The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect the
views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
Nada here, either.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
San Jose Police Department Opens New Office in Crime-Riddled Area of City
aims to heighten its physical presence in Fountain Alley,
where more than 60 crimes have been reported in the past month
Damian Trujillo and Stephen Ellison
NBC Bay Area — April 5, 2017
Video included in this report. Click HERE to view it.
San Jose police are taking the fight to the criminals in one of the city's most troubled areas, and crime victims are applauding the move.
Fountain Alley, a corridor just south of Santa Clara Street between First and Second streets, has seen more than 60 reported crimes in the past month.
"You see some drug dealing, some crime, some prostitution here and there," business owner Nestor Zubizarreta said.
Now police are moving into the crime-riddled area for good. Capt. Jason Dwyer announced to his officers Wednesday that they will be moving to a vacant office space right in the middle of Fountain Alley.
Police have known about the problem area for years. They’ll make arrests, but that hasn’t stopped the problem. Crime here happens virtually daily.
Miguel Contreras said his convenience store has been robbed several times.
"I report to police, and they catch him, and three days later, he was on the street again," Contreras said.
Police said the frustration has boiled over.
"I think everybody has had enough," Dwyer said.
With an office in the area, officers will be able to write police reports there, hold briefings and take their lunch breaks.
The goal, Dwyer said, is "to increase our physical presence here, from officers to parked police cars. It's not to provide a storefront where people knock on the door and say, 'I want to file a police report.'"
The office will not be emblazoned with San Jose police markings, the department said, and will be available for use to Santa Clara County Sheriff's deputies as well. Funding for the new office came from a donation by the San Jose Police Foundation.
The department already had a soft opening of the office. It is expected to be fully operational within a couple weeks.
READ THIS IF YOU TOOK A SERVICE-CONNECTED DISABILITY RETIREMENT
We know that many retirees, after they retire from the City, continue to work in some form or fashion. Whether if it's to stay active in a hobby you've taken up or to help make ends meet, continuing to work can be a rewarding experience.
If you have retired with a Service Connected Disability Retirement and are employed, it's important that you take extra care to ensure your job functions are compliant with the work limitations that were the basis of your disability retirement. Even if your body feels better a few years after getting some much needed rest and physical therapy, you are still bound by those work restrictions.
If you are working a job that exceeds those restrictions, this could be considered disability fraud and you could face serious financial and legal consequences. Defrauding pension or insurance systems is a felony.
In an effort to crack down on disability fraud, the Retirement Board pursues suspected disability retirement fraud through all means available, and will investigate tips from the public.
Any person found guilty of fraud can be fined, required to reimburse pension benefits, and face criminal prosecution. Not to mention the embarrassment of the news media reporting on such fraud. Any such case would also reflect poorly on the rest of the retirees.
Please be aware of what your restrictions are. Also, as a favor to fellow retirees, if you know someone with a service-connected disability retirement who is employed doing physical work that might jeopardize their benefits, make sure they know about the risks.
Mike Alford <email@example.com>
I have attached a photo and some information in reference to the SJS Police School circa 1960. If you need some filler for the Farsider you might consider including it. I would appreciate any additional names and/or corrections that your most excellent and intelligent readers may provide. Hell, I am desperate, I will take feedback from any living thing that can send a response.
Good to see your body has healed sufficiently to permit your renewal of the Farsider.
Harry J. Mullins #1361 <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Front Row far left: Captain Elmer Klein – Second from end: Arnold Bertotti. Second Row second from left: Bill Laster.
Back Row third from right: Ron Utz
I spotted one error and corrected it, Harry. Ron spells his last name “Utz,” not Utts. I have also enlarged the faces which may make it easier for some of our age-challenged readers to identify some of these cops from the 1960 circa photo (that was taken during my senior year of high school).
• • • • •
Glad to see you're back. Hope all is well. Just got this one from a friend. Symbol behind the video = looks like a brand new Caddie limo, all polished on the outside, and fast like a demon. Similar to the current national/world situations; polished and fast moving, but going backwards.
I finally got fed up with all the Yahoo break-ins so did some research and found another free internet service: Proton email — encrypted, secure, great. Now I can use both accounts.
Take care of yourself,
Dave Scannell <Tigerwalk432@protonmail.com>
Sorry, Dave, and to other readers who think this is the real McCoy. The video of the limo burning rubber in reverse is from a racing video game called Forza Motorsport 6. Click on THIS Snopes link for confirmation.
WARNING, DON'T BE A VICTIM OF SCAMMERS SELLING COUNTERFEIT APPLE LAPTOPS...
NEW VANGUARD NOW ONLINE
The April 2017 eVanguard is now online. Hard copies of the magazine should be arriving in the mail soon.
Click HERE to download the PDF file of the Vanguard
NEW RETIREES ASSN. NEWSLETTER IS ALSO ONLINE
The latest electronic version of the Billy & Spanner is now available on-line. Thank you to all who have agreed to receive the on-line version of the newsletter.
Click HERE to download the newsletter.
BREAKING NEWS: U.K. STEPS UP SECURITY WITH ITS EXIT FROM THE EUROPEAN UNION
I.D. RENEWAL AND RANGE QUALIFICATION FOR RETIREES
We regularly receive requests for the renewal procedures for SJPD I.D. cards with CCW authorization for retired personnel. Craig Clifton posted the following information on the 10-7ODSJ Facebook page for walk-ins. He also included information provided by Retired Assn. President Mike Alford for out-of-area retirees who want to renew their I.D. cards without making a trip to San Jose.
Range Qualification for Walk-Ins
As of Feb. 8, 2017
1: ALWAYS call the range a day or two before you would like to qualify. The number is 408-277-5372. It is suggested you call the day you want to
qualify as well. Better safe than sorry. Things change, stuff happens.
2: Your PAB key no longer works so head to the front desk, then go straight down the hall to the Permits Unit to get the paperwork started. (You do not have to go to Police Personnel on Senter Road any longer). Once done in Permits, head to the Range.
3: The Range opens at 2 pm for Retirees Qualifications on Mon., Tues., Wed. and Fridays. No qualification on Thursdays.
4: Bring your own ammo (15 rounds)….and some extra in case you need to use more in order to qualify.
5: Once you have qualified, Range personnel will sign your paperwork. Take the paperwork upstairs to the Chief’s Office where it is also signed.
6: Head back to the Permit’s Unit and complete the process. When done you’ll have your new ID card stamped “CCW APPROVED, HR 218 Qualified.” It is good for one (1) year.
That’s it, not much to it. Be sure to follow all Range Rules, act professionally and be mindful of others.
If you are out of the area and use a PD, Range or similar where you live to do your Qualifications, that is a completely different process. That process is posted below.
Qualifying Outside of the SJPD
Police Personnel 408-277-5215 or the Permits Unit 408-277-4452 can fax, mail or e-mail the forms to you.
You can go to any law enforcement agency or an N.R.A. certified range with an N.R.A. certified instructor and shoot their version of the HR-218 course.
Make sure that you take the form with you to the qualification and have the Range Master fill it out, sign it and list the Range address as well as their contact information. (NO other form will be accepted by the SJPD Range Master). SIGN & DATE the bottom of the form and initial the top right hand corner for CCW privileges.
When the form is completed, return it to the Permits Unit via mail, fax, or scan and e-mail to <SJPDPermits@sanjoseca.gov>. Or mail it to:
Jose Police Department
201 W. Mission St.
San Jose CA 95110
Phone: 408-277-4452 Fax: 408-297-7371.
If you have any questions you can contact the Range at 408-277-5372.
SECURING HANDGUNS IN VEHICLES
It has been suggested that we include the wording of Penal Code section 25140 that went into effect a few months ago. Securing a firearm in a locked glove compartment is no longer legal (and it was never smart). Click HERE to read the specifics of Penal Code Section 25140, and 25142 that applies to peace officers and honorably retired peace officers.
THIS link will take you to Amazon and display some lock boxes of various sizes that have received 4 and 5 star ratings.
MORE BREAKING NEWS: UNITED AIRLINES GROUNDS FLEET TO CHECK FOR CRACKS IN PASSENGER WINDOWS...
LOOK WHAT SHOWED UP ON FACEBOOK
Happy Anniversary to my Parents! They are living the life in Indio where they enjoy a lot of Friends and a weekly stop into the Casino so Mom can play the Penny Machine. She always wins enough to buy Dad lunch!
Want to offer your congrats? Try this <email@example.com>.
Spotted on Ivan Comelli’s “Vintage San Jose Police” Facebook page…
Re-Post via Sandy Ragsdale with info via Peter Guerin: An outstanding photo of beautiful quality. Grandfather John Guerin is the 8th uniform (back row) from the bike, and the 10th is Great Uncle James Healy. Guerin started in '03, and Healy in '05 which will aid in dating the photo.
A LESSON IN FREEDOM: VETERANS RETURN STUDENTS’ DESKS
Submitted by Gary Leonard
In September of 2005, a social studies schoolteacher from Arkansas did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal, and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom. The kids came into first period, they walked in; there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, “Where’s our desks?”
The teacher said, “You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn them.”
They thought, “Well, maybe it’s our grades.”
“No,” she said.
“Maybe it’s our behavior.”
And she told them, “No, it’s not even your behavior.”
And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing. Third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in the class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom. The last period of the day, the instructor gathered her class.
They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. She said, “Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily. Now I’m going to tell
She went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. By the time they had finished placing the desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives understood how they earned those desks.
Their teacher said, “You don’t have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it’s up to you to sit here responsibly, to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don’t ever forget it.”
STORIES OF THE WEEK
A Touching Story
Received from Tom McFall
A funeral procession pulled into the cemetery. Several car loads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat containing the coffin of the deceased. A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman."
"Oh, he still is," remarked the wife of the boat owner. "As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his brother.”
• • • • •
Let Me Tell You About My New Neighbor
She's single. She's shapely. She's beautiful, and she lives right across the street.
I can see her place from my kitchen window.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and ran the doorbell.
When I opened the she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, have a few drinks, and maybe get in a little lovin’ tonight. Are you doing anything?”
With my heart pounding I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!”
"Great," she said. "Can you watch my dog?”
Being a senior citizen really sucks!
• • • • •
Received from Joe Devane
Asking questions during a childrens’ sermon is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.
While the priest was presenting a children's sermon before the entire congregation, he asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was?
In response to the question, one little boy raised his hand.
When the priest called on him, the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took several minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.
• • • • •
Are Trump’s Tax Returns?
Received from Lumpy (Larry Lundberg)
recent Trump speech, a heckler from the audience hollered, "Hey Trump,
where are you hiding your tax returns?”
The Donald politely responded, "I found a very secure place where I'm certain they won't be found."
The insistent heckler, then shouted, "And just where is that?"
The Donald smiled and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college transcripts, and his Selective Service registration. What's your next question?"
STILL MORE BREAKING NEWS: AFRICAN SPEED TRAP DEEMED INEFFECTIVE AT CATCHING SPEEDERS
HEAVENS TO MURGATROYD!
From Joe Devane
Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd?
Lost Words from our childhood. Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really!
The other day a not so elderly (70’ish) lady said something to her son about driving a jalopy. He looked at her quizzically and asked "What the heck is a jalopy?” He had never heard of the word! She knew she was old, but not that old.
Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this.
About a month ago I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included "Don't touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry."
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right.
Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
Back in the olden days life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys, the D.A. and of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers.
Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! or This is a fine kettle of fish! we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
Poof go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blinked and they disappeared. Where have all those phrases gone?
Long gone are: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey, it’s your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels.
It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff!
We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeable times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age.
We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory.
It's one of the greatest advantages of aging.
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
March 29 — April 4
March 29: In a new interview, Trump’s son-in-law and top adviser Jared Kushner said the government should be run like a company where the citizens are the customers. And people said, “Well, in that case we have a president we’d like to exchange.”
Crayola is retiring one of its 24 crayon colors for first time in 100 years. They’re announcing its replacement on Friday and they’re trying to make the new color a bit more relevant to 2017. For example, politics is dominating the news, so Crayola is considering “Presidential Orange.”
They might honor Trump’s entire cabinet with “Super White.” To honor the GOP healthcare bill there’s “Paul Ryan Blue-It.” Democrats are proposing the new color “Im-Peach-Ment.” They even let Education Secretary Betsy DeVos name her own crayon, “This Is the Chewiest Popsicle I’ve Ever Eaten Red.”
Hillary Clinton is back in the news. She gave a big speech in San Francisco last night and encouraged her supporters to, “Resist, insist, persist and enlist.” And she pointed to herself and said, “Still pissed.”
March 30: The White House says President Trump will not throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game. Apparently Trump was afraid of hurting his tweeting arm.
Actually, they said Trump had to cancel because of a scheduling conflict. When asked if they could change the date of the game, the Nationals said, “We already did so he wouldn’t come.”
Ivanka Trump and Education Secretary Betsy DeVos visited the National Air and Space museum. Ivanka spoke to employees while Betsy played with the snow globes in the gift shop.
The Trump administration is making some changes to the White House website. We got a sneak preview to show you tonight. There’s a new section called “Insult Our Allies,” and it gives you the option to type in a country, then it shows you what Trump would tweet at them. Let’s see what happens when you type in France — a tweet that says, “French fries are overrated. Tater tots all the way. #MakeAmericaTateAgain.”
April 3: We are so excited to be here at Universal Orlando for the opening of our new “Tonight Show” ride, “Race Through New York!” That’s right, we came all the way to Florida to go on a ride that makes us feel like we’re back in New York.
But not everyone’s so excited. When he heard I was getting my own ride, E.T. told me, “Stay in your lane, girl.”
I can’t get over how fun this has been. Flying to Florida and working one hour a day — now I know how it feels to be president!
April 4: I heard that the White House is saving all of President Trump’s tweets, so they can be stored in the National Archives. That way future generations can read Kennedy’s journals, Lincoln’s diaries, and Trump’s insults about Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Oreos just launched a new limited edition flavor called “Cookies & Creme.” Or as it’s also known – Oreos. That’s all it is! Cookies and creme. What’s wrong with this world!?
I saw that Dictionary.com just added 300 new words, including “man bun” and “sext.” As in, “If you have a man bun, you will never receive a sext.”
March 29: President Trump turned down a chance to throw out the opening day pitch for the Washington Nationals. Turned it down! For some reason, Trump doesn’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of large Hispanic men holding baseball bats.
In New York, Donald Trump’s childhood home has been sold for over $2 million. The buyer was told, “Imagine owning the very room where Trump’s daddy never hugged him.”
It’s come out that several of Donald Trump’s businesses have ties to the Russian mafia. So, if you’re keeping track, we’re officially up to season three of “The Sopranos” right now.
Yesterday, the House of Representatives voted to get rid of internet privacy rules. Members cast their vote, then immediately ran home to delete their browser histories.
Uber has released a report highlighting the diversity of its workers. Uber says their workers are very diverse. According to Uber’s diversity report, some of its drivers are in bands, while others are in improv troupes. So, it really depends on which way you’re going.
A new study reports that older women are doing more and more binge drinking. I asked my mom if that was true and she said, “I love you, man.”
March 30: President Trump’s daughter Ivanka is going to have her own office in the White House. So finally, we’ve got a woman named Trump who actually wants to be in the White House.
Scientists have proven that you can grow potatoes on Mars. When they heard this, half of America said, “Wait, a planet with no Trump and French fries? When do we go? Let’s get out of here! Let’s go!”
It’s come out that Russia probably tried to meddle with our election and may have tried to undermine the presidential campaign of Marco Rubio. In other words, Russia stepped back and did nothing.
Today, Vladimir Putin denied meddling in our presidential election. Not helping was that Putin made the statement from behind the desk in the Oval Office.
March 29: Congress voted to allow internet service providers to sell their customers’ web data without permission. I’ll just give all the viewers at home a moment to clear their browser history.
I have to admit this does make me a little nervous. I thought my web data was strictly between me and the Domino’s pizza tracker app.
Aren’t we passed this point now? Our phones are already spying on all of us. Today I just looked at a bowl of fruit and two minutes later my Facebook page was covered with ads for Banana Republic.
This bill has been passed by the House and the Senate and will now go to Trump for signing. And Trump says he is going to sign it, because remember, privacy only matters when we are talking about his tax returns.
A 16-year-old boy in Bosnia broke a world record this week by smashing 111 concrete blocks with his head in 34 seconds. Get an Xbox! Get an Xbox — you don’t have to do that. When asked how it felt to break the world record, the boy said, “Lampshade tricycle is my favorite flavor of pizza truck.”
March 30: Michael Flynn, President Trump’s former national security adviser, announced today that he is willing to testify to the FBI on the Russian investigation in exchange for immunity. When she heard about this, Ivanka Trump picked up her box of belongings and started slowly backing out of the White House.
Now, we don’t know the scope of the story yet. But it is not coming from Rachel Maddow so it could be important and real.
Not only is Flynn willing to talk for immunity, he is also coming out with a new book, “The Art of the Squeal.”
A Gallup poll has just been released that shows that Donald Trump’s approval rating has fallen to a historic first-year low of 35 percent. Or as Kellyanne Conway calls it, just one more example of Trump beating Obama.
April 3: North Carolina beat Gonzaga to win the whole thing in a game that was just back and forth the whole night, which means March Madness is officially over. And CBS now returns to your regularly scheduled Trump Madness already in progress.
Here’s the thing, Gonzaga: In many ways, you are actually the lucky ones. You don’t have to get your picture taken with the president. It’s a lose-win.
A 12-year-old girl in North Carolina correctly chose the final four in her bracket, it was amazing. Yeah, yeah, but great — just one more thing that I’m worse at than a 12-year-old girl. Basketball, math, arm wrestling, pull-ups, bench press, not crying.
April 4: This week, the National Archives reached out to the White House and requested that all of the president’s tweets be saved and preserved for history. Future generations: I’m so, so sorry.
These tweets will be saved for “historical value.” And they’ll be filed under “impeachment evidence.”
The National Archives will showcase all the great pillars of American democracy — the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution, and the “I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke” tweet.
On the bright side, one day we will have a movie where Nicolas Cage tries to steal that tweet.
The White House has just released the official portrait of first lady Melania Trump. Here it is. It doesn’t look like a first lady portrait, does it? It looks like a brochure for a two-day real estate seminar. “Grow rich with no money down!”
There are still a lot of people unhappy with our new president. At the opening-day game for the Washington Nationals, fans unfurled a giant “Impeach Trump” banner in the stadium. Here’s a question: If I can’t get a bottle of water into a game, how did these guys get a 40-foot banner in?
Donald Trump donated the first three months of his presidential salary to the National Park Service. That tremor you just felt was all four presidents on Mount Rushmore rolling their eyes.
Trump is also the one who wants to cut funding to the national parks. So this is like sending flowers to the funeral of somebody you just murdered.
April 3: I was thinking about doing something to my wife on April Fools’ Day but then I thought, you know what, tricking her into marrying me was more than enough prank.
The president is very upset right now because he’s currently being investigated by every branch of the government. Even the post office wants to know who’s licking his stamps.
Jared Kushner, who of course is married to [President Donald Trump’s] daughter Ivanka, went to Iraq today, where he met with the Iraqi prime minister. Which is strange. Because Jared Kushner’s a real estate developer. He’s 36 years old. He has no experience dealing with foreign governments. This is a guy who negotiates rent. His job is to figure out how much it will cost to put a Dunkin’ Donuts on the first floor of an office building.
Dennis Rodman has more foreign policy experience than Jared Kushner.
So you have to wonder why the president would send him to a military operation in Iraq. There’s only one possible explanation: I think the president might be trying to kill him. A lot of fathers don’t get along with their son-in-laws. If you’re president, you can throw a black bag over his head and ship him off to Iraq.
By the way, do you think Donald Trump’s real sons are jealous that Jared’s over in Iraq meeting with the general while they’re off shooting koala bears and playing hackie sack with rolls of $50 bills? I mean, they have to be, right?
The White House today released the official portrait of the first lady, Melania Trump [shows portrait photo]. I think she was photographed on the set of “Wheel of Fortune” or something. Very strange. It looks like the jewel box cover for her Starbucks CD. Or an ad for Kay Jewelers. She’s the only first lady to use a wind machine in her official portrait.
So anyway, now there will at least be one Melania in the White House.
DoorDash is a food delivery service testing out a new method of delivery that uses robots to bring you your food. They’re offering it in California and Washington, D.C., right now. You use your app, you order food, and a robot in some cases will bring it right to you. It even acts surprised when you answer the door naked. It’s an amazing technology.
Do [they] warn people that a robot is coming? Because you could open the door and go like, “Oh, my God, there’s a robot here” and potentially it could scare people, especially in states where marijuana is legal.
April 4: The NCAA tournament is over. Now all we have is Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter to distract us from working while we’re at work.
The National Archives and Records Administration in Washington, D.C. — this is where they store the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Gettysburg Address — they have asked the White House to save all of President Trump’s tweets. It’s important to have all the president’s tweets so that future historians will be able to go back and see what was on Fox News that day.
I think there’s already a service that archives all the tweets from Donald Trump’s Twitter account; it’s called Donald Trump’s Twitter account.
Yesterday the president signed a bill that will allow internet service providers to collect and share your personal information and search histories without asking your permission to do it. Now these big companies can see every detail of our lives online. We still can’t see his tax returns, but they can see everything we look at.
March 29: President Trump told senators yesterday that they would make a deal on healthcare because “that’s such an easy one.” OK, well, just make sure your healthcare plan covers amnesia.
First lady Melania Trump spoke today at the State Department. Well, technically, all she said was, “Sanctuary!”
Britain began the process of leaving the EU today, and the leader of the European Council responded to the move by saying, “I will not pretend I am happy.” Which makes sense, as that’s more of a British thing.
According to a new poll, President Vladimir Putin’s approval rating among Russians is above 80 percent. Of course, that’s largely because he conducted the poll in person.
Arby’s is facing multiple lawsuits currently, after a data breach exposed the credit card information of over 350,000 customers. The data breach could reveal potentially embarrassing information, like the fact that they ate at Arby’s.
March 30: President Trump will meet with the president of China next week to discuss Trump’s claims about China’s unfair trade practices. Which means we’re about two weeks away from having to call these [fortune cookies] “freedom cookies.”
Vice President Mike Pence today cast a tie-breaking vote to eliminate a rule that blocks states from defunding Planned Parenthood, because Mike Pence only approves of one type of birth control — his personality.
As of this afternoon, over 300,000 people have signed a petition calling for first lady Melania Trump to either pay for her own security costs at Trump Tower in New York, or move into the White House. Said Melania, “And who do I make the check out to?”
Hawaii’s TSA recently seized a so-called “stun cane” from a passenger that is capable of delivering a 1 million-volt shock. To get an idea of what a 1 million-volt shock feels like, just remember what it was like to wake up on Nov. 9.
April 3: The White House has announced that President Trump will donate his first quarter’s salary of over $78,000 to the National Park Service. Said Trump, “There’s nothing more important than the people who park our cars.”
President Trump on Friday walked out of an Oval Office signing ceremony without actually signing his two executive orders on trade. That’s literally our best hope against the Trump administration — him forgetting what he came into the room for.
Former White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest recently said that former President Obama is genuinely concerned about how things are going in the country. In fact, today there was just a hint of sadness in his eye, as he swam up to the bar to order another Mai Tai.
Bed Bath & Beyond recently announced that it will continue to sell Ivanka Trump products. So, be sure to pick up her new line of “How Do You Sleep at Night?” pillows.
A report says that since 2010, over a million people have moved out of the New York area to other parts of the country, while one [shows photo of Melania] just won’t.
April 4: Virginia police are investigating vandalism at Trump National Golf Club over the weekend. They found graffiti that said, “Help, I don’t want to be president anymore.”
President Trump said today that his infrastructure plan could cost more than the projected $1 trillion. Said Trump, “I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it could go as high as a bajillion.”
The Trump administration recently hired a man whose name turned up on a list of accounts released in the 2015 hack of the cheating website Ashley Madison. Even crazier, that’s all it said on his resume.
Today was National Hug a Newsperson Day. But if you see Bill O’Reilly, maybe just go with a fist bump.
UPS announced yesterday that it will begin delivering packages on Saturdays. Unless, of course, you plan on being home on Saturday.
March 29: Anyone here use the internet? You might want to knock it off because Congress has now voted to allow internet providers sell your web-browsing history. Now might be a good time to clear your browser history. Just hit that button, or pull the lever? I don’t know, I’ve never used it. I’ve got nothing to hide. I burned my computer this morning.
Today we learned that Trump is violating another norm because he won’t throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ opening day. I don’t know why. Maybe he’s worried his hands are too small to palm a baseball.
Since Taft, every president, other than Jimmy Carter, has thrown out the first pitch of the season opener. For God’s sake. That means FDR did it! Let that sink in! Not only did FDR beat Hitler in World War II, he also struck him out.
Here we go, America! Trump won’t throw out the first pitch. What else? He won’t go to the Correspondents’ Dinner. He won’t release his tax returns. He won’t put his business in a blind trust. He doesn’t want to live in D.C. What presidential tradition will Trump abandon next? This Thanksgiving, those turkeys better run.
April 3: There’s drama brewing in Washington because the Senate is about to vote on [Supreme Court] nominee Neil Gorsuch. But Democrats aren’t going to let Gorsuch get confirmed without a fight. Sure, it’s a fight they’re going to lose — but those are the kinds of fights Democrats love.
It’s been a busy few weeks for the president. Every day he gets to work, rolls up his sleeves, and gives a new job to Jared Kushner.
So far, Kushner is in charge of brokering Mideast peace, negotiating the wall with Mexico, tackling America’s opioid epidemic, fixing the Department of Veterans Affairs, handling diplomacy with China, and dyeing the eggs for the White House Easter egg hunt.
This weekend, Jared Kushner’s to-do list got even longer when he made a surprise visit to Iraq. He wanted to go somewhere with less sectarian violence than the White House.
A judge just ruled Trump can be sued for inciting violence against protesters at a campaign rally. Although, I’m really more upset that he incited voting.
WHY SCIENCE TEACHERS SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN PLAYGROUND DUTY...
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
We don’t know Tara Roberts Doxie, but she apparently knows several active and retired SJPD folks on the 10-7ODSJ (SJPD) Facebook page. Last week she posted the following message and video…
“For those of you who didn't work yesterday, a group of amazing citizens honored SJPD by cooking meals for all of our department members! In addition, they created this Thank You video for SJPD.” Click HERE to view it.
• • • • •
With all of the negative things that has been said about the Russians lately, Bob Kosovilka (our in-house Ruskie) has provided us with THIS positive aspect of the former Soviet Union, at least for you guys. Meet Svetlana Kapanina, the most decorated female pilot ever. (Hmmm, could this be fake news?) (2:13)
• • • • •
Fifty years ago Jackie Vernon, who was a popular figure on the old Ed Sullivan Show, was one of my favorite comedians. HERE he is at a Friars Club Roast where Milton Berle was the roastee. (Jackie died on Nov. 10, 1987 from a heart attack at the age of 63.) (2:28)
Jackie was also known for his classic “slide shows,” like THIS one where he treated Dean Martin’s audience to a short history of Dino’s show business career. (2:48)
• • • • •
You may not recognize the title of the song in this clip received from Dirk Parsons, but you should remember the song itself. THIS clip proves that some popular singers from the past still have what it takes to make music. (3:06)
• • • • •
Speaking of music from the Golden Days, let’s go back in time and hang out with the Beach Boys in their studio when they recorded one of THEIR iconic hits: “Good Vibrations.” (4:49)
• • • • •
• • • • •
If you have never seen a puppet continue to talk after the ventriloquist walks off stage, have a LOOK at Paul Zerdin’s act and you will be able to say you have. (3:38)
• • • • •
Lumpy says wait for it . . . wait for it . . . WAIT for it! (0:42)
• • • • •
Sure, THIS fight scene is concocted and rehearsed, but one has to admire the choreography and sound effects. (You go girl!) (4:55)
• • • • •
This magic act — don’t be misled by the misspelled title — was uploaded to YouTube seven years ago, and it is just as mind boggling today as it was in 2009. Instantly changing outfits is one thing, but to go from a brunette to a blonde at the same instant is quite a feat. For that matter, which one was the wig? Check THIS out. (2:29)
• • • • •
Don Hale found THIS act titled “Twenty Toes” as interesting as it was entertaining and unique. Perhaps you will agree. (6:47)
• • • • •
Someone or something has been cleaning our two Mars Rovers. Could it be space aliens? If you can answer that question, drop a dime on NASA as they would like to know so they can thank them — or it. (2:49)
• • • • •
Tom Macris was spot on when he responded with “Wow!” to this clip of the indescribably beautiful footage captured by a drone as it flew over Colorado. Almost makes me want to buy a drone of my own, but all it would capture if I flew it over the Bay Area are cars, thousands and thousands of damn cars and clogged streets and highways! Have a look at THIS Colorado footage and prepare to be amazed. (6:03)
• • • • •
We are closing with more on the Japanese tsunami: I can’t help but be impressed and in awe of the character and strength of the Japanese people as displayed in THIS video about the devastating earthquake and tsunami of 2011. Many videos captured by those who were there have surfaced over the past 18 months, but few if any that puts a human face on the tragedy. No English is spoken in this video nor are there any English subtitles, but none are needed. The following comment by an American viewer best expresses my view: “Such a courageous people. Even in total destruction they keep their heads and go right to work helping each other; no fighting, no looting and no insanity. The people of the world should take note. In my country, the USA, there would have been looting and people fighting with each other adding further misery to everyone.” (25:30)
• • • • •
Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 4/6/17
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve