The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience
of the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
RETIRED POLICE RECORDS CLERK II GLORIA CAVAZOS-RAMOS
I.D. No. 145N
Born Sept. 8, 1942
Appointed (approx.) 1974
Retired (approx.) 2005
Died April 12, 2017
We are going to press before Police Personnel opens up, so the appointment and retirement dates are based on the best recollections of the family.
With members of her family by her side, Gloria passed away at approximately 1:50 a.m. yesterday morning, Wed. the 12th, at San Jose Regional Hospital (formerly Alexian Bros.). Her heart couldn't handle the failure of other organs and she suffered a fatal heart attack.
Gloria leaves behind her husband, Javier Ramos, six sons (Adam, Steve, Mark, Dan, Jesse, Francisco); one daughter, Rosalie; eleven grandchildren; and several nieces and nephews. Other survivors include three brothers and four sisters.
We gathered this information from son Jesse and Patricia, one of Gloria’s nieces.
A Rosary will be held at Chapel of the Flowers, 900 S. Second St. in San Jose on Monday the 17th. The viewing will be from 5 to 7, and the Rosary will take place from 7 to 9.
Mass will be held at Sacred Heart Church, 325 Willow St., San Jose at 10:30 a.m. on Tuesday, the 18th.
Burial will follow the Mass at 2:00 p.m. at the Calvary Catholic Cemetery, 2650 Madden Ave. in San Jose.
PBA MEETING REMINDER
The April general membership meeting of the PBA will convene next Wednesday, April 19th. The bar will be open by 5 p.m. and the buffet dinner will get underway around 6:00. All members are encouraged to attend. If you are an active or sworn retiree and want to see what the PBA is all about, you are welcome to attend and see if the organization is something you would like to join. The dues are so low that the California Dept. of Labor will not allow the PBA to advertise how inexpensive it is to become a member.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Off-duty San Jose Police Officer Hospitalized After horrific Crash on Hwy 84 in Pleasanton
off-duty San Jose police officer was hospitalized after he crashed his
vehicle into a big-rig on Highway 84 in Pleasanton, the CHP says. (KGO-TV)
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Click HERE for the report that includes an embedded video from the ABC 7 Newscast.
PLEASANTON, Calif. -- An off-duty San Jose police officer was hospitalized after he crashed his vehicle into a big-rig on a highway in Pleasanton this morning, California Highway Patrol officials said.
According to CHP officer Derek Reed, the police officer was driving home in his personal SUV.
At 12:10 a.m., the officer rear-ended a big-rig on eastbound state Highway 84 just north of Ruby Hill Drive. The big-rig had stopped because of construction on the highway, Reed said. The SUV caught on fire, and CHP officers who were already at the scene used a fire extinguisher to put out the blaze. They managed to get the police officer out of the vehicle, which was totaled, Reed said.
The officer suffered minor injuries and was taken to a local hospital. No one else was injured in the crash, Reed said.
Highway 84 was shut down in both directions for a short time. The scene was cleared at 1:30 a.m., Reed said.
According to this report from today’s (Thursday) Mercury News, the unnamed officer has been released from the hospital…
S.J. Officer Hurt in Fiery Crash
—Victim trapped inside Chevy Tahoe after collision with a big-rig—
By Mark Gomez <email@example.com>
Mercury News — April 13, 2017
LIVERMORE — An off-duty San Jose police officer was taken to a hospital with non life-threatening injuries after being involved in a collision Wednesday morning on Highway 84, according to law enforcement officials.
The officer, whose name was not released, was trapped inside his Chevy Tahoe following the collision with a big-rig and was cut out of the vehicle by firefighters, CHP Officer Derek Reed said.
The officer was driving eastbound on Highway 84 in Livermore about 12:10 a.m. when he approached a construction area near Ruby Hill Drive, Reed said. The Tahoe rear-ended a big-rig stopped at a light and ignited in flames.
A CHP officer at the scene for traffic control quickly extinguished the flames, Reed said.
San Jose police officer Albert Morales said the officer was transported to a hospital and treated for undisclosed injuries that were not considered life-threatening. He was later released, said San Jose police Sgt. Enrique Garcia.
SOME HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED, CAN YOU HELP I.D. SOME MORE?
Ivan Comelli, who was in this class, I.D.’d as many of his fellow classmates as he could. The photo with as many officers I.D.’d as possible will be filed on Ivano’s “Vintage San Jose Police” Facebook page. If you were familiar with the SJPD circa 1960, please take a look and see if you can identify any of the nameless faces.
THE ANNUAL BOBBY BURROUGHS FOLSOM BARBECUE
This is a reminder to sign up for our annual Bobby Burroughs Folsom BBQ and Association membership meeting. Details are below. You can sign up on-line by clicking THIS link.
The Lew Howard Pavilion
7100 Baldwin Dam Rd.
Folsom, CA 95630
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Lunch at 12:00 PM
Meeting right after lunch.
Tri-tip or Chicken
Please make your selection when signing up.
Members are free
$5 for spouse & guests
FROM I-80 in Roseville
I-80 to Douglas Blvd., east on Douglas Blvd. Go approximately 5.1 miles to Folsom Auburn Blvd. Turn right and go 4.1 miles to Oak Ave. in Folsom (there is a McDonalds fast food on the corner). Turn right on Oak Ave. and go approximately 0.4 miles (the road ends). Turn right on Baldwin Dam Rd. You will see the Lew Howard Memorial Park Arch. Go under the Arch and drive to the top of the hill where the picnic grounds are (approximately 0.3 miles). You have arrived.
FROM I-50 in Folsom
I-50 to Folsom Rd. Exit. Take Folsom Rd. 2.4 miles and cross the American River Bridge. At this time the road name changes to Folsom Auburn Blvd. Continue 0.8 miles to Oak Ave. You will see a McDonald's fast food restaurant on the left corner. Turn left on Oak Ave. and go approximately 0.4 miles to Baldwin Dam Rd. Turn right and you will see the Lew Howard Memorial Park Arch. Drive straight through to the top of the hill and you have arrived.
We will need a count of Retirees and Spouses who will be attending the BBQ, by May 10, 2017
WITH HIS BACKGROUND, SHOULD THE DOC HAVE GONE PEACEFULLY?
Looks like there were two losers in Monday’s incident about a doctor getting the boot from a United flight. First, of course, is the public relations disaster that United Airlines brought on themselves. Second, there’s the criminal background about the doctor that has gone public thanks to the snooping media. In hindsight, had he gone peacefully he probably would have avoided the embarrassment of having his dirty laundry aired in public. Ditto for four of his five children, four of whom are also doctors.
Click HERE for the video
Dragged Off Flight Was Convicted of Trading Drugs for Sex
By Natalie Musemedi, Staff Writer
New York Post — April 11, 2017
The United Airlines passenger who was hauled off an overbooked plane is a poker-playing doctor from Kentucky with a sordid past.
Dr. David Dao, 69, who was captured in a now-viral video being forcibly dragged off the Louisville-bound flight at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport on Sunday, was working as a doctor specializing in pulmonary disease in Elizabethtown when he was convicted of trading prescription drugs for sexual favors.
According to documents filed with the Kentucky Board of Medical Licensure, Dao was arrested in 2003 on the drug-related offenses following an undercover investigation.
The board’s probe into the criminal charges found that Dao became sexually interested in a male patient, Brian Case, whom he gave a physical examination to, including a genital examination, and whom he eventually made his office manager.
Case quit that job due to “inappropriate” remarks made by Dao, who then pursued him and arranged to give him prescription drugs in exchange for sexual acts, according to the documents, filed last year.
In 2004, Dao was convicted on a slew of felony counts of obtaining drugs by fraud or deceit and was later placed on five years of supervised probation, the Louisville Courier-Journal reported.
Dao and co-defendant Case, identified in the documents by the state medical board as “Patient A,” were both indicted in the case.
Dr. David Dao’s house in Elizabethtown, Kentucky.
The medical board said Dao had a sexual relationship with Case and supplied him with narcotics while Case was his patient. The two would often meet at hotel rooms.
The two allegedly worked together to obtain prescription narcotics at several pharmacies over three years, according to reports.
The Kentucky Board of Medical Licensure permitted Dao to continue practicing medicine in 2015 under certain conditions, after he completed his probation and underwent psychological evaluations, the Louisville Courier-Journal reported.
Dao went to medical school in Vietnam in the 1970s before moving to the US, according to the Courier-Journal.
Dao, who previously worked at Hardin Memorial Hospital in Elizabethtown and once owned a medical practice, is a grandfather and father of five, the Daily Mail reported.
His wife, Teresa, who trained at Ho Chi Minh University in Saigon, is a pediatrician in Elizabethtown, according to the Daily Mail. Four of their five children are doctors.
Dao’s player profile on the World Series of Poker website lists his total earnings as $234,664 since he joined the poker circuit in 2006.
The bloody incident aboard Flight 3411 has caused a public relations disaster for United Airlines.
~ ~ ~
If you are interested, click HERE for many more details about Dr. David Dao and his personal life.
SOUTHWEST CORPORATE MOTTO: NEVER LET A GOOD CRISIS GO TO WASTE
LIBERAL MEDIA ALSO HAS A MOTTO: "LET'S GO AFTER O'REILLY
—Whether you like him or not, and many don't, he has a big target on his back—
Is anyone surprised that the Mercury News and other left-leaning media outlets are questioning conservative talk show host Bill O’Reilly’s decision to take some spring-time vacation? We don’t see a lot of hands in the air…
Begins His ‘Terrific’ Vacation
—Embattled host takes his longest spring break in years—
By David Bauder, Associated Press
Mercury News — April 13, 2017
NEW YORK — Embattled Fox News Channel host Bill O’Reilly, who announced he was going on vacation starting Wednesday and returning April 24, hasn’t taken off this much time consecutively in March or April for at least 10 years, an examination of his show’s transcripts revealed. O’Reilly said he likes to take vacation around this time and that he booked this year’s break months ago. That would appear to stave off stories that the cable host had been pressured to make himself scarce for a while. His show has seen an advertiser exodus since reports emerged of settlements reached with five women to keep quiet about harassment accusations.
Stories that a total of $13 million has been paid to women
after accusations that Bill O’Reilly sexually harassed them
have not cut into the audience of “The O’Reilly Factor.”
Fox would not discuss whether network executives influenced the duration or timing of his break. O’Reilly’s announcement immediately set off speculation about whether cable television’s most popular host will return at all.
“I grab some vacation, because it’s spring and Easter time,” O’Reilly said Tuesday. “Last fall, I booked a trip that should be terrific.”
Transcripts over the last decade show O’Reilly has taken at least some time off in March or April every year, although usually they amount to long weekends. He took a week off at the end of March last year. He appeared to be away for six consecutive days in April 2010, although not every night’s transcript was available for that time. O’Reilly usually takes vacation time in August, too.
Dana Perino, former White House press secretary under President George W. Bush, substituted for O’Reilly on Wednesday night.
Dozens of advertisers announced they would not run commercials on “The O’Reilly Factor” following a New York Times story on April 2 that the five women have been paid a total of $13 million in settlements. O’Reilly has denied any wrongdoing.
The amount of ad time by paying customers on his show has since been cut by more than half, an analysis by Kantar Media revealed.
The stories haven’t cut into his audience, though. “The O’Reilly Factor” averaged more viewers the week after the report than it did the week before, the Nielsen company said. O’Reilly this year has seen the biggest ratings of his career.
Joe Muto, a former Fox producer who used to work with O’Reilly, said he wouldn’t be surprised if the vacation was O’Reilly’s idea. The pugnacious O’Reilly is used to political attacks, but is bothered when criticism reaches the broader culture, noting last weekend’s “Saturday Night Live” skit with Alec Baldwin impersonating O’Reilly and John Oliver suggesting on HBO that he wanted to buy ad time on O’Reilly’s show.
“He has to lay low, and as long as another shoe doesn’t drop, it could blow over for him,” said Muto, who wrote “An Atheist in the Fox Hole” in 2013 about his experiences as an anonymous “mole” writing his experiences working at Fox.
Stories that a total of $13 million has been paid to women after accusations that Bill O’Reilly sexually harassed them have not cut into the audience of “The O’Reilly Factor.”
STORIES OF THE WEEK
The Curtain Rods
On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.
On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table. By candle light, he put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.
He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days. In the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer and decided they had to move. But a month later — even though they'd cut the price in half — they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
Then the ex-husband called his former wife and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.
Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only one-tenth of what the house had been worth — but only if he would sign the papers that very day.
He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.
A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. And to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!
• • • • •
Tooth Is It?
Received from Bruce Morton
After a man and his wife walked into a dentist's office, the man said, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth and be done with it! We have a 10 a.m. tee time and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, "Well, well, at last a golfer with real balls!"
The dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it?"
The man turned to his wife and said, “Get in the chair, honey, open your mouth and show the dentist the tooth that hurts.”
• • • • •
Wants Portrait Artist to Paint Her in the Nude
Received from Don Hale
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to town to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English duchess arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision, but finally his wife agreed, but on one condition. In a few minutes he returned and said to the duchess:
"It would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's OK, so I’ll paint you in the nude under one condition: I have to at least leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brush.”
• • • • •
through His and Hers Diaries
I thought my husband was acting weird tonight. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset? He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, that his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
A four putt? Who the hell four putts?
BE AWARE OF BACKGROUND SIGNS WHEN POSING FOR A FAMILY PHOTO
From Dirk Parsons
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
April 4 —11
April 5: President Trump’s approval rating dropped and is now at just 35 percent. Or as Trump calls it, “20 under par. I’m doing FANTASTIC!”
I read that Trump’s photographer always brings a stool to events and photographs Trump from above so he looks taller. While Trump has him shoot his approval ratings from BELOW, so they look HIGHER.
Pepsi is facing criticism for a controversial new ad that shows a bunch of people protesting, and then Kendall Jenner steps in and solves everyone’s problems by handing the police officer a Pepsi. And even in the commercial, the cop’s like, “Are you all out of Coke?”
Apparently Barry Manilow announced today that he is gay. Also scientific research found that the sky is blue. And sugar is sweet. Lots of interesting stuff happening today in the news.
Today, North Korea conducted a missile test, which escalated tensions in the region. But don’t worry — things settled down when Kendall Jenner stepped in and handed them a Pepsi.
April 6: At the Academy of Country Music Awards, Willie Nelson announced he was writing his memoirs. He said in his memoirs, he will explain how marijuana has affected his life. Here’s how it affected his life: He started writing his memoir in 1946.
According to the National Enquirer, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are headed for divorce. I don’t believe it. I don’t think he would ever leave her behind.
Quarterback Colin Kaepernick has done a complete 180. He now says he WILL stand for the national anthem. He’s now sitting for the games, but he’s standing for the anthem.
Caitlyn Jenner told Diane Sawyer she is writing her autobiography. I think that’s going to be one of those “he said, she said” deals.
Donald Trump says he is skipping the White House Correspondents Dinner. Of course, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie furious. Christie, as you know, has never skipped a dinner in his life.
April 10: Former NFL player Titus Young was sentenced to four years in prison. Young said he’s sad to go to prison but happy to be reunited with his old teammates.
A Turkish Airline crew helped deliver a baby onboard a flight. And then in keeping with the times, the baby was dragged from the plane by security.
A package of salad mix that was sold in a Florida Walmart was found to contain a dead bat. This is shocking news - someone shopping at Walmart bought a salad.
Fox News said it will investigate multiple accusations against Bill O'Reilly for sexually harassing female co-workers. Apparently, for years O’Reilly has been telling female co-workers their breasts are "fair and balanced."
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino from "Jersey Shore" is facing up to 15 years in prison on tax evasion charges. So basically, if you’re a reality star in this country and you don’t pay your taxes, we either put you in prison or make you President of the United States.
April 11: Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is in Russia, but Russian President Vladimir Putin won’t meet with him. Putin said, "Sorry but I only meet with members of the Trump administration before the election."
Today is the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover, where families gather for a meal and recall a story of ancient grievances. Or as that’s known in my family, "Thanksgiving."
This week, Jewish people all over the world are celebrating Passover. Or as I call it, the Festival of Missing Writers.
Because of the scandals, "The O'Reilly Factor" has lost 2/3 of its advertisers in one week. On the bright side, United Airlines is still with him!
This weekend, Bill Clinton tweeted that he was in Houston visiting Former President George H.W. Bush. However, he ended the tweet with #Alibi.
April 5: Donald Trump has removed his good buddy and chief strategist Steve Bannon from the National Security Council. This is quite a humiliating move that has very much left Steve Bannon red-faced, although that is his complexion anyway.
In a statement to The Wall Street Journal, Bannon said leaving the Security Council was always his plan. Really? It sounds like this administration’s entire strategy has been failing and then acting like they meant to do that. They’re like, “Yeah, our healthcare bill failed. It’s exactly what we planned.”
During an interview with Forbes published yesterday, Trump’s son, Eric Trump, said he might be where he is because of nepotism but that is just a “factor of life.” Wow, Eric sounds pretty smug. But then again he inherited that from his father too.
Also, “factor of life” is not a thing people say, is it? I think what he meant to say is it’s a FACT of life — or he meant to say “I’m not the smart son, please stop asking me questions.”
The shoe store Payless is filing for bankruptcy and closing nearly 400 stores in the United States. Yes, 400 shoe stores closed, but thousands of soles lost. The problem was their work ethic. Most of Payless was just a bunch of loafers.
April 5: Donald Trump’s positive performance mark is now down to 35 percent. Only about a third of Americans polled say they’re happy with his job performance. Sixty-six percent say they don’t think he’s level-headed. In his defense, how is his head supposed to stay level when his hair keeps trying to chase every squirrel?
It’s not just the poll, even ISIS is piling on. A spokesman for ISIS released a statement yesterday saying America is drowning, we’re bankrupt, and we’re being run by an idiot. You hate to agree with anything ISIS says. But I don’t know, maybe we are being run by an idiot, maybe we are drowning and bankrupt. But I want to be very clear: If we are those things, you guys in ISIS had nothing to do with that. We chose this bankrupt idiot to drown us ourselves.
You might not have been aware but Monday was Send Your Son-in-Law to Iraq Day. President Trump sent his daughter’s husband, Jared Kushner, to Baghdad to meet with the Iraqi prime minister and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The military posted a bunch of photographs of Jared’s spring break. I found them on Flickr last night.
I will assume that by now you’ve seen or at least heard about that Pepsi commercial with Kendall Jenner. It’s absolutely nuts. Pepsi was trending on Twitter last night. I was like, oh my God, Pepsi died. Turned out I was right, it did.
This commercial, it’s quite a concept. Basically Kendall Jenner is posing for a photo shoot, then a protest march happens by — a hip-looking protest march — and ultimately she joins in and brings everyone together. She ends racism by handing a Pepsi to a police officer. And then everyone dances away. It is so ill-advised. I’ve watched it 27 times now. I still can’t figure out what the protesters are supposed to be protesting.
Today Pepsi pulled the ad and apologized. They apologized to Kendall Jenner. “Sorry we paid you $3 million to be in the worst commercial ever, Kendall Jenner.” Everyone was so mad. The only people who weren’t mad? The people at Coke weren’t mad, they loved it.
April 11: That video of the doctor being dragged off the plane and then the airline's response to it has turned into an absolute nightmare from a PR standpoint. Even Pepsi was like, I wouldn't want to be you guys this week.
Meanwhile, President Trump has been flying a lot lately, privately, of course. Donald Trump is on pace to spend more on travel in his first year as president than president Obama spent all eight years in office combined. The president's trips to Florida every weekend have already cost more than $20 million of taxpayer money. See, this is the guy we need United to drag off the plane.
Trump has also played 16 rounds of golf in his first 80 days, one round every five days. You turn on the TV, a lot of people are complaining Donald Trump's off playing golf instead of working. I don't understand that. I want him off playing golf instead of working. I'd like him to join the senior PGA tour.
During his daily briefing sporty spice, as he is known, made an absolutely incredible statement about Syrian President Assad, that if it wasn't so disturbing, would have been Hit-larious. He said, even someone as despicable as Hitler didn't sink to using chemical weapons, which of course is very wrong. Sean Spicer might be the only press secretary who needs a press secretary.
April 5: President Trump said today that he is “working very, very hard” to create peace between Israel and Palestine. Said Trump, “They are absolutely my two favorite Real Housewives.”
According to a new report, Amazon is now worth twice as much as Walmart. In response, Walmart announced that they’re planning to open a second checkout lane.
The Cleveland Zoo announced today that its rare black rhinoceros is pregnant. They made the announcement right after she confirmed it with her rhino-cologist.
April 6: President Trump today met with the president of China at his Mar-a-Lago resort. And things got off to an awkward start when Trump said, “I thought you were really funny in the ‘Hangover’ movies.”
A New Jersey man recently admitted to stealing $20,000 worth of ginger ale from a grocery store. He said he wasn’t planning on stealing so much, he just got Schwepped up in it.
A new study found that plastic surgeons make an average of $354,000 per year. “I am shocked,” said one woman’s face but not her mouth.
A so-called Museum of Failure is opening in Sweden this June. Though, if you can’t wait that long, [shows photo of White House] check out the pop-up exhibit in Washington.
April 5: We have a deeply divided nation. But today it seems like everyone has come together to join the protest against the new protest ad from Pepsi.
It starts with a throng of beautiful, multi ethnic people protesting in the streets of, I’m going to guess Newport, Rhode Island. So far, we don’t know what has caused all of America’s hot extras to take to the streets, but I’m guessing it’s a protest for Attractive Lives Matter.
The signs they’re holding aren’t much help figuring things out. They say things like “peace,” and the peace symbol, and “Join the conversation.” That’s the most corporate message of all time. They might as well be holding signs that say, “We are all the core demographic.”
At first, this was a movement without a leader until the protest route just happened to pass by Kendall Jenner doing a fashion shoot for aluminum siding. This commercial ends with a message even more profound than “Join the conversation”: “Live for now.”
Yes, “live . . . for now,” especially if you’re Pepsi’s marketing department, because I don’t think you guys are going to be there for long.
April 6: Nunes is stepping aside because the House Ethics Committee is determined to investigate allegations that Nunes may have made unauthorized disclosures of classified information. “Good news, Congressman Nunes! We found the leaker! He’s in your mirror.”
The fight continues over the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch. And today, in the Senate, was a battle royal with cheese, because the Democrats took a stand. Democrats successfully filibustered President Trump’s Supreme Court nominee, Neil Gorsuch. Woo-hoo! They did it! Yeah! They did it! Democrats won! For about an hour.
The rule change was getting rid of the filibuster, a last resort commonly known as the “nuclear option.” And it’s called the “nuclear option” because they need some part of it to sound exciting.
Donald Trump made an extraordinary claim to The New York Times about a Democratic congressman: “Elijah Cummings was in my office, and he said, ‘You will go down as one of the great presidents in the history of our country.’” Really? I get the “you will go down” part, but, after that, you kind of lost me.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
In memory of the late Don Rickles, these are four clips that capture the essence of the “King of Insult,” starting with Foster Brooks taking aim at Don at a Dean Martin Roast that aired on NBC in 1974. THIS is clip number one.
THIS is the first part of Don getting revenge for the roasting he received from those on the dais above. (8:57)
And THIS is is the second part. Toward the end, at about the 5:50 mark, it almost sounds as if Don is reciting his own eulogy. He will be sorely missed, just like the majority of the others on the dais who are no longer with us. (7:32)
Our final clip is from another Dean Martin Roast in which Rickles zinged “Ol Blue Eyes,” a/k/a the late great Frank Sinatra. By our count, the only one left on THIS dais who is still alive is Ruth Buzzi. All of the rest are probably enjoying each other’s company at the Comedy Club in the sky with all the other late comedians whose magical talent we will never see again in this age of political correctness. God bless them all. (5:33)
• • • • •
Guess who’s running for Congress? Hint: He’s a retired San Jose cop who has made Florida his home. Click HERE to visit his website with a full photo,
• • • • •
Imagine it’s Christmas time and you are on a cold and boring street car in Budapest when the Bolyki Soul and Gospel Choir brings some warmth to the atmosphere by singing “Amazing Grace.” THIS clip from Don Hale shows what it would be like. (3:10)
• • • • •
Did a runaway tire and wheel in Brazil kill this man? Watch all of THIS video and find out. (3:00)
• • • • •
Cats may not like water, but this clip received from Pete Guerin shows that when they are hungry all bets are off. Check out what’s on THIS big cat’s menu. (0:44)
• • • • •
We had no idea that Russian-made Volgas were so roomy inside. There is little question that THEY were made for car pooling (and the circus). (1:10)
• • • • •
Illegally park in a handicap space in Brazil and karma may bite you in the butt. Such was the case when the owner of this car came back and found his ride covered in post-it notes. (That’s the OWNER with the blurred out face.) (1:59)
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Looking for hard-hitting action in sports? Why bother with the NFL or NASCAR when Major League Baseball provides excitement like THIS: (6:45)
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I seldom get a tingle up my leg like Chris Matthews does over political matters, but when I do it’s usually over movie scenes like THIS one from “Second Hand Lions.” (3:41)
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As for funny bar scenes, THIS one from “My Name Is Nobody” should rank right up near the top of the list. (2:24)
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Here’s a little toe-tapping ditty from Alice Murphy about the Fords manufactured in the ’30s. Great tune, great CAR. (2:02)
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There’s an old saying about motorcycles: “If you are going to crash, try to land on a mattress.” OK, perhaps that’s not exactly how it goes here in the U.S, but we hear it’s quite common down under in Australia. Watch THIS. (0:40)
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Speaking of mattresses, if you find yourself taking a memory foam mattress to the dump and you don’t want to embarrass yourself, make sure it is tied down EXTRA tight. (0:17)
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Keep your eye on the big brave cop on the right of the screen. We’re surprised he didn’t draw down on the little furry CRITTER! (0:33)
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Rumor has it that PBA President Dave Wysuph is on the verge of going mad trying to figure out THIS rope trick. If he isn’t present at this month’s meeting next Wednesday, it’s a good bet he will be on a 72-hour hold at a mental health clinic. (2:11)
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It’s not every dog that gets serenaded by a family member with a rousing rendition of (we think) “Old MacDonald.” Watch THIS. (1:15)
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Take 2 minutes and watch THIS story about Rudi, the three-legged baby deer. You won’t regret it! (1:49)
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Want to take a tour of this amazing Cat House nestled in some private woods and meet its residents? Opportunities like this don’t come along every day, so satisfy your curiosity by clicking HERE. (3:30)
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Tsunami’s aren’t always a result of undersea earthquakes like those that struck Japan and Indonesia in the relatively recent past. Major landslides can also result in killer tsunamis. To show how devastating such a landslide can be, National Geographic produced this short video based on the supposition that the eruption of Mauna Loa on the big island of Hawaii created a giant landslide that causes a tsunami that washes away Honolulu. Have a look, unless you are headed to Oahu anytime soon, in which case you may want to skip THIS. (5:14)
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This week's closer raises a hypothetical question? How would the pro-refugee people here in the U.S. feel about the issue if they were to see this segment from Australia’s version of “60 Minutes?” It aired in Australia in March of 2016, one year prior to the recent terrorist ATTACK in Sweden. (6:45)
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Please think of our canine friends and stop cutting down trees!
From Dirk Parsons
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 4/13/17
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve