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the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF RONALD S. BONDI
As it appeared in yesterday’s (March 29th) Mercury News…
Click HERE to access the Oct. 24, 2013 Farsider that includes Ron’s obituary.
THERE WERE NO POA MEMBERSHIP ALERTS OR PENSION ITEMS THIS WEEK
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
This Mercury News excerpt is from the paper's weekly I.A. column. It ties in with last week’s article about a judge dropping Mayor Liccardo and Police Chief Eddie Garcia from the negligence lawsuit by Trump supporters while leaving some SJPD officers as defendants...
Jabs Critic in Twitter Tiff
Mercury News — March 26, 2017
San Jose Mayor Sam Liccardo got into a Twitter tiff with a critic over attacks on Donald Trump supporters after a campaign rally at the city convention center last summer that’s been the subject of an ongoing lawsuit.
San Jose resident Ryan McGovern asked Liccardo on Twitter: “Do you 100 percent deny having anything to do with the San Jose PD leading Trump fans into an angry mob?”
McGovern kept prodding: “Tweet’s been up for a while, still no denial of this from the Mayor, just boilerplate stuff about control/police. Very telling.”
Liccardo then replied with a jab, noting that he has since been dropped as a defendant from the negligence lawsuit against the city: “i don’t waste time responding to ‘alternative facts’ — court dismissed the suit vs Mayor for a reason.”
McGovern continued pushing for a reply. “You did not answer the question, Mayor,” he tweeted.
Then another: “This tweet has 300 views right now. 300 folks reading Mayor’s response saying he “doesn’t respond” but not answering a very easy question.”
The Twitter exchange ended when, according to McGovern, Liccardo’s account blocked him.
Good issue, glad to see you are recovering. While you were off the air, two things came up that might be of interest to your readers.
There is a $1000 death benefit for retirees. This new retirement amendment allows you to designate a beneficiary. This clears up issues for retirees who have no surviving spouse.
If you live out of state or don't want to go to San Jose to get a new ID card, you can call Sandra at the Permits Unit at 408-277-4452. She will send you an application via email to fill out and send back. You will also need to send her an image of yourself to put on the card. This only works if you do not want a CCW endorsement.
“Mogel” (Art Mogilefsky) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
• • • • •
Ed. — After reading this missive from David Byers, I felt his comments were very articulate and could very well express the feelings of many of you, especially if your initial experience as a San Jose cop began in the ‘60s to mid ‘70s. He gave me the green light to pass this along…
With all of this hubbub over the impending massive round-up of people who are here in the U.S. who either overstayed their Visas or snuck in during the middle of the night, it appears to me that there is much worrying over almost nothing. I can remember at one time in my police career we could put an immigration hold on someone because we were placing them in jail for a felonious crime. It was either in the late ’60s or the early ’70s that this practice was no longer allowed.
Now, because of what the current POTUS wants to do, it seems that the local citizenry across the U.S. is demanding that local police and sheriffs avoid any consort with ICE in enforcing immigration laws. In California, no one has been enforcing these laws on the local level because, well, we can't. The immigration laws are federal, not state or local laws. Therefore, local cops can't enforce them; only the Feds can. But local police leaders and the politicians are falling all over themselves to enact laws against laws which really don't exist as far as they are concerned. This is political posturing at its best. However, it makes the cops look as if they now have to stop doing something they were never doing in the first place.
I think people have to realize that in California someone has to be convicted of a serious felony before they come under the immigration radar. Once they have completed their prison sentence, they are met at the gates of the prison, loaded into a bus, and sent back to their country of origin. This is not done in the middle of the night; they know what is going to occur probably months before it happens. I'm sure at this point they are more than willing to put something in their stomach other than prison food.
Another thing to consider in this immigration argument is how others in the immigrant community view someone in their midst who is dangerous. They don't want them here either. Most of our immigrants are hard-working and law-abiding people. They come to this country because theirs is such a mess; they are tired of the instability and want to come to the U.S. where it is less contentious. These folks just want to work, make money, get paid regularly and be able to have their freedom. They don't want some drug-dealing gang-banger living next door messing up their neighborhood.
The media has created an atmosphere of fear and apprehension in the immigrant communities along with the policies of POTUS, who, by the way, isn't the first POTUS to address the immigration issue. It has been addressed by former Republican and Democratic presidents.
These last raids by ICE in Los Angeles and the SF Bay Area targeted convicted gang members who were members of a violent group known as MS-13. Somehow they had fallen through the cracks and were still on the streets. No one from the immigrant communities stood up and proclaimed, "Let my people go.” They probably were sitting in their homes saying, "Thank God.”
By the way, if you keep up with things like the Nortenos fighting with Surenos, keep this in mind: The Nortenos in northern California are behind what ICE is doing. They have tried in the past to get rid of (the opposition) by calling up the former Border Patrol with information on where they could find these folks. Nothing, of course, happened.
I'm just blowing off steam, and you happen to be the recipient.
David (Byers) <email@example.com>
PS — If ICE finds a way to round-up all of the folks who are here without papers, I'm going to have to learn how to take care of my yard, start cleaning my own house, picking my own stuff for salads, washing my own car, waiting on my own tables, cooking my own food in restaurants, then washing the dishes I ate on. Think about it.
Ed. — For the record, that post script was intended as humor. David is a personal friend of mine, and I am confident he would never consider hiring undocumented workers to handle those chores. Why should he since he is married to Gayle?
• • • • •
We all realize that politicians lie fairly frequently. Of the nearly 300 significant statements and claims made by Hillary Clinton during her presidential campaign, the fact checking organizations found that 26% of these were mostly or completely false. Barack Obama’s had 596 of his statements fact checked during his candidacy and subsequent presidency and 26% also turned out to be mostly or completely false. Of the 252 significant statements and claims made by Donald Trump during his campaign, an incredible 71% proved to be mostly or completely false.
I had sincerely hoped that this unprecedented level of providing us with false information and flat out lies would come to an end once he had won the election. That by accepting the position as our president and commander-in-chief he would be able to hold his ego and rhetoric in check. That the very nature and reality of the job would prevail and the number of falsehoods and lies would at least diminish substantially. But that didn't happen. The same pattern we saw during the campaign has continued unabated.
Of the 120 fact checked statements and claims he has made since election day, 70% have been found to be mostly to completely false.
I’m not going to quibble about your numbers, MG, but it would be helpful if you had specified the fact check organization or website whose numbers you quoted. There are, after all, numerous fact-checking websites and organizations. THIS link will show you what are generally considered to be the best ten.
THE SHOCKING VIDEO REFERENCED BY FOX NEWS AND OTHER MEDIA OUTLETS
On Feb. 16th I received an email that included a link to a video that appears to show children aged 12 to 15 (or thereabouts) armed with semi-auto handguns on a hunt and kill mission somewhere in the Middle East. The source of the video was the Clarion Project. Because of its nature, I chose to forward the video link only to some personal friends as I felt it was too graphic to pass along to others or include in the Farsider.
Over the past couple of days, Fox News and a few other media outlets referenced the video, but showed only some very short non-graphic snippets of the production. Since the video has been outed by the media, I decided to include below the email I wrote and sent to friends. It includes a link to the entire video.
Subject: Imagine Being Confronted by an Armed Child Terrorist
Could there be a risk in accepting children among the refugees from the Middle East? Could they pose a risk to Americans?
An extremely graphic video was included in an email I received from a friend. The source of the video was the Clarion Project. After you view the video (if you choose to do so) you may want to visit the Clarion Project’s website at <https://www.clarionproject.org/about>. You can also click on any of several other links after performing a Google search for “Clarion Project” to get a feel for the purpose or goal of the organization. Some of the links are critical of the Clarion Project, labeling the organization "Islamophobic."
As for the video, ask yourself if it is real or staged. Technically, it was well produced, which may indicate that it was created by ISIS to intimidate and/or scare the west. Conversely, it may have been faked and produced as a means of supporting the ban on Muslim refugees entering the U.S. Whatever the case, there is little question that the video shows what appears to be some 12-15 year old children as they go on a hunt and kill exercise in some war-torn ruins. And kill they do!
Again, parts of this film are very graphic, especially the closing scene. View at your own risk.
Click HERE to view the video
LOOKING FOR SOME INSPIRATION?
Double-Amputee to Walk a Beat
—Ex-Marine who lost both legs in combat is now a police officer—
Frank Eltman, Associated Press
Mercury News — March 25, 2017
BRENTWOOD, N.Y. — The wounded warrior is now a cop — and he’ll be walking the beat on titanium legs.
Matias Ferreira, a former U.S. Marine Corps lance corporal who lost his legs below the knee when he stepped on a hidden explosive in Afghanistan in 2011, is joining a suburban New York police department.
Former Marine Matias Ferreira, right, receives his
diploma during graduation Friday from the Suffolk
County Police Department Academy. Ferreira lost
both legs below the knee in Afghanistan.
The 28-year-old graduated Friday from the Suffolk County Police Academy on Long Island following 29 weeks of training. The 6-foot-1, 215-pound rookie passed all the physical training and other requirements just like any other recruit, including running a mile and a half in around 11 minutes. He begins patrols next week, a department spokesman said. “I just really want to be able to help people,” said Ferreira, who immigrated to the U.S. from Uruguay as a child. “I want to be involved in the community, and the police department definitely allows you to do that.” Ferreira was on patrol in Afghanistan on Jan. 21, 2011, when he jumped off a roof in a compound suspected of being a Taliban outpost. “As soon as I landed I knew something was wrong because it was like a movie almost. I heard a noise and everything went black,” he said. A bomb had gone off beneath his legs, amputating both below the knees. “I just saw blood throughout my pants.”
Matias Ferreira and Tiffany, his bride-to-be.
He was evacuated to a local hospital. Within days, he was back in the U.S. being treated for his injuries. Three months later he was wearing prosthetic legs.
“I was up and walking in prosthetics and really just starting my new life,” he said.
That new life has included many activities he had never tried before the explosion. He has played on a softball team of wounded warriors. He skydives, scuba dives, snowboards and rides a motorcycle.
Raised in Georgia, he met his future wife, Tiffany, when his softball team played a game on Long Island in 2012. The couple now has a 2-year-old daughter. After working as a steamfitter, welding while hanging off bridges and overpasses, Ferreira decided to take the exam to become a police officer. He scored a perfect 100, and his fellow recruits later elected him class president. “He has served this great country with outstanding distinction, and will now serve and protect the residents of Suffolk County,” Police Commissioner Timothy Sini said in a statement. Ferreira acknowledges the job will bring challenges, but approaches his new career with a sense of humor. He said he was once asked during academy training whether he has concerns about injuries. “If I break my leg, I go in the trunk and put on a different one and I keep on going,” he said.
Click HERE for a related story with the headline:
Hero Marine Who Lost Both Legs Saves Baby From Car Crash
STORIES OF THE WEEK
A Most Thoughtful Birthday Present
Four brothers left home for college and became successful doctors and lawyers.
One evening they chatted during dinner and discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida .
The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin," she wrote, "I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good though. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound that can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. But thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."
• • • • •
Women Who Know Their Place
Received from Alice Murphy
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.
Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, “Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?”
The woman looked Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land mines.”
• • • • •
A Magnificent Work of Art
Looking back almost 10 years in our Archives took us to the “work of art” below sent in by Pete Graves. At first glance it may look like a few hundred sheep. But a closer look will reveal what you are really looking at…
That “work of art” gave a bicycle company in Australia an idea for a commercial…
HERE to watch the
• • • • •
One day while standing in the cafeteria line at work, Joe said to his buddy Mike: "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
Mike replied, "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. If you give it a urine sample the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. The cost is just ten dollars and it takes less than a minute. It's a lot cheaper than seeing a doctor."
So the next day Joe deposits a small urine sample in a jar and goes to Costco. He finds the diagnostic computer and inserts a ten dollar bill. The computer lights up and asks for a urine sample. Joe pours it into the appropriate slot, and less than a minute later the computer ejects a printout that reads: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
That evening, while thinking about how amazing the new technology was, Joe began to wonder if the computer could be fooled, so he got a fresh jar and poured in a mixture of tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and for good measure, a sperm sample of his own.
The next day Joe returned to Costco eager to check the results. After inserting another ten dollar bill the computer lit up and asked for a urine sample. Within a minute of pouring his concoction into the slot, the machine ejected the following message: "1: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (aisle six). 2: Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him in anti-fungal shampoo (aisle nine). 3: Your daughter is hooked on cocaine. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5: If you don't stop playing with yourself your elbow will never get any better. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
• • • • •
A doctor on his morning walk noticed the old lady pictured below sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed I smoke a big fat joint. Apart from that, I drink two bottles of Jack Daniels every week and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, and except for sex, I don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing!” said the doctor. “How old are you?"
"Forty," she replied.
• • • • •
Pays the Checker?
Submitter prefers to remain anonymous.
There are important questions to be answered about recent LGBT bathroom legislation and whether transgendered people will be permitted to use a restroom of the gender they "identify" with, or be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.
If the latter, will public restrooms be required to have a Genital Inspector posted at the entrance to all public restrooms?
Who will have to pay these Pecker Checkers, the people using the restroom, or the entity that owns the restroom?
And how much money will a Pecker Checker be paid to check peckers?
Or, do we pay a Pecker Checker by the number of peckers checked?
How many peckers can a Pecker Checker check if a Pecker Checker is paid to check peckers?
What has this country come to when the U.S. Department of Labor has to create a new job description of politically correct restroom Pecker Inspectors?
Want to guess their motto? "If You gotta pee, we gotta see!"
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
March 22 — 28
March 22: A big story today came out that Trump’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, worked for a Russian billionaire and helped promote Vladimir Putin’s agenda. Manafort quit when he realized he could just work for an American billionaire and achieve the same thing.
It turns out Manafort was paid $10 million to advocate for Putin. Trump was furious. He said, “That’s more than he pays me.”
Meanwhile, Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch started his confirmation hearings this week, and he said that he has his law students think about their legacies by having them write an obituary about themselves. Yeah. Incidentally, that’s also part of the Republican healthcare plan.
Trump’s kids, Don Jr., Ivanka, and Eric, took their families on a ski trip to Aspen. Which was fun ’til they said, “Wait. If we’re all here, who’s watching Dad?” “Uh, let’s go. Get on a plane right now.”
March 23: The vote on the Republican healthcare bill was delayed today because they didn’t have enough votes to pass it. When he heard that, Obama called Trump and said, “Don’t worry, Obamacare covers depression. So don’t worry about it.”
At one point, Congress was prepared to vote as late as 3:00 a.m. Congressmen called their wives, told them not wait up, then they called their mistresses and said, “See ya at 3:00!”
Trump was on the phone last night until almost midnight, calling Republicans to try to switch their votes on the bill. All the calls started the same way: “You have a collect call from — don’t hang up, loser!”
Trump said the hardest part was talking on one phone and tweeting on the other.
March 27: The Washington Post says Paul Ryan actually got down on one knee to beg a congressman to support the healthcare bill. You think that’s bad — he showed up at another guy’s window with a boom box. (SINGS) “In your eyes, the light, the heat, in your eyes I am complete.”
President Trump didn’t take any responsibility for the healthcare bill being pulled, but he did announce that he’s working on some new books based on his experience. Let’s take a look at some of the titles. First there’s “How to Lose Friends and Influence No One.” Next up there’s “The Giving Up Tree.” Then there’s “To Kill a Healthcare Bill.” And finally, “Oh, the Places You’ll Golf.”
A woman was arrested yesterday morning for trying to scale a White House fence for the second time in a week. The Secret Service said, “We wish you were living here, too, Mrs. Clinton, but you can’t keep doing that.”
It was announced that Canada plans to legalize marijuana by July of next year. It’s exciting for Americans because now they can add weed to the list of drugs they buy in Canada.
March 28: It’s been a rough few days for President Trump, and this week it came out that his job approval rating is at just 36 percent. Trump was confused. He said, “How can you disapprove of a job I’m not even doing? Fake poll.”
Trump’s approval rating is at just 36 percent, which is even lower than Obama’s ever was. The only time Obama came close to that was when he had that meeting with Trump.
Trump’s approval rating is worse than Obama’s lowest, and worse than Bill Clinton’s lowest. After hearing this, Trump promised to hunt down bin Laden and sleep with an intern.
Trump is now polling lower than a lot of things. For example, he’s less popular than sitting on a warm subway seat. He’s less popular than vague texts that say, “Do you have time to talk later, it’s important.” He’s less popular than biting into a cookie and realizing that the chocolate chip is a raisin. He’s less popular than YouTube ads that you can’t skip after five seconds. He’s less popular than wet doorknobs. You know what I’m saying? Finally, Trump is even polling lower than people who pronounce Chipotle as “chipolte.”
March 22: According to a new poll, Muslims are the religious group most satisfied with life in America. When asked why, Muslims said, “That travel ban totally kept our in-laws from visiting.”
Today, Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch was grilled about his stance on torture. And after just five minutes of questioning, Gorsuch broke down and told them everything.
In May, President Trump is going to give the commencement address at a Christian university. Trump’s speech will be entitled, “If Jesus Is So Great, Why Does He Have a Mexican Name?”
At this point, it appears the Republican healthcare plan is going to die on the floor of the House. Coincidentally, dying on the floor of the house happens to be the Republican healthcare plan.
Amazon Prime has made it possible to have beer and wine delivered to your home by Alexa. All you have to do is say the phrase, “Alexa, Daddy’s sad.”
March 27: Political analysts say that after their embarrassing loss on healthcare, the White House is desperately looking for a win. Which is why this week, they’re playing the Lakers. So that could work out.
Joe Biden is now saying he regrets not running for president. And after last week, Donald Trump said he also regrets that Joe Biden didn’t run for president.
Officials in Colombia are angry at rapper Wiz Khalifa for smoking marijuana at the tomb of Pablo Escobar. The officials said marijuana has no place at this sacred monument to cocaine.
March 28: Ivanka Trump revealed that she is planning to take a coding class this summer with her 5-year-old daughter. Then, this fall, the 5-year-old will begin working at the White House.
President Trump has turned down a chance to throw out the first pitch on opening day for the Washington Nationals. However, Trump said he’ll reconsider if he can also throw out all the players from other countries.
After causing a huge controversy, United Airlines now says it will allow any paying passenger to wear leggings. So good news, my dad can fly out for Easter after all.
Apple is reportedly considering a device to put in women’s bodies that tracks their menstrual cycles. It’s part of Apple’s new slogan, “Think Creepy.”
March 22: Just imagine Trump running into his lawyers: “Hey guys, forget about Russia. We have got a bigger problem. There’s a little girl on the internet and she is making cat memes.” When asked about the website, Trump said, “You can’t just go around tarnishing someone’s good name. I would say more, but that traitor Obama has been wiretapping me.”
Meanwhile, one of Trump’s appointees, Rex Tillerson, made a surprising statement when he told reporters that he didn’t want to be secretary of state, but accepted the job because his wife told him it was something he was supposed to do. Yeah. That’s the attitude you want representing the country, isn’t it? “Hello, Mr. Prime Minister, I’m Rex Tillerson. I’m only here because my wife made me come.”
The police sting that caught them was named Operation Wine and Cheese. They stole $110,000-worth of cheese. When the police caught them, they said the thieves were armed and extremely constipated.
In international news, police in Italy have arrested 10 people for stealing more than $250,000 in fine wine and gourmet cheese. Yes, their motive is they were hosting a book club.
March 23: Time magazine published an interview with Donald Trump and when they asked if he thought the false statements that he has made have damaged his reputation, Trump replied, “I can’t be doing so badly because I’m president and you’re not.” I’m president and you’re not — I told my 2-year-old daughter that, and she was like, “Dude, grow up.”
Trump acts like anyone who is not the president is doing badly. I feel like we’re all doing pretty well, aren’t we? I try to look at the bright side. Yes, we’re not the president — but we’re also not being investigated by the FBI for treason.
Today the House Republicans were furiously working to get enough votes to pass the healthcare bill to replace Obamacare. As it stands, they may not have enough, and the vote has been postponed. Right now, it’s not looking good. The bill is basically on life support — and like most things on life support, Republicans will probably deny it coverage.
Now on to some very, very incredibly important news tonight: There is a new set of emojis. They’re going to be released to smartphones in June. This new set will include a hedgehog, a puking face, a brain, and a merman. I’m not going to lie — the merman emoji is going to save me a ton of time.
March 27: It was a tough weekend at the White House. After seven years of saying they were going to replace Obamacare, the Republican healthcare bill failed on Friday. It’s sad, isn’t it? Seven years. The Republicans couldn’t come up with a replacement for Obamacare in seven years. They made four “Fast & Furious” movies in that time.
The Republicans may have gotten a little ahead of themselves, because hours after the healthcare bill failed, there were actually commercials that aired on national television thanking congressional Republicans for passing the bill. The ad then went on to congratulate “La La Land” on their best picture Oscar.
You know, you can see why they thought the bill would pass. Winning with less votes worked for Trump in November.
On Sunday, Fox News tweeted out a news alert that Donald Trump was spending the weekend working at the White House. Now this wasn’t just news, it was a news ALERT. Like: “This just in, the president is actually doing his job.”
March 28: Today, coal miners attended a ceremony where President Trump signed an executive order undoing most of Barack Obama’s climate change initiatives. The miners said they were really impressed with Trump. They said that in just two months, he’d dug himself into the biggest hole they’ve ever seen. And they literally work in holes.
Meanwhile the investigation into Trump’s Russian ties is getting really crazy. Democrats are calling for Devin Nunes, the head of the intelligence committee, to step down because he took a secret meeting at the White House. Nunes wouldn’t reveal who he met with at the White House. But it’s safe to say it’s not Donald Trump, because Trump’s never there.
If Nunes took a meeting at a golf course, then I’d be worried.
A 20-year-old woman in St. Louis has been banned from Tinder after making hundreds of dollars because her profile said “send me $5 and see what happens.” And here’s the thing, guys were just giving her $5. Usually, the only thing people give each other on Tinder is crabs.
March 23: On Capitol Hill today, one of the most dramatic episodes of “The Celebrity Appresident” yet: Republicans in the House were forced to postpone their vote on healthcare today because they cannot agree on what the plan should be, so it’s back to the drawing board. Unfortunately, Trump’s budget for education cut funding for drawing boards, so there’s no board for them to draw on.
The president went all out for this bill, but hardline Republicans hated it because it offered too many benefits. Moderate Republicans hated it because it cut too many benefits. Hospitals hate it because they stand to lose money. Insurance companies hate it because it can blow up the markets, and voters hated it. Basically the only people who were OK with the plan were Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, and Chuck Berry. I happen to know that Chuck would have loved that joke, may he rest in peace.
These congressmen are nervous because the Congressional Budget Office warned that “Trumpcare” could result in 24 million people becoming uninsured. Trump says the numbers were cooked up by the microwave that’s been spying on him at Trump Tower.
March 22: President Trump met with a Congressional Black Caucus today. And before the meeting, Attorney General Jeff Sessions picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1, just in case.
According to a new report, the average health insurance deductible is projected to be over $1,500 higher under the Republican plan to replace Obamacare. And the only way that’s good news is if hearing it gave you a heart attack now, while it’s cheaper.
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said yesterday that President Trump is looking to reaffirm America’s commitment to NATO. Spicer said, “Trump will do everything in his power to find out what NATO stands for.”
Wal-Mart recently released a statement condemning the actions of two Texas men who rode their horses through the store. Though really, it’s Wal-Mart’s fault for selling them.
A new study has found three new substances in addition to catnip that will get cats high. And they are marijuana, crack, and heroin.
March 23: The
House did not vote on the Republicans’ Obamacare
replacement bill today as expected. I guess they wanted to keep Obamacare until [shows photo of Trump] they can get this
suspicious mole checked out.
In a new interview, President Trump predicted he would pass Richard Nixon for most appearances on the cover of Time magazine. Hey, dude, do you know WHY Nixon was on the cover so many times? “They’re going to make so many documentaries about me. I’ll bet I even pass Charles Manson.”
In that interview, President Trump responded to questions about unsubstantiated claims he recently made, by saying, quote, “I can’t be doing so badly, because I’m president and you’re not.” OK, I didn’t mind when you talked dirty with Billy Bush, or told Russia to hack Hillary’s emails. [shows photo of Chevy Chase on ‘SNL’] But when you start stealing bits from “Weekend Update” anchors — it is ON!
Press secretary Sean Spicer said today that the White House was optimistic about the chances of the Republican healthcare bill, but, quote, “At the end of the day, we can’t make people vote.” [shows photo of Hillary] “Tell me about it,” said one woman.
March 27: Well, congrats to President Trump on creating the least popular bill since Cosby.
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said today that President Trump came to Washington “to get things done.” That’s why, five minutes into every meeting, he says, “Are we done?”
President Trump yesterday made his 13th trip to a golf course since taking office. Hey man, you’re the president! My only job is making fun of you, and I don’t even have time to play golf. You play golf like you’re trying to complete a punch card. “One more and I get a free meatball sub.”
Today was National Spanish Paella Day. Or as it’s called under the Trump administration, “clam rice.”
March 28: Democrats have called for the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee to recuse himself from the investigation into Russia’s election-related hacking over concerns that he is too close to President Trump to be impartial. They want Congress to appoint someone less close to Trump, like Melania.
President Trump’s son-in-law and adviser Jared Kushner reportedly met with executives from a Russian bank that was under U.S. sanctions during the 2016 presidential election. But I’m sure there’s a perfectly treasonable explanation.
The White House said today that President Trump has turned down an offer to throw out the first pitch on opening day for the Washington Nationals. But they said he would be happy to throw out some of the Nationals. [shows photo of Hispanic team members] “You go. You go. You stay.” He doesn’t want to throw out a first pitch. The baseball would look like a big ol’ bowling ball in his hand.
Ford announced today it will create 130 new jobs in Michigan. “Is one of them president?” asked Hillary.
March 22: For weeks now, Republicans have been pushing their Obamacare replacement plan. But the bill has a pre-existing condition: Everybody hates it!
The failing healthcare bill isn’t Trump’s only problem. Last week, two federal judges ruled against Trump’s second travel ban. Apparently, when Donald Trump heard about the ruling, he was upset. So, this is true, “White House officials tried to cheer the president up by showing him a segment on Greta Van Susteren’s show, which argued the Supreme Court would never uphold the ruling.”
They treat the president the same way you treat a 5-year-old throwing a tantrum. “Honey, honey, calm down. Look, look, we got ‘Frozen’. We got the CD for ‘Frozen’. Let’s put it in there.”
But if positive coverage helps calm down the big angry man with the launch codes, I say do it. I want to help. That’s why I had The Late Show’s in-house news team, “Real News Tonight,” make a new report that the White House can play at any time.
WHAT THE SHUTTLE ON DISPLAY IN LOS ANGELES LOOKS LIKE TODAY...
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
To fly and maneuver a kite takes some skill and practice. To maneuver three kites at a time with the precision of the Navy’s Blue Angels requires years and years of practice and skill, and that’s what Ray Bethell has achieved. He is an 80-year-old deaf Canadian who attends the Washington State International Kite Festival every year. When he flies his kites the spectators hold their hands up and wave them for applause. Two kites are flown with his hands while the 3rd kite is attached to his waist. Make sure your volume is turned up because the musical accompaniment (“The Flower Duet” by Leo Delibes) is the perfect complement to the soaring of the KITES. (5:44)
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OSHA may not approve of this, but there’s nothing that can be done about it now, unless a snitch sends them THIS video. (1:29)
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Want to see a magic trick? Click HERE and watch an $18,000 toy disappear right before your very eyes. (2:30)
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This little 4-year-old loves what would have me filling up a half-dozen barf bags. WATCH the fun she has when her dad puts their plane through some aerobatic maneuvers. (3:47)
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If women ruled...
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The actress in THIS Señor Frog’s commercial looks very familiar, but I’m having a brain phart and can’t quite place her. Whoever she is, this ad makes an excellent case for the benefits of tequila. (2:00)
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If you think it’s difficult to land a fighter on the deck of a carrier — which it no doubt is — have a look at THIS clip received from David Byers of a chopper pilot experiencing the pucker factor as he tries to land his Lynx helicopter on the pitching deck of a little ship knowing that he has limited fuel on board. (2:24)
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Then there’s the story about the rich guy who purchased a helicopter and tried to fly it with no lessons and/or experience according to THIS clip received from Dirk Parsons. (1:09)
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Congrats to Dave Bartholomew who appears to have mastered taking off in his “Six Chuter Legend P103” as well as performing a touch-and-go. What’s not shown is his landing. Either his friend who shot the video ran out of tape, or Dave was caught in a thermal and could still be FLYING around somewhere on the West Coast. (1:22)
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Aerial cinema experts at Teton Gravity Research released the first ultra HD footage of the Himalayas shot from above 20,000 ft. using the most advanced gyro-stabilized camera system in the world. Filmed from a helicopter flying from Kathmandu at 4,600 ft. up to 24,000 ft. on supplemental oxygen, these are some of the most stable, crisp, clear aerial shots of these mountains ever released which include Mt. Everest, Ama Dablam, and Lhotse.
Imagine yourself in 1943-45 in World War II piloting a twin-engine C-46 at night loaded with cargo ranging from mules to troops to spies. The plane’s ceiling was less than 20,000 feet while Everest stood at 29,029 feet. With several other peaks on the course also well above the plane’s ceiling, THESE flights were called “Flying the Hump” between China and India. (2:30)
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Although it’s been six years since the devastating earthquake and tsunami that took the lives of thousands of people in Japan in 2011, new video continues to be posted on the Internet. THIS video that focuses on the devastation of the coastal town of Minami-Sanriku was uploaded to YouTube just a few weeks ago. (16.50)
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Looking for an adventure? Make a reservation to stay at the Skylodge in Peru, but only if you have the strength and stamina to scale a mountain to get to your bungalow. THIS clip will show you what the experience would be like. (3:25)
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Stick with the two tap dancers until they are joined by the three from River Dance at about the 1:25 mark and you will see one of the BEST tap performances ever captured on video. (8:03)
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This clip from Alice Murphy is about Irish comedian Dave Allen recalling his first day of Catholic school and HIS introduction to religion. (5:46)
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"I hate this little twerp from Geico, and besides, I don't own a car."
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If you or someone in your family is a fan of the “Big Bang Theory,” THIS gossipy video about Penny may be of interest. (6:22)
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Reaching into the darkness of our Archives comes THIS item because it’s been several years since we last highlighted Bowser and Blue and their rendition of a song that may bring back some not-so-fond memories for 'most' you guys. (2:29)
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For this week’s final item we’re going to follow Matt who invites others to join him as he dances his way around the world. He’s been doing this each year for the past 8 years and posting his travels on YouTube. If you are familiar with the children’s book “Where’s Waldo,” see if you can find Matt in each venue where he DEMONSTRATES his happy feet. (2:54)
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Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 3/30/17
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
To receive the email address of anyone on the list -- or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses -- send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Richter, Darrell & Annette
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve