June 18, 2015
Bill Mattos, Editor and Publisher
Leroy Pyle, Webmaster
The Farsider is an independent publication that is not
affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included
on its web site solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of
this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent
Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
CELEBRATION OF LIFE REMINDER
If you plan
to attend the Celebration of Life for Joe Brockman,
don't forget to mark your calendar for Friday, June
26th. It will get underway at the POA Hall at 3 p.m.
We’ll include one more reminder in next week’s Farsider.
With no POA
Membership Alerts, Pension News or items that would
qualify for the Trials and Tribulations column this
week, we move straight down to the Mail Call column…
One of my golf buddies is with the LE Division of the
Lottery. They are looking to fill an investigator
position in the East Bay office (Hayward) and were
wondering if you could link it in the next Farsider?
Final filing date is 6/23/15.
If anyone is interested, click
HERE to download a .pdf file with specific
information about the position.
• • • • •
I have been saddened to learn of the passing of a number
of SJPD officers lately, and now Joe Brockman. I worked
around Joe a lot during my 8 years with SJPD and
remember him well. He was a good guy and a great cop.
What a loss to the SJPD family! My condolences to Joe’s
family and all those who loved him.
South Lake Tahoe PD, Ret. (Formerly SJPD #1591)
I replied and told Rich, "I'll include your message in
next week's Mail Call column so your friends down here
will see that you are still looking down at the grass
instead of up at it.” He responded with the following:
“Thanks, Bill. I’m definitely still kicking. After
retirement I went back to school and now have my own
private practice as a psychotherapist (or psycho if you
wish. ). I live in Minden, NV. When I reflect on my days
as a cop I invariably return to my experiences at SJPD
and the folks I worked with there. I wish cops could
retire like NFL players and pick the team from which
they retired. If that was possible, I would be SJPD-retired.”
• • • • •
I’m sending you a video clip as a counterpoint to that
video about the Russian military that “Talking Points”
sent in. While the Russian video was scripted as a
parade in Red Square, this one shows the activity of our
military, but keep in mind that it’s of the Navy only.
To highlight the Army, Marines and Air Force would
require a much longer video.
I like how Talking Points has camouflaged his email
address, so I did the same thing. You can call me…
Not to nitpick, Red, but I spotted a snippet or two of
the USMC in your video. One that stood out was the
Harrier Jump Jet pictured below that was flown only by
the Marines and Britain’s Royal Air Force. Your video
can be seen by clicking
• • • • •
This probably isn’t new to you, and for sure it’s not to
Leroy, but I’d never heard of a striker system pistol
prior to today. There is no hammer to get caught on your
clothing, but when you cock it by moving the slide back,
you apparently can’t de-cock it.
This is Greek to me, Steve, but
HERE’S the website that accompanied your email for
those who are interested.
• • • • •
Jim Lucarotti here. If I did this right I am sending you
an article I found online about being married to a
Hope you are doing well.
10 Realities of Being Married to a Police Officer
HERE to pull up the article.
CNN ANCHOR CALLS SHOOTING SUSPECT “COURAGEOUS AND BRAVE”
Fredricka Whitfield was discussing the incident in Texas
where a subject fired an automatic weapon at officers of
the Dallas PD as well as the Dallas Police Dept. itself,
then led cops on a lengthy chase before he was
surrounded and taken out by a police sniper. In the
process of discussing the incident, the anchor referred
to the subject’s actions as “courageous and brave.”
THIS is the excerpt…
anchor's description of the bad guy created such a fire
storm that she was forced to later make an on-air
apology. Does she sound sincere and contrite, and should
she be given a pass? We report, you decide. Click
HERE to watch the apology…
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
I'm Jimmy Fallon, and if just one more of LeBron's
teammates gets hurt, I'm the new forward for the
What a game last night. The Cleveland Cavaliers beat the
Golden State Warriors to take a 2-1 lead in the NBA
Finals. The next time you'll see someone fighting this
hard for Ohio won't be until next year's presidential
In addition to 40 points from LeBron James, the Cavs got
another big game from guard Matthew Dellavedova, who had
20. Then Dellavedova pulled off his mask and said,
“Nope, still LeBron.”
Starbucks may be phasing out cappuccinos after customers
began to notice that they've disappeared from some
stores across the country. Starbucks plans to focus on
its best-selling menu items: milkshakes disguised as
June 11th: Republican candidate Carly Fiorina said that
if she becomes president she wants people to be able to
take out their phones and vote on ideas during her
speeches. Which worked out well for people who already
had their phones out during Carly Fiorina’s speeches.
Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan is now a full-time
paid staffer on Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign.
While Tonya Harding was hired to take care of any other
Democrats who enter the race.
Vladimir Putin traveled to Italy to meet with Pope
Francis yesterday. They say Putin should be done with
confession by sometime next fall.
According to a new survey, Lord Voldemort from “Harry
Potter” actually has a higher favorability rating than
most GOP presidential candidates. Or in other words, “He
who must not be named” is more popular than “He whose
name I forgot” and “What’s her face.”
June 12th: There are reports that Hillary Clinton’s
campaign is saving money by encouraging staffers to take
discounted buses between New York and Washington. Not to
be outdone, Bernie Sanders is actually Fed-Exing himself
to every speech.
Bernie Sanders told reporters that his campaign will
have plenty of money to compete for the Democratic
nomination. Then he said, while writing down an order,
“And I’ll be right back with your pancakes.”
Many lawmakers on Capitol Hill wore seersucker suits to
work yesterday, in honor of National Seersucker Day. In
a related story, ISIS is still a huge problem, you guys.
A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too
much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk.
Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of
them suggested karaoke.
June 15th: How about this woman Rachel Dolezal in
Spokane, Washington? She was president of the Spokane
chapter of the NAACP but was exposed as a white woman
who was pretending to be black. A lot of people are
upset, especially her white friends who thought they had
at least one black friend.
Congrats to Benedict Cumberbatch and his wife, who just
welcomed a baby boy. Now the real challenge: finding a
name other than Benedict that actually goes with
Benedict Cumberbatch and his wife just welcomed a baby
boy. The baby was 8 pounds, 2 ounces, and 20 syllables.
June 16th: Jeb Bush is here tonight, fresh off his
announcement that he’s running for president. We were
also going to have Donald Trump as well, but last time
we checked he was still giving his speech.
Trump is running for president and he's wasting no time
getting down to business. In fact, just after his
announcement he demanded to see Jeb Bush's birth
Rachel Dolezal stepped down from her position as
president of an NAACP chapter after it was revealed that
she was a white woman pretending to be black. Now her
brother says he knew about it but she asked him not to
blow her cover. Unfortunately, her cover had already
been blown by God when he made her a blond-haired,
blue-eyed white lady.
Congrats to the Chicago Blackhawks, who defeated the
Tampa Bay Lightning last night to win the Stanley Cup.
Though there was some controversy when the Blackhawks’
parents revealed that they’re actually Whitehawks
pretending to be black.
Jeb Bush is taking his presidential campaign on a tour
of Europe. He’s telling Europeans, "I like you guys
because you’re comfortable having the same family in
charge for centuries."
A Nobel Prize-winning scientist was asked about female
scientists, and he said, "Three things happen when they
are in the lab: You fall in love with them, they fall in
love with you, and when you criticize them, they cry."
His funeral is Saturday.
There is a push for American Pharoah to be named Sports
Illustrated's "Sportsman of the Year." There’s also a
much smaller push for American Pharoah to be featured in
the next swimsuit issue.
June 11th: Pizza Hut announced it will be unveiling a
pizza whose crust is stuffed with hot dogs. It's the
first pizza where they promise to deliver an ambulance
in 30 minutes.
There's no better proof that our country is back than
they're jamming hot dogs into the crust of pizza. That's
a sign that we as a country cannot be defeated.
June 15th: Rachel Dolezal, the white woman pretending to
be African American, has resigned from her position in
the NAACP. She was last spotted walking out of the NAACP
offices with a box full of her Coldplay CDs.
Today Jeb Bush announced he's running for president on
Snapchat. By using Snapchat, Bush's message will
disappear after 10 seconds just like the excitement over
June 16th: Donald Trump announced today he is running
for president of the United States. Traditionally that
means six more weeks of comedy.
Due to Donald Trump entering the presidential race,
season 15 of "Celebrity Apprentice" will not air. But
don't worry. With Trump running for president, you'll
still get to see an irrelevant B-list celebrity not get
This morning Rachel Dolezal, the white NAACP leader who
claimed for years that she was black, made an appearance
on the "Today" show. I don't think she's learned her
lesson because for the first hour she pretended to be Al
A new study reveals the average American is 33 pounds
heavier than the average person in France. After hearing
this, Gerard Depardieu said, "Hey, I'm doing all I can."
Indiana's lottery is selling bacon-scented tickets as
part of a "Bringin' Home the Bacon" game. If you win,
you can choose between $10,000 or bacon for 20 years.
They better hope I don't win. That $10,000 would be a
drop in the ocean.
If I win that lottery, within six months officials will
say, "We'll give you $1 million dollars. We'll give you
$2 million. We just can't keep up. Please stop with the
The lottery ticket smells like bacon but it doesn't
taste like bacon. I learned that the hard way.
That is not the only pork story coming out of Indiana. A
woman in Muncie was arrested after she stabbed her
friend in the eye with a fork for taking the last rib at
a barbecue. I am strongly against eye-stabbing. That
being said, if you're going to stab someone in the eye,
this is a reason I can get behind.
June 11th: Apple has just announced that from now on,
all new iPhones and iPads will require a six-digit
passcode. You hear that, hackers? Now instead of typing
"1,2,3,4" to hack into my iPhone, you're going to have
to type "1,2,3,4,5,6."
A couple of years ago you could use one password for
everything. But now you need a different password for
everything and when you do come up with one, you get
judged. Apple or whoever tells you it's excellent, fair,
or weak. When did the Internet turn into Simon Cowell?
June 15th: People were so angry over the finale of "Game
of Thrones" that they went on Twitter to complain about
it. And then people on Twitter got angry that those
people just spoiled the finale of "Game of Thrones." And
all of their complaining is now making me complain about
this on TV.
Saying "Spoiler alert" doesn't fix that you're still
about to spoil something. It's like somebody saying, "No
offense" or "No disrespect."
Do you know who is really spoiling "Game of Thrones?"
The author, George R.R. Martin. He said that Jon Snow
was going to die back in 2011.
People got so upset about Jon Snow dying on "Game of
Thrones." It's a show about dragons and incest. I mean,
who thought it was going to end well?
What a great NBA Finals this has been. Last night the
Cavaliers held off the Warriors in another thriller.
LeBron James has 123 points in the first three games.
Those are like numbers from an NBA video game.
The big star of the game last night was Matthew
Dellavedova. He's a scrappy, unheralded guard from
Australia. He plays like a shelter dog that just got
adopted by Ellen DeGeneres.
Matthew Dellavedova is the kind of guy you'd like to
bring to Wal-Mart on Black Friday. You'd definitely get
an Xbox with him there.
The Women's World Cup is under way again. Soccer, of
course, is the sport in which you're only allowed to use
your hands if you're the goalie or taking a bribe.
June 11th: A lot of NBA players have tattoos. But Kyrie
Irving of the Cavaliers has a tattoo that I've never
seen on an NBA player or any other person before. He's
got the "Friends" TV show logo on his forearm. That's
the kind of tattoo you get when you don't have friends
to stop you from making terrible decisions like that.
Boredom has apparently set in in a big way in Thailand
where some young men did what any reasonable group of
kids would do. One of them stripped down to his
underwear and let the other guys fill his shorts with
fire ants. That definitely beats the ice bucket
After the kids in Thailand cleared off all the ants, do
you know what the bite marks on his body formed the
shape of? The logo from "Friends."
June 16th: Did you see Donald Trump's big announcement
today? Trump is very confident. He could be the only
presidential candidate to ever pick himself as a running
A lot of people aren't taking Trump seriously. But the
fact of the matter is, when Donald Trump makes an
announcement, people listen — because he's shouting. You
have no choice but to listen.
Trump said, "The American dream is dead." All right,
well, it's not exactly "Hope and change," but it's a
Hillary Clinton has joined Instagram. Meanwhile, her
Democratic opponent Bernie Sanders joined telegram.
Hillary Clinton joined Instagram this afternoon and
somehow she's already deleted thousands of photos.
A new study claims that women tend to let handsome men
off the hook for things more easily, which is why I'm
A new study claims that poor posture caused by texting
is becoming an epidemic. I'm not sure if I've been
affected, but I have a hunch.
June 11th: Presidential hopeful Rand Paul warned the
media today that if anyone is mean to his wife during
the campaign, they'll have to answer to him. And Hillary
Clinton said that if anyone is mean to Bill, that’s
Three astronauts returned to Earth today from the
International Space Station after spending more than 200
days in space. Said one of the astronauts, “Bill Cosby
June 15th: It was a beautiful weekend in New York. This
is how nice the weather was: I went outside without
sunscreen for about an hour, and I was elected to run
the Spokane NAACP.
Hillary Clinton has released a 14-song Spotify playlist
to go along with her 2016 campaign. The weird part,
though, is that it’s just “Eye of the Tiger” 14 times.
Beachgoers in Florida have been warned about deadly
flesh-eating bacteria in the water. Of course, if you’re
even in Florida, you’ve already ignored a few warnings.
June 16th: Donald Trump announced today that he is
running for president. And based on the amount of
bronzer he uses, he's also running for president of the
Former Spokane NAACP president Rachel Dolezal said today
that she doesn't think of herself as a con artist. Of
course, she also doesn't think of herself as a white
lady, but she is.
An English couple has become the world's oldest
newlyweds at the ages of 91 and 103. The couple
registered at Bed, Bath & the Great Beyond.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
HERE for the most current update.
• • • • •
If you enjoyed the trip from a space station orbiting
the Earth to an outpost on the moon on a Pan Am space
plane carrying Dr. Heywood R. Floyd in the 1968 hit
SciFi movie “2001: A Space Odyssey,” you should enjoy
THIS clip as well. With the same Blue Danube
background music, it is real-time footage captured by a
GoPro camera mounted inside the fairing of the recent
Falcon 9 flight as it fell back to Earth. (1:54)
• • • • •
Neither Bert Kelsey or Steve Postier were fans of Apple
until they heard the company was about to release the
new “iGun 4.” Both of them immediately ordered one and
are eagerly waiting to get their hands on one — hands
that have the permanent scent of Hoppe's #9 Bore
Cleaning Solvent. Watch
THIS demo and you will see why the new iGun promises
to be the best self-defense weapon of all time. (1:09)
• • • • •
Look up the word “Dufus” in the urban slang dictionary
and you will likely find a photo of
THIS guy next to the entry. He does serve a useful
purpose, however. I play this clip anytime I am feeling
down, and when I look at his hair toward the end of the
clip it always results in a laugh and lifts my spirits.
• • • • •
THIS clip back in 2008 when it first went viral. It
has since been updated and verified to reflect the year
2014, and it is beginning to go viral again. If you view
the updated video titled “Shift Happens” again parts of
it may boggle your mind. (4:58)
• • • • •
THIS video received from Stan Miller and you will be
able to build your own power-generating turbine windmill
in your backyard providing, of course, it is large
enough and you have a sufficient amount of dough. Think
about it: For an investment of just a million or two,
you will never have to pay another PG&E bill. (5:48)
• • • • •
A half-dozen readers were sufficiently impressed with
this clip of a new Boeing 787-9 Dreamliner practicing
for the 2015 Paris Airshow to send it in as a
contribution. The video was produced as a cooperative
effort between Boeing and Vietnam Airlines for
advertising purposes. We suspect that paying passengers
will not experience the take off you will see if you
• • • •
Many people are aware that Davis Monthan AFB in Tucson
is known as the “graveyard” for outdated and surplus
military aircraft. But perhaps the term “graveyard” is
just as applicable for the town best known for the
purported landing of a UFO in 1947: Roswell, New Mexico.
THIS clip from the Smithsonian Channel shows us a
glimpse of a real bone yard where commercial and private
planes go to die. (2:17)
• • • • •
This is an interesting Ted Talks video received from
Alice Murphy. It’s about a young lady who was born in
South Korea, but lives in the U.S. She went undercover
and posed as a teacher and missionary to teach at an all
male university in North Korea. Click
HERE and listen to what she has to say if you are so
inclined. We found her talk interesting. (12:32)
• • • • •
“Fascinating” is the only way to describe this visit to
New York City’s underground, a huge secret basement that
was created in 1913 to house a — well — click on
THIS link and see for yourself. (3:49)
• • • • •
Larry Otter found this BBC clip about Mobula Rays belly
flopping on the ocean in an effort to attract a mate
interesting. But I think it’s a lost cause. When I would
dive off the board at our community swimming pool at the
age of 12 which usually ended in a belly flop, I didn’t
attract a single girl, just lots of
• • • • •
Ugh. Bob Kosovilka sent in this clip about spiders
falling from the sky. For the record I hate spiders,
just like that tall critter below. Play
THIS clip only if you can muster the courage to
watch it. (2:11)
• • • • •
It’s probably safe to say that Courtney Barnes (pictured
below) was not a reluctant witness to the conclusion of
a police chase that ended in a collision. Watch and
listen to him describe the accident to TV reporters and
you will see why this clip has garnered over a quarter
of a million views, which doesn’t include the people who
INTERVIEW on their local news stations. (2:50)
• • • • •
Studies have shown that American children lag behind
their global peers in both math and reading skills, but
that’s not all. Check out
THIS routine by a group of Asian children and it
will become obvious that American kids have also fallen
behind in synchronized basketball routines. Shouldn't we
demand that our elementary schools make this skill
mandatory for first-graders before we fall too far
• • • • •
This trailer for that dinosaur movie that broke all
records last weekend looks
TOO SCARY for my taste, so I think I may avoid it.
Then again, it’s possible that someone may have tampered
with the trailer to make it exceptionally scary and
rename it “Jurassic Weenie.” What say you? Should I see
it or not? (0:54)
• • • • •
These kids — a/k/a Nigerian dwarf goats — reside on
Sunflower Farm, a Maine creamery known for its cheese
and caramels. The freedom to run and play while chasing
humans is big fun for them. Unlike sheep, kids tend not
to cluster too closely to one another and run around in
loose groups like human kids instead. Click
HERE to watch them and the two female humans jog to
stay in shape and have some fun. (0:51)
• • • • •
I’m thinking if I got a pet like Bon-Chan (the name this
62-year-old childless Japanese funeral director chose
for his critter), I might be able to keep up with it
when I took it out for a walk. After all, Mitani Hisao
is just a few years younger than me and he seems to have
no trouble keeping up with his pet. Click
HERE to see Mitani take Bon-Chan for a walk. (2:40)
• • • • •
Want to see a real-life Jaws?
THIS magnificent beast named “Deep Blue” by the
Discovery Channel’s film crew was videotaped off the
coast of Mexico’s Guadalupe Island. It was estimated to
be 50 years old, 20-feet long and weigh as much as 5,000
pounds. The Great White was featured in a Discovery
segment last year, but shark researcher Mauricio Padilla
found this behind-the-scenes footage as he was going
through some old clips last week. Like the movie “Jaws,”
the shark’s mouth appears to be large enough to take in
a human whole. (1:39)
• • • • •
week's closer we would like to remind you that pictures
always worth a thousand words. Sometimes they are worth
kinder than necessary, because everyone
is fighting some kind of battle.
Remember, life is not about waiting for the storms to
pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain.
• • • •
Pic of the Week
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