURS.) FROM 6:30 - 7:00 PM
DON’T MISS THE VIDEO ASSOCIATED WITH THIS ICE PROTEST
Philly Bike Cops Wipe Out #OccupyICE Tent City, Arrest Occupants
By Holly Matkin — Blue Lives Matter — July 6, 2018
Approximately 100 Philadelphia police officers forced
protesters to clear a pathway into the ICE building.
Philadelphia, PA — An Occupy ICE tent city outside the Philadelphia regional office for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was taken down by Philadelphia police on Thursday, as officers on bikes plowed through the encampment to clear a pathway to and from the building (video below).
Dozens of protesters had taken over the sidewalk and entry areas around the building for the past four days, WCAU reported.
In addition to calling for an end to the separation of families at the U.S. border with Mexico, the demonstrators have also demanded that an immigrant family detention center in Berks County be closed, and want the city to stop allowing ICE to access local police, prosecutorial, and court records, according to the new outlet.
"Protestors have been notified repeatedly that they are free to remain and protest at the premises, as long as they do not block the building egress or set up permanent encampments,” a spokesman for Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney told WCAU in an email. “Despite these repeated warnings today and throughout the week, a group of protestors ignored these instructions."
"No one, regardless of political view, is permitted to set up an encampment and the mayor cannot make exceptions simply because he agrees with the protesters,” the spokesman added.
According to WCAU, law enforcement officials warned the demonstrators to leave three times before approximately 100 officers were sent to clear the area.
warning: Watch footage of the officers’
clash with the irate demonstrators by clicking HERE.
Video footage showed a swarm of officers on bicycles as they descended on the encampment and ordered protesters to move back.
They tore down tents, umbrellas, and tarps as the demonstrators yelled and argued.
“We weren’t doing anything!” one man screamed. “Stop being a--holes!”
Some of the demonstrators scrambled to gather their litany of belongings, while others stood by and recorded the events. A few remained seated on the ground.
“You f--king fascist pigs!” an irate man yelled just before he raised both hands in an obscene gesture. “Damn you all to hell!”
Using their bikes as a barricade, the officers held the line and waited for the demonstrators to clear out.
When two of the protesters refused to stand, police swooped in and took them into custody. Their fellow officers surrounded them and continued to push the belligerent crowd away from the melee.
Police arrested seven individuals by the time they cleared the encampment, WCAU reported.
All were cited for failure to disperse and were released.
"We are protecting their right to protest as well as trying to keep the streets open and trying access to this building,” Deputy Commissioner of Special Operations Dennis Wilson told WPVI. “There are multiple businesses in this building so we have to make sure these entrances are kept open."
Officers had already arrested another 29 protesters who were blocking the walkway on Tuesday, according to WCAU.
Click HERE then scroll down to review comments made by the readers of this story.
The comments begin with this entry: "I would have paid good money to see the Antifa Charlton Heston ('Damn you all to hell!') getting tased when he was flipping the fingers. See how intense you look when you are collapsing to the ground crying like a little bitch, you idiot."
EXCUSE US WHILE 'WE' RANT
When you carry out a stunt on a national holiday that deprives thousands of citizens and immigrants alike from visiting the primary symbol of our nation’s freedom, a visit that many people had long planned for and eagerly looked forward to, and your selfishness brings their visit to an immediate halt, that action makes you a (fill in the word) regardless of your race or gender. And to act in this manner after immigrating to the U.S. from the DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO, which is one of the most corrupt and dangerous countries in all of Africa, makes her an ungrateful (fill in the word again). What tightens our jaws is that she will be looked upon as a hero by a sizable percentage of people. Such is life in America in the 21st century.
Climbs Statue of Liberty Amid “Abolish ICE” Protests
By Tina Moore, Larry Celona and Chris Perez
New York Post — July 4, 2018
She brought a whole new meaning to “home of the brave.”
A woman wearing pink tennis shoes and a “Rise and Resist” T-shirt turned the Fourth of July into her own personal protest Wednesday — by free-climbing the base of the Statue of Liberty.
The unidentified daredevil took Lady Liberty at around 3:33 p.m. and then toyed with police for the next three hours before she was corralled under the statue’s giant right foot.
Helicopter footage showed her lounging around, waving her protest shirt — which also said “Trump Care Makes Us Sick” — and at one point, laying on her side on the ledge about 20-30 feet above the base.
THIS is one of dozens of YouTube videos of the incident. (1:20)
Heavily armed officers from the NYPD Emergency Service Unit and US Park Police cautiously watched her from a short distance away.
The woman told investigators that she was protesting Trump’s zero-tolerance policy on immigration and separating families at the border, according to police sources.
She was reportedly saying that she wouldn’t come down until “all the children have been released.”
ESU teams first got the call about the climber less than an hour after a group of people were busted for unfurling an “Abolish I.C.E” banner on Liberty Island.
Cops said the woman told investigators that she was part of the group, but organizers later claimed that this wasn’t the case.
“The climber on the Statue of Liberty has no connection to our #abolishice action earlier today,” tweeted Rise and Resist NYC, the activist organization that planned the banner demonstration.
The group announced their stunt on social media just moments before carrying it out Wednesday.
“Rise and Resist is at the Statue of Liberty demanding Trump and the GOP #AbolishICE, reunite families now, halt deportations, and end detention as a deterrent,” they wrote on Twitter. “We will fight every day until we end our brutal racist immigration policy.”
At least 10 people were arrested for the banner demonstration on Liberty Island, according to police sources.
But the climber stole the show.
“There’s a woman climbing the Statue of Liberty behind me!” tweeted one visitor. “Happy 4th!”
Another person said: “A woman is climbing the Statue of Liberty and people are being evacuated from the island. Either that, or I was reading the plot of a Marvel superhero movie when I thought I was reading the news.”
Photos posted on Twitter at around 4:30 p.m. showed cops trying to reason with the woman. She went over and talked with them several times.
“I applaud the woman that climbed the Statue of Liberty,” wrote one Twitter user. “I can’t imagine how hard that was. I get winded after climbing the stairs at my house.”
Officials were impressed with her Spider-Man act.
“The facade of the monument there is a granite rock-like surface that the average person wouldn’t be able to scale,” explained National Park Service spokesman Jerry Willis.
“But somebody with some climbing skills would be able to pull it off,” he told The Post. “An extremely dangerous stunt to pull.”
Click HERE for a press conference featuring the immigrant climber and her
Willis said he felt bad for visitors who traveled to NYC just to see Lady Liberty on the 4th of July, only to get evacuated from Liberty Island.
“People are moved when they get here. So to have their visit cut short or denied is extremely unfortunate,” he said.
“I’m really sad for people who had to leave the island or who weren’t able to get over here at all.”
Federal government sources said that at the end of the day, park officials are to blame due to the apparent lack of security.
“You don’t need to tower like Lady Liberty to be able to see that there’s a security lapse at the National Park Service,” a source said. “The NPS is assessing the possibility of a security breach.”
• • • • •
In addition to being an activist, the Statue of Liberty climber and Congolese immigrant is a criminal, a scam artist and a publicity hound who not only got her 15 minutes of fame, she also got yours, mine and those of everyone we know. (She owes us!)
of Liberty Climber Identified as Immigrant Activist
By Larry Celon, Tina Moore and Chris Perez
New York Post — July 4, 2008
Cops say Therese Patricia Okoumou — a 44-year-old immigrant from the Democratic Republic of the Congo — was the person responsible for the Fourth of July protest.
She lives in the St. George neighborhood of Staten Island and is currently in federal custody, according to police sources.
Officers from the NYPD’s Emergency Service Unit transported her to a federal detention center Wednesday night following her three-hour standoff with authorities. Her case is being handled by prosecutors in the Southern District of New York.
Sources said Okoumou told investigators she climbed up to the feet of Lady Liberty to protest President Trump’s “zero tolerance” policy on immigration and the separation of families at the border.
According to court records, she’s a Congolese immigrant who once filed a complaint with the New York City Commission on Human Rights, seeking a judicial review and reversal of a “determination” it made regarding alleged incidents of abuse that Okoumou suffered at the hands of a social services agency on Staten Island where she worked.
Specifically, Okoumou claimed that in 2005, she was treated “in a demeaning manner” by her bosses and told that she would be fired “for complaining of discrimination.” It’s unclear why her complaint was tossed out.
In 2011, Okoumou made headlines after she was hit with an astounding 60 violations for illegally posting ads for her services as a personal trainer.
The Department of Sanitation slapped her with $4,500 in fines that year after she spent five hours one Sunday posting the fliers on Manhattan utility poles.
In 2017, she was arrested and charged with obstructing governmental administration, unlawful assembly and trespassing during a demonstration at the Department of Labor building on Varick Street. She had allegedly covered her mouth with tape and refused to respond to police demands.
On Wednesday, Okoumou told investigators she was part of a group protest organized by Rise and Resist NYC. The activists unfurled a banner on Liberty Island less than an hour before her climb that read: “ABOLISH ICE.”
Organizers initially tried to distance themselves from Okoumou’s Statue of Liberty stunt — saying she had “no connection” with their cause — but later admitted that she was part of the group.
Members described her on social media as a “total bad ass.”
“She’s very dedicated to the resistance generally, but specifically to the issues surrounding immigration and the treatment immigrants have been receiving from ICE and Customs and Border Control,” explained Jay Walker, a Rise and Resist activist. “She’s been an active member for about four or five months.”
Walker told The Post that Okoumou helped plan the banner demonstration, but carried out the Statue of Liberty stunt on her own.
“She didn’t tell any of us about this plan,” he said. “We were all really shocked.”
The group had announced their Fourth of July stunt on social media moments before carrying it out Wednesday, but made no mention of the climb.
“We were all really taken back,” Walker said. “At first, we didn’t realize it was our fellow member. It wasn’t until we were able to see closeup photos of her that we realized it was her.”
According to Walker, Rise and Resist has been working to ensure that Okoumou gets legal representation now that she’s in federal custody. He told The Post that she managed to make it up to the feet of Lady Liberty all on her own — without ropes or climbing gear.
“We came through all the security protocols that we needed to when getting onto the Liberty Island ferry,” Walker said, noting how Okoumou made it through the metal detectors.
“I guess she just had some hidden climbing skills that none of us knew about.”
WHY THE LEFT HAS ONLY ITSELF TO BLAME
Syndicated Columnist and Hoover Fellow Victor Davis Hanson has a gift of explaining complicated things in a simple yet thorough way. How did our country wind up with the progressives wanting to duke it out with the conservatives? Victor explains in this easy-to-understand column…
the Left Cannot Come to Grips with the Loss of Power
By Victor Davis Hanson
Mercury News — July 6, 2018
Key Trump administration officials have been confronted at restaurants. Rep. Maxine Waters, D-Calif., urged protesters to hound Trump officials at restaurants, gas stations or department stores.
Progressive pundits and the liberal media almost daily think up new ways of characterizing President Trump as a Nazi, fascist, tyrant or buffoon. Celebrities openly fantasize about doing harm to Trump.
What is behind the unprecedented furor?
Just as Barack Obama was not a centrist, neither is Trump. Obama promised to fundamentally transform the United States. Trump pledged to do the same and more — but in the exact opposite direction.
The Trump agenda enrages the left in much the same manner that Obamacare, the Obama tax hikes and the Iran nuclear deal goaded the right.
Yet the current progressive meltdown is about more than just political differences. The outrage is mostly about power — or rather, the utter and unexpected loss of it. In 2009, Obama seemed to usher in a progressive revolution for a generation.
Democrats controlled the House. They had a super majority in the Senate.
Democrats had gained on Republicans at the state and local levels.
A Republican had not won 51 percent of the popular vote in a presidential election since George H.W. Bush in 1988.
And then visions of a generation of progressive grandeur abruptly vanished.
Democrats lost both the House and the Senate. During Obama’s tenure, Democrats lost more than 1,000 seats at the state level.
Presumptive winner Hillary Clinton blew the 2016 presidential election.
After his election, President Trump followed the Obama precedent of relying on executive orders, Trump began recalibrating everything from immigration enforcement to energy development.
Abroad, Trump bombed ISIS into submission, canceled the Iran deal, sought to denuclearize North Korea, pulled out of the Paris climate accord and moved the U.S. Embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.
The U.S. economy took off with new tax cuts and deregulation. Radical improvement in unemployment, economic growth, and oil and natural gas production created new consumer and business confidence.
Trump is inching toward a 50 percent approval rating in a few polls while an impotent opposition grows even more furious.
Worse still, much of the loss of progressive power was at least partly self-inflicted.
Former Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid foolishly dropped the number of votes needed to overcome a filibuster for executive appointments and most judicial nominations in 2013. That blunder ensured Republicans the chance to remake the Supreme Court when they took over the Senate in 2014.
Obama chose not to try to win over his opposition, but to alienate it by veering hard left in his second term. Hillary Clinton foolishly got herself into a number of personal scandals that embarrassed her party and helped lead to her defeat.
In reaction to the sudden loss of political power, Democrats would have been wise to run to the center, as did Bill Clinton, who all but ended the era of the Reagan Republicans.
They could have attempted to win over blue-collar voters. Instead, Democrats have endlessly replayed the 2016 election. In Groundhog Day fashion, Hillary Clinton repeatedly offered tired excuses for her loss. To progressives, Trump became an evil to be destroyed.
Voters in 2016 bristled at redistribution, open borders, bigger government and higher taxes, but progressives are now promising those voters even more of what they didn’t want.
Furious over the sudden and unexpected loss of power, enraged progressives have so far done almost everything to lose even more of it.
And that paradox only leads to more furor.
WERE YOU AWARE THAT MORE THAN A MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS IN CALIF.
HAVE DRIVER’S LICENSES?
Stop the Undocumented from Getting Driver's Licenses. California Plan Would Reverse the Law
By Taryn Luna — Sacramento Bee — July 9. 2018
Hundreds of people without legal status line up inside the
Department of Motor Vehicles office in Stanton, Calif., for
an opportunity to get their driver's licenses on Jan. 2, 2015
An initiative that would reverse a law that allows immigrants residing in California illegally to obtain driver's licenses has been cleared to begin gathering signatures for the 2020 ballot.
The proposal also seeks to eliminate the current "sanctuary state" law and end automatic voter registration practices in California. Don Rosenberg, the main proponent of the proposal and a staunch opponent of illegal immigration, said he believes the plan will increase public safety, reduce voter fraud and prevent traffic fatalities.
More than 1 million illegal immigrants in California have been issued driver's licenses since Assembly Bill 60 took effect in 2015.
"The line that AB 60 will make the roads safer was totally bull," Rosenberg said. "It is not safer. It was a complete lie."
Gov. Jerry Brown signed AB 60, introduced by former Assemblyman Luis Alejo, in 2013.
Studies have found that hit-and-run accidents dropped after AB 60 became law two years later. Data from the National Safety Council show that motor vehicle-related deaths jumped 10 percent in California from 2015 through 2017, but the council did not suggest any cause for the increase.
Rosenberg announced his intent to launch the initiative in April. He became a vocal adversary of illegal immigration after his son was killed in San Francisco in 2010. Drew Rosenberg, then 25, was hit on a motorcycle by an unlicensed driver who had been granted temporary immigration status to remain in the U.S. Rosenberg said the driver originally entered the country illegally.
He blames California politicians and immigrants that reside in the state without legal authorization for his son's death. He appeared in television ads opposing the sanctuary state law last year.
Rosenberg's initiative would require every law enforcement agency in California to cooperate with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement — the antithesis of the 'sanctuary state' law. Police would also be required to verify the legal status of every person they arrest for other crimes and suspect to be in violation of federal immigration law. The person's legal status would be turned over to the federal government.
The plan would require new voters to sign an affidavit and provide proof of their citizenship with a birth certificate, passport or federal databases.
Citizens would have to provide similar proof to obtain a driver's license or identification card. Immigrants residing in California without legal authorization would be banned from seeking or renewing their driver's license.
The California Secretary of State late last month said Rosenberg could begin collecting the 365,880 voter signatures necessary to qualify for the ballot. The signatures must be submitted to county election offices no later than Dec. 19.
WILL THE SCOTUS NOMINEE DESTROY THE COUNTRY? DEMOCRATS ARE NEARLY UNANIMOUS: "YES!"
To hear Chuck Schumer, Dick Durbin, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, Diane Feinstein, Kamala Harris and the rest of the Democrats tell it, this is who President Trump has nominated for Supreme Court Justice…
Finally Unveils SCOTUS Nominee: Alex Jones
July 9, 2018
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid breathless anticipation for the president’s second pick to the Supreme Court of the United States, President Trump spilled the beans on Twitter Monday afternoon that he had selected conspiracy theorist and talk show host Alex Jones as his nominee for the nation’s highest court.
Trump quickly called a press conference at which he introduced his nominee.
“I like the stuff he says on his show. Good stuff. The best stuff, really,” Trump said. “Whereas all the other candidates for the Supreme Court were heavily involved in the Deep State New World Order, Alex Jones sees right through all the lies. In a world of fake news, Alex cuts through all the BS to bring us the unvarnished truth about UFOs, weather control, and the reptilian plot to overthrow our plane of existence.”
“This guy is the real deal,” he added, before bringing out Jones in a judge’s robe.
Jones then addressed the reporters gathered, beginning a long rant about lizard people taking over the highest levels of our government in order to turn frogs gay with chemicals in the water supply. He was then asked to stop selling Caveman Supplements to members of the press and had to be restrained and tranquilized.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
The lost golf ball…
Received from Kerry Smith
A man staggered into a hospital emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked, "What happened to you?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,” he replied. “When we teed off on the 7th hole we both sliced our golf balls into a field where cattle were grazing.”
“Go on,” said the doctor.
“We both walked into the field to look for our balls. While I was searching I caught a glimpse of white on the rear end of one of the cows. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball lodged in the cow’s ass. That was when I noticed my wife’s monogram on the ball.”
“And then what?” said the doctor.
“Well, as I was still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours,’ and I don't remember anything after that.”
• • • • •
From the Archives
contractors are bidding to fix a broken gate at the White House. One is from
Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the gate. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900 — $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700 — $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
• • • • •
Received from Bruce Fair
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month..
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year. Spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word “exercise” I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day is so the you die, they’ll say “Well, (s)he looks good, doesn’t (s)he.”
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise that last few years just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it!
And finally, you could run this list over to your friends, but it is far easier and faster to email it to them.
Better and cheaper than an Early Bird dinner...
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
No new monologues have been posted since June 27th, but we did find this...
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for what’s new.
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Have you seen this lost episode of the original Star Trek series featuring an alien that is potentially far more dangerous than the Klingons and the Romulans ever were? Click HERE to activate the view screen and try not to scream. (3:23)
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Tip of the Week: Be careful of what you say because God is always listening, and He is not afraid of letting you know when He knows you are not telling the TRUTH. (0:13)
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We heard but can’t confirm that this “lady” is now in the Guiness Book of World Records for having broken the most windows within a four block area from her location with just her voice alone. Click HERE and cover your ears, (1:08)
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A Message to the World from Chelsea Handler
Who is Chelsea Handler? Click HERE.
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Our first retired police artist said he missed Rich Little, to which we responded, “Who doesn’t?” Long retired, the impressionist who was born in 1938 is surprisingly still ALIVE at the age of 79. (5:45)
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Boots and Babs had been abandoned in an industrial area of L.A. and were in need of rescuing. Answering the call was the Hope for Paws team of Eldad and Lisa who provided another HAPPY ending. (3:30)
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This is another case of a little pooch that may have run away after getting spooked by fireworks. She had sought safety under a propane container cage at a gas station that made it extremely difficult for Eldad and Loreta to rescue her. Although “Sephora” did not have a microchip, persistence in finding her owner paid off and she was REUNITED with her family after a much needed bath. (4:08)
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This was a rescue of a pair of defenseless homeless dogs that had been attacked by big dogs. Eldad and Loreta had help from Loreta’s father Algis in THIS rescue. Lorena named the Chihuahua “Hummus,” and the Terrier was given the moniker of “Falafel.” (5:25)
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Bruce Fair wants to know how this clip was produced. Our guess is that it was either the best trained feline in the world, or it shows just how far CGI has come. Take a LOOK. (2:34)
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Have you ever seen a Russian music video featuring God’s four-legged critters? Watch THIS clip received from Comrade Kosovilka and you’ll be able to say you have. (3:41)
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We’re not sure this SUV is worth repairing, but at least Mexico’s version of AAA was there to retrieve the vehicle so an appraiser could give the owner a REPAIR estimate. (0:41)
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If you don’t think that American Rock ’n Roll had an impact on the former USSR, watch these youngsters rock on in THIS clip that was also received from Comrade Kosovilka. (6:18)
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Yes, we take requests, and here’s one from Dave Scannell for the original Beach Boys singing their hit number “Kokomo.” The year was 1988, remember? (3:54)
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Here’s something a little unusual for this week’s closer. It’s a flashmob comprised solely of the residents of a prison in the Philippines, and I’ll have to admit that they are pretty damn good! Call me a cynic if you must, but I’m convinced that if this had been attempted at Pelican Bay, a dozen or more of these felons would have finished the routine with a shiv sticking out of their gut! Click HERE and see what you think. (4:26)
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Pic of the Week
Will this be the next hot button issue for college students?
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 7/12/18
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
Raul Martinez, Jr. — Added
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Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Martinez, Jr., Raul
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve